For those unaware, I am a cis-gay male.
Friendships:
There isn't much of a difference between what I look for in friends with males or females. However, I feel more comfortable around females, and have since I was little. I'd say historically through my life around 75% of my friends have been/are female, and the remainder male. I feel like I can be more "myself" around females, and their manner of expression tends to me feeling safer being expressive as well. The thing I look for first and foremost with a friend, is people I feel comfortable around. Speaking is fluid, mannerisms jive, and there is a sense/feeling of flow with one another. Very little has to be forced, planned, or nuanced.
As far as type goes, there is a very slight pattern, but it's not strong. While I prefer extroverts because of equal energy levels, a great number of my close friends have been and are introverts. Ultimately I can't say I have a preference between the two. It simply takes longer for me to befriend introverts, but in practice those bonds stay stronger and don't burn out. I also don't have much of a preference between sensors and intuitives. However, there is a particular nuance with it. With sensors there is little extremes. It's very rare for me to be repelled by them, but I seldom feel strongly drawn. With intuitives, extremes are much more common. Some intutives we'll be like oil and water with a lot of animosity, but others there will be instant kinship. What is noteworthy is feelers and thinkers. My very close friends have overwhelmingly been feelers throughout my life. I have had very close thinker friends, but they are noticably fewer. I also think there is a slight tilt towards friendships with feelers overall. In order to become close with people, I need to share deeper personal matters with a person. Without it I just don't feel like the friendship is strong. Thinkers in practice either don't, won't, or can't share these things. Some do, but they're rare. Finally for the judgers and percievers there is a slight pattern. I will more quickly befriend judgers than I do perceivers. However over time there ends up being no preference for one over another.
What leads to a successful close friendship with me, is sharing personal matters with each other. Additionally, nearly all of my close friends have either a lot of emotional depth, or have very unique minds, or share a ton of common ground with me (mutual unspoken understanding). It also matters a lot to have a lot of moral common ground/outlook. Without it, I will feel distant and not get close. Discussing deeper matters about the self is big. What makes them tick, what bothers them, what do they love, what do they think. Effectively getting inside their brain and seeing what's there (it's a two way street and they do the same with me). Discussing things that matter to both of us. There is the caveot of needing mutual interests, but that sort of goes without saying with the majority of people. That's only one portion of the puzzle, but it's a major component. I'm very talkative, and I tend to want to talk about heavier stuff with good friends most of the time. I do well with people who do the same, or can keep up with it. I think this might explain why the majority of my very close friends are F, because for T's that's generally uncomfortable or uninteresting. It's also worth noting this is not a requirement for friendship, but simply the most common theme of close friendships that I have.
Really though, at the end of the day it's the unspoken quality of comfort and flow that dictates who I become good friends with. Those people aren't common, but aren't rare either.
Relationships:
Alas, I have never been in a relationship. Much of this is can be blamed on living in smallish towns since I was 18, in addition to having no car. There's a handful of other factors as well which will be addressed in a year or two (one of which includes moving to a larger city). Regardless, I do know what I am attracted to.
Generally speaking, the qualities I look for in a friend, applies here too. There are simply things in addition to that. The first being physical. The simplest way I can explain it, is take the physical manliness dial, and turn it up to 11. I like guys that are big. Tall, big hands, big feet, big ears, big nose, big mouth (among other things), also the bigger the better. Deep gravely voice, hairy as an ape, and a lumbering body language. Almost like a charicture of a caveman. This actually is sort of a problem, as the types of guys I am physically attracted to, tend to not share the same interests as me, or possess personalities that I can't connect with. I have definitely noticed that the type of people who wind up in my social circle (not just friends) are very very rarely my physical type. Yet, if I look at other social circles, they can be full of them, and those social circles do not seem like ones I'd enjoy being in, and visa versa. Because of this the odds of finding anyone for me (on top of being gay which significantly reduces odds as well) seems very remote. Impossible? No, but difficult.
A huge portion of the difficulty is I have realized that the best path for a relationship with me, would be to meet someone as a friend, and then it develops into something from there organically. Going on dates, and meeting someone via online (which is sadly pretty much the only option for gay men), just doesn't seem to work. The process feels forced, of synthetic. It doesn't allow for that feeling of comfort and flow (which matters so much in friendship) to form. It's possible for it to be there, but it takes a very specific extroverted personality to do that (on par with my level of extroversion and candidness), of which I have only met once. In all other cases, the contexts precludes it, and I feel disconnected and uncomfortable. I would need to meet someone in a context where dating/meeting is not the goal.
As far as type goes, I think I could find appeal in any type. However, the odds are lowest for NP's. In a dating contexts I could see myself having difficulty with Ne users in the long term. I think my odds are highest with NTJ's, and EST's. As much as I find kinship and close friendships with F's more often than not, I don't think that would work as well in a relationship. It'd be like crossing the streams. There'd be too much sameness. I'm emotionally pretty intense and convoluted. I might not entirely like it, but I think a T would balance me out in that respect. I am also really skilled at drawing people out, which a lot of T's benefit from. That said, they couldn't be robotic/cold. That would just make me feel unsafe and locked up.
It'd also need to be with someone who is fairly equal to me in a domimant and submissive sense, but
slightly beat me. I'm quite dominant, so I couldn't be with someone who is significantly more so than I am, because then we'd just fight/argue. I couldn't be with someone who is submissive either, because I'd get bored very quickly and run them into the ground. Ultimately though, I think they need to win out more often. Long story as to why. What's odd is I am simultenously attracted and repelled by guys with a dominant presence. If it's purely just that then I am repelled. There sort of needs to be a playful/goofiness associated with it for it to be cracked. Quiet dominance doesn't push or pull me either way, but it can completely catch me off guard (in a good way) as well.
Anyway, this post got super long. I'll stop here
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