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  1. #1
    phallus impudicus
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    Question What is the hardest thing about being a man?

    I have been deeply wounded by men. There were a couple times that I wasn't sure I was going to live through the pain. But I did, and when faced with the decision to either turn against and hate men, or turn toward and love them, I somehow chose the latter.

    I want to know: What are the hardest issues you face as a man? If you can, I'd really love you to dig deep here and get really honest. You can always PM me if that is more comfortable for you.

    There will be zero tolerance for trolling in this thread as I want this to be a non-threatening place to open up and discuss. If you're not mature enough to handle this, move along.

  2. #2
    Cyber Strider Korvinagor's Avatar
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    I'm not sure if I can prescribe any of my issues as gender based, but...

    Perhaps at one point in time the expectation of me to raise a family? I mean, my parents stopped this when they realised that wasn't possible for me, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's just a matter of time until friends of my parents will begin to wonder about the whole 'Is he married?' thing yet. And then the 'does he have children yet?' thing. Even if the latter is something I'm rather adamant against, and the former isn't legally binding in my case.

    Can't say it's the toughest thing, but it's certainly something.

  3. #3
    Softserve Ice Cream Agent Washington's Avatar
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    Gender expectations and toxic masculinity.
    There's no love in fear.
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  4. #4
    phallus impudicus
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentwashington View Post
    Gender expectations and toxic masculinity.
    Are you comfortable talking about this in more depth?

  5. #5
    Saturn's Amethyst
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    For me the hardest thing has been having to act tough and uncaring and being expected to do well in sports and fighting when I am not a very athletic person plus being shamed for loving furry toys . Plus not being allowed to express a wide range of emotions which in the long run would make me feel less ashamed.

  6. #6
    Junior Member TheMainFlamingo's Avatar
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    It would definitely be the standards society has laid out for us. Similar to how being female is, there is a definite "cooker cutter" mold men must fall into. Muscles, emotional stability, success, little to no femininity, etc. This is how the media perceives men, when in fact I have seen more men who resent this than those who conform to it.

    If not that, than apathy. I am not sure if this relates to being a man as much as the first one, but it is something I am beginning to develop as I grow older. I thought maybe the apathy could be related to increased testosterone. I say all this negatively because a sense of empathy is usually needed in order to maintain healthy friendships. My friends usually get mad at me.

    Also! The whole sex hype. It is isolating being a man with little sexual interest. That's just my experience though. I have not met many men who aren't super intense about sex. Probably because my peers are still growing up.

  7. #7
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I'm not a man, but I've seen some fucked shit happen to them.

    One guy was a super nice guy... but fell in love with a crazy woman. They had a kid. Divorced soon after. He had to pay out so much money to her during the divorce already, even though she threw them into massive debt during the brief marriage, he was responsible for the debt she hid from him as well because the IRS dgaf. But she wanted child support too.. the judge granted both custody. She decided she wanted custody of the child. The child is too young to realize what they're doing. He worked and she was a SAHM so the kid was obvi very attached to her. So she accused him of sexual assault on the kid, and coached the kid to tell the police what happened. He was thrown in jail and arrested while they investigated, his face/name plastered on the local news (small town, EVERYONE knew) for it, everyone knew his ex was batshit, but something so grave and towards a man? ... There are people who still don't talk to him because apparently if you're a man pedophilia charges = automatically guilty. Honestly, the ONLY reason he is out of jail so fast is because she texted his friend admitting she lied about it and he did the right thing. He has to forever live with the embarrassment of not only his reputation being fucked... but seeing his own child accusing him of something his ex peer pressured the small kid into doing killed him inside. She keeps up with the lie too, despite him being out of jail, trashes his name any chance she gets, and sends the child to therapy for a sexual assault that never happened. AND even though he was proven innocent, the court STILL gave her custody "just in case". He has never been the same dude since, stopped talking to everyone, can't find a good job in his town so he had to move, is forever ostracized 'just in case' because people just assume the justice system wants pedophiles running around free.

    Because he liked a girl and she thought he had more money than he really did. Not a wink of anything human in that woman's eyes.

    I've seen other men with horror stories of young school age girls accusing them of sexual assault because they liked their teacher and hated that he didn't reciprocate. They didn't like the rejection, so they accused him of sexual assault to try to blackmail him into sleeping with her.

    Having a lot of close personal friends that are male... Most of them are terrified to be left alone around peoples' kids lest they be accused or judged of being 'creepy' for simply liking kids without being a father themselves. Male teachers have to constantly very carefully watch what they say/do lest they be accused of anything inappropriate. It's just SO easy to do that to them. I think the fake sexual assault/rape claims and the custody battles are some of the worst things I've seen my male friends go through.
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  8. #8
    Softserve Ice Cream Agent Washington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peter Deadpan View Post
    Are you comfortable talking about this in more depth?
    I find it hard to organise these things into words and I'd have to think about it a bit more.

    Basically, being expected to conform to a certain sort of masculine standard isn't just annoying. It's soul-destroying and I think we become alienated from our own humanity. But not conforming = basically treated like subhumans.

    "What kind of man does that" is another weapon that I've seen used.

    Clinically depressed; get called "emo". Can't have a single ounce of feelings or shed a single tear or else it gets ridiculed.

    Short. Don't fit the norms of the masculine body type. Even if I worked hard or exercise, it'd never be within reach. (I know that's basically how women feel too, and the standards for men are looser than for women, but every portrayal of men is basically men = taller than women.)

    Health issues; expected to suck it up.

    Compulsory heterosexuality; men bonding with other men over objectifying women. Can't relate.
    There's no love in fear.
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  9. #9
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    le pness
    Likes citizen cane, Littleclaypot liked this post

  10. #10
    phallus impudicus
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    le pness
    I knew the second I saw your name that this is what you said.

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