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Thread: Psychopaths

  1. #1
    Senior Member anticlimatic's Avatar
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    Default Psychopaths

    Anyone have any former lovers or family members or other run ins with people that turned out to be psychopaths?

    Quick list of traits:

    glib and superficial charm
    grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
    need for stimulation
    pathological lying
    cunning and manipulativeness
    lack of remorse or guilt
    superficial expression of emotion
    callousness and lack of empathy
    parasitic lifestyle
    poor behavioural controls
    sexual promiscuity
    early behaviour problems
    lack of realistic long-term goals
    impulsive irresponsibility
    failure to accept responsibility for own actions
    many short-term marital relationships
    juvenile delinquency
    revocation of conditional release
    criminal versatility
    I discovered that my ex was a psychopath 6 months into a relationship that was filled with the signs the entire time, but I never quite realized that they all pointed to something common enough to be classified. Although she went through all the proper motions, I never felt 'connected' to her in a genuine way, and consequentially kept most of my feelings guarded instinctively, which paid off in the end. It wasn't until I was finally able to understand what she was that I was able to retire the relationship and move on, prior to that there was just too much room for doubt and false assumptions based on a commonality of human nature that was uncommonly missing from her.

    I'm going to outline how the relationship progressed and all of the red flags that accompanied it, and I hope other people with similar tales will also share. My experience might be rare, as I've heard that men are statistically more likely to have the disorder, but that may not be right. I also have some general questions about certain bits of behavior on her part that don't make sense on the surface for a psychopath, but I'm sure there is a self serving reason to them somewhere.

    I met the girl through her mother, whose home I was working on. Her mother thinks very highly of me, and I suspect her primary motivations for hunting me had to do with her mother's approval, as she happened to be on a kick of trying to win it back after devastating her by lying to CPS about her when she was 17 and disappearing for 4 years without contact seemingly out of nowhere. Physically she was the most unassuming predator one could imagine- super petite, young, even younger looking- spunky, somehow into all the eccentric things I was into. This should have been my first red flag, but it wasn't.

    On our first date we fucked in a hammock. In a local public park. In broad daylight. This should have been my second red flag, but it wasn't. She was still very charming and normal-seeming. Maybe a bit passionate.

    Within a few days she had moved into my house without really any input from me. This should have been my third red flag, but again it was not. Things were perfect for a few weeks.

    Then the cracks started to appear and I began to notice odd things. I noticed that almost everything she said was borrowed from somewhere else. Memes. Quotes. Phrases heard from other people. She also had zero interest in films or stories that were character driven. She began to get agitated, which she would try to mask by projecting excitement instead, but it was obvious that there was some kind of deep rage and anger to her with a very forced and rehearsed insincerity layered on top of it. This is about the time when I began collecting my feelings and hording them from her. Shortly after that was the first time she disappeared, leaving most of her belongings in my apartment.

    When she came back I got the sob story of all the rape and abuse she suffered growing up, so for the sake of argument I took her back as long as she understood that disappearing for a week is not allowed. A month later, she did it again. And then again a month later. It became a pattern that I tolerated, because she'd always come back, and around the time leading up to her leaving she was insufferable- so the break was welcome. She'd grow increasingly arrogant and condescending, prone to terrible moods and fits of anxiety and rage at little things and other people around (like drivers).

    On weeks that she'd leave I'd visit with her mother. It was then that I learned something serious was wrong with her, but not what exactly. She was impulsive, reckless, manipulative, and cold to the core. She had stories of frightening rage and unconscionable acts. They contracted the sweet persona she wore most of the time. I'd remember little bits of off-hand comments she made that didn't make sense at the time, but suddenly started to: "I'm not even sure I CAN love anyone." "I'm a flight risk." "I'm angry, all the time." "I feel like Jekyll and Hyde." "I'm a total adrenaline junkie."

    One night she got up in the middle of the night and crashed her very fancy vehicle (that she had a loan on she would never pay off in a million years) by racing it around corners in the snow. Losing this object had a devastating affect on her ego, and she more or less vanished for good (on both me and her mother, whom she had a fresh falling out with) so that she could devote her time and resources to what I can only assume was as much fresh and easy prey as she could get to earn her ego back. I gave her her usual space and waited for the eventual return to come around, but it didn't happen. I messaged her to see how she was doing a couple weeks later and she said that she was in the ER. I asked if she was alright, and she said she was there supporting a friend whose uncle was having a heart attack. I said that I hoped he was ok, and she said that she did too, "but if he dies I get a house out of the deal, so that's cool." I was severely taken aback by the callousness of this comment, not to mention confused by it, and called her out on it- to which she responded over the top negatively and blocked me. I assumed she must have charmed some old dude into giving her some property or something. At this point I simply determined that she was a terrible human being, so I decided that the next time she came back I'd just give her her things and let her move on.

    A week passed and I read an obituary for a good friend of mine that died at 54 of complications after a heart attack. I attended his memorial service with some friends, and there sitting with the family arm in arm with my good friend's nephew was my ex. Suddenly I was hit with memories of talking to my friend- about how if he were ever to die he was leaving everything to his nephew, because he was the only family he had that was worth anything- and everything made sense. She didn't block me out of anger, she blocked me to prevent any visitations with me from sabotaging her chances at stealing my friend's inheritance. Did I mention they were also engaged? That poor, poor bastard. The ex and I never spoke at the service, and made eye contact only once for a fraction of a second. The entire memorial service she bounced around having a great time, eyes like a doll. It sincerely frightened me.

    I'm thoroughly convinced she's a psychopath, but there was one event that stands out to me that doesn't quite add up- though I'm sure it does somehow. We were engaged in makeup sex after one of her disappearances and she had a particularly strong orgasm. She collapsed on top of me sobbing. Eventually it turned into laughter and she declared aloud "You are so fucked! You're stuck with me forever." When I asked her what she was crying about, she said she felt a sudden terrible sadness at how awful she was towards me and how bad she squandered my affections, and that the sudden orgasmic release must have pushed all of those feelings out of her. Was this likely a lie? Why the tears?

    I also caught her crying during the end of Titanic, and maybe one other movie I forced her to watch against her will. Is this empathy chosen to be turned on briefly? I can't quite reconcile it with what I currently know of psychopathy.

    That about wraps it up for me. I'm curious to hear other people's stories, or any bits of insight or comment on the situation I just experienced.
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  2. #2
    Time-OverLord Norexan's Avatar
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    Yeah...

    When you deal with psychopaths brute force is solution for everything that is what I learned from last years.
    They understand only that form of conversation no matter what they say about themselves.
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  3. #3
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    I think you are missing out some key elements here. Psychopathy has been glammed up repeatedly and is sometimes something teen boys aspire to without realising what it actually is.

    Primary it is a learning disability and the majority of psychopaths are below average intelligence. This leaves a huge gulf between the expectation of what psychopaths are capable of and what they are actually capable of. The t.v hyped psychopath is really very few and far between. Much like the autistic savant.


    Edit: That was just a general comment after looking at the traits of a psychopath. On a more personal level it sounds, from the info given, that she is highly unstable and manipulative. Sociopaths are much better at this than psychopaths though I understand there is some definition changes to these labels so it's hard to separate them. But also yeah, you had a lucky escape, maybe write the friend a letter/email if you are really concerned about them?
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  4. #4
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anticlimatic View Post
    On our first date we fucked in a hammock. In a local public park. In broad daylight. This should have been my second red flag, but it wasn't.
    This is a red flag for her but not you? *laughs*
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  5. #5
    Senior Member anticlimatic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norexan View Post
    Yeah... When you deal with psychopaths brute force is solution for everything that is what I learned from last years. They understand only that form of conversation no matter what they say about themselves.
    Ironically I was targeted by a second psychopath almost immediately after I was done with the first, and more ironic still this one had almost the exact same physical makeup- petite, young, even younger looking (so much so that I actually gave her one of the jackets my ex left behind because it fit her so well). But since I had been researching psychopathy, I was able to deduce what she was almost immediately. After I informed her that she was probably a clinical psychopath and proved it with numerous questions she couldn't wiggle around, she got this rare look of defeat and anxiety to her. She had been interested in talking about herself on the subject the whole while, but at some point I think she realized how exposed she suddenly was and regretted it. The last thing she said before she left was that we should do this again sometime, and by morning I was blocked on all fronts. I think smaller weaker psychos might go for flight when the bigger stronger ones might go for fight. Either way, calling them out seems to be a pretty good way to get rid of the female ones at least.

  6. #6
    Time-OverLord Norexan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anticlimatic View Post
    Ironically I was targeted by a second psychopath almost immediately after I was done with the first, and more ironic still this one had almost the exact same physical makeup- petite, young, even younger looking (so much so that I actually gave her one of the jackets my ex left behind because it fit her so well). But since I had been researching psychopathy, I was able to deduce what she was almost immediately. After I informed her that she was probably a clinical psychopath and proved it with numerous questions she couldn't wiggle around, she got this rare look of defeat and anxiety to her. She had been interested in talking about herself on the subject the whole while, but at some point I think she realized how exposed she suddenly was and regretted it. The last thing she said before she left was that we should do this again sometime, and by morning I was blocked on all fronts. I think smaller weaker psychos might go for flight when the bigger stronger ones might go for fight. Either way, calling them out seems to be a pretty good way to get rid of the female ones at least.
    Psychopaths love to invent their story and pass to other people while they are acting vulnerability. Plus be psychopath and woman in the same time it is grate armed weapon because man can easily fell for her lying tears.
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    "It doesn't terrify me what my mind can imagine as possible but things it cannot. They can exist in front of our eyes, yet cannot be seen." - Me

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    Quote Originally Posted by Norexan View Post
    Psychopaths love to invent their story and pass to other people while they are acting vulnerability. Plus be psychopath and woman in the same time it is grate armed weapon because man can easily fell for her lying tears.
    Sounds like you're another wonder with the ladies Norexan.

    I know that there's always the possibility that you guys all know each other a bit better than a single thread of this kind could give away but I tend to think that a single post like the OP wouldnt really be enough for me to guess its all to be taken at face value, even if it were there's plenty within that of a self-disclosure nature which does not exactly cast the OP themselves reporting someone else as a psychopath as exactly making responsible, sensible choices.

    If from the get go the story goes that the lady in question was possibly emotionally troubled why did they pursue them further? They had a physically intimate relationship despite the fact that they've indicated strongly that they were not committed, emotionally intimate or connected that much from what I can tell, the rest of the time spent with this person seems to have been an exercise in defensive fact finding and confirmation bias.

    Sometimes its a good idea to remain single until you're ready for a relationship is all I'm saying, and when you're single is the perfect opportunity to question whether you could do some work on your self, for yourself.

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    . bechimo's Avatar
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    It's impossible to diagnose anyone with so little information and solely from a second party's perspective who has reasons to have a negative perspective for the subject in question. But are you sure she wasn't substance abusing? The recklessness and disappearances might point to this.
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    Time-OverLord Norexan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Survive & Stay Free View Post
    Sounds like you're another wonder with the ladies Norexan.
    When you come on front of psychopathic woman you will never know what she feels and that's main problem. She can convince a man with her lying tongue and tears very easily and first protector coming in. Not every, but let's assume she did this to only three man and you will be on corner. Invented stories about someone, passes to next person..wow what a healthy person. I sow this numerous times how this is happening to other people and I am disgusted.
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    === Challenger Perfectionist Motivator Inventor===


    "It doesn't terrify me what my mind can imagine as possible but things it cannot. They can exist in front of our eyes, yet cannot be seen." - Me

  10. #10
    Senior Member anticlimatic's Avatar
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    FYI- this is in the psychology subforum, not the advice subforum. I know it's too much to ask to forgo the personal attacks and flaming, but I'm asking anyway.

    Just want to hear from people with experience dealing with psychopaths/sociopaths/NPD.

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