Controlling people

[INA]

I can understand wanting strict control of yourself, but please explain to me people who have an interventionist, controlling approach to other people. What goes on in your mind? Is it lack of self-control?

 

[ajblaise]

Cuz they want others to do what they want and what will benefit them.

But I'm not an ENTJ, so I don't know what goes on in their mind.

 

[INA]

It's not just ENTJs, unfortunately. I want people do what I want, too, but take a hands off approach that leans more on persuasion and "living with it" when that doesn't work.

 

[Jack Flak]

If I notice someone seeming "lost," I often offer advice. Sometimes it isn't appreciated. Still, I remain informative and not directive in my exchanges in most circumstances.

 

[INA]

Yes, I do that. I meant more in the way of self-serving attempts to control other people.

 

[ajblaise]

It's not just ENTJs, unfortunately. I want people do what I want too, but take a hands off approach that leans more on persuasion and "living with it" when that doesn't work.

Well it must work out for them to some degree if they keep doing it. And maybe they are just simply selfish and bad at subtle persuasion.

 

[INA]

Well it must work out for them to some degree if they keep doing it. And maybe they are just simply selfish and bad at subtle persuasion.

It's weird. I will only be interventionist if it is to help the person, not to serve my own interests. (e.g.: you're not drunk driving without me trying to get you not to).
I had a friend in college, who, if I agreed to do early breakfast the next morning, would not leave it to me to get up and meet in time. She would give me an unsolicited wake up call to make sure (but hang up as soon as I picked up). Gee, i wonder who that could be.
That shit pissed me off! Guess who no longer had an appetite for breakfast?

 

[ajblaise]

It's weird. I will only be interventionist if it is to help the person, not to serve my own interests. (e.g.: you're not drunk driving without me trying to get you not to).
I had a friend in college, who, if I agreed to do early breakfast the next morning, would not leave it to me to get up and meet in time. She would give me an unsolicited wake up call to make sure (but hang up as soon as I picked up). Gee, i wonder who that could be.
That shit pissed me off! Guess who no longer had an appetite for breakfast?

wah that'd be annoying. sounds like major Jism with a hint of selfishness.

I can be kinda pushy too if I think what I'm trying to help/convince someone with is in their best interest. I do it, because while sometimes it can take some time, but often at the end, they are like "ohhhh, i see".

 

[Jack Flak]

My dad can occasionally be like that, and I never let him get away with it (gain any tactical advantage), because I'm a cold son-of-a-gun.

He's a P though, I believe.

 

[INA]

Yeah, I get extremely ornery in the circumstances and will, to borrow from another thread title, pull a "cut the nose off to spite the face" or otherwise malinger as a grand fuck-off.
Take the above example, I'd make sure to be a few minutes late or just change my mind if sufficiently annoyed.

 

[Jack Flak]

Yeah, I get extremely ornery in the circumstances and will, to borrow from another thread title pull a "cut the nose off to spite the face" or otherwise malinger as a grand fuck-off.
Take the above example, I'd make sure to be a few minutes late or just change my mind if sufficiently annoyed.

LOL. I was doing my dad a huge favor, renting a truck & driving all over two states with him. Told him I'd rather go solo, but if he came I was in charge (because we disagree on how to do everything).

On the way back he started whining about "why can't we do it this way," we got in a nice verbal tussel, and I said "If you say one more f***in' thing about it, I'm driving all the way back right now." It was like 1am, with four hours to go. He had to say something else, and it wasn't a nice thing, so I drove all night.

The story isn't to illustrate how innocent and righteous I am, of course. Just that I don't like uninvited control.

 

[INA]

If only some controlling people would share their thought processes in this thread.

Come out come out wherever you are! I promise not to berate you. Just trying to understand so I don't get the urge to decapitate the next one of you to pull your stunts.

 

[ajblaise]

If I sense that someone is trying to order me around or control me, it seems like I automatically will not do, or will do whatever half-ass, even if what they want me to do is what I really want to do too.

 

[Jack Flak]

If I sense that someone is trying to order me around or control me, it seems like I automatically will not do, or will do whatever half-ass, even if what they want me to do is what I really want to do too.

Some people call that Passive Aggression. I call it an awesome way to go about dealing with assholes.

 

[Totenkindly]

I can understand wanting strict control of yourself, but please explain to me people who have an interventionist, controlling approach to other people. What goes on in your mind? Is it lack of self-control?

I think that the desire to control other's behavior towards us is deep-seated in every human being.

At some level, we're always vying for approval, jockeying for position, looking for affirmation/validation, trying to get get control to implement our vision/plans for ourselves, etc.

Some people operate from these underlying motivations to interfere in other people's lives, without even realizing they're doing it.

Other people's convictions about what they want or what they think is "right" leads them to consciously think it's okay to impose directly upon others to implement their plans.

 

[prplchknz]

I have no clue, but I do not like them. My room mates mom was here, when were moving into the apartment. And I was doing laundry and then she criticized the way I did laundry, and I was like thank you, but I've been doing this since I was about 12 it's worked for me all this time. Please if I ask for help thats one thing, but I know how to do laundry on my own.

 

[INA]

Other people's convictions about what they want or what they think is "right" leads them to consciously think it's okay to impose directly upon others to implement their plans.

These are the people I don't understand . . . the imposition! Is it ok to them because they would not mind being on the receiving end of it, or are they just above recognizing the sanctity of others' space (mental and physical)?

 

[ajblaise]

Is it ok to them because they would not mind being on the receiving end of it

I don't know, I made an attempt to act bossy to a very bossy person I know before, and they just called me bossy.

 

[Jack Flak]

These are the people I don't understand . . . the imposition! Is it ok to them because they would not mind being on the receiving end of it, or are they just above recognizing the sanctity of others' space (mental and physical)?

I don't know, I made an attempt to act bossy to a very bossy person I know before, and they just called me bossy.

People are oblivious in general.

 

[ajblaise]

People are oblivious in general.

Or choose to not care or address the issues they have.