Anger: Are you an anger prone person?

[anticlimatic]

I'm a bit like this as well. I've always looked upon anger as my friend. It's an extremely effective tool to help motivate me to act. There have been occasions where I have gotten wrapped around the axle for some seemingly insignificant thing based on principle if I feel like people aren't listening to me but for the most part, I find it to be a useful emotion. At one time, I used to get upset with other drivers who I thought were bad or when stuck in horrible rush hour traffic but I don't really do that as much anymore. Maybe I was more in a hurry or maybe I was less patient. Come to think of it, I have probably mellowed a lot because I used to get upset about people who were difficult or an obstacle at work too.

Anger is not your friend, and there are far better tools to motivate one to act. Pretending it is your friend when you don't have a choice in sharing your life with it is a fine way to be optimistic about the situation, but I'd worry it would endanger one's ability to hasten its absence. Compare the experience of driving now to when you experienced road rage. Was there anything more friendly or better about it when it was upsetting? The same can be applied to literally every situation- even tragedy and victimization.

 

[highlander]

Anger is not your friend, and there are far better tools to motivate one to act. Pretending it is your friend when you don't have a choice in sharing your life with it is a fine way to be optimistic about the situation, but I'd worry it would endanger one's ability to hasten its absence. Compare the experience of driving now to when you experienced road rage. Was there anything more friendly or better about it when it was upsetting? The same can be applied to literally every situation- even tragedy and victimization.

I disagree. Our emotions are what give us energy. Without them, we are a hollow shell. We might as well be robots. Anger can be as useful as any other emotion. What matters is what we do with those emotions. When I said I got angry at bad drivers, I never took precipitous actions on the road. What I would do is stay away from bad drivers. Go past them, stay well behind, in a different lane, etc.

 

[Lark]

I disagree. Our emotions are what give us energy. Without them, we are a hollow shell. We might as well be robots. Anger can be as useful as any other emotion. What matters is what we do with those emotions. When I said I got angry at bad drivers, I never took precipitous actions on the road. What I would do is stay away from bad drivers. Go past them, stay well behind, in a different lane, etc.

There's that scene in Terminator (the third one that everyone hates I think) in which Arnie throttles the young adult John Connor and says "Anger is more useful than despair". Which is actually how anger works most of the time, one of the most misunderstood ego defences.

Still, when you're at your angriest you're at your stupidest/cognitive functioning is on the down and down.

 

[Frosty]

No. But when I get angry I get REALLY angry. It takes a lot though.

 

[anticlimatic]

I disagree. Our emotions are what give us energy. Without them, we are a hollow shell. We might as well be robots. Anger can be as useful as any other emotion. What matters is what we do with those emotions. When I said I got angry at bad drivers, I never took precipitous actions on the road. What I would do is stay away from bad drivers. Go past them, stay well behind, in a different lane, etc.

Agree with the sentiments in the first sentence; disagree with the bolded. If you're able to control yourself while angry then what is the point of being angry at all? Can you not control yourself more easily while content? Why the undue burden on self control? The more likely reality is that anger typically inspires a loss of control, at worst, and at best- a sudden and aggressive reaction, for better or worse, to particular stimuli. It's debatable, but I would argue that upwards of 90% of instances do not benefit from a sudden and aggressive reaction, though I admit there are some that would. Emotions are one of the fundamental building blocks of meaning and motivation, yes, but there are many other emotions that can compel us to action in a more beneficial way- enthusiasm, wonder, awe, anticipation, melancholy, etc.

I myself only get angry at myself, from time to time, for screwing up or making bad decisions- especially while I'm struggling with a project I am trying to complete, so I'm no zen master, but I almost never (maybe twice a year or so) get angry at someone else, or because of someone else. This frees up a lot of emotional space, in the realm of personal interactions, that can snowball into a good frame of mind and better experiences with others in general. Family especially.

 

[highlander]

I myself only get angry at myself, from time to time, for screwing up or making bad decisions- especially while I'm struggling with a project I am trying to complete, so I'm no zen master, but I almost never (maybe twice a year or so) get angry at someone else, or because of someone else. This frees up a lot of emotional space, in the realm of personal interactions, that can snowball into a good frame of mind and better experiences with others in general. Family especially.

But then I would say you dont really understand anger as an emotion and how it can be useful. You lack experience with it. It doesn't have to be like Luke in Star Wars. Feeling anger doesn't mean losing your temper. I have an issue with sadness. I don't want to feel it and so I avoid it as an emotion. That's a weakness not a strength.

 

[anticlimatic]

But then I would say you dont really understand anger as an emotion and how it can be useful. You lack experience with it. It doesn't have to be like Luke in Star Wars. Feeling anger doesn't mean losing your temper. I have a weakness with sadness. I don't want to feel it and so I avoid it as an emotion. That's a weakness not a strength.

As I mentioned, I get angry quite often at myself. It's real and frequent. I have an intimate understanding of anger. What I am lacking is your understanding of it, which sounds different perhaps (especially considering how you express road rage by driving even more cautiously and safely). Do share more details.

 

[highlander]

As I mentioned, I get angry quite often at myself. It's real and frequent. I have an intimate understanding of anger. What I am lacking is your understanding of it, which sounds different perhaps (especially considering how you express road rage by driving even more cautiously and safely). Do share more details.

I tend to get angry with situations vs myself or other people. It motivates me to drive change and improve things when they are screwed up or bad. It could be though that someone is doing something that is causing me a problem or that I don't like. It's all about confronting things that are a problem. Years ago we had a serious trolling problem and our rules or way of enforcing them wasn't working. The environment was caustic. I was not mad at the other moderators. I was upset with the situation. I got angry which led to me leading an effort to change the rules and how they were being enforced. I was also annoyed that the site was stagnating. We had an owner who is a good person but was absent. Except for routine moderation issues there was nobody who could make a decision. I was not the only person who was frustrated by this. So I took it over so that I could improve it. Those are a couple of examples.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Fwiw, suppressing anger is one of the main causes of psychological problems. It is often a problem when someone feels they cannot feel anger towards a specific person (family member, friend, etc.) who harmed them. What happens is that the anger becomes misdirected towards someone whom it is more permissible to feel anger towards. For any person who has experienced harm from another, it is important to feel and own that anger for what it is, so that it can flow through, rather than getting stuck and emotionally distorted.

 

[highlander]

Fwiw, suppressing anger is one of the main causes of psychological problems. It is often a problem when someone feels they cannot feel anger towards a specific person (family member, friend, etc.) who harmed them. What happens is that the anger becomes misdirected towards someone whom it is more permissible to feel anger towards. For any person who has experienced harm from another, it is important to feel and own that anger for what it is, so that it can flow through, rather than getting stuck and emotionally distorted.

I think this is a really important point. I have seen people who make a habit of bottling it up and it damages their health. I have seen others who misdirect it as you've described or what often happens is that it's like a kettle that boils over and there is an over the top reaction about a minor thing that really is all about this pent up anger about a bunch of other stuff. I have always felt that it is best to express what you are feeling, even if it is with a trusted confidant who will let you rant, vs. bottling things up. I have learned through experience that if I try to suppress emotions (in general) or bury them that it comes out sooner or later and not often in the most productive way. If you're angry, as an example, best to just experience it and get it over with and then move on.

 

[ceecee]

Fwiw, suppressing anger is one of the main causes of psychological problems. It is often a problem when someone feels they cannot feel anger towards a specific person (family member, friend, etc.) who harmed them. What happens is that the anger becomes misdirected towards someone whom it is more permissible to feel anger towards. For any person who has experienced harm from another, it is important to feel and own that anger for what it is, so that it can flow through, rather than getting stuck and emotionally distorted.

I'll reiterate what highlander said. It's so unhealthy to keep in however, how you let it out is important and who you show it to. The e9's in particular, it's even more damaging, in my experience. If they have a safe space to let things out, without judgment, you can see the anger constipation go from bad to good. And often see their physical health go from bad to good. I own my anger. I don't deny it but I make it work for me. And I do think it can be a friend.

 

[á´…eparted]

Fwiw, suppressing anger is one of the main causes of psychological problems. It is often a problem when someone feels they cannot feel anger towards a specific person (family member, friend, etc.) who harmed them. What happens is that the anger becomes misdirected towards someone whom it is more permissible to feel anger towards. For any person who has experienced harm from another, it is important to feel and own that anger for what it is, so that it can flow through, rather than getting stuck and emotionally distorted.

This is one of the reasons I vent (bitch) so much. I get angry really easily. I try to do in areas where it's appropriate, but if I am restricted from venting (either told or by circumstance) for extended periods of time I start to get all bent out of shape. When something happens in my department that pisses me off, by the end of the day I will have found someone to vent that frustration/anger off to, and then I am good.

If I withhold my anger I will start to snap at people over time, and I become a pain in the ass- a really bad example of an E1.

 

[Scapegoated 4 fun]

I've found them to be bullies more than sadistic. They always back down when called out. Needless to say, they tend stick to bullying the weak and vulnerable. Not people who won't take their shit.

I think sadism is at the heart of most bullying behaviors. A desire to cause harm to someone is a sadistic urge, whether it comes out in the form of bullying or something else

 

[Scapegoated 4 fun]

Anger is not natural to my temperament, but I am capable of much greater anger than others can see externally. I can comprehend a great deal of the darker side of reality and human nature, and I can call up rage to match it in response, but I don't talk casually about it. It isn't a process I enjoy, and I don't like the feeling of anger, but it is an important response that I am capable of experiencing.

Anger is not natural to my temperament, but I am capable of much greater anger than others can see externally. I can comprehend a great deal of the darker side of reality and human nature, and I can call up rage to match it in response, but I don't talk casually about it. It isn't a process I enjoy, and I don't like the feeling of anger, but it is an important response that I am capable of experiencing.

What are you on the MBTI?

 

[Red Ribbon]

1) Anger: Do you have anger and if you do, do you like it?
2) How can it be leveled or kept in a balanced state?
3) Does it fuel your drive or perhaps can you be prisoner to the emotion of anger?
4) Why or how can anger be deadly or counter-productive?
5) How does it get out of control?
6) Do you have good anger management as well the needed deescalating skills in coping with your anger?

7) How do you think your anger was made manifest?
8) If given the circumstances your childhood was different, do you think you’d have less anger?


"When another person is angry, one who remains mindful and calm acts for his own best interest and for the others interest, too." Buddha

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” James Thurber

"Choosing not to act on an angry impulse and to feel the pain that lies beneath it is a very courageous thing to do."~ Gary Zukav

1) I am not aware of my anger. I used to think I'm a calm person. For the most part, I am and I have been complimented for my ability to remain calm in most situations. The only time I've really observed myself be angry is when something I've meticulously planned out doesn't happen the way I intended.

I don't particularly enjoy anger. I don't dislike it either.

2) I don't have a temper that goes out of hand. The only thing I need to do is keep my anxiety in check and I am good. Also I can experience anger without having to express it overtly. Eventually I calm down.

3) I can relate to [MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION] 's description of anger. That's how it works for me too. I don't really get angry at a person and then seethe in the anger. I can become annoyed by incompetence. Like, waiting in line for something, I can think of ways the system can be improved so that things would run smoother. This doesn't mean I am angry at the person running the place. If I get too annoyed, I might step up and do something so in that way, anger is useful. I have changed several things, mostly about myself in this way. So anger is good in this sense.

I've never been the prisoner of any emotion. I am a highly emotional person but that has never stood in my way. I think it's because of how I view my emotions. I see them as a healty display of my mental state. If it is healthy to cry when one is hurt, why is it unhealthy to become angry in the same situation?

4) Anger can be counter productive if it turns into self loathing. I have experienced this before. It's important not to cross that line, I think.

5) For me personally, the self loathing is true. Also I don't think it would be healty to hold grudges either. I personally don't. I judge an individual on their overall merits and not the one thing that made me angry. However, I know individuals who do and I think it's unhealthy.

6) I do believe my anger is under control. I don't have any coping skills other than distracting myself from the situation.

7) I think my anger is something that has always been there in me.

8) I grew up with an incredibly kind E8 ISTJ mother. I have come to the conclusion that the people who understand anger the best are also the kindest people i.e, the enneagram 8s. She does have a lot of anger in her. If I were raised by a less angry person, I don't suppose I would be any less angrier than I am now.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I'm not very prone to anger these days. If anything, I'm more prone to irritation. Isn't that emotion considered to be related to anger, though?

 

[Galena]

Yes, I am, and it is in my nature. On the other hand, my control over it has kind of overshot in life. I'll find the right balance eventually.

 

[Dreamer]

I don't know if I feel anger all that much really, and it seems off that one would NOT feel anger, but I feel areas that may encourage anger in others instead, brings on frustration, and a lot of anxiety for me. Anxiety is what I typically feel on a day-to-day basis and it feels really gross to me. However, what that anxiety does do, is forces me to get off my ass and to do whatever I can to relieve that anxiety. The source of that anxiety though, isn't important for the topic of this thread. I can have outbursts of anger though, and they tend to be just that, very short, and sharp. I will literally want to punch something or scream, but after doing that, I'm fine. Pillows are wonderful for this. So, of course I can't deny feeling anger, it's such a basic emotion, but on the whole, frustration, anxiety, and the occasional sadness is what I feel most often (in terms of defining negative emotions I feel) and is why I first started this post with saying I don't feel anger, because I just don't experience it often enough to be readily on my mind.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I'm an overly emotional person as it is, but anger in particular, well, it's like an ever flowing stream that spans the length of my core. It's presence is subtle at a healthy baseline, but whenever it rains, it flows faster. If it pours, it floods. It can take a little while for it to recede back to baseline, especially after a heavy storm.

I am an irrationally irritable person, and it's something that I loathe about myself and desperately want to change. I am not a grounded individual by any means, but the better I manage stress and focus on staying mindful and calm/present in my body, the less reactive my anger is. For me, it's about not giving myself permission to react angrily. It's about reminding myself how my anger affects others. It's about not being so critical of everyone and everything around me. It's about letting go and breathing. It's about not giving in to small irritations and not blowing things out of proportion, and also about getting to the root of what is actually bothering me if I notice I am growing more irritable.

I'm in my 30s now... I don't exactly have a pass anymore for acting like a petulant child.

 

[The Cat]

My father is the sea and my mother is the sky. Mine is the legacy of the wave and wind, of the depths and the deluge.