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  1. #21
    Senior Member Tina&Jane's Avatar
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    I think it's used as an unhealthy way to feel better about yourself and build community with other people.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deprecator View Post
    Well to be fair these are limiting times for the forum. Now I'm not saying that the queen bees have anything to do with it per se, but I do know that every time I've tried asking about what queen bees even are, people suddenly get very quiet and suspicious.
    In what sense is that meant? I dont think there is anyone with "seniority" amongst moderators for instance but I get the sense that is not what you are referring to, plus its in the context of gossip so is it that gossip indicates there are "queen bees" or that "queen bees" generate gossip or take advantage of gossip?

    I dont believe that gossip is ever a good thing at all, its like the development of cliches which then act to develop in-groups and out-groups, engage in different sorts of social policing, play manipulative games and score points of others reactions/responses.

    Some of that I've seen on this forum, some of it I've seen on other forums and in other internet contexts too, its entirely negative but I have seen it occuring offline too and its also negative, often more serious too, and I've also see a sort of back and forth reinforcement of each by each. This is apart from what I would describe as trolling, which is frequently an individual in isolation. This is something else and it possibly more "territorial".

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Earl Grey View Post
    What on earth have you been up to?
    Citing non-comprehensive lists of various topics people can talk about?

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    The rest seems quite a non sequitur.
    That was always a risk considering that the meaning/ context behind this thread's initial mention of "queen bees" escaped me entirely.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Zhaylin's Avatar
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    I don't participate in negative gossip. "Boy she's putting on weight!" or "did you hear so and so is having an affair?"
    Not my business, not my place.
    But if people want to build someone up or there is genuine concern, I'll participate.
    "So and so has been putting on (or losing weight). I hope her sugar is okay (or she's not sick)." Is something I'll listen to and chime in over- usually offering some hindsight or suggestion to help.
    Or, if someone wants to point out how proud they are of someone, I'll join in... so long as it doesn't turn into passive/aggressive bashing. "He has been DOING so well in school. I'm really proud of him. (Now, if only I could get him to push the bottle away.)"

    I think gossip has it's place, so long as it's not used as a weapon.

  5. #25
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    Cheat/mooch detector in group settings.
    Brain's 'cheat detector' is revealed | New Scientist
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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
    I don't participate in negative gossip. "Boy she's putting on weight!" or "did you hear so and so is having an affair?"
    Not my business, not my place.
    But if people want to build someone up or there is genuine concern, I'll participate.
    "So and so has been putting on (or losing weight). I hope her sugar is okay (or she's not sick)." Is something I'll listen to and chime in over- usually offering some hindsight or suggestion to help.
    Or, if someone wants to point out how proud they are of someone, I'll join in... so long as it doesn't turn into passive/aggressive bashing. "He has been DOING so well in school. I'm really proud of him. (Now, if only I could get him to push the bottle away.)"

    I think gossip has it's place, so long as it's not used as a weapon.
    I think its one of the most weaponised things I can think of.

    Eleanor Roosevelt said that small minds talk about people, average minds talk about events and great minds talk about ideas, or something like that, but I think that's the difference between discussion and gossip.
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  7. #27
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deprecator View Post
    That was always a risk considering that the meaning/ context behind this thread's initial mention of "queen bees" escaped me entirely.
    There is an obvious way to dispel any confusion on the matter, assuming of course you wish for it to be dispelled.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  8. #28
    Mastermind Fieldmarshal Sacrophagus's Avatar
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    I always held people who gossip in low regards. In the unlikely event I happened to be sitting with someone with such tendencies, sometimes I would get confrontational and tell them "Did you tell them this in their face?" and shut them down. I despise that kind of gossip in which one is trying to polish their image by dismantling someone else, or worse, insidious, manipulative and cunning hypocrites.
    الخَيلُ وَاللَيلُ وَالبَيداءُ تَعرِفُني *** وَالسَيفُ وَالرُمحُ وَالقِرطاسُ وَالقَلَمُ
    Swift steeds, dreary nights, and the desolate wasteland, all know me full well
    As do the sword, the spear, the paper and the pen.
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  9. #29
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sacrophagus View Post
    I always held people who gossip in low regards. In the unlikely event I happened to be sitting with someone with such tendencies, sometimes I would get confrontational and tell them "Did you tell them this in their face?" and shut them down. I despise that kind of gossip in which one is trying to polish their image by dismantling someone else, or worse, insidious, manipulative and cunning hypocrites.
    I have done this as well. I had an office mate in grad school who had some disagreement with another student and was trying to get me to take her part. She would carry on at me about things "Jane" had done - situations I had nothing to do with and did not observe - and try to get me to agree that she was a horrible person. I would always tell her to take it up with Jane directly. I believe this is at the root of why she stopped being friends with me. I never had any trouble with Jane. Good riddance.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
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  10. #30
    Pyromanic tea Earl Grey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I have done this as well. I had an office mate in grad school who had some disagreement with another student and was trying to get me to take her part. She would carry on at me about things "Jane" had done - situations I had nothing to do with and did not observe - and try to get me to agree that she was a horrible person. I would always tell her to take it up with Jane directly. I believe this is at the root of why she stopped being friends with me. I never had any trouble with Jane. Good riddance.
    I call it the trash taking itself out. The funny part is the person doing such a thing are probably also insecure and are looking for backing, validation- dogs that bark louder only in packs. So it is mildly hilarious to see them blow up or feel 'betrayed' (terrible basis for feeling so, really) if they see me talking to the person they were railing against. It's extremely difficult for me to just shape my view of a person purely based off the accounts of other people around them- let alone just 1-2 people. Other than needing the courage, companionship or validation, I have no idea how the people who do so can somehow believe that their personal accounts can dictate and form how someone else chooses to take action, or that they hold some kind of absolute credence.

    I'd say my stance stems from extreme degrees of IDC and aloofness, though.
    Non mi snudare senza ragione.
    Non mi impugnare senza valore.
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