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What's your "armor"?

RadicalDoubt

Alongside Questionable Clarity
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Apathy, withdrawal, "turning off" feelings, excessive formality, "rationality/objectivity/detachment," explanation/re-framing, friendliness/accommodation, and distraction/overworking. I think to some degree I use self hatred as a defense.
 

Maou

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Humor, apathy, and reservation.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
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I maintain a healthy swarm of pubic lice, but allow them to congregate atop my head and dangle from my stache and eyebrows.
 

The Cat

Just a Cat who hangs out at the Crossroads
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I use that impractical armor from female RPG games.
 

Yuurei

Noncompliant
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I don’t wear armor. I just have a shit ton of HP and regen.
 

StrawberryBoots

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Everyone has a metaphorical suit of armor. Our "armor" shields us from a real or perceived threat. It can be literally anything that makes us feel safe, whether external or internal (behavioral). For example, fashion, makeup, hairstyles, accessories (like carrying a cigarette, cup of coffee, or an instrument everywhere as a security object), and even forms of nonverbal communication such as facial expressions/gestures would be categorized as external. There are also behavioral tactics we employ, on an often subconscious level, that make us feel safe and secure. This, too, is armor - which you can't see until interacting. The aloof coworker everyone calls a bitch. The neighbor across the hall who can't do more than small talk. So, what's your armor?

Your question is ambiguous. You mentioned hair and makeup shielding one from a threat, so I'm imagining how to get dolled-up for an unwanted date:

 

Mind Maverick

ENTP 8w7 845 Sp/Sx
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Recently I've been realizing that abused children kind of overdevelop some kind of defense mechanism that continues to be prominent in their adulthood. Mine was tuning everything out and being a space case, and I still struggle not to be a space case to an abnormal extent today. My brother's was the opposite, paying close attention to everything and doing whatever he was told, and today he is more aware than average and feels like he needs to be in work environments where he's told what to do. Another person I know probably used being distant and withdrawn, and today is naturally more distant than average. Different people may use different things, but point being, in abused kids it seems there's always this overdeveloped defense mechanism or "armor" they later struggle to even tone down. It's not always a good thing that they developed it, sometimes it's something that's advantageous and sometimes it's not.
 

Mind Maverick

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Your question is ambiguous. You mentioned hair and makeup shielding one from a threat, so I'm imagining how to get dolled-up for an unwanted date:

I dont think the question was ambiguous as much as it was just generalized in order to include a wide variety, or sort of a catch all. As for makeup, some women do use it to make themselves more intimidating, or they use beauty as a defense mechanism and makeup is part of that for them.
 

Tennessee Jed

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I dont think the question was ambiguous as much as it was just generalized in order to include a wide variety, or sort of a catch all. As for makeup, some women do use it to make themselves more intimidating, or they use beauty as a defense mechanism and makeup is part of that for them.

I agree. OP said that our "armor" could include "anything that makes us feel safe" and/or a "security object" that we carry everywhere. So I was reading "fashion, makeup, hairstyles, accessories" in that context.

For example, when I was an executive in a big bureaucracy, my power suits and shiny shoes and other "official" accessories and trappings were an armor of sorts. On my own turf, no one messed with me. Even outside the office and around the city in general, people recognized the power suit and the "official business" look and showed it some respect. By comparison, I dressed more casually on weekends and outside work, and I felt more vulnerable then. When I looked like just one more ordinary old tourist in the city, anyone could get in my face.

As I figured it, I wasn't trying to be a snob or anything by wearing the power suit. It's just that life is easier in a power suit, so why not. "The clothes make the man," and all that.

So, getting back to what I quoted at the top of the post, I figure some women might get a similar feeling from being fully made-up and accessorized: They may feel more ready to get out and face the world. (At least that might have been the case in the old days, though maybe not so much anymore with the new emphasis on egalitarianism and casual appearance.)

Anyways, I'm an old, single retiree these days. No more power suits. As an old retiree, my armor these days is good boundaries. Now that I'm retired, I don't have to run around and jump through hoops to earn anyone's approval. So I only frequent people and places that are legitimately fun. Or at a minimum, courteous. If people aren't fun or at least courteous, I blow them off and go elsewhere. No use hanging around with people I don't like. Thanks to the interwebz, there are a million things to do--meetup groups, social centers, hobby groups, book clubs, activity centers, etc. I check out lots of different social events, and I stick with the few where the events are fun and the people seem cool. I try not to be paranoid--I give most events a few chances. But if the event is consistently dull or the people are a drag after a few try-outs, then I'm out of there. Life is short, and I'm not going to invest if the return is bad.
 

Mind Maverick

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OP also said that our "armor" could include "anything that makes us feel safe" and/or a "security object" that we carry everywhere. So I was reading "fashion, makeup, hairstyles, accessories" in that context.

For example, when I was an executive in a big bureaucracy, my power suits and shiny shoes and other "official" accessories and trappings were an armor of sorts. On my own turf, no one messed with me. Even outside the office and around the city in general, people recognized the power suit and the "official business" look and showed it some respect. By comparison, I dressed more casually on weekends and outside work, and I felt more vulnerable then. When I looked like just one more ordinary old tourist in the city, anyone could get in my face.

As I figured it, I wasn't trying to be a snob or anything by wearing the power suit. It's just that life is easier in a power suit, so why not. "The clothes make the man," and all that.

So, getting back to what I quoted at the top of the post, I figure some women might get a similar feeling from being fully made-up and accessorized: They may feel more ready to get out and face the world. (At least that might have been the case in the old days, though maybe not so much anymore with the new emphasis on egalitarianism and casual appearance.)

Anyways, I'm an old, single retiree these days. No more power suits. As an old retiree, my armor these days is good boundaries. Now that I'm retired, I don't have to run around and jump through hoops to earn anyone's approval. So I only frequent people and places that are legitimately fun. Or at a minimum, courteous. If people aren't fun or at least courteous, I blow them off and go elsewhere. No use hanging around with people I don't like. Thanks to the interwebz, there are a million things to do--meetup groups, social centers, hobby groups, book clubs, activity centers, etc. I check out lots of different social events, and I stick with the few where the events are fun and the people seem cool. I try not to be paranoid--I give most events a few chances. But if the event is consistently dull or the people are a drag after a few try-outs, then I'm out of there. Life is short, and I'm not going to invest if the return is bad.
It was interesting to read about yours and you're probably right about women doing that. I was also thinking about adding they probably use beauty for favor / getting what they want. People--especially men--treat pretty girls differently.
 

Tennessee Jed

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It was interesting to read about yours and you're probably right about women doing that. I was also thinking about adding they probably use beauty for favor / getting what they want. People--especially men--treat pretty girls differently.

Yes, there's that too. It's all kind of rolled together under the "appearances" rubric: Pecking order, preferential treatment, sex appeal, competitive edge, currying favor in the sense of being pleasing to the eye, etc.

Hence the expression, "The clothes make the man." It's just a fact of life that appearances are always going to be a big factor in how people judge you. In my own case, given that I was living and working in a high-profile job in a big city for a quarter century, it seemed crazy to ignore or discard that kind of advantage.

Naturally, I'm not saying that it's the *only* way to get ahead. I'm just saying that I read the OP that way based on my own experiences.
 

Mind Maverick

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Gothic style is another example of using makeup / clothing as armor. Some do it to try to scare / intimidate people. @StrawberryBoots
 
Last edited:

Tennessee Jed

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Gothic style is another example of using makeup / clothing as a armor. Some do it to try to scare / intimidate people. [MENTION=31969]StrawberryBoots[/MENTION]

I would call that a uniform, or maybe "tribal" outfit. It's like wearing a military uniform around town. (I spent seven years in the military.) Your outfit proclaims that you're a member of a certain tribe and the code you live by. If your tribe is a fringe group, maybe there's also a tacit challenge to the world that you don't give a shit when people don't like you as a result.

Anyway that's part of the social aspect of "armor": Using "tribal" in-group and out-group dynamics to stake out a social rank. My power suit put me in the in-group, whereas goth wear puts people in the out-group. Hopefully both the goth person and I have the ability to connect and communicate with each other despite the differences created by our appearances, but if not, oh well. We made our separate beds, and we'll lie in them. You reap what you sow.

Also, one could say the same about scowling and giving off a chilly attitude as opposed to being courteous and friendly: It's not necessarily a tribal thing, but it's an appearance-related cue that we use to signal accessibility and in-group vs out-group status.

Just being philosophical here. :)
 

Mind Maverick

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I would call that a uniform, or maybe "tribal" outfit. It's like wearing a military uniform around town. (I spent seven years in the military.) Your outfit proclaims that you're a member of a certain tribe and the code you live by. If your tribe is a fringe group, maybe there's also a tacit challenge to the world that you don't give a shit when people don't like you as a result.

Anyway that's part of the social aspect of "armor": Using "tribal" in-group and out-group dynamics to stake out a social rank. My power suit put me in the in-group, whereas goth wear puts people in the out-group. Hopefully both the goth person and I have the ability to connect and communicate with each other despite the differences created by our appearances, but if not, oh well. We made our separate beds, and we'll lie in them. You reap what you sow.

Also, one could say the same about scowling and giving off a chilly attitude as opposed to being courteous and friendly: It's not necessarily a tribal thing, but it's an appearance-related cue that we use to signal accessibility and in-group vs out-group status.

Just being philosophical here. :)


Ehh...partially, but being goth isn't really about that for everybody, and whether you're in or out is relative to your perspective because you're out with one group and in with another. Personally, in my goth teen phase, I didn't think about or care about social groups whatsoever. I had my own reasons. Different people gravitate toward it for different reasons. It's also not so black and white, I was more accepted by others during that phase than I was before it. I was more "out" before I was goth, in other words. I don't think it can be categorized as a uniform though, it's really more of a lifestyle for a lot of people.
 

Tennessee Jed

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Ehh...partially, but being goth isn't really about that for everybody. Different people gravitate toward it for different reasons. I don't think it can be categorized as a uniform though, it's really more of a lifestyle for a lot of people.

I definitely agree. By the same token, being in the military is a lifestyle rather than just a "wearing of the uniform."

But I'm not talking about lifestyle here. I'm just referring to how the rest of the world sees such tribal memberships from the outside. That's what the OP is really about, in my opinion: Appearances, and how we manipulate them for personal security reasons. We join the military or adopt goth style or take a high-profile job for the lifestyle, but outsiders don't see that part of it. They just see the appearances and judge accordingly.

In short: In my head, the topic of "armor" focuses more on appearances rather than actual lifestyle.
 

Mind Maverick

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I definitely agree. Being in the military is a lifestyle rather than just a "wearing of the uniform."

I'm just referring to how the rest of the world sees such tribal memberships from the outside. That's what the OP is really about, in my opinion: Appearances, and how we manipulate them for personal security reasons. We join the military or the goth world for the lifestyle, but outsiders don't see that part of it. They just see the appearances and judge accordingly.

In short: In my head, the topic of "armor" focuses more on appearances than actual lifestyle.
Sorry. See edit. I added more before I saw your reply.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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But I'm not talking about lifestyle here. I'm just referring to how the rest of the world sees such tribal memberships from the outside. That's what the OP is really about, in my opinion: Appearances, and how we manipulate them for personal security reasons. We join the military or adopt goth style or take a high-profile job for the lifestyle, but outsiders don't see that part of it. They just see the appearances and judge accordingly.

In short: In my head, the topic of "armor" focuses more on appearances rather than actual lifestyle.
Real armor (e.g. body armor, chain mail) must have more than the correct appearance to protect the wearer. It must be able to sustain or at least mitigate the damage from an attack, so the wearer remains un- or less affected. Figurative armor will likewise not work if rooted simply in appearance. Sure, the appearance alone in either case may deter some attacks, but if that is all there is, an attack actually launched will strike its mark and hurt.

So I would say armor in this context must include not so much one's lifestyle as one's manner, at least the manner one adopts when one wants the protection afforded by armor. Whether it is your power suit, or a woman's makeup and accessories, or something else, there must be something beneath that outer layer that can handle an actual attack or imposition when deterrence doesn't work. This constitutes a functional component in addition to the outward appearance.

In my case, I generally have a rather blank, neutral expression (some say "INTJ stare"), avoid eye contact, and give off what you might call a cold, "keep your distance" attitude, but that is just the surface. Someone who ignores that to initiate contact will be met with a distant formality that keeps them from getting any closer, and brings the encounter to a speedy conclusion. It also reassures them that I am no threat to them, not interested in them, and they can safely go on their way without a second thought. This works also when I must initiate the exchange.
 
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