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What do YOU get out of socializing?

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
Absolutely right. And my feelings - immediate or otherwise - are none of anyone's business, especially not someone I have just met. There are plenty of other things to discuss, and if someone disagrees, then we probably have no need to be conversing.
My bet is that. while you are being defensive you are revealing your emotional state.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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Apr 18, 2010
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INTJ
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5w6
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sp/sx

The Cat

Just a Cat who hangs out at the Crossroads
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23,552
Sometimes; there is food...
 
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giphy.gif
 

Novella

Member
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Aug 23, 2016
Messages
166
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INFP
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4W5
Joy, for the most part, when socialising with family and close friends. Drained and anxious with others. Abhor small talk, it's meaningless to me although realise it's a neccessary evil in a working environment. It makes me close up and ends badly for the most part with people thinking I am rude or awkward - possibly both which perpetuates the cycle. I've been working on it but it's not a skill which will be mastered any time soon.
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
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ENFJ
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Everything :laugh:.
As an ENFJ, socialization makes me. I said it somewhere else on TypeC a long long time ago that people, and interactions with people, help ENFJ puzzle piece together their core. We match up the relevant bits of information from others with what is relevant within ourselves. It's not something that just starts at us. It's how we form a better internal world, which helps us be a better pillar for that external and social world.
For me, it rejuvenates me. I feel more purposeful and energized. Otherwise, I fall really deep into the gap of existential crisis and "Why bother". I'm also not the sort that wants to do a lot sans people. Even if I consider traveling, I think about *who* I would want to share the experience with, and not just where I'd like to go for myself.

I can easily see other types not getting as much out of it, or feeling a large desire or need to socialize.
 

Mind Maverick

ENTP 8w7 845 Sp/Sx
Joined
Jan 17, 2018
Messages
4,785
There are a lot of things, I really can't name them all, and it can vary from interaction with one person to another...but one of my favorites is being able to explore the world cognitively with someone.
 
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Agent Washington

Softserve Ice Cream
Joined
Jan 24, 2017
Messages
2,053
Disclaimers
--This is a small-talk system that I use. I culled it from a few self-help books and it has helped me considerably. I'm not claiming that it's the best system ever, or that it should be used by everyone. I'm just putting it out there in case anyone might feel they need help bolstering their small talk skills. But if forum members are already satisfied with their existing small talk skills, then they should continue doing whatever is working for them and ignore my advice.

--Also, whole self-help books have been written on the subject of how to do small talk, socialize, and mingle. So I won't get into a lot of background or explanations of why the experts prefer one way of doing things over another; the post will run too long. I'll just lay out a bunch of tips with little or no background, and readers can pick and choose whatever they think might work for them.

Thank you for the post, those are some great ideas. The problem that I seem to encounter is that sometimes, when I ask a question, the answer I get is very short and then it falls into some kind of weird awkward limbo. This happens often enough that any chances of second session of small talk is out of the question. I seem to get most mileage out of somehow stumbling into "deep" conversations, but that is useless for networking and is extremely rare. Does that happen to you often, and what do you do about it?
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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There are a lot of things, I really can't name them all...but my favorite is being able to explore the world cognitively with someone.
When that can actually happen, it is a rare treat. A smorgasbord for someone who has been subsisting on granola bars and V8.

Thank you for the post, those are some great ideas. The problem that I seem to encounter is that sometimes, when I ask a question, the answer I get is very short and then it falls into some kind of weird awkward limbo. This happens often enough that any chances of second session of small talk is out of the question. I seem to get most mileage out of somehow stumbling into "deep" conversations, but that is useless for networking and is extremely rare. Does that happen to you often, and what do you do about it?
In such cases, you are probably talking to someone like me. I try to shut that sort of thing down quickly, unless I have some specific reason to pursue it. Now if you open with something more interesting than standard small talk, my curiosity is more likely to be piqued, and you will get a more substantive reply, with the likelihood of more.
 
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Yuurei

Noncompliant
Joined
Sep 29, 2016
Messages
4,509
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ENTJ
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8w7
A break from my own mind.

My friends seem to find me entertaining but the truth is alone I bore myself to crazy town. Perhaps one day I will make up some friends.
 

Mesmeric_Moon

Soul Reaver
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Jan 31, 2017
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I get high from interaction with certain people.
They move me, inspire me, teach me things, make me laugh, change the way I look at certain things, it's a thrill to get to know them, understand how their minds work and connect with them on a deeper level.
Frustrations from interacting with other people.
They bring out a more agressive, angry side of myself. Darker aspects to light. A fuel for my cynicism. Eventually a reluctance to engage with them at all.
And there are some people who bring out both the best and the worst.
 

DarkMin

New member
Joined
Dec 25, 2017
Messages
69
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INFP
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2w1
For me, it depends on the sphere of activity. Here (in VirtualLand) I love it; it's a room in which I can hover, overhear snippets of conversation and if there's something I think I can contribute to, well - have at it!

If you were to translate that into a Real Life equivalent - uh-uh. I can't do it, on any level.
 

Sacrophagus

Mastermind Fieldmarshal
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Jul 11, 2017
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What do I get out of socializing?

Let's see. With some people, everything clicks. Conversations are effortless, as if in some fantastic augury, they can mirror your soul, somehow. A word leads to another, your thoughts are unfolding naturally, the flow seems to be unstoppable, in alignment and synchronicity, immersed in an amazing orchestra of sounds, producing melodies unbeknownest to you, your senses are aware of every note as the stream of inspiration dissolves within. A wondrous marriage you and I cannot fathom, that leaves us prey to fruitless analysis, vain prodding, until we realize, it's not something we're bound to understand, it's something we should appreciate, and so, we let it be, we cherish that gift.
 

The Cat

Just a Cat who hangs out at the Crossroads
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Messages
23,552
I also tend to enjoy expanding my perspective, sometimes I'm not very talkative at all when socializing, as it's often more rewarding for me to listen than speak...
 

The Cat

Just a Cat who hangs out at the Crossroads
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23,552
Burnt out.

What? It can't always be sunshine and daises...
 

The Cat

Just a Cat who hangs out at the Crossroads
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But. After the burn out can come new vitalization.

I mean, I'm still an optimist.
 

Jaq

Remember, Humanity.
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But. After the burn out can come new vitalization.

I mean, I'm still an optimist.
We all know that Wizard gets chicks.

 

PumpkinMayCare

𝓛ιкєтнє𝓓єνi lмαу
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Mar 2, 2017
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so/sp
With me and friends it's mostly fun. We tend to undertake a lot of stuff together, a lot of walking around, going shopping, eating out, visiting musems, etc. Though that's stuff we do during summer, it's too cold in winter for that for the most part. So during the cold months we mostly visit each other at our places and what I get out of it is a nice chat with a lot of joking/goofing around. It honestly depends on the personality of the particular friend though, there are some I debate a lot of different things with, and others I mostly meet to undertake something and just have a good time.
 

The Cat

Just a Cat who hangs out at the Crossroads
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camping trips are also fun
 
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