What is Your Communication Mode?

[Bush]

It looks like many folks writing about the subject (including the original author) think of Leveler as the ideal. I can see it as being ideal if both parties are communicating in that mode, but perhaps coming across as pompous or selfish otherwise -- especially in a business setting. There's something to be said about a relationship ideally developing to the point of honesty, without having to wrap messages in conditionals. Leveler could represent that.

That, and Computer mode as an initial baseline -- choosing that mode if you don't know anything about the other party.

 

[Coriolis]

It looks like many folks writing about the subject (including the original author) think of Leveler as the ideal. I can see it as being ideal if both parties are communicating in that mode, but perhaps coming across as pompous or selfish otherwise -- especially in a business setting. There's something to be said about a relationship ideally developing to the point of honesty, without having to wrap messages in conditionals. Leveler could represent that.

That, and Computer mode as an initial baseline -- choosing that mode if you don't know anything about the other party.

I read a couple books involving this theory awhile ago, by Suzette Hadin Elgin (e.g. The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense). She recommends using computer mode when you don't know someone, aren't sure which mode they are using, or which to use yourself. She also says communication is most efficient with the least room for misunderstanding when both parties are using leveler mode. That seems reasonable, and I do prefer that myself though it seems always to be flavored with computer mode. Leveler is especially productive in business. Don't confuse dishonesty with holding your cards close to your chest. You can choose to communicate only the information you want known but then do it in leveler mode.

 

[Bush]

I read a couple books involving this theory awhile ago, by Suzette Hadin Elgin (e.g. The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense). She recommends using computer mode when you don't know someone, aren't sure which mode they are using, or which to use yourself. She also says communication is most efficient with the least room for misunderstanding when both parties are using leveler mode. That seems reasonable, and I do prefer that myself though it seems always to be flavored with computer mode. Leveler is especially productive in business. Don't confuse dishonesty with holding your cards close to your chest. You can choose to communicate only the information you want known but then do it in leveler mode.

This whole shebang's interesting. I have to check it out more.

All of the Leveler examples I've seen are all about what I (i.e. the speaker) think -- and with way too much emphasis on the "I." For example, "I hate it when you tap your pencil on your desk." But if I'm seeking out new customers and the like, they're not going to give a shit about what "I" want or what "I" hate. They want to know what a partnership will do for them. If I write a "cold call" letter filled with my desires, I should expect that letter to be thrown in the trash straight away. Once a partner organization and mine have established mutual respect (or at least mutual interests), Leveler makes more sense. Once that happens, "I" becomes at least somewhat tied to "we" and is more palatable.

Maybe Leveler is broader than what I understand it to be. If Leveler is only about framing things from my own interests, it seems ridiculous to treat it is the end goal in communication in all circumstances. But if it's just about direct communication and honesty in general, it's not so ridiculous. In that second case, it'd be all about what you hold close to your chest, as you say. Sure, I want to partner up with someone because that means cash for me, but I also know what a partnership would do for them -- and I can speak to that directly and honestly.

 

[Mademoiselle]

I'm a leveler-blamer based on my stress level.
I often get angry, I never raise my voice, just say the words sharply.
Controlling my temper improves as I get older, but deep inside,
I burn inside for things could've worked, usually because they don't listen to me.
Often why certain things pop up out of nowhere changing my entire game.

But as I get wiser, I know I shouldn't blame people/things just because it's not the way I want them to be, in order, for a problem not to occur. I'd have to pave my way allowing to get damage to obtain what I've left. Learning to trade was a tough one, that's why I've realized sometimes you have to normally get involved and tap the words, the original words, in a conversation without pre-calculation to see what might happen.
Randomness Attacks all the time, changing a plot is more difficult than arranging a new one.
So I sometimes just roll the dice.

 

[entropie]

timeless

 

[Virtual ghost]

Leveler: This is just what it sounds like—someone who's telling the straight truth about their thoughts
and feelings. However, there are phony levelers, who've learned to act like they're being truthful and telling just
their plain feelings; these are the hardest to spot, and the most dangerous.

This would be me, unless I get the impression that people will just get defensive. In that case I prefer to skip the whole thing.