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What is Your Communication Mode?

Mal12345

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From http://elfwreck.homecircle.org/stuph/VSD_Basics.pdf

3. Satir Modes
These 5 communication modes were first described by Virginia Satir in her book Peoplemaking.

Blamer: This mode comes out of a need to feel powerful. Blamers act like they are in charge, and
whatever's wrong must be somebody else's fault. Blamer-mode communication often sounds angry.
"Why are you ALWAYS DOING things like THAT?" or "Only an IDIOT would leave the door open on
a hot day like today."


Placater: This comes out of a wish to avoid conflict, and a fear that everyone will abandon the speaker.
Placaters insist that things are all their own fault, and that they'll go along with whatever the other person says.
Placater-mode sounds frightened and desperate.
"Oh, you know I don't mind. WhatEVER you decide is okay with me" or "WHY do these things always
happen to ME?


Computer: This comes out of a fear of showing one's real feelings. Computers try to avoid saying "I",
and sound very formal.
"That is a perfectly normal reaction to this crisis" or "One must remember always to close containers
after they have been opened."


Distracter: This is a confused blend of other modes. Distracters are panicked, and jump between modes.
"Don't you talk to ME like that, young lady! I'm sure any rational person would be calm right now.
Please, just settle down; I'll be quiet if you will, okay?"


Leveler: This is just what it sounds like—someone who's telling the straight truth about their thoughts
and feelings. However, there are phony levelers, who've learned to act like they're being truthful and telling just
their plain feelings; these are the hardest to spot, and the most dangerous. (Tony's statement in the sample story
is an example of phony leveling.)
"I hate it when you tap your pencil like that" or "I'd rather skip the movie and catch up with you later."
 

Mal12345

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I find the Distracter to be the most interesting and even effective at times. I've worked with a Distracter before. He was great at distracting the owner's attention.

For example, the owner came up to him one day going off about another employee. This employee came recommended by the Distracter. So the Distracter went into a long discourse about how great that employee is and how such-and-such employee did this and another employee did that. By the time he was finished, the "bad" employee looked wonderful, and the owner bought the whole story.

On the other hand, it didn't work out so well for the Distracter one day when he was pulled over by the police for something, and wasn't wearing his seat belt. He immediately pointed to a group of illegal immigrants riding by in the back of a pickup. The cop said, "That's their business."
 

Tilt

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I vascillate between computer and leveler the most.
 

Poki

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I will have to leave it up to the forum to let me know what they think about me. I know i am not a Blamer for sure. I am kinda like the rest depending on situation, but not to that extreme.
 

Poki

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I find the Distracter to be the most interesting and even effective at times. I've worked with a Distracter before. He was great at distracting the owner's attention.

For example, the owner came up to him one day going off about another employee. This employee came recommended by the Distracter. So the Distracter went into a long discourse about how great that employee is and how such-and-such employee did this and another employee did that. By the time he was finished, the "bad" employee looked wonderful, and the owner bought the whole story.

On the other hand, it didn't work out so well for the Distracter one day when he was pulled over by the police for something, and wasn't wearing his seat belt. He immediately pointed to a group of illegal immigrants riding by in the back of a pickup. The cop said, "That's their business."

That "not working out story" reminded me of getting pulled over. The cop tried to say a little kid just got hit by a person speeding. I looked over across a field with apartment complex on other side and said..."how did the kid make it all the way from their to here, doesnt sound like speeding was the issue."

I would have agreed on a street where someone can just jump out. But we are talking a 50 yard open field.

Cop agreed with me. I didnt fight ticket, i was speeding. But reasoning was pathetic and a cop out from the underlying issues.
 

OrangeAppled

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I'm sure I have done them all at some point. I think "leveler" is possibly what I have used the most.
 

erg

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Leveler for me, although I might have engaged in Distracter for fun.
 

Mayflower

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Yeah...Blamer sounds too familliar. Followed by Distracter.
 

Verona

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I used to be a constant Blamer. It is something I have worked on a lot and I think I am more Leveler now or sometimes Distractor.
 

Obfuscate

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i am a blend of distracter, leveler, and computer....
 

Mal12345

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That "not working out story" reminded me of getting pulled over. The cop tried to say a little kid just got hit by a person speeding. I looked over across a field with apartment complex on other side and said..."how did the kid make it all the way from their to here, doesnt sound like speeding was the issue."

I would have agreed on a street where someone can just jump out. But we are talking a 50 yard open field.

Cop agreed with me. I didnt fight ticket, i was speeding. But reasoning was pathetic and a cop out from the underlying issues.

Cops don't get paid to be smart, they get paid to be tough and come up with dumb reasons to obey traffic laws. Or they come up with ludicrous stats such as "most traffic accidents occur within 50 miles of home" (duh), which even if true don't mean anything.
 

Mal12345

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Here's an example of Leveling which I pulled from a recent post here:

"I know I shitpost a lot of junk on this forum, and that will probably be my undoing; plus it just makes this post look really bad. But, if I'm going to be self-obsessed, might as well be pseudo-academically self-obsessed."
 

Mal12345

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Blaming:

"You outlawed what everyone in normal society would say when you talk about such. You living in a bubble? You found yourself a place in which you can remove everyone from your bubble that talks about the existence of your bubble."

- - - Updated - - -

Computer plus Blaming:

"What evidence? The merits of a theory or explanation are independent of the person asking to hear them. There is nothing about my personal background that you require in order to support your assertions. This is just a cop-out."
 

five sounds

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Distracter/Placater/Leveler in that order-ish probably
 

Coriolis

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Computer first, leveler second, though I can do distracter mode when I really do want to distract someone.

By the way, the names of these styles are about exactly that: the style, not the content. One can attempt to placate someone, or assign blame, or provide objective analysis, or create a diversion using any of the styles, or a combination thereof.
 

Mal12345

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Computer first, leveler second, though I can do distracter mode when I really do want to distract someone.

By the way, the names of these styles are about exactly that: the style, not the content. One can attempt to placate someone, or assign blame, or provide objective analysis, or create a diversion using any of the styles, or a combination thereof.

"What evidence? The merits of a theory or explanation are independent of the person asking to hear them. There is nothing about my personal background that you require in order to support your assertions. This is just a cop-out." You're right. That's not Computer and Blaming, as I stated above. It's Computer and Leveling. I knew I was wrong somewhere.
 

vannawilde

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I'm a distracter and a blamer. oh my.
 

Yuurei

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Usually sincere keveler and sometimes phony leveler. I am honest to a fault around most but I can-and will- habitually fake itif I have to.
 

Lord Lavender

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I would like to think that i am a leveller but realistically more a mix of computer and blamer.
 

Ghost

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I'm such a blamer.
 
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