Attraction: Male & Female (Not Only Sexual)

[❀༺♥༻ℭ𝔞𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔞_𝔄𝔦𝔰𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔤༺♥༻❀༺]

I feel like I'm attracted to the same things in people, regardless of whether the relationship would be romantic or platonic. A lot of my friends have matched the things I also admire in a partner, so whenever I have guy friends I have an involuntary tendency to imagine all the possibilities of what it would be like with them, even if I'm not technically interested in them. It's not a "real" thought if that makes sense, like I don't take it seriously and often forget about it the second it happens. And I wouldn't tell them because I don't want to lead them on. It's just how my mind works for some reason, darn Ne haha. If I felt a natural, mutual, electrifying connection that surpassed friendship, then that would differentiate platonic vs romantic feelings for me. And if romantic thoughts linger, then I'd know.


I've never been in any romantic relationships and I'm also really shy/introverted/withdrawn, so 99.9% of my friendships happened because people approached me. What draws me to someone is different for each person, I can't quite pin it down. For one person it might simply be the way they talk, for another a quirky habit they have, the way their eyes brighten when they're talking about what they love, etc. More often than not it's a mix of these and more, I treasure the little things when it comes to a person. A universal must is definitely kindness/compassion. I'm attracted people who have a good sense of humor, I love to laugh and when I'm comfortable around people I can get a little more playful/mischievous (shh ) so being able to goof off together is very high on the list. At the same time, I'm attracted to serious/logical people. I have SJ parents so I think I'm a bit more grounded than some infps, but I'm still me so I can be really forgetful. I literally forgot to get my change and receipt when I went shopping today, like I straight up walked away LOL. I remembered well before I left the store though, all by myself too But should something like that happen again, it's nice to have someone around who has a good head on their shoulders, while also not being hyper critical about my occasional lack of awareness. I'm in my own head a lot, being around people more grounded and put together just leaves me in awe.

Intelligence is very attractive, I like to learn from people. Random facts are my thing, engaging in witty repartee, riddles, and all that jazz. I like feeling challenged and engaged around someone, it helps me grow, and it gives me a compelling feeling that keeps me on my toes. A sense of adventure/curiosity is attractive. Anyone who knows me knows I'm insatiably curious. About life, human nature, concepts, everything. I ask questions because I want to know, that's all there is to it. I want to try new things and discover. Unearth the beautiful mystery that lies within a person or place. Being able to do those things with someone who shares the same passion is a lovely feeling. I like encouraging people. I can be reticent sometimes, I often dream about the idea rather than actually pursuing it, so to get that gentle "push" to go for it, or an offer to tag along is seriously appreciated.

Somebody willing to show me that they care, and don't mind initiating are huge pluses for me. Like I said I'm really shy, so let me know that you enjoy my company, this way I'm not a bother to you. It also encourages me to reach out once I realize you actually like me. I don't always know how people think of me, even if I have an idea I don't like to assume...and sometimes insecurity rears it's ugly head. People who are a bit eccentric are very attractive, I think everyone's a bit of an oddball about something, discovering that is always wonderful.

Physically I'm not too picky, if I love you I'll love what you look like. And I appreciate different body types. Usually I like the tall and lean look, muscles are nice but not necessary. Colored eyes are lovely.. But as I said, there is no specific criteria set in stone. I'm picky with romantic partners, but not excessively. It mainly depends how well we connect and communicate.

 

[Agent Washington]

kirsten stewart in snl apparently

 

[Agent Washington]

friendship wise i tend to befriend either women or nonbinaries. the occasional guy, but not the bulk, so i guess it's pretty mixed. no dudebros or dudettesises allowed

dating - i'm pretty flexible actually. i tended to already know ppl i dated. friends, frenemies, etc. otherwise it never goes past the first date


If you want to specify type, go for it.
.....i have a thing for bad boys in media......... otherwise no.

Physical characteristics?
...i'm incredibly inconsistent about finding ppl hot.
i date and befriend someone coz they're nice to you and probably wont stab you in the back. not for their bodies. once i get used to looking at someone and associating them with positive memories i would probably find them pleasurable to look at


as for personality i generally appreciate ppl who can give me a decent width and breadth of perspective, handle the 'truth' (as in, we can talk cordially about problems that present themselves, which is ... kinda a rare trait actually). no flakes. not too intense in the weird way coz i just dont have time for this.
there's definitely a need to prove over the long run that there's a bit of good in them (eg: selflessness, dedication). this may not be something they necessarily see or value but it is what i value.
pride generally rubs me the wrong way, but if there's a basis for that pride, and a reasonable attitude towards handling others i admire it in people.
i also like emotional stability in others - at least, if u r feeling bad u gotta get ready to take steps to remedy that (eg: see a therapist, alter lifestyle, work on identifying the source of emotional instability), if it's something you can change i expect u to change it, if it's environmental i could understand and i'll probably help if i can (i can't coz same dude), but give me a 'broken' guy and i'm like 'dafuq am i supposed to do with this'
has to be able to handle me joking about trump's titties
genuine empathy (not performative ones done for the sake of recognition, those are shit) is really nice too, but also v rare

 

[Forever_Jung]

I'm not sure if it's good for me, but I find extreme tenderheartedness very attractive and novel. I am amazed when another person has these qualities, because I consider myself a pretty self-absorbed, emotionally repressed, and analytical person (though polite and socially dutiful). I want to know what it's like to have access to those feelings, to actually care deeply and consistently, to the point where you can't help but be like that.

 

[Agent Washington]

I'm not sure if it's good for me, but I find extreme tenderheartedness very attractive and novel. I am amazed when another person has these qualities, because I consider myself a pretty self-absorbed, emotionally repressed, and analytical person (though polite and socially dutiful). I want to know what it's like to have access to those feelings, to actually care deeply and consistently, to the point where you can't help but be like that.

it sucks. glad to help

 

[Forever_Jung]

it sucks. glad to help

I meant I want to know firsthand, I want to experience it for myself, you dink.

 

[Lucy_Ricardo]

Relationships: I prefer thin crust to thick crust pizza

No, that's not an innuendo.
I'm literally talking about pizza as my relationship status.

^^^Same. Thin crust pizza all the way. My relationship with pizza is the most consistent relationship of my life.

Friendships:

I'm an INFP woman, and my closest friendships are with other Introverted Intuitive women. My best friend is an INTJ. I have a cousin with whom I'm very close who is an INFJ. The other people in my circle are either INFJ or INTJ. I'm the only P in the group, which is pretty fun because I can cut loose knowing the others are going to do enough worrying for everyone.

I think we get along so well largely because we don't put so much pressure on ourselves to hang out constantly. When we get together, we have a blast, but we all value our alone time, too.

The friends I have who are men are the guys who are married to my girl friends.

But really, I think type has little to do with my friendships. In friends, I enjoy people who are quick-witted, conversational, warm, and caring, but who aren't smothering. Gotta have my space.

Romantic Relationships:

I am romantically attracted to ENFJs and ESFJs. I think it's because they force me to leave my daydreams (where I tend to get lost), and they're also not scared off by my weirdness.

My two most serious relationships were with an INTJ and an INTP, and neither worked out. Both were video game addicts. I enjoy video games, but there is a limit. Dating these guys, I started to get self-conscious about my appearance and my personality, because whenever we would hang out, all of their focus would eventually end up on the game.

I would think, "This guy has a girl all dolled up, sitting right next to him, and all he can focus on is Oblivion." Or Call of Duty or Halo or whatever other game was the most important thing in the world at the time.

They were also classic underachievers who fancied themselves charming underdogs left behind by "the system." Blaming others for one's own ineptness is definitely not an attractive quality.

But again, type really doesn't mean everything. I'm mainly attracted to men who are intelligent, funny, quick, responsible, honorable, and principled.

 

[Population: 1]

Friends: Don’t know MBTI wise. Intelligent, individualistic, trustworthy and possessing an absurd sense of humor to deal with this absurd existence.

Romantically? Women come in wondrous beautiful variety physically and mentally. Tall, short, varying ethnic heritages, blonde, brunette, redhead, purple haired, blue haired, piercings, no piercings, tattoos, no tattoos, girly girls, tomboys etc.

Personality wise I like a sense of humor, honesty, intelligence, creative expression, tenderness, passion, calm introspection I mean so many things. I could go on and on. Thank the universe for them! Otherwise I’d be stuck on this rock with only other hairy, boisterous, mannerless cavemen. The horror!

 

[blob]

It just happens, i really do not analyze or label it

 

[Morpeko]

Friendships:

The most important things is finding those with whom I can converse on a deeper level. Cut the small talk bullshit out. I want to discuss our personalities on a fundamental level, what caused us to become this way, and how we process and deal with the world currently. I want someone as passionate as me, who shares some similar interests, but also has other interests that I can learn about.

I look for other things too, such as compassion (mainly toward me), authenticity, intelligence, insight, humour, and trustworthiness.

I'm a lonely fuck in person, but I've only been able to be around girls. Boys turn me into a nervous fuck.

Online, it's about 50-50. Also, it's really easy for me to block out gender on the internet.

Romance:

What is romantic pursuit? Such a thing does not register in my mind...

Anyway, I've never had a romantic relationship. Mainly because I wouldn't be the pursuer, due to intense fear of rejection.

My crushes have been all different people. They are never as attractive as the hottest famous people I've ever seen, but they are all at least okay-looking or cute.

However, aesthetic attraction to me is super different from romantic attraction, and both are vastly different from sexual attraction (which I've only ever truly felt toward one person).

In romance, personalities are way more important than looks. Not that looks aren't important, because I've never found a crush of mine to be physically repulsive but making up for it in personality. However, I always look for some sort of connection to my crushes. Maybe they were somehow nice to me even when everyone else isn't. Maybe they were able to make me laugh so many times, which kind of made me feel special. It doesn't need to be deep, but it needs to be something more than looks.

I think I'd only ever be able to find romance with someone I befriended first. I can't see myself dating and then falling in love that way.

 

[Lark]

Intelligence, physical and emotional strength, which is not always the same as that buzzword resilience, and finally imagination.

Most of the time if they have common interests or beliefs with myself, often I used to think if they were approximations of ENTJ but I've got some great INFJ friends so I've rethought that recently.

Physically, I dont really always like people who are taller than me or who have goliath paladin statures.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Physically, I dont really always like people who are taller than me or who have goliath paladin statures.

You’re not into the Brienne of Tarth type?

 

[Mind Maverick]

A friend of a friend said that ideally the girl would connect with him like a guy - being "rougher" as he described it (although I'm uncertain whether this is the correct usage of the word, as my friend is not an English native). My friend said a mix of being classy and being "rougher" - or, "more grounded and accepting" is ideal. His friends said in response, "that doesn't exist, if you wait for that you're going to end up alone," while agreeing with their body language that it's ideal.

 

[J. Starke]

I'm attracted to honesty and wit, but looks have to be satisfactory as well.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

Friend wise, I tend to be most drawn to people willing to tell me about themselves. I am really moved by those who can describe their experience and perceptions in detail, especially when those experiences and sensations are nothing like my own. The people I tend to become most interested in are often highly sensitive or emotional people who are very open to sharing detailed and perhaps even private information about themselves without necessarily expecting me to do so in return or are looking for a perspective on their own issues (so like... weak sp or notable sx users most often if I'm really stretching for a pattern), hence have engaged me in conversation. It's interesting because I'm somewhat of opposite haha, but hey I find myself pretty boring/annoying so why would I hang out with anyone like me?

Romance wise I'm not sure yet, as I've had little to no experience with that and am highly separated from my more "primal" feelings, hence I'm not entirely sure if I'm even a romantic or not? I guess for aesthetic attraction I like people with contrasting features (ie. dark hair or dark skin with bright eyes for example)

 

[Klaus V.]

Open-mindedness, honesty, wit and kindness are all traits that I find attractive in both platonic and romantic ways. I don't discriminate based on gender when it comes to friendships, but I find that it's somewhat easier to connect with women emotionally in my experience, or discuss emotional topics with them in general, they are usually more understanding/accepting. Other than that, I have no problem getting along with both genders.

When it comes to romantic/sexual attraction, in some ways, a lot of the traits that I like are actually in opposition to each other (for example, I find both assertiveness and shyness can be attractive, as well as both pragmatic and idealistic individuals).

I like men who are in touch with their emotional side and can show some vulnerability; they don't have to be too soft, but I dislike men who shut off their emotions (a trait that I have identified in myself and come to dislike). I like when they are secure in themselves and don't mind if they take the lead sometimes, as long as they respect my boundaries. In terms of appearance/general attitude, I prefer masculinity over femininity, but despise when people lean hard on either extreme; I don't mind men who are a little feminine either, or have feminine interests, but if they are too feminine, I will struggle to connect with them. I feel that my attraction towards men is a bit more sexually charged and less romantic, I still struggle with the idea of being romantic with a man somewhat -- I know I can have feelings for them, but acting on them is another story. I imagine this is the case partly due to society's undesirable influence on my views of homosexual relationships, but also because I perceive men to be generally too similar to myself in a boring way. When it comes to men's appearance, I have some very specific types which are too detailed for me to explain here in short.

As for women: like I said, I have an easier time emotionally connecting with them, but often times our interests are not exactly aligned, which is probably why I have more male friends. I like women who are intelligent and unafraid to speak their minds, but I don't mind if they are more passive as long as they are sincere in their actions. Appearance-wise, I tend to prefer feminine women, but I don't mind if they look and act a bit masculine either, I have crushed on tomboys in the past. Maybe this means I find 'masculinity' more attractive in general, but I also find the warm and nurturing nature of many women to be very appealing. I have less specific types when it comes to women, and as a consequence, I find it easier to find a female physically attractive.

But to be short, aside from appearance, I don't think there's a fundamental difference between the traits I find attractive in men and women, some traits I just have an easier time encountering in one gender instead of the other.

 

[theablekingedgar]

I don't believe in friendships. but associations are more like mutual attachments.
i'm more drawn to people who have depth and strength. but not physical strength, but more strength in terms of personality, interests, knowledge, wisdom, etc.
i sometimes wonder what it would like to be friends with fictional characters - like Jean-Luc Picard, Kathryn Janeway, or Duncan MacLeod (from Highlander the Series). They have a mix of traits I like in people. Goodness, wisdom, courage, but also can have fun and not be all stolid.

 

[Mind Maverick]

Kuudere is a hell of a drug.

[Insert Sx magnet]

 

[Mole]

Look, I'll tell you this, but you must be discrete. I make women laugh. Even the the most serious and most difficult of women, I make them laugh. And remember this is a secret, but I have this secret power over women, now I know this is considered pretentious, and a bit too self regarding, but it is something I do without thinking. If I thought about it, I couldn't do it, so it just happens to my surprise and to her surprise. In fact I think it is the surprise that makes them laugh. It doesn't make me laugh though. It is plainly a secondary sexual characteristic, and indeed I find it relaxing, enjoyable, and powerful.

 

[Mole]

Secondary sexual characteristics comes trippingly off the tongue, and so it should as secondary sexual characteristics are in part meant attract the opposite sex.

The secondary sexual characteristics of women are largely visual to attract the visual male, while the secondary sexual characteristics of men are largely aural, to attract the ears of the female.

The ability to make women laugh is a secondary sexual characteristics of men, it appeals to women's ears, and they respond with their mouths by laughing.

So we have been selected by natural selection to appeal to the opposite sex appropriately visually and aurally. Women enhance their secondary sexual characteristics with heels, bras, make-up, and perfume, while, to the disappointment of women, men usually don't enhance their secondary sexual characteristics.

This has not always been the case and not so long ago it was the male who was the peacock, arrayed in all his glory. But since the Industrial Revolution a man's clothes are practical, either workman's clothes, or an executive suit.

I confess to you, every day I pick a fresh flower to wear in my hat, and it does get the attention of women. I would love to be able to say, how do you like my secondary sexual characteristic, but I know this would be quite improper.

Dare we break out, with an overflow of secondary sexual characteristics, probably not, so thank heavens we have the secret of making women laugh.