The more expensive the ring, the shorter the marriage

[Doctor Cringelord]

What kind of ring are we talking about here?

 

[tchudak]

What the fuck did I just watch HAHAAHHAHAHAHA.

 

[Tellenbach]

I'm watching a documentary on marriage called "After Happily Ever After" and a researcher who studies successful marriages said that the most important finding is that successful couples generally use a "yes" salt-shaker. Failed couples generally don't listen, shoots down the ideas of the spouse or calls him stupid; successful couples tend to say "yes" a lot more and find ways to agree.

Another finding is that successful couples turn towards each other. For example, if the husband sees a sad expression on his wife's face, he has two options: he can walk out of the room and ignore it or he can go to the wife and ask her what's up. Couples that exercise the latter option are more successful.

For those who are married, there's a test that tells you with 90% (allegedly) accuracy whether or not the marriage will last. It's called the Gottman test.

How strong is your marriage?

For the last 25 years, Dr. John Gottman of the Family Research Lab at the University of Washington, has been studying what he calls the "masters and disasters" of marriage. He measures heart rate, observes facial expression, and evaluates how couples talk about their marriage. Based on Gottman's predictions, he designed a free marriage quiz that is designed to provide you with marriage quiz results that will be applicable to your marriage.

Gottman is able to predict with 90 percent accuracy which couples will make it, and which will not.

 

[Yuurei]

Hm. Well, I still have no ring. I guess we're be together foreeeeeeeever.

 

[Hiraeth]

Well, it worked for my mom and dad. Both are still married today after 20 plus years and still no ring. They initially never wanted to get married though and instead remain live-in boyfriend and girlfriend, but they ended up getting hitched on the whim at some cheap wedding chapel a year after I was born. They probably did it at the time in order to appease my Jehovah's Witness grandmother just so she'd be able to visit them while they weren't living in sin anymore (lol).

I know this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I never understood the whole concept of marriage, especially wedding culture. I just see it as outdated to be honest, but that’s probably in part to how I was raised (no offense to people who are married; I just don’t personally think it’s for me). Then again, I wasn’t really the little girl who dreamed of the whole white dress wedding thing anyway...

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Yup! The other aspect is how deeply in debt they begin the marriage because of the cost of ring and wedding, even if they become fiscally responsible once married. Paying off $40 - 60K can erode on any marriage.

I feel gobsmacked when I hear how much a family spends on weddings, and it doesn't seem right. I think it would help people far more if there was a simple wedding and then if people have money to offer, it could go towards a downpayment on a nice little house that feels cozy and happy. Having the basic needs of life resolved in a peaceful way does more to make life happy than the memory of an expensive party.

 

[ceecee]

I'm watching a documentary on marriage called "After Happily Ever After" and a researcher who studies successful marriages said that the most important finding is that successful couples generally use a "yes" salt-shaker. Failed couples generally don't listen, shoots down the ideas of the spouse or calls him stupid; successful couples tend to say "yes" a lot more and find ways to agree.

Another finding is that successful couples turn towards each other. For example, if the husband sees a sad expression on his wife's face, he has two options: he can walk out of the room and ignore it or he can go to the wife and ask her what's up. Couples that exercise the latter option are more successful.

For those who are married, there's a test that tells you with 90% (allegedly) accuracy whether or not the marriage will last. It's called the Gottman test.

How strong is your marriage?

I answered yes to all the questions. My marriage had a greater chance of failure right out of the gate - second marriage for both w/children. Closing in on 20 years, I think we're doing fine.

 

[highlander]

Study: The more expensive the ring, the shorter the marriage

MACON, Ga. (WLUK) -- Emory University professors recently surveyed 3,000 people who have been married and found that the more a couple spends on a wedding ring, the shorter the marriage.

The study found that men who spend $2,000 to $4,000 on a ring are 1.3 times more likely to get divorced compared to men who buy rings worth $500 to $2,000.

Ryan Iyer at Forever Diamonds in Macon said that despite the study, he's seen plenty of men still married to the women they spent a lot of money on.

"Seventeen years back when we started the store and had the customers buy and purchase the big rings, pricey rings, and now we've seen their kids purchase big rings," Iyer said. "It means they're still together and they're doing something right."

In the past, men used to spend about three months salary on an engagement ring, but that isn't necessarily the case anymore.

Michael and Chelsea Nelson have been married three months and decided not to get ring in order to spend money on other things, like a home.

"We didn't feel we had to get rings to signify our commitment to each other," Chelsea Nelson said. "Our love is our bond, not just a piece of medal."

Iyer said many couples upgrade rings over time.

"There are customers who come in every other year and keep upgrading to a point now that they have a ring that is $5,000 that they've upgraded over 10 to 12 years," Iyer said.

As for the Nelsons, getting a ring isn't at the top of the To Do list.

"Maybe one day," Nelson said. "It's not really a pressing issue."

According to the study, if you spend more than $20,000 on a ring, you're 3.5 times more likely to get a divorce compared to couples who spend $5,000 to $10,000.

I have serious questions as to the legitimacy of the study - specifically in whether or not they isolated this vs. other variables. Anyone who spends more than $20,000 for a ring - it's likely not their first marriage. That fact alone is going to more likely lead to divorce because second marriages more often lead to divorce than first ones. I also don't really get the constant upgrading thing because wouldn't there be some sentimental value to the original ring? You could add stones and stuff but I would think you'd want to keep the original diamond which is an argument for buying a decent sized one to begin with so you don't end up wanting to replace it later.

 

[Mole]

The diamond industry have deliberately and systematically romanticised diamond rings in order to raise the price of diamonds. Also the diamond industry deliberately and systematically restricts the supply of diamonds to raise the price.

What is interesting is that this has worked a treat, but preys upon the vulnerability of those in love.

 

[Grand Admiral Crunch]

I have serious questions as to the legitimacy of the study - specifically in whether or not they isolated this vs. other variables. Anyone who spends more than $20,000 for a ring - it's likely not their first marriage. That fact alone is going to more likely lead to divorce because second marriages more often lead to divorce than first ones.

Good points.

I also don't really get the constant upgrading thing because wouldn't there be some sentimental value to the original ring? You could add stones and stuff but I would think you'd want to keep the original diamond which is an argument for buying a decent sized one to begin with so you don't end up wanting to replace it later.

Some start off with ugly diamonds. They aren't small, but cloudy and dingy, and the rest of the ring is nothing fancy. I understand not wanting to look down at your hand and see that. I'd say that if they couldn't afford a nice diamond, then they shouldn't have bothered, imo. The constant upgrading seems like a weird preoccupation to me too.

To someone more sentimental, the upgrading could be seen as an attempt to rewrite one's personal story, as if it weren't special and valuable enough. I don't know if the constant upgraders think that way though. When they talk about their new rings, it doesn't seem that way.

 

[highlander]

Some start off with ugly diamonds. They aren't small, but cloudy and dingy, and the rest of the ring is nothing fancy. I understand not wanting to look down at your hand and see that. I'd say that if they couldn't afford a nice diamond, then they shouldn't have bothered, imo. The constant upgrading seems like a weird preoccupation to me too.

I think that's why you buy the best one you can to begin with. Don't be cheap.

 

[Rasofy]

a proper study would have to be income-adjusted

consider rich men's tendency to remarry younger women

perhaps the conclusion would have been, the richer the man, the shorter the marriage

 

[Redbone]

I think that's why you buy the best one you can to begin with. Don't be cheap.

Does it have to be a diamond? Other stones look so much better...or so I think.

 

[highlander]

Does it have to be a diamond? Other stones look so much better...or so I think.

I guess not but that's the traditional thing.

 

[Mole]

What's interesting is that no one is interested in the context of the diamond ring price, but are only interested in the effect of the price of the diamond ring on marriage.

And what is surprising is the interest in practicalities, in the nuts and bolts, in how to optimise the nuts and bolts, or how to game the system.

And it followed by a complete lack of interest in context, in the abstract, or even the larger picture.

 

[Beorn]

The diamond industry have deliberately and systematically romanticised diamond rings in order to raise the price of diamonds. Also the diamond industry deliberately and systematically restricts the supply of diamonds to raise the price.

This.
Knowing that diamonds are not rare at all and the DeBeers monopoly inflates the price dramatically has soured me on the idea of ever wanting to spend much on one regardless of my ability. I also wouldn't want to pay too much of a premium above melt price on the ring either.

 

[Mole]

I guess not but that's the traditional thing.

And it is a recently confected 'tradition' by the diamond industry, taking a lend of us.

 

[Grand Admiral Crunch]

What's interesting is that no one is interested in the context of the diamond ring price, but are only interested in the effect of the price of the diamond ring on marriage.

And what is surprising is the interest in practicalities, in the nuts and bolts, in how to optimise the nuts and bolts, or how to game the system.

And it followed by a complete lack of interest in context, in the abstract, or even the larger picture.

I don't know what bigger picture and context you want us to talk about. If it is that diamonds are overpriced, and consumers are manipulated, I think most people already knew that....If diamonds weren't thought to be needed to convey romance and/or weren't status symbols, maybe then they would be cheaper. How to demote the meaning of the ring is the question.

 

[Mole]

I don't know what bigger picture and context you want us to talk about. If it is that diamonds are overpriced, and consumers are manipulated, I think most people already knew that....If diamonds weren't thought to be needed to convey romance and/or weren't status symbols, maybe then they would be cheaper. How to demote the meaning of the ring is the question.

The diamond ring is a romantic fantasy propagated by the diamond industry.

And fantasy breeds fantasy and longs to share the fantasy with another.

But worse, fantasists are not psychotic so are still directed by their egos, so we have powerful egos directed by fantasies. This is a neurosis.

And applying mbti to ourselves and interpreting the results, and applying mbti to our families, our friends, our workmates, our dogs and cats, and celebrities, and interpreting the results, is pure fantasy. And not being psychotic we are still directed by strong egos informed by fantasy. This is the very definition of neurosis.

So the picture bigger than over priced diamond rings, is our neurosis, which we share on typology central, just as we share a diamond ring with our beloved. Who would have guessed?

 

[Yuurei]

This.
Knowing that diamonds are not rare at all and the DeBeers monopoly inflates the price dramatically has soured me on the idea of ever wanting to spend much on one regardless of my ability. I also wouldn't want to pay too much of a premium above melt price on the ring either.

Personally, I have never really like diamonds.

I find them precious in that they have been on this Earth for millions of years and are still beautiful. I think it is insulting that humans, soecs of dust that we are are, use them to show off their status-something that will come and go in a mere moment compared to the lifetime of that diamond. I guess it's apprpriate that people be buried with their wedding rings, return the diamond to whence it came.

For the same reason, I zero value in a cubic zirconia. Why? What's the point? Because it's " perfect?" How is that a symbol of marraige, or a reflection of a human life time?
Also, they aren't real they are made in a lab, they should be a dime a dozen.

I'd prefer a strong metal, with a few spots where the shine has worn off, maybe even a little rusted with a few dings in it. That's marraige, that's life.