Confusing Introversion, Depression, & Loneliness

[miss fortune]

I'm an extrovert and I live by myself and enjoy solitary activities, like hiking, for my hobbies.

I DO gain a lot of energy talking to other people though, and I love my job because I get to talk to a variety of people, some of whom have very interesting things to say!

Depressed extroverts can definitley appear to be introverted- but sometimes happy extroverts can be semi-antisocial to the point where they appear introverted to others I suppose

 

[Kyrielle]

I agree with that assertion, but in their report on their findings, they very clearly said that happy people spend most of their time around other people, and are seldom alone. They really pushed the "if you're not interacting socially most of the time, it's unhealthy" thing.

Ah. And here I was hopeful that they weren't being foolish.

 

[INA]

I'm an extrovert and I live by myself and enjoy solitary activities, like hiking, for my hobbies.

I DO gain a lot of energy talking to other people though, and I love my job because I get to talk to a variety of people, some of whom have very interesting things to say!

Depressed extroverts can definitley appear to be introverted- but sometimes happy extroverts can be semi-antisocial to the point where they appear introverted to others I suppose

And there's the rub. I definitely prefer solitary activities and am jealous of my me-time. But I think that external things energize (or deflate) me to a not insignificant degree, probably as much as internal. Not just people, though. I guess I concluded introversion because I don't crave the external stimulus *that much* though I feel better with it. I often think "O.K. it was great talking to you. Now please keep it on a good note by not overstaying." Cue the antsiness. but I don't get lonely if alone for prolonged periods.

 

[Martoon]

Maybe happy people are extroverted...

Generally speaking, if you strip away at it, E has a very strong (and biological) relationship to positive emotions. Meaning, extroverts will tend to be happier, by virtue of the definition being linked.

It also means you cannot 'become' an extrovert to be happy, most likely.

Introverts have more issues with depression than extroverts, fwiw. There is an interactive effect between introversion and neuroticism, too, so it isn't cut and dry, but it's pretty clear that it has a big influence.

Having said all that, pure isolation also tends to make one depressed, and depressed introverts will certainly be prone to that.

I agree with all of that. I think extroverts are more inclined to be overtly "happy", and yeah, introverts are more prone to depression.

But an introvert can be quite content and enjoying life, even when they're alone. What gets tiresome is when flaming extroverts keep asking, "What's wrong?" or "What are you thinking?" just because you're not laughing raucously and hugging everyone within reach. The inside of my head is not the hell that they seem to envision.

 

[miss fortune]

And there's the rub. I definitely prefer solitary activities and am jealous of my me-time. But I think that external things energize (or deflate) me to a not insignificant degree, probably as much as internal. Not just people, though. I guess I concluded introversion because I don't crave the external stimulus *that much* though I feel better with it. I often think "O.K. it was great talking to you. Now please keep it on a good note by not overstaying." Cue the antsiness. but I don't get lonely if alone for prolonged periods.

I never really feel lonely when alone, but I very rarely crave being alone when talking to others (unless they're god awful boring...). I guess I consider myself an extrovert because I judge myself from the outside as opposed to the inside, and I'm completely in my best element when entertaining a crowd and chatting with strangers.

 

[entropie]

I guess the whole point to the thing is that Extrovertism or Introvertism is a sort of lifestyle.

While the meaning of the two words within function use relates to, as BlueWing puts it:

Extroversion: An attitude defining the self in accordance to the standard of the external world.

Introversion: An attitude defining the outer world in accordance to the standard of the self.

---

That makes both, Life Extroverted Introverted Function Users and Life Introverted Extroverted Function Users possible

 

[ptgatsby]

But an introvert can be quite content and enjoying life, even when they're alone. What gets tiresome is when flaming extroverts keep asking, "What's wrong?" or "What are you thinking?" just because you're not laughing raucously and hugging everyone within reach. The inside of my head is not the hell that they seem to envision.

I think it is best put that introverts can be as happy as an introvert can be by being introverted

Even assuming introversion "happiness" is an absolute, which it isn't, introverts will want to have quiet and what not most of the time - otherwise, they are stressed and less happy. On the other hand, introverts need to be careful of the tendency to shut everything out - that reduces our ability to be happy as well.

 

[INA]

Even assuming introversion "happiness" is an absolute, which it isn't, introverts will want to have quiet and what not most of the time - otherwise, they are stressed and less happy. On the other hand, introverts need to be careful of the tendency to shut everything out - that reduces our ability to be happy as well.

Well said.

 

[Totenkindly]

Here is an interesting situation.

I have no doubts about me being an introvert, I know myself that well.

But with all the life changes I've gone through, I've been called a social butterfly by a few people at least in the last few months. After years of being alone at home, not seeing anyone, I feel a compulsion to see people whenever I can now, which is so weird. I *like* being out with people -- although it's never the "big party" stuff, it's always the "one on one" or small gathering with friends. I hated being in the apartment alone; and all the time I used to spend doing projects through my years living an introverted lifestyle now left me feeling antsy, I badly just wanted to be around people.

(I suppose that is part of a lifestyle change from living in a family relationship where you're never not in proximity to others to moving into a situation where no one else lives with you... maybe it was just feeling alone that made it bad.)

It's just odd.
I never hated being alone before, I tried to BE alone.
Now I just usually like someone around, even if I'm not interacting with them.
I still go through the "recharge" issues as an introvert, I get very drained from large social setting and after spending quality time with a friend or two, I get very drained as well and need to recharge.
My guess is that as time passes and I continue to adjust, I'll be okay with "being alone" again. (And since i'm getting a roommate shortly, perhaps I'll stay in more too.)

Just an interesting view of the introversion vs sociability index there, I suppose.

 

[entropie]

In my opinion the need for extroverted or introverted lifestyle changes constantly. There have been times in my life, I never missed a party and times I never missed a TV episode or good book.

But the way you see the world and make your decisions according to MBTI theory is more rooted to be set, I think.

Therefore MBTI tests asking you out, if you like to have wild parties and determining if you are E or I on that basis are BS

 

[FDG]

Well I am an extrovert, and I think I am quite happy; I don't necessarily spend a lot of time with people but I spend a lot of time interacting with the outside world, in general.

 

[proteanmix]

I was reading the results on a study of happiness a while back (too lazy to try to find it now). There have been billions of studies on depression, but few on happiness - what do happy people have in common, etc.

One of the big things they concluded is that happy people spend most of their time surrounded by friends and family. They're always with people. So if you want to be happy, be an extrovert.

I have a strong suspicion this study was conducted by extroverts, who likely used extroverted tendencies as a metric of happiness. One thing I'm sure of; if I was always with people, I'd be decidedly unhappy.

Do you think a more accurate way to put that finding is people who are happy have stable relationships with friends and family? Even if you don't see them all the time, you still have them to be there for you. Wouldn't that contribute to the ever elusive feeling of belonging?

Which also might be what they're driving at: happier people tend to feel like they belong somewhere regardless of their social tendencies.

I agree with that assertion, but in their report on their findings, they very clearly said that happy people spend most of their time around other people, and are seldom alone. They really pushed the "if you're not interacting socially most of the time, it's unhealthy" thing.

I've read a couple of studies like that as well, but I've interpreted it as being much like Kyrielle says: that happy people have healthy support systems, feel connected to others, and don't feel isolated and alone. You can be very much the introvert and have those resources available to you. Maybe those who are depressed have a complete lack of support system and don't know how to get one. That's independent of being an extrovert or introvert, but I can see how being introverted can exacerbate and amplify loneliness and depression. Like a single mother with a network of people available to her to help her take care of children is going to be less stressed than one who has no one to help her. Could be along the same lines.

Maybe what correlated extroversion with happiness is that extroverts are more likely to seek out those types of affiliation relationships driven by the basic fact that we're social animals. I know that even if I'm at the grocery store or on public transportation I'm responsive to someone talking to me and I'm likely to draw something positive even if it's short-lived from the transaction. That contributes to my happiness. If someone can't even stand someone saying hello to them (not wanting an in depth conversation just basic social politeness) and they have negative feelings towards these little transactions then I think it's natural that what makes most other people happy and satisfied won't make them happy and if it happens often enough they're going to be unhappy people.

 

[Athenian200]

I think this confusion does happen a lot.

Extraverts often behave like Introverts when depressed. Thus, when they see Introverts, they assume the Introverts are depressed. It seems pretty logical on the surface, I admit.

The thing is, Introverts aren't necessarily less happy because they're not interacting with people or their environment much. There can be some confusion in this, of course, because sometimes Introverts are in fact unhappy and withdrawn, making it difficult to distinguish them from the above case of an Extravert who is depressed and withdrawn as a result.

So, how can there not be confusion? I'd be more surprised if people had gotten it right.

 

[Haphazard]

Probably the worst thing someone could do to me is surprise me, drag me away from whatever I'm doing, and give no indication of when I'll be able to get back on track.

Unfortunately, this is how most people tend to interact. So, when someone shows up, and I'm very obviously not happy to see them, they either immediately jump to the conclusion that I hate them or that I'm depressed (especially if it's over a long period of time).

I suppose it goes a little like this:
1. Do not bother me when I'm busy.
2. I am always busy.

And I suppose the mixed messages that I can be quite talkative at a party or dinner as long as I know when I will leave.

 

[entropie]

Probably the worst thing someone could do to me is surprise me, drag me away from whatever I'm doing, and give no indication of when I'll be able to get back on track.

Unfortunately, this is how most people tend to interact. So, when someone shows up, and I'm very obviously not happy to see them, they either immediately jump to the conclusion that I hate them or that I'm depressed (especially if it's over a long period of time).

I suppose it goes a little like this:
1. Do not bother me when I'm busy.
2. I am always busy.

And I suppose the mixed messages that I can be quite talkative at a party or dinner as long as I know when I will leave.

Still wondering, who changed the content of your toothpaste to mustard ?

 

[Salomé]

entropie - you look different - did you lose weight? :drools:

One thing that hasn't been considered here, is that there may be more than one cause of the constellation of symptoms/attitude we refer to as introversion. I.e. It could be a "normal" mutation for some (e.g. short D4DR gene) but the consequence of an abnormal adaptation to a hostile early environment in others - i.e. predating any expression of "innate" introvert/extrovert tendencies.

Introverts can become depressed because society expects/demands extroversion. Any oppressed minority can become depressed for similar reasons (although introverts aren't necessarily in the minority, it feels that way because we don't stick together). Women are also more likely to experience depression than men. Blacks than whites.. you get the picture.

The neurotransmitter most implicated in depression is serotonin, which isn't implicated in I/E dynamic (as far as I know).

Also, depression and happiness are not opposites. See Bipolar disorder.

 

[Bella]

I sometimes enjoy being around people without having to interact with them. Being in company but absorbed in something else.

Does this relate to Introversion or Extroversion and is it just a horribly, selfish, sucking up of other people's energy.

 

[Chris_in_Orbit]

I sometimes enjoy being around people without having to interact with them. Being in company but absorbed in something else.

Does this relate to Introversion or Extroversion and is it just a horribly, selfish, sucking up of other people's energy.

I tend to hate being around people if I am doing something. Who knows why, I just dislike it.

 

[Bella]

Uh-huh, but I'm not talking about doing something constructive. I'm talking about being mindlessly absorbed watching TV or being on the 'net. (Okay that's not so mindless.) If it was something that needed concentration I wouldn't enjoy being around people either.

 

[Ilah]

Probably the worst thing someone could do to me is surprise me, drag me away from whatever I'm doing, and give no indication of when I'll be able to get back on track.

Unfortunately, this is how most people tend to interact. So, when someone shows up, and I'm very obviously not happy to see them, they either immediately jump to the conclusion that I hate them or that I'm depressed (especially if it's over a long period of time).

I suppose it goes a little like this:
1. Do not bother me when I'm busy.
2. I am always busy.

And I suppose the mixed messages that I can be quite talkative at a party or dinner as long as I know when I will leave.

I don't know if that is introversion or not, but I feel something similiar in terms of being in control.

It feels very stressful to be in situations where I feel I can't leave or it would be very difficult to leave. For example I once worked at a job at a mall where I had to stand behind my display table my whole shift. "Friendly" people would come up to me and engage in lengthy one-sided conversations with me. It was very stressful because I did not have the option of leaving.

I also feel a little uncomfortable if someone gives me a ride somewhere and I am dependant on them for a ride home. I might be okay for the full lenght of the event, but I feel more comfortable knowing I could leave early if I started to feel worn out or stressed. I think I am less likely to feel worn out or stressed if I know I have the option of leaving anytime I wanted to.

I don't care for open ended excursions either. Things like "we can just look around till we feel like going home." Generally, I am the first person to want to go home, but if I voice that opinion I feel like I am ruining others fun, others will think poorly of me, I might damage a relationship, etc.

Open ended things are not so bad if I am on my own, but I still prefer to have a schedule.

Ilah