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What are your expectations and biggest fear in a relationship ?

Cellmold

Wake, See, Sing, Dance
Joined
Mar 23, 2012
Messages
6,266
Expect understanding (knowing the naivety of asking for such given our natures), fear one or both/more wont.
 

cosmic royal

Phoenix Flame
Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
451
MBTI Type
xNTJ
Enneagram
584
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Being manipulated/controlled.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Honesty and compassion are what I hope/expect in a relationship.

I fear dishonesty, apathy, and angry, distorted perceptions in a relationship.
 

citizen cane

ornery ornithologist
Joined
Apr 30, 2010
Messages
3,854
MBTI Type
BIRD
Enneagram
631
Instinctual Variant
sp
That the other party won't have as advanced coommunication skills as I do or be as driven as I am. Tied for first with that, that the other person won't have much more of an earning potential than I will.
 

Rouskyrie

New member
Joined
Aug 11, 2016
Messages
396
Expectations: None. I try to start with no expectations as I enter a relationship.
Biggest fear: Infidelity.
 

Galena

Silver and Lead
Joined
Mar 12, 2013
Messages
3,786
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
That I have made the wrong choice and will harm them, and that I bring much less to the table than they do.
 

Lady Lazarus

Permabanned
Joined
Jun 30, 2014
Messages
2,148
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I expect to lose myself due to being unable to hold back and I fear that they will realize I have nothing to give them.
 

julesiscools

Member
Joined
Dec 5, 2016
Messages
262
MBTI Type
ISFP
Expectation: Honesty, compassion, support, loyalty.
Fear: Unfaithfulness, dishonesty, disinterest.
 

Peter Deadpan

phallus impudicus
Joined
Dec 14, 2016
Messages
8,883
Expectations: I expect others to put continuous effort into being open, honest, authentic, and vulnerable with me. No rushed pace, but noticeable effort and growth.

Fears: That he will not be able to handle me being open, honest, authentic, and vulnerable with him (I feel like I'm just too much for most men. Too real and raw and scary to them in a foreign way. It's a lonely feeling.)

I also fear my past repeating itself and worry he will turn out to have a hidden dark side that will frighten me - like aggression and anger issues.
 

human101

Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2009
Messages
510
MBTI Type
NiTe
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sx
Expectations: Coax me out of my shell, loyalty
Fears:Become clingy, don't respect my need for space, being repelled by my vulnerability after I open up
 

Korvinagor

Cyber Strider
Joined
Jan 5, 2017
Messages
762
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Essentially...

Expectation: That they'll love me.
Fear: That they don't.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
Joined
Oct 18, 2013
Messages
4,413
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
To be accepted, with my "flaws" and all.
 

Doglover

New member
Joined
Jan 5, 2017
Messages
4
Expectations: Honesty, kindness, mutual appreciation, trust, patience...I have pretty high expectations so this list could go on and on...

Fears: Losing myself. I fear that all of the compromise that goes into a relationship (rightfully so) will result in me losing sight of my true and authentic self.
 

Forever

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 30, 2013
Messages
8,551
MBTI Type
NiFi
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Expected: being valued, loved, sought for advice in some things, willing to share interests more the relationship develops, being able to speak deep things more comfortably, will let me know if something is wrong

Fear: none, it's just a disappointment and the relationship likely isn't going to last if the less the above she does.

Kept it simple Risa
 

the state i am in

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
expected: commitment to meeting each others needs as best as we can, willingness to be vulnerable, patience enough to try to bring some balance between the moment and the longview, desire to improve and grow together, clearly communicated validation and appreciation that connects, supporting and building shared and personal goals

fears: dishonesty that takes away my power to make an informed choice, unwillingness to face the reality of the situation and of her/my needs, fundamentalizing, not being able to commit to her own way of being herself (what i think spiritual practice is for)
 

Litsnob

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2016
Messages
301
I expect honesty, loyalty, effort and understanding. I don't imagine myself getting into a relationship where there seems to be no understanding or honesty but my fear would be loss of loyalty and effort. If those features disappear there is no point in clinging to whatever other qualities are left.
 

blob

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2017
Messages
49
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
4w5
I expect them to love me and such i guess
My fear is that they might not like me back. Like it would not progress.
 

LightSun

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 9, 2009
Messages
1,107
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
#9
Sharing vulnerabilities is fearful. If one has good sense of self one can open up with transparency and indeed it is a way for growing, being honest, open and vulnerable. Morover it is humbling when another reveals their own difficulties and is an honor to be able to share.

As for what I expect: openness respect and sharing love.
 
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