Self Esteem Issues In a Supposedly Confident MBTI Type (ENFP)

[elizabeththeauthor]

I wanted to know if any of you have gone through this as ENFPs, or have an insight on the issue from an outside perspective. I'm a relatively young woman (19) and I have been struggling with self esteem issues for about seven years now. It was not awful growing up, but got much worse for me in high school. I was considered "popular", as I have heard most ENFPs were in high school. I had lots of friends, and many friends who were considered to be in the "in-crowd." I floated around, from that group to my swimming club friends and so on. I had many great friends, my problem was always self image and the way I perceived myself in high school. From a very young age, I knew that I was not pretty in comparison to my friends. The majority of my friends are blonde haired, blue eyed, and very beautiful girls (inside and out.) While being friends with them has made me a better person (helped me become more social, increased my skills in hobbies, etc.), I always found myself comparing the way I looked and acted to them. These two girls in particular, lets call them Carol and Emma, were my closest friends from that group. Both blonde, both skinny, both with big gorgeous white smiles, and both with very nice and attractive boyfriends. Me, on the other hand, frizzy auburn hair, pale, not so skinny, a smile that barely shows under my upper lip, a large roman nose, and no boyfriend, had trouble hanging out with them in high school because it would make me very depressed. I had been rejected by every guy I had been interested in during High School, but the one that hurt the most was when one boy said to me "You're a nice girl, and very funny (my name). I admire your intelligence, but you're just not pretty enough to date. If you acted like you, but looked like Carol, I'd date you." It took a huge toll on me, mentally and emotionally. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, and find that I am now hyper-vigilant in social situations because Im afraid someone is judging me and that I'm not good enough. ENFPs are supposed to radiate self-confidence, so I don't really understand what's wrong with me. I don't feel pretty, I don't feel confident, and I just don't feel bubbly or outgoing anymore. Any advice or similar stories? I'm not really sure what to do...

 

[Miss Independent]

Okay, so let me start off with this: Every type can have self esteem issues. You aren't alone. I used to have self confidence issues as well, and I still kind of do to this day, but my self esteem has rapidly improved a lot. Stress has always been something I'm very good at bouncing back from for some reason, so maybe that's the reason why ENFPs are said to be the most confident type, we're very resilient. Anywho, I live by the quote: If you can't handle me at my worst, what makes you deserve me at my best? If guys are nitpicking on looks alone, then you don't need those men in your life. Looks fade, but personality stays. I've had one guy that I used to like criticize me for my looks as well, except he was pointing at my weight and went about a very roundabout way of telling me "You're too fat for me to date", and used a really bad excuse, telling me how my health was at risk with how overweight I am. I may be overweight if you compare me to all those models in the magazine and petite girls, but I'm not stupid. He clearly wasn't into me and I moved on. This was in my sophomore? year of highschool and I told myself, forget him then. There are other fish in the sea, and there are definitely people who love me regardless of my weight. It was that point in my life that I realized, I needed to love myself. There isn't a freaking prince charming that's suddenly going to sweep me away on my feet and solve all my problems in my life. Oh heck no, I have to work to solve those. My friend did that as well herself. She had a midlife crisis practically in middle school when she looked in the mirror and declared "I'm ugly." So she started wearing makeup, trying different fashion styles, and dying her hair until she felt satisfied with herself. If you have to do all these things, or something else to make you feel comfortable with yourself, then do it. You do you.

Now this same friend and I are in a trio with another girl. If you saw us walking down the streets, and have seen that one movie called "THE DUFF" (DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend) yeah, I'm that DUFF. I know how people think. But guess what? Those opinions don't matter to me in the long run. It may hurt then and there, but people with hurtful words aren't going to keep me from being the outgoing, bubbly, stupid even in a happy go lucky go with the flow type of person I am. My friends put up with my bs daily, bad puns, bad jokes, bad pickup lines, TERRIBLE ideas and all. I may secretly still feel inferior in the looks department when I'm with them, but I feel confident that everything's going to be fine in the end, and that we're going to all have a good time when we're out with each other. If they ditch me for another guy though, I'mma dump them at that place, period. Hoes before Bros, comon. One rule.

ALSO! It sounds really stupid, but I used to hate taking selfies and photos with other people, and nowadays I'm able to stand the sight of me in a photo. That's thanks to me looking in a mirror, and telling myself: I am amazing and beautiful. I told myself that each time I saw my reflection for a whole freaking year or three, I have no idea time wise, I just came up with that resolution one day; I was tired of the negativity and depression surrounding me. You might think it's a lie now, but one day, that lie will become a reality if you keep saying it and making an effort to feel comfortable with yourself. The most important part is making the effort to feel comfortable with yourself. I cannot stress that enough. Hope you feel better now though! ALSO ADD ME ON TUMBLR IF YOU WANNA TALK! I FOUND THIS LINK ON TUMBLR AND THEN I COULDN'T FIND IT AGAIN so I had to make an account on here.

 

[Litsnob]

I am much older than you are and not an ENFP but it looks like you just got some good advice and support. Everyone has self-esteem issues at times even if they don't admit it. They may not even admit it to themselves. People who are absolutely confident in everything all the time probably don't have a good grasp on reality.

The guy you met who said those things to you is an asshole. You are lucky not to be with him. I know of a couple ( my own age ) where when they were younger and dating he told her that if she lost 20 lbs he'd marry her. I don't know how or why but after a short breakup they ended up back together. They married and had two kids but they are now divorced. Clearly he remained a jerk.

We are not all good at all things
We all have room to grow
Some people are jerks and say nasty things-that's their problem and not yours
Teen years suck and life does get better
Some adults don't mature
You are not ugly. You may not be classically pretty but that's not worth anything. You don't want someone who values that.