Post-it notes with words of encouragement put on every locker at High School

[Z Buck McFate]

Post-it notes with words of encouragement put on every locker at Bolingbrook High School

It's in response to the Florida incident.

What do you think? Good idea? Bad idea? Well intentioned idea that could backfire spectacularly, because the only kids who will feel better are the ones with a healthy attachment to their parent/guardian but the kids who don't have that - and who feel angry and alone as a default waking condition - will feel even more hateful and angrier at the world for it?

 

[Lark]

Post-it notes with words of encouragement put on every locker at Bolingbrook High School

It's in response to the Florida incident.

What do you think? Good idea? Bad idea? Well intentioned idea that could backfire spectacularly, because the only kids who will feel better are the ones with a healthy attachment to their parent/guardian but the kids who don't have that - and who feel angry and alone as a default waking condition - will feel even more hateful and angrier at the world for it?

Interesting.

In many respects I would not have thought about the possibility of a positive gesture being a trigger to someone who is already experiencing some sort of alienation or estrangement as a consequence of early life patterning or a present day bad home environment.

The possibly backfire that I would have considered likely would simply have been it being construed as a facile and pointless gesture by cynical youth and then ridiculed in a way liable to ramp cynicism, the nature of which feeds a more widespread culture of negativity.

However, whether either of those things are likely or not I think gestures like this can be a manner of exhibiting biophilia in the wake of crisis, I'm for it, myself in my teenage years would not have been and at best may have scoffed at this, though I am not today who I was then and I like to think that even then I hadnt hardened my heart entirely (something like this may have contributed to the thaw even). I also think that sometimes its difficult to, personally, square the "democratic deficit" of making choices for the general or universal "all" based upon the fairly unique, even idiosyncratic, needs of a definite "few", it is part of why I outright reject identity politics such as LGBT/Alt right thinking.

No suggesting there is moral equivalence between those two groups and their triggering, there's obviously not, one will march maybe, perhaps become very vindictive and seek legal sanctions, the other will plant a bomb or let rip with an assault rifle, though forming decisions on a "this is why we cant have nice things" basis, the simply put "we cant have nice things" being the operative part of that observation, is not what I do or believe.

In the 40K context I've seen this, people question "why the grimdark?", as in grimdark future, there is only war etc. and the standard response is a pic of the four chaos gods with "this is why we cant have nice things" (I think the original "laughter of dark and hungry Gods" was meant to be a meta observation about the players throwing dice, the same way Cabin In The Woods messed about with the idea of the audience reflecting on their role as observers of the action on screen but that's just me) the logic from that game/universe's fluff is that so long as man exists, the choas gods exist, there can be no break in that vicious circle, but, and I dont care if cynical types think it just amounts to my "drinking the kool aid", it doesnt need to necessarily be so, there is a brighter tomorrow, even if seems a departure or break from the possible.

 

[LucieCat]

I mean, I don't think it would have much of an effect to the culture of the school. But I do think it would be a nice gesture and make some people smile. So I'd say mostly good because I don't think it would be too terribly bad. But it wouldn't help generate change in the long teen.

 

[Coriolis]

The possibly backfire that I would have considered likely would simply have been it being construed as a facile and pointless gesture by cynical youth and then ridiculed in a way liable to ramp cynicism, the nature of which feeds a more widespread culture of negativity.

This would be my personal reaction - to consider it an empty and superficial gesture, whose only real effect is to make the people who did it feel like they actually did something. A big problem with measures like this is that they assume everyone is the same, and everyone will react positively. We all approach grief, uncertainty, and danger in different ways. Some people might find comfort in these notes, however impersonal and hastily deployed, but for many people there will probably be no benefit.

A better approach would be to provide opportunities for discussion/venting to anyone interested, perhaps during lunch or free periods. This demonstrates concern while allowing for individual differences in response.

 

[rav3n]

It's a brilliant gesture for the kids and for the parents. Even if the kids don't have great relationships with their parents, they know that other parents are concerned for all the kids, including themselves. More often than not, school shooters are kids who crave acceptance since they're often socially rejected in every aspect of their lives.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

If this were occuring at the school where the shooting occured it'd be a bit better.

 

[Starry]

“Hang in there! And someday soon you too can work 72 hrs a week without medical or retirement benefits and so all you will really have time for is sending your children words of encouragement on a post-it-note immediately following a national tragedy...cross your fingers...and hope for the best!”

 

[Ace_]

I think it's nice. Encouragement and compliments are free, yet they help to improve your mood and confidence.

- - - Updated - - -

The only problem is when you're giving fake encouragement or fake compliments.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

The possibly backfire that I would have considered likely would simply have been it being construed as a facile and pointless gesture by cynical youth and then ridiculed in a way liable to ramp cynicism, the nature of which feeds a more widespread culture of negativity.

Yes, this is exactly how I believe I'd have experienced it. Having a bunch of generic platitudes plastered around the school would have ramped up the "holy crap, are adults ever clueless" cynicism that I was pretty thoroughly mired in. It's the kind of thing that might have retrospective value, looking back on it in my 20s, in a "well at least they tried" kind of way.

In an immediate sense though, I imagine my friends and I would have turned it into a running joke by making more post-it notes that accentuated the absurdity. Like leaving notes in each others' books that said something like, "Good job opening this book. We're SO proud of you!!" Or coming up with the most exaggerated way to make fun of why we found it absurd.

However, whether either of those things are likely or not I think gestures like this can be a manner of exhibiting biophilia in the wake of crisis, I'm for it, myself in my teenage years would not have been and at best may have scoffed at this, though I am not today who I was then and I like to think that even then I hadnt hardened my heart entirely (something like this may have contributed to the thaw even).

I wonder if teenagers who live far away from these incidents actual feel like they're "in the wake of crisis" though? I can understand the value of biophilia in the wake of crisis. When there were truly jarring moments in highschool - such as friends dying in a car accident, a friend losing one of their parents to cancer, etc - there was a sort of group softening that happened in which connection was more accepted than challenged, and a kind attitude from an adult goes a long way. But I'm inclined to think these school shootings are far more concerning to parents than to kids who have never dealt with it. Like the parents are doing this more to comfort themselves than the kids.

***

Without talking to either team here, I obviously really can't say. I'm just forming my opinion on what I assume my own experience would have been. And I remember the annoyance of dealing with adults projecting their fears into me and/or assuming they know what I'm experiencing (just because THEY are experiencing it). The whole idea of it sounds like the plot of a South Park episode, which typically portrays how the adults are "doing it wrong". It was a big pet peeve to deal with an adult (or even a peer) 'needing' to comfort me as means of actually deriving some kind of comfort themselves, like I'm just a warm body they're using to process something of their own - without actually helping me experience what I AM experiencing, or even acknowledging it in the first place. But I know I'm on the fringe for always having had a modicum of patience for that kind of thing. So that's why I opened the question here, to see if most others (particularly those who are younger) actually would have found it helpful. It's interesting to see comments here find it more positive than not. Apparently I was even more cynical than I'd thought.

 

[Lark]

Yes, this is exactly how I believe I'd have experienced it. Having a bunch of generic platitudes plastered around the school would have ramped up the "holy crap, are adults ever clueless" cynicism that I was pretty thoroughly mired in. It's the kind of thing that might have retrospective value, looking back on it in my 20s, in a "well at least they tried" kind of way.

In an immediate sense though, I imagine my friends and I would have turned it into a running joke by making more post-it notes that accentuated the absurdity. Like leaving notes in each others' books that said something like, "Good job opening this book. We're SO proud of you!!" Or coming up with the most exaggerated way to make fun of why we found it absurd.



I wonder if teenagers who live far away from these incidents actual feel like they're "in the wake of crisis" though? I can understand the value of biophilia in the wake of crisis. When there were truly jarring moments in highschool - such as friends dying in a car accident, a friend losing one of their parents to cancer, etc - there was a sort of group softening that happened in which connection was more accepted than challenged, and a kind attitude from an adult goes a long way. But I'm inclined to think these school shootings are far more concerning to parents than to kids who have never dealt with it. Like the parents are doing this more to comfort themselves than the kids.

***

Without talking to either team here, I obviously really can't say. I'm just forming my opinion on what I assume my own experience would have been. And I remember the annoyance of dealing with adults projecting their fears into me and/or assuming they know what I'm experiencing (just because THEY are experiencing it). The whole idea of it sounds like the plot of a South Park episode, which typically portrays how the adults are "doing it wrong". It was a big pet peeve to deal with an adult (or even a peer) 'needing' to comfort me as means of actually deriving some kind of comfort themselves, like I'm just a warm body they're using to process something of their own - without actually helping me experience what I AM experiencing, or even acknowledging it in the first place. But I know I'm on the fringe for always having had a modicum of patience for that kind of thing. So that's why I opened the question here, to see if most others (particularly those who are younger) actually would have found it helpful. It's interesting to see comments here find it more positive than not. Apparently I was even more cynical than I'd thought.

Interesting, I think you could be correct about the young peoples experience, I certainly do know that knowledge of deaths from drug use, often direct knowledge, is no deterrence to the exact same behaviour, there is research on this but I have more direct experience too, and so if there can be that disconnect between the experience of others and ones own expectations or experience I would consider that possible too in terms of school shootings.

I also think that what you say about making mock of the initiative is highly accurate, that sort of gallows humour is typical of my friends now and when we were growing up, and the analogy with South Park the question about whose needs are really being met are prescient too. Although that said, some of those responses come easy to me, too easy I think most of the time, it has lead to unsympathetic others framing me as a negative, depressive person, the sort of person who spoils team spirit with it.

This is no doubt a discharitable thing that serves their purposes, and they are unlikely to be engaging in the sort of reflection on whose needs are really being met by an initiative like this one being discussed. So, I've come to try and look upon these things more positively, though perhaps this is a mistake and a sort of false consciousness, thanks for posting the thread and your thoughtful posts in it, its given me pause for thought.

 

[Lark]

I think it's nice. Encouragement and compliments are free, yet they help to improve your mood and confidence.

- - - Updated - - -

The only problem is when you're giving fake encouragement or fake compliments.

This does certainly seem to be the crux of the matter.

That and a possible culture of cynicism. I'm still thinking about it.

 

[Agent Washington]

Post-its and generalised compliments do nothing for me, since these messages are useful only in the context of someone knowing something about the situation/person and choosing to comment well (earnestness presumed). It's essentially a performative act that's meant to make the poster feel good about themselves for being a good person without actually having to put in real effort. It's like "thoughts and prayers".

 

[Morpeko]

I'd think it's fucking fake and forced. There's no way that someone would care deeply about 4,000 kids in the school. I'd probably just be irritated because I'd know they didn't mean it.