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Anger: Are you an anger prone person?

ChocolateMoose123

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Anger: Do you have anger and if you do, do you like it? How can it be leveled or kept in a balanced state? Does it fuel your drive or perhaps can you be prisoner to the emotion of anger? Why or how can anger be deadly or counter-productive? How does it get out of control? Do you have good anger management as well the needed deescalating skills in coping with your anger?

How do you think your anger was made manifest? If given the circumstances your childhood was different, do you think you’d have less anger?


"When another person is angry, one who remains mindful and calm acts for his own best interest and for the others interest, too." Buddha

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” James Thurber

"Choosing not to act on an angry impulse and to feel the pain that lies beneath it is a very courageous thing to do."~ Gary Zukav


By my childhood, I have had every "right" to be angry. I was angry and it manifested in not being able to have justice with what was done to me by others. Ultimately, I would seek vengeance. When younger, I had a real problem with controlling that aspect of my personality. When that didn't work or make me feel better, I directed inward and it showed up as depression, hopelessness, idleness.

I think denying anger is just as harmful as utilizing it without control and reason. A lot of hippie dippies (as I call them) speak of peace, love and they view anger as inherently negative. While I agree with peace and love, I think there's a big disconnect with these people giving these speeches. Most of them, that I know personally, have major issues with anger. Instead of being able to control it, they simply have repressed it all their lives. There is quite a fear of expression of it and it shows up as massive guilt and shame (mirror side of anger).

My point is, anger shouldn't be neutered. It should be vetted. It should not be acted upon lightly and it should be channeled in constructive ways, not ignored or placated.

I love your last quote there, to feel the pain. I agree with that but after you feel the pain, most people don't know what to do with it. It's not enough to feel it and sit with it. A lot of violent people cannot do this. It's why they are violent. They can't sit with it and even if they feel it and know why they are angry (they can tell you very well why) they are driven to do something about it. These types can be massively pro-active and productive people, if worked with. The key after feeling it, accepting it, is to transform it....that is what dissipates anger.
 
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Tellenbach

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I see anger as a weakness on my part. It's something I recognize when it develops but can't quite control. I'll get angry when some idiot makes a dangerous lane change in the streets or someone starts honking his horn. I know the anger is coming and I know I can't stop it; far too frequently, it'll cause me to do things I'll regret later like honking back, flipping the bird, or something even more irrational. I've gotten a little better at controlling anger by taking deep breaths but it's something I haven't mastered completely.
 

Yuurei

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Yes? Or I used to but I've never been able to express it or ever had any outlet for it. So. why bother?

I just learned to hold it all in where it turns into migraines.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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By my childhood, I have had every "right" to be angry. I was angry and it manifested in not being able to have justice with what was done to me by others. Ultimately, I would seek vengeance. When younger, I had a real problem with controlling that aspect of my personality. When that didn't work or make me feel better, I directed inward and it showed up as depression, hopelessness, idleness.
I've heard anger defined as 'feeling your rights have been violated'. That aspect of anger is a rational reaction to a situation that can enable a person to have the strength and focus to react to protect self. I hold to the idea that the core of each emotion does have a rational, even pragmatic function. Even depression after an extreme event like death of a loved one could have an instinctual benefit. If we were living in a tribe out in nature and loved ones died, there might be a need to save resources. The cause of that suffering could be disease or insufficient food, or even threat. Depression is the opposite of anger because it slows down the system, causes a person to sleep alot etc. I have wondered if it can serve a function of preserving resources during perilous times. In the opposite way anger calls up adrenaline and allows a person to expend resources to act and protect. It is when we get stuck in an emotional mental state and misapply it to realty that it becomes an irrationally based problem.

I think denying anger is just as harmful as utilizing it without control and reason. A lot of hippie dippies (as I call them) speak of peace, love and they view anger as inherently negative. While I agree with peace and love, I think there's a big disconnect with these people giving these speeches. Most of them, that I know personally, have major issues with anger. Instead of being able to control it, they simply have avoided it all their lives. There is quite a fear of it.

My point is, anger shouldn't be neutered. It should be vetted. It should not be acted upon lightly and it should be channeled in constructive ways, not ignored or placated.
These are excellent comments. There are so many psychological disorders that result from suppressing anger. One might even be able to say that the majority, at least over 50% of psychological issues that aren't chemically based are actually anger based.

I could be described as a bit 'hippie dippie', but my approach is quite different from the idealistic one. I do sympathize a bit with people who want to only see good in others because the truth of reality is more painful than any human brain can process, and so it is a serious state to face the true nature of humanity, cruelty, and suffering.

I love your last quote there, to feel the pain. I agree with that but after you feel the pain, most people don't know what to do with it. It's not enough to feel it and sit with it. A lot of violent people cannot do this. It's why they are violent. They can't sit with it and even if they feel it they are driven to do something about it. These types can be massively pro-active and productive people. The key after feeling it, accepting it, is to transform it....that is what dissipates anger.
What makes anger so difficult to 'sit with' is that it comes from feelings of helplessness in the face of harm or violation. Because of this it demands action more than any other emotion. It is an attempt to stir up the level of strength needed to match a threat.

The full truth of reality is more than any brain can process, so I have worked out my own system of doing what I can first in the concrete realm, but after that, if there is a threat horrible enough and there is nothing I can do about it in reality, I go after it in the metaphysical realm. I don't think of it as fact or truth, but it allows me to 'do something', so if nothing else it is therapeutic for me, but I also think there is more to reality than the humans have the hardwiring to comprehend. It is also aligned with Jung's ideas about the collective unconscious, and this idea that we are not each isolated from each other as concrete little islands, but there could be streams that connect us, and so who knows. That's my hippie dippie approach that sees love and peace as having a line that can be crossed.
 

Flâneuse

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Yes, but it tends to come and go in weird, unpredictable cycles - I can go long stretches of not being able to muster up anger at all (just mere annoyance at most), even in response to situations I should get angry about. The anger catches up to me eventually, and it probably ends up being far more intense and unhealthy than if I’d been able to feel it and act on it as an immediate response to the event that triggered it. Instead, I tend to seethe by myself, a lot of it getting turned inward at my tendency to underreact (or not react at all) to situations I should have reacted to more forcefully. Lots of people have problems controlling their tempers and end up feeling bad about themselves after blowing up - I'm the opposite of this. I have a habit of criticizing myself for not responding and not even being able to get angry over instances in which my boundaries were violated, to the point of thinking myself spineless, a pushover, and even wondering how little self-worth I must have to not stand up for myself. (Of course, this kind of self-criticism (instead of just resolving to show more backbone next time) only worsens my tendency to implode, and what I need in order to be able to better channel anger towards protecting my boundaries is to become more self-confident.)

In short, my challenge is to become more consistently in touch with anger, able to access it in immediate response to events instead of repressing it and having it come up in short and intense bursts later. I see two main tendencies in myself that need to be overcome in order to do this:
1. I tend to go into denial when my boundaries are crossed because acknowledging it emotionally is painful and makes me feel helpless (at least initially). I have this deep-seated self-doubt about my ability to effectively protect myself in these situations (which of course becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy), and one of the worst feelings I've ever encountered is feeling furious about being violated in some way but unable to do anything about it. So basically it sometimes seems easier in the short term to ignore my own boundaries rather than feel that pain of them being overstepped. In the long-term, of course, this only causes more pain.
2. I struggle with feeling numb, apathetic, and nihilistic sometimes, and since anger is response to having something important to you violated, it's obviously hard to get angry about anything (including things done to me) when I have a vague feeling that nothing really matters anyway (especially not myself).
 
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Neal Caffreynated

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I'm good at hiding my emotions and I always like to be in control of them so I am usually keeping my cool... Except when someone tries to hurt those I care about and then I can get angry.
When I was a very little kid (like 2/3 years old), my Mom told me I had quite a temper tho but it seems I realized while growing up how much easier it was to stay calm or manipulate others to get my way instead of just letting my emotions blind me ;)
 

Sacrophagus

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I used to exhibit anger and unprecedented ire in chaotic moments to defend a loved one or to intimidate someone who has crossed the line way too far. Yeah, it worked, but it was more of a waste of energy and, through growth, I discovered there were better ways to deal with situations.
Anger doesn't serve me, and the judgment one makes during that state is mostly not the right one. Now, I rarely get angry,and if I did, it's a little burst of emotions that goes away very quickly, since I conditioned myself to practice meditative breathing to calm the mind if the latter happens. If I ever get angry, it is now mixed with a bit of serendipity, because I have found a weakness I can deal with and grow even stronger and more centered by dealing with my thoughts and emotions.
 

Yama

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It's very hard to push my buttons.

You don't want to see what happens when someone pushes them.
 

LightSun

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“I am peaceful and I do not wish to harm anyone, I say I hope my emotions don’t give to anger and I become as one possessed. For anger is temporary psychosis. I would like protecting self as well those who I love, but to do minimal damage and use force only that is needed. We think, therefore we are. I think it a fool indeed, who believes all that he believes. How much of what we know is to be trusted? Look at schizophrenia. They think, feel, and believe passionately in what they think/feel, but is it valid?

What if all this is naught but a dream? How much of what we have learned is written in eternal stone, and not subject to revision? Even science has been written many times over since the dawn of history. What is it, I am wishing to impart is keep an open mind and that we don't know it all. The final fact is we cannot always trust our senses. Look at the history of people being executed, because of eye witness testimony.

A sure sign for me of distorted reasoning is when speaks with an angry heart. There is a sliver of truth there, but it is camouflaged by the person's unfinished business. So what does one do if they happen to be an angry individual? Seek counsel and multiple viewpoints, before making a decision. That is part of the glory and the sorrow of our brains. Our 5 senses can impart much beauty from this world. Our perceptions can also be woefully off, much to our ruin.

The self-righteous who held under the sway of anger are wrong. It seems as there our ghosts in our past which have gotten lost and stay with our system apparently forever. I have this thinking if children would only be taught reason with a love, in other words-they happen to be angry; the problem is then reasonably brought out, dealt then. It is we don't have this intervention with adult figures which cause disturbances in each of us, never quelled.

Anger is a cancer to the human consciousness. It distorts our ability to deal with reality with a balance of love mixed in with reason. Anger colors our perceptions so that we make the wrong decisions and act irrationally. Anger generally elongates the attainment of our dreams and potential. The best way to deal with anger is to prevent it in the first place. I believe a person nurtured with love and positive regard develops a better self -image and self-esteem. A person who is grounded with love feels better about themselves. Such a person has less anger. They deal with reality more realistically because they see reality more clearly. If one has anger it is important to not act giving in to the anger.

Actions made during times of anger are self-destructive and to be regretted. Removing oneself from the situation can avoid a lot of misery both to oneself and to others. Anger is a cancer to oneself and to society. The best way to prevent anger is to raise a person with love. Once one has anger it is important to not give into it and act irrationally, irresponsibly, immorally, and ineffectually. As for the nature of anger: I have the idea that it is pain that is internal which is triggered. These people don't have the capacity in making me mad. It is unsolved issues. Problem is I can never get a handle on the issues, they are too deeply rooted.

Also when I get angry, depressed, guilt etc., I say, "It is a lie. These are distortions. It is at best an illusion." Now of course there are real world issues which are deplorable. But the emotions instilled in me, or at least the underlying thoughts happen being distorted. They are mixed in with half-truths. Emotions can and do fool us and our senses. They are not to be believed. For one who has these contaminants which provoke ill feelings are almost nearly disempowered by the primitive brain.

With anger comes intolerance and half the battle is lost. However, with correct reflection, sifting out the distortions in reason and logic that afflict us all, we may begin to understand one another. Anger is a bane to human existence. I know we had need of it in prehistoric days. Everything in balance, okay we have anger. There must be a reason. It can, and does help us to correct societal wrongs. When does it get out of hand?

When we cross the line & do evil. When do we know have perpetrated evil? When we take away the rights of people & or life. 'Anger is a human condition. However you be the chariot controlled charioteer and do so utilize anger in some constructive way, shape plus manner for effect of change. Do not ever let the anger in a metaphor: 'horse team' direct your energies like that man I had need of a block. For he is controlled and does have no direction except destructive. For the anger is consuming the heart and his very inner whatever is named 'soul.'

Thus he's possessed, out of the mindful state. He is as a possessed lost one. He will not admit but spew out poison and blame all except look into a mirror of the realism of thought to become aware." In the Middle East the Israelis & Muslims in the area have (generalization) a deep rooted hatred & anger that is forestalling progress. They have let anger get in the way of reasoning. Somehow they have to get unstuck. This will require much work, and generations born into looking at things in a new light.

"There happen being multiple anger skills which are possible. One, a cognitive oriented view is to be aware, much also as Buddhism. Sometimes the body becomes triggered, this i call temporary psychosis, one acts with no (little) reason. There may of course have factors underplay. First all of our emotional hard drive was before higher functions kicked into play. There is a precedence. Emotion can quite frankly trump reason. Two ways of avoiding this will be not letting it escalate. STOP, do not allow your hurt ego to determine the behavior which is pursued.

As a metaphor i do picture the satan as puppet master. He is laughing on our own invoked folly. There are skill sets being learned which will and must establish themselves into the young child's early life. This happens being learning communication, emotional intelligence and of most importance a cognitive set of oriented thinking, and using the proverbial critical thinking of which is our heritage." How I cope is say, "Okay, either problem solving or refocusing on what I can do to take back a measure of control". Do what I can do and not necessarily, what I wish to do. I have a whole host of coping mechanisms.

I tell you those brain chemicals are very powerful indeed. When and if I become triggered I try riding the storm of emotion out. It is, "And this too shall pass". Maybe, tomorrow I will have a more pleasant day. It is rolling with the punches. I always am hoping always for the best. If one cannot control you, then remove thyself from the public sphere. Take a chill pill, time out, walk away, rather than pour the litter of your anger unto the heads of your fellow beings.

“Cognitive therapy and rational emotive therapy
(1) There is an external event and there is a negative emotion.
(2) The cause of the emotional turmoil is not so much the event as our distorted perception of it.
(3) We identify the distortion.
(4) We replace it with a more realistic thought.
Our emotional discomfort eases.
(5) We take realistic action.

The above is almost a mantra of the cognitive approach. As I said, I incorporated into my own philosophy. As far as getting out of dark places, there is a chemical component, which is not addressed. There are chemical neurotransmitters in the brain. There is ACh or Acetylcholine & Norepinephrine: which are generally excitatory. Dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins are inhibitory. If there is a chemical imbalance in these areas then generally medication is warranted.

I've often said it takes two people to have an argument. While one is beating their head senselessly on the North wall the other is senselessly beating their head on the South wall. Both are repeating over and over the same thing without listening to the other person. In communication state your position, maintain boundaries and not all away if the other person says nonsensically something without substance. To be offended is a sign of your false ego being triggered. Rise above for it is an illusion.

The other person define them self from their irrational stand and you are accountable for what you say and how you act. Take the high road or walk with fooled by illusion and wounding of your false ego not your true self."
 
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Yes. Especially when I was younger. I was very impatient too. In my childhood, I found it was the one emotion they (male adults) didn’t completely discourage in boys. Fear, sadness, any emotion perceived as a weakness absolutely, not anger though. It seemed to be touted as a masculine emotion. This was being a young kid in the 70’s and early 80’s a lot different than now especially on views about gender roles and sexuality etc. It started changing but slowly. Gen X did start to adopt more flexible attitudes. I digress.

It’s a horrible thing if unchecked or suppressed. Probably not a surprise that I can get heated at times but honestly the release of anger is necessary. Focusing it and unleashing it with physical activity such as exercise or clearing out deadfalls in a forest is immensely helpful. A good savage yelling in those woods while doing so really unleashes that primal fury.

Bottling it up is the worst thing to do. It will eat at you and not just figuratively. The stress is awful for your heart and digestive system. High blood pressure, heart attack’s, and stomach and intestinal issues can result. Learn to vent it in a constructive way.
 
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I don't get angry often or easily, it takes a lot for me to get angry. If someone I care about is hurt by someone, that really upsets me. If I feel like someone is being unnecessarily and harshly critical towards me/what I value then I get angry as well. I've never been angry enough to do anything drastic, even if I was I wouldn't act on it. Even when it's "justified" I still feel kinda bad for arguing.

I've always been a sensitive child, my father was a really angry person when I was growing up. I don't think the way I grew up affects the way I experience anger. I've never been an angry person, and I've had angry people in my life. People with short tempers do make me a little uneasy though...


I do think it's healthy to experience anger, negative emotions let us know when something is wrong with ourselves or our situation, it lets us know when change needs to take place. It doesn't mean one should lash out, but something should be done to release and get rid of this anger.
 

EJCC

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Anger: Do you have anger and if you do, do you like it?
Lol - do I have anger? Is the sky blue?

I like it when it's useful and/or controlled. Otherwise it's a threat and I don't like it.

How can it be leveled or kept in a balanced state?
Generally: removing anger triggers* before that anger becomes resentment and has time to fester and grow. Doing that and/or putting my feelings into perspective works well for the most part.

*This goes for either internal or external triggers. Because sometimes I have no good reason to be angry about a particular thing. Sometimes reality is different from my expectations and I have to readjust.

Does it fuel your drive or perhaps can you be prisoner to the emotion of anger?
Definitely both.

Why or how can anger be deadly or counter-productive?
When it manifests as wrath, aggression, passive-aggression, or any other hostile behavior that is unjust or unwarranted. Conversely - and I learned this one the hard way - when it's been suppressed for so long that it starts to eat away at you and mess with your head. (Edit: [MENTION=14857]labyrinthine[/MENTION] got to this point before me, and articulated it much better than I did.)

How does it get out of control?
I wish I could predict this better than I can.

Most times when I lose control of my anger, it's because I have so much to deal with that I don't have the mental capacity to do work and control my feelings at the same time. Which I suppose is indicative of the amount of effort I put into controlling my feelings from day to day.

Do you have good anger management as well the needed deescalating skills in coping with your anger?
When I was a kid, one of my defining traits was my quick temper. I'm much better now, and although some of my anger triggers are basically unchanged from childhood, I can at least recognize those triggers now. That said, I could always do better.

I'm especially great at it on the internet, because the internet allows an infinite amount of time for deep breaths - unlike RL conversation where you have to react in the moment. I'm more hotheaded in real life.

How do you think your anger was made manifest? If given the circumstances your childhood was different, do you think you’d have less anger?
I actually can't imagine a situation in which I'd have less anger than I currently have. My anger levels - meaning, my capacity to be very angry at any given time - have remained unchanged for my entire life. What HAS changed is my ability to be angered by fewer things - being more forgiving, more relaxed, more understanding of perspectives different from my own.
 

á´…eparted

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I'm especially great at it on the internet, because the internet allows an infinite amount of time for deep breaths - unlike RL conversation where you have to react in the moment. I'm more hotheaded in real life.

Really? I am the opposite. Unless someone is around me for extended periods it isn't obvious. Online it comes out way more because I am powerless to filter/control who is around me. If I can't do that I eventually boil over (and that has happened IRL before- because I couldn't filter for a variety of reasons).
 

EJCC

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Really? I am the opposite. Unless someone is around me for extended periods it isn't obvious. Online it comes out way more because I am powerless to filter/control who is around me. If I can't do that I eventually boil over (and that has happened IRL before- because I couldn't filter for a variety of reasons).
Re: the bolded. You're not powerless to walk away from a thread and not look at it again. You can avoid entire subforums that stress you out. You can leave a conversation halfway through with basically no consequences.On the other hand... if a person is stressing you out in real life, you're in a conversation with them, other people are in the room, and you can't leave... that's something else entirely.

(Not to mention the fact that I have a very expressive face that tends to give away my judgments and frustration even when I don't say anything - so that's not a problem on the forum.)

Why do you think internet people make you angrier than RL people?
 

Forever

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Used to be more, but then I learned psychology.
 

á´…eparted

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Re: the bolded. You're not powerless to walk away from a thread and not look at it again. You can avoid entire subforums that stress you out. You can leave a conversation halfway through with basically no consequences.On the other hand... if a person is stressing you out in real life, you're in a conversation with them, other people are in the room, and you can't leave... that's something else entirely.

(Not to mention the fact that I have a very expressive face that tends to give away my judgments and frustration even when I don't say anything - so that's not a problem on the forum.)

Why do you think internet people make you angrier than RL people?

Ah. Well avoiding people isn't enough (and this goes for IRL too). If there are people that will regularly be in my social orbit; Either by club/group (such as the forums) or social circles (irl), it is not good enough to ignore them. I will want them out entirely, and if I can't achieve that I will either leave the entire group entirely (doable if I am not invested in it), find ways to partition the group, or I will find ways to push them out. Online I find the latter to be MUCH harder, but when I get invested in a place it feels sort of worth it. If it's bad enough though I will occasionally crack and become aggressive around others. Resentment never goes away due to attempts to ignore it, and generally just goes up over time. The only thing that ever resolves the feeling is to be rid of them, or for me to totally leave. IRL it is very easy to mask my face despite high expressivity, if I am paying attention not to. Mostly my body language will completely tune out. If people DO notice my reactions it's my sudden unexpressiveness which is atypical (if I go that way I am blocking something fiercse- any sort of feeling). I'll also plan social excapes too if I need to (i.e. finding a quick excuse to leave).

Overall, internet people in groups I am part of (such as forums) give me significantly less control over my environment and it kind of drives me insane if it's not as I want and it's bad enough.
 

Wunjo

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Yes. I can be extremely angry, vengeful. Yet, I like expressing those qualities in a controlled manner in order to deal more damage to the object of this urge. I don't let my actions be guided by my anger, I find it much more rational to use anger as a means to an end, for pure expression of anger is not always the strongest behaviour that you can exert if you want someone to feel the affect of your anger, rather than seeing or perceiving it.
 
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