Alternatives to "Are you Okay?"

[Smilephantomhive]

When someone is asked this question people almost always feel obligated to say yes even when they aren't, and I think this can cause severe problems. I think this because of how normal this phrase is, and because it's a yes or no question.

I think a good alternative is "What do you need?"

So if you have alternatives to "Are you okay?" then just post them.

 

[cascadeco]

For the record, if I ask people that when I think they aren't doing ok, I'll use a tone that's not very cheery/upbeat, more of a tone of concern, more probing. But I usually take the 'you' out of it and instead say 'Is everything ok?'. And I don't expect a 'yes' -- I genuinely want to know for real, if I ask the question. But I agree, a lot of people may think it's not ok to be honest.

I guess you could leave it more open-ended, just the 'How are things?'. Or if I think something's wrong, I might add more to the question, 'Are things ok? You seem a little different / down / [insert a word]'. If it's not a personal thing and more like a work situation, maybe something at work pissed a person off, maybe a more specific question. Your 'What do you need' idea might fit in this situation, or 'Can I help with anything?', 'Is something wrong?', or things like that.

But too, sometimes people just don't feel like talking about it, and that's totally fine. So they might just say 'Yeah, everything's fine' even if it isn't, and that's fine. Whatever people are comfortable with imo.

 

[Yama]

"how are you doing?"

If you phrase it as a question that is open ended instead of yes/no, you get a real answer.

 

[Lucy_Ricardo]

I'm a fan of the good old-fashioned "what's up?" It's casual and unassuming enough not pressure anyone, but it's open-ended enough to invite someone to confide in you. It's chill, but it lets someone know you're asking and you're there if they want to answer.

 

[Grand Admiral Crunch]

I'm a fan of the good old-fashioned "what's up?" It's casual and unassuming enough not pressure anyone, but it's open-ended enough to invite someone to confide in you. It's chill, but it lets someone know you're asking and you're there if they want to answer.

It's casual, but the sound of the words is sharp and crisp. It annoys me a tad when I'm already upset and someone says this to me. I feel like, with this phrase, they've already stepped into my business before I've given them permission.

 

[Frosty]

Do you want to talk?

Puts the ball into the other persons playing field. Gives THEM a choice I guess. Something thats actually THERE.

 

[Coriolis]

"how are you doing?"

If you phrase it as a question that is open ended instead of yes/no, you get a real answer.

I don't appreciate this question, from anyone. My standard answer is "busy". Details are usually none of the person's business.

Or if I think something's wrong, I might add more to the question, 'Are things ok? You seem a little different / down / [insert a word]'. If it's not a personal thing and more like a work situation, maybe something at work pissed a person off, maybe a more specific question. Your 'What do you need' idea might fit in this situation, or 'Can I help with anything?', 'Is something wrong?', or things like that.

If I suspect there really is something wrong and I know the person well enough both to have reasonable confidence in my suspicions and to know that the intrusion will be welcome, I will do something like this. That is rare, though.

 

[Mayflower]

When I notice strangers are uneasy I'll be "They'll deal with it." With my friends, I'm not much more involved. I'm uncomfortable acting "caring" so my typical lead in statement would be "you look like shit" (or some other derivative). Then they'll fuss at me about not caring about their current problem, of which they later explain. Of course, my way doesn't work well around most so...

How about "Hey, you look 'off' today". or "I'm having a terrible day. You?"

 

[Red Memories]

"Is anything bothering you? You can talk to me you know" is usually my line.

 

[Yama]

I don't appreciate this question, from anyone. My standard answer is "busy". Details are usually none of the person's business.

In general, asking someone 'how are you' isn't a rude or bad question, so even if some people still go with 'fine' or 'busy', as long as you don't press them if they don't want to go further, then it's harmless.

 

[Coriolis]

In general, asking someone 'how are you' isn't a rude or bad question, so even if some people still go with 'fine' or 'busy', as long as you don't press them if they don't want to go further, then it's harmless.

Harmless, perhaps, but useless. Unless you really want to know how they are doing, in which case we are back to rude, or at least nosy. It becomes just a mindless social script. I will follow that as far as saying "good morning" to people when I first see them, but no need for anything beyond that in most cases.

 

[Yama]

Harmless, perhaps, but useless. Unless you really want to know how they are doing, in which case we are back to rude, or at least nosy. It becomes just a mindless social script. I will follow that as far as saying "good morning" to people when I first see them, but no need for anything beyond that in most cases.

yeah i don't know why anyone would bother asking the question unless they actually cared. i usually don't ask people how they're doing because idgaf lol. so when i do ask, it actually has meaning. i wish more people were like that

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

"How's it hanging?"

 

[anticlimatic]

Kind of a long knowing/connecting glance followed up with a very quiet and cautious "...y'alright?" whilst maintaining eye contact and an air of genuine curiosity.

Most of the time I assume people want to be gently bullied into talking.

 

[Smilephantomhive]

Harmless, perhaps, but useless. Unless you really want to know how they are doing, in which case we are back to rude, or at least nosy. It becomes just a mindless social script. I will follow that as far as saying "good morning" to people when I first see them, but no need for anything beyond that in most cases.

You're missed the point if this thread. It's meant to come early up with ways to ask "Are you okay?" In a way that makes more likely to recieve a truthful answer, so people can get the help and support they need.

 

[citizen cane]

 

[citizen cane]

Seriously though, "what's going on?" Or "how are you feeling?" are okay.

 

[Ashtart]

"how are you feeling?" seems a better option. If you are close to the person and really want to know, perhaps "is everything fine?" could work too.

 

[Coriolis]

You're missed the point if this thread. It's meant to come early up with ways to ask "Are you okay?" In a way that makes more likely to recieve a truthful answer, so people can get the help and support they need.

Not all. As I believe I explained in an earlier post, I would find such a serious inquiry unwelcome and intrusive from all but a small handful of people. Meaning, any of the advice offered here on how to approach people may very well backfire unless you know the person very well.

 

[ceecee]

Not all. As I believe I explained in an earlier post, I would find such a serious inquiry unwelcome and intrusive from all but a small handful of people. Meaning, any of the advice offered here on how to approach people may very well backfire unless you know the person very well.

This. It often feels like I should accept intrusion to make them feel better. No.