How easily do you forgive yourself?

[The Cat]

 

[anticlimatic]

What does it even mean to forgive yourself?

Good question. I think it means getting over guilt.

 

[Maou]

Good question. I think it means getting over guilt.

What if you don't really feel guilt or remorse for being who you are? If anything, I get mad for not being better. But I rarely regret my desicions. I guess I can see when I do though, I get over it quickly and I forgive others just as easily.

 

[anticlimatic]

What if you don't really feel guilt or remorse for being who you are? If anything, I get mad for not being better. But I rarely regret my desicions. I guess I can see when I do though, I get over it quickly and I forgive others just as easily.

Well there you go! Unless you're a psychopath who just feels no remorse for anything, you probably have a healthy relationship with guilt.

 

[The Cat]

What if you don't really feel guilt or remorse for being who you are? If anything, I get mad for not being better. But I rarely regret my desicions. I guess I can see when I do though, I get over it quickly and I forgive others just as easily.

Good to know...

 

[Stigmata]

I'm not sure I understand what it means to forgive one's self. Is that like regretting things? If so, don't have problem forgiving myself in that instance because mistakes are (or at least should be) learning experience, and therefore I should be to reflect/assess the undesired outcome and take away some kind of knowledge from it that may be applicable going forward. I don't believe in just sitting around regretting things for the sake of the emotion itself, though -- things happened the way they did or were meant to, and being that I cannot change it now, all I can do is continue to look forward toward new opportunities.

As for forgiving others, I base the answer almost exclusively on intent and the person's character. Do I ultimately feel they're a good person? Do I believe their intent was to do harm? If so, it immediately triggers within me a desire to distance myself from this person while blaming myself moreso for allowing myself to be put in a situation to be harmed versus choosing to carry around the negative energy associated with being upset with them. If I believe them to be a person of strong character, I'll be much more inclined to forgive and move on.

 

[Coriolis]

I'm not sure I understand what it means to forgive one's self. Is that like regretting things? If so, don't have problem forgiving myself in that instance because mistakes are (or at least should be) learning experience, and therefore I should be to reflect/assess the undesired outcome and take away some kind of knowledge from it that may be applicable going forward. I don't believe in just sitting around regretting things for the sake of the emotion itself, though -- things happened the way they did or were meant to, and being that I cannot change it now, all I can do is continue to look forward toward new opportunities.

I think forgiving oneself means not beating yourself up for your mistakes; understanding that they are part of the past and cannot be changed, just learned from, as you say. This is why I prefer remorse over guilt. The latter seems to focus on how bad you feel because you did something wrong, while the former seems more focused on the notion of regret, that you wish you had done differently, and will know better in future. Remorse therefore has always felt more constructive, as a motivation for self-improvement and making amends where needed.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I think what I feel is more like second-guessing and confusion about how I handled situations. I can stew in that a bit and not know if what I did was right or wrong, or the best way to handle it or too hamfisted. I've struggled with low social self-esteem and even struggled with self-harming and disliking myself, but it's funny because straight forward guilt about a specific thing I did is hard to put my finger on it. In the way someone has generalized anxiety, I have generalized guilt. I don't think up ideas and actions to specifically hurt people and then feel badly. When I'm upset I can make mistakes and be too blunt and assume the person doesn't love me, but then I think my words will fall on deaf ears instead of a purpose to hurt. I don't know if this makes sense for others. In some ways I think I'm worse about feeling guilty and in other ways not. It's more the feeling of confusion not knowing which perception and construct is correct.

 

[Falcon112]

Definitions are important because we have various representations for "forgiveness", so it's good to see the way you see it. It also allows to gather more thoughts. So following yours, I'd say that forgiving myself is something I'm not capable of. I can forgive the others quite easily to some no-turning point when I lose my whole trust. Saying that I don't "forgive" wouldn't be precise, it would rather like lack of trust or willingness to have something to do with this person. No grudges, though.

 

[Frosty]

Too easily.


Oops I thought this said how easily do you forgive others. That is “too easily”.

Myself is much more complicated.

 

[Black Sun]

Myself: I enjoy learning from my mistakes. I deliberate over my decisions and mistakes for a long time and this has made me gain insights that have prevented me from causing a lot of damage to my wellbeing.
Other people: Depends on the offense and the character of the person.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Some of you have either never truly fucked up, or you're in serious denial. If it's the former, lucky you. If the latter, may luck be with you.

 

[Mind Maverick]

I've definitely fucked up horribly before, but I forgive myself easily. The trick is to always do the best you can in the moment, and when you realize you can or need to do better you grow and move forward, you do better, you follow through with it in action and don't just think about it or wish you could or something. By continuously striving to improve myself I gain a lot of freedom from guilt, shame, and regret, and I gain a lot of confidence and self-acceptance.

That is not to say that I expect others to forgive me so easily, and for that I can get a lot of anxiety. When I'm actually healthy and doing well, my memory is kind of insane, and part of that is being able to recall verbatim conversations, even the tone the words were said in, where I was, and what was around me when I said, heard, or read them. That combination of anxiety and stupidly high memory can make for a lot of rumination and worry/fear. People don't know that you've seen it in yourself and grown. They only see your mistakes. I worry about the loss of connections or pushing others away. I can get really upset about the ways I have, or might have, affected people...not in the way of not forgiving nyself, but in the sense that there are still consequences that come from our actions. People leave, or suffer consequences, etc.

 

[Earl Grey]

I don't get to blaming myself easily, but when I do, it's like a heavy penance, and the weight is a constant reminder of what I did; a sort of reminder for myself to not do the same thing again. I notice that I can let it go very quickly and easily once I've demonstrated to myself (not anyone else- myself) that I've really changed.

Not needing the validation from others is a double edged sword, maybe. On one side I can't be blamed by others, but on the other, I also cannot consider myself forgiven when it comes from another person, even if it was the person to whom I had done fault.

On forgiving others, cliché answer, but it highly depends on them. I have just one stance, and that is whether or not the person recognizes their faults and is willing to change and listen. I think I am relatively forgiving; it's hard for me to take offense to most things begin with. Sometimes, the people asking for forgiveness hadn't even have made a mistake in my eyes.

 

[The Cat]

I can forgive everybody arround and less myself.

Arent you a body arround though?

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

This is a really hard question. If I don't gain more insight on this, I might answer anything between two extremes:
*I forgive myself so much I could be a mass murderer and rationalize it for myself
*I'm a total fucker for not organizing my garbage
If I had to give my hardest, best estimate, I would think I forgive myself pretty much. I would have to think that forgiving is strong with me. So yeah, I'm able to be ok with the kind of behavior where I mistakingly do something, then learn something of the other kind, then find out what to do and then I do the good thing. But, I have no clue.

How could I answer this one better?