How easily do you forgive yourself?

[Evo]

Is it harder or easier to forgive yourself, in comparison to forgiving others? Why? Which situation do you find that you come across more often?

 

[Frosty]

I forgive myself way slower than I do others. Because I dont think it is fair to force my standards upon others- but I know myself well enough to do so.

My brains not working well right now. I want to say more but yeah.

Im way faster to forgive others than myself. Something about Im in control of my actionsand thoughts, not theirs. But I dont, its not coming together right.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I think it's harder to forgive myself than it is to forgive others. I feel like I find myself in the position of forgiving myself more often. I wrestle a lot with my own expectations.... could I have done this better? Could i have been more focused? Did I really pour everything I had into that situation? Why did I goof off doing that when I could have approached things more seriously? I think that I have high expectations for myself and generally hold myself to a higher standard than I hold other people, which causes the difficulty.

 

[CitizenErased]

Is it harder or easier to forgive yourself, in comparison to forgiving others? Why? Which situation do you find that you come across more often?

I give no Fs: no forgetting, no forgiving. It's an inside-out thought: I am very exigent with myself, so I am with others too. There's no preference. I've been taught to treat others the same way I want others to treat me, and the same way I treat myself. The same rules I choose to live by are the same I expect from others (I don't impose them, just look for people with more or less the same values as me).

Having said that, I sometimes give myself "permissions" that I would find abominable/unforgivable in others, but I don't forgive myself either and feel terribly about it.

 

[Poki]

i move on and learn. i suck at forgive

 

[ceecee]

Forgiving myself is harder. I don't understand forgiving people. I think that's because - if someone has done something on a level of where I need to forgive them, it's probably pretty horrible. They aren't getting forgiveness. They disappear, become a non-person, no longer exist to me. Most other things, where I don't usually feel it's that egregious, needing to forgive never comes into play, no problem. We just put it behind us and move forward.

 

[geedoenfj]

Forgive myself for what?! I sometimes wish I did something instead of another, but then I move on, trying to not repeat the mistakes in the future..

 

[iwakar]

I am much harder on myself, probably because I am not disposed to giving myself a pass. Otoh, despite the angry exterior, I very much want the opportunity to forgive others when a wrong has occurred because the dissonance such a falling out creates is very disruptive for me internally.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, "Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me.

----

On a serious note: forgiveness is something really important to me. I rarely need to forgive myself, because I don't f*ck people over. I live pretty in line with what I believe is right.

Others? I forgive. It took a while to learn how to forgive and the benefits of forgiveness. There was a time, I struggled with vengeance. I could go down that path and each time I did, it fed a very negative side of me. It didn't ease any burden. So, let go. Not being open to forgive keeps you in a prison.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Forgiving myself is much harder. Mostly because I have to deal with myself everyday. When others are hurtful, there is often no reason I am forced to continue to deal with them, except for people I'm involved with romantically or as family members. I usually have some sense of why other people are hurtful and so can forgive in the sense of understanding that there was a compelling cause for the effect of being hurtful. I think this even in the severe cases of harm. I have some sense of how they became so extremely damaged. In that way I understand why people harm, but I also expect them to continue to do that harm because of those same causes.

Edit: I do have a new-found feeling of freedom on growing older. I used to feel responsible to do right by everyone. Now I'm comfortable not liking people and having people not like me. That comes with no longer feeling a need to be a "good" person. That concept was very harmful over the years for me, so letting go of it is a relief. I don't feel pressured to completely forgive everyone, and that helps me forgive myself more easily. Having some understanding of others' behavior and wishing them generally well is enough for me, and it makes it easier to feel that way about myself as well.

 

[Morpeko]

I'm a very unforgiving person. I don't think I've ever really forgiven myself for any actual or perceive error I've made in my life. I don't really think it's possible for me to hate myself more than I do. Selfish as it is, it's probably even harder to forgive other people. I don't believe their reasons or excuses for the errors. Even though I know it's not right, yet I can't help but impose my own personal standards on them and expect them to follow.

 

[Luminous]

For some things, nearly impossible. For others, easily. Much depends on the nature of the transgression, and whether it seriously affects innocent beings.

 

[Abcdenfp]

I try to forgive myself constantly as I think shame is a burden that lurks under the way we treat ourselves and perceive ourselves. I don't prescribe to Christian ideology of needing to be forgiven. And I truly believe the longer we punish ourselves the more unhealthy we become.

 

[highlander]

I'm pretty forgiving both with other people as well as myself. No point focusing on the past and negative stuff. It serves no practical value

 

[Lark]

I'm pretty forgiving both with other people as well as myself. No point focusing on the past and negative stuff. It serves no practical value

I try to be that way, sometimes, although in the main I find it is more difficult, you can say a thing, intellectually affirm a thing but at the level of feeling or sensation it remains.

Maybe its not forgiving but forgetting that I am thinking about and I can understand how as a survival mechanism the mind and body would not want you to forget things it does not see as conducive to well being, safety etc.

 

[J. Starke]

Not that easily. I tend to blame myself even when I get f*cked over by other people, just for allowing it to happen.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I don't think I do forgive myself. I think the closest I get is forgiving others who have wronged or harmed me similarly to how I have wronged or harmed others. Through them, I can see myself with a little more compassion, but in some sort of roundabout way where I don't have to fully forgive myself. That's probably a little fucked up, and I should probably think about it a bit more.

I've always been pretty forgiving of others, as long as they put in some effort to show their remorse through vulnerable communication and efforts to grow. Sometimes I am too forgiving, too many times. Every now and then, I will refuse to forgive someone, turn a blind eye, and walk away forever, with absolutely no regret.

Going back to that first thought though, I do think I've made some improvement here, albeit not as much as I'd like. I think forgiveness overall is facilitated best when it's mutual, and sometimes that just isn't a viable option. I think that's where a lot of the pain of the human condition comes from.

 

[Saturnal Snowqueen]

It depends...sometimes I try to say to myself like, "You're growing! Look at you go! The past doesn't matter!" . That does help...but other times it's like, "Look what you did, you sick clown! How could you do that?! You're like a delinquent in the movies!". So yeah, when I'm healthy I forgive myself fairly easily, but when I'm down on myself I remember every little mistake I made and my mind spirals out of control in fear and disgust.

 

[Burning Paradigm]

Forgiving oneself is difficult, but very rarely have I been in a position where I dwell on something minor for an extended period of time. If I'm self-critical, it's for reasons outside of mistakes I've made and more about certain aspects of my personality. If I've done something drastically hurtful to someone, I try to make restitution and, if it's someone I'm close to, restore our relationship and good terms.

Forgiving others is easier for me because I often don't perceive many things said or done as slights to the extent the other person might; however, sometimes when I do, I try to shrug it off and play cool and unaffected, which is something I've tried to work on. It's important to voice one's sentiments in this situation when it's someone close to you; a good relationship should be marked by having enough trust in one another to communicate that clearly. I tend to distance myself from people if I feel like it was an incredibly egregious moral transgression (and that bar is pretty high for me, so you've done messed up if it gets to that level); not worth my time or energy if you're not going to change or recognize your mistake.

 

[Maou]

What does it even mean to forgive yourself?