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What are your expectations and biggest fear in a relationship ?

LightSun

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 9, 2009
Messages
1,107
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
#9
Honesty and compassion are what I hope/expect in a relationship.

I fear dishonesty, apathy, and angry, distorted perceptions in a relationship.

Via labyrinthine
(1) "...dishonesty, apathy...angry, distorted perceptions..."

I could never be in a relationship with an anger prone individual. There is an internal and external locus of control. I would seek out an internal locus who will take responsibility and both have a mutually respectful boundary of individuality. lightsun
 

LightSun

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 9, 2009
Messages
1,107
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
#9
Expectations: I expect others to put continuous effort into being open, honest, authentic, and vulnerable with me. No rushed pace, but noticeable effort and growth.

Fears: That he will not be able to handle me being open, honest, authentic, and vulnerable with him (I feel like I'm just too much for most men. Too real and raw and scary to them in a foreign way. It's a lonely feeling.)

I also fear my past repeating itself and worry he will turn out to have a hidden dark side that will frighten me - like aggression and anger issues.

(All quotations Peter followed by my rely).

Via Peter Deadpan

(1) "Expectations: I expect others to put continuous effort...being open, honest, authentic, and vulnerable..." and "... rushed pace, but noticeable effort and growth."

Seems Peter quite sensible. This will require respecting each others boundaries as well individuality, transparency, honesty and open communication having listening skills in place.

(2) "Fears... not be able to handle me being open, honest, authentic, and vulnerable..." and "...just too much for most men. Too real and raw and scary to them in a foreign way. It's a lonely feeling.)"

"...fear my past repeating itself and worry he will turn out to have a hidden dark side...frighten me - like aggression and anger issues."

I have posted before that I waited for a remarkable person who had similar attributes of transparency, caring, giving, intellectual, empathetic and sharing openly one's vulnerabilities. The latter is disarming and humbling and was the basis of our love. As alluded before I can not tolerate an angry and blaming person who projects their own unfinished business unto others and reality.
 

Flâneuse

don't ask me
Joined
Jan 16, 2014
Messages
947
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
expectations:
1. Genuine and mutual attempts to understand each other the best we can.
2. Regards me as an equal. "Rescuers" are not welcome and are certainly not needed -- just because I'm sensitive and reserved doesn't mean I'm fragile or lacking in self-belief or self-reliance.
3. Desire to build a real and deep love that withstands fluctuations in passion (and eventually that gradual, permanent decline in passion that most long-term couples face). Passion is about satisfying one's own needs and (from my understanding of it) involves some degree of unrealistic idealization and IMHO actually thrives on some psychological distance as it relies on a sense of novelty and excitement, and arguably needs a partially blank slate onto which an ideal can be projected. On the other hand, love is selfless, involves truly wanting to understand the other, and allows you to realistically look at the flaws in someone without detracting from how precious and valuable you consider them. (Er, unless they're a remorseless sociopath or something. Then screw them. When I say "flaws", I'm referring more to weakness than intentional malice.) Anyway, passion is about taking and brings short-term euphoria, but love involves reciprocity and patience and gives life meaning and an ultimately deeper happiness.

fears:
1. The first thing that comes to mind -- being clung to and feeling trapped by someone who doesn't help me grow.
2. Being viewed as inferior or in need of guidance and rescue by a partner. (Absolutely unbearable when combined with #1).
3. Building on #1 and #2: being expected to act like Little Miss Wifey by someone in need of an ego boost and who thinks being a "real man" involves being able to control his woman. Actually, being used rather than valued as an actual person in general.
3. Being rejected because of being viewed as vacuous/boring/having nothing to offer. I don't think there are many feelings worse than finding someone's presence in your life enriching and fascinating and having them feel the exact opposite towards you.
 

Lucy_Ricardo

New member
Joined
Jun 16, 2017
Messages
146
MBTI Type
INFP
Hopes: love, selflessness, pride, loyalty, faithfulness, acceptance, ambition, honesty.

Fears: apathy, manipulation, underhandedness, disloyalty, unfaithfulness, cruelty, selfishness, defeatism.
 

Morpeko

Noble Wolf
Joined
Sep 20, 2017
Messages
5,414
MBTI Type
LEFV
Enneagram
461
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I just look for fun and independence in a relationship to be honest.

My biggest fear would be getting too close to someone.
 
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