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  1. #1
    Senior Member lightsun's Avatar
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    Default Parental Schemas: Early Developmental Childhood

    How does upbringing and parenting help to develop character? What does the upbringing have in role regards with self-esteem? Can damage have a chancee to be overcome?

    "Scema: A scema is an extremely stable and enduring pattern that develops during childhood and is elaborated throughout an individual's life. We view the world through our schemas (Belief systems / faulty).

    Schemas are important beliefs and feelings about oneself and the environment which the individual accepts without question (Lack some critical thought / & challenging belief). They are self-perpetuating and are very resistant to change (We in effect are brainwashed as children by parent & society with no truth basis).

    For instance, children who develop schema that are incompetent rarely challenge this belief (There is in effect a wall of fire / i.e. pain as a barrier-to challenge the belief), even as adults. The schema usually does not go away without therapy.

    Overwhelming success in people's lives is often still not enough to challenge the schema (Rationalization, denial & defense mechanisms. We alter reality to conform to our distorted viewpoint and discount evidence otherwise). The schema fights for its own survival, and usually, quite successfully.

    Even though schemas persist once they are formed, they are not always in our awareness. usually they operate in subtle ways, out of our awareness (Blind spots). However, when a schema erupts or is triggered by events, our thoughts and feelings are dominated by these schemas (Ghosts from our past).

    It is at these moments that people tend to experience negative emotions and have dysfunctional thoughts."

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    Senior Member lightsun's Avatar
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    "Defectiveness / Shame: This schma refers to the belief that one is internally flawed, and that, if others get close, they will realize this and withdraw from the relationship.

    This feeling of being flawed and inadequate often leads to a strong sense of shame. Generally parents were very critical of their children and made them feel as if they were not worthy of being loved."

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    Senior Member lightsun's Avatar
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    "Abandonment / Instability:

    "This schema refers to the expectation that one will soon loose anyone with whom an emotional attachment is formed. The person believes that, one way or another, close relationships will end imminently. As children, these clients may have experienced the divorce or death of parents.

    This schema can also arise when parents have been inconsistant in attending to the child's needs; for instance, there may have been frequent occassions on which the child was left alone or unattended to for extented periods."

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    Senior Member lightsun's Avatar
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    "Failure to achieve: This schema refers to the belief that one is incapable of performing as well as one's peers in areas such as career, school or sports. These clients may feel stupid, inept, untalented, or ignorant.

    People with this chema often do not try to achieve because they believe that they will fail. This schema may develop if children are put down and treated as if they are a failure in school and other spheres of accomplishment. Usually the parents did not give enough support, discipline, and encouragement for the child to persist and succeed in areas of achievement, such as schoolwork or sports."

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    Senior Member lightsun's Avatar
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    "Functional dependencee / Incompetance: This schema refers to the belief that one is not capable of handling day-to-day- responsibilities competantly and independently. People with this schema often rely on others excessively for help in ares such as decision-making and initiating new tasks. Generally, parents did not encourage these children to act independently and develop confidencee in their ability to take care of themselves."

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    "Vulnurability to harm and illness: This schema refers to the belief that one is always on the verge of experiencing a major catastrophe (Financial, natural, medical, criminal). It may lead to taking excessive precautions to protect oneself. Usually there was an extremely fearful parent who passed on the idea that he world is a dangerous place."

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    "Entitlement / Self-Centeredness: This schema refers to the belief that you should be able to do, say, or have whatever you want immedietely regardless of whether that hurts others or seems reasonable to them. You are not interested in what other people need, nor are you aware of the long-term costs to you of alienating others. Parents who over-indulge their children and who do not set limits about what is socially appropriate may foster the development of this schema.

    Alternatively, some children develop this schema to compensate for feelings of emotional deprivation, defectiveness, or social undesirability."

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    "Unrelenting / unbalanced standards: This schema refers to two related beliefs. Either the person believes that whatever they do is not not good enough, that they must always strive harder; and or there is excessive emphasis on values such as status,

    wealth and power at the expense of other values such as social interaction, health or happiness. Usually these clients' parents were never satisfied and gave their children love that was conditional on outstanding achievement."

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    How to overcome these schemas? or deal with others with these schemas.
    There's no love in fear.
    - Tool

    Do we want to remind you of something? Yes: the world is good and we belong here.
    - Richard Siken

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    "Insufficient Self-Control / Self-Discipline: This schema refers to the inability totolerate any frustration in reaching one's goals, as well as an inability to restrain expression of one's impulses or feelings.

    With lack of self-control is extreme, criminal or addictive behavior rule your life. Parents who did not model self-control, or who did not adequetly discipline their children, may predispose them to have this schema as adults."

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