Is it possible to have an event hurt you so badly you neve fully recover?

[highlander]

So grief (sad or otherwise thought of as bother/irritating or troubling 'feelings'?) only exists in a insular and far removed vacuum and are only felt in in regards to things that are strictly 'traumatic' or losing loved ones, and there's never anything else to it?

I don't think that even needs to be so defined and have that definition rigidly drawn in the sand, does it? it's pretty obvious to anyone who has feelings what it is to mourn or feel pain from loss or a hurt of some kind. But it almost just seems like pointing out and going "Okay, this is a different kind of sadness, this sadness is okay to feel, but only in this way and here are the rules. But all other kinds of feelings don't count or matter/and don't exist. The end"

Who said that? I don't think that's true at all. I heard someone say something like this once.

"These feelings may not even disappear after decades but it is possible to let the them hang in the background, like a beloved painting you’ve had most your life but doesn’t necessarily draw your eye every time you walk into the room. It just becomes a quiet part of your life, comforting rather than conflicting. "

 

[Habba]

Everything that happens to us changes us. Strong emotional events leave a footprint to our psyches and physically changes our brains. Sometimes that footprint messes up our lives, sometimes it changes our values.

Losing someone close to you is like losing a limb. It can ruin your life, or it can cause you to refocus your life. Sometimes it is the kick in the butt you've been needing.

It all comes down to your ability to cope with the loss. Healthy psyche and network of friends can help there tremendously. But won't change the fact that you lost someone, the loss will always be there. There will always be scars left.

I lost my mother about 7 years ago, to cancer, and even though I've dealt with the grief and can openly talk about it, there are still moments when I feel saddened by the loss. For example when I look at very old photos of my childhood or think of how she never got to see my son or that he only has one grandmother.

But it also has enabled me to grow as a person. It allowed me to be more affectionate. It allowed me to appreciate myself more. It allowed me to zoom-out my perspective to see the bigger pictures. It was a challenge that made stronger.

It helps to stop being a victim and blaiming the universe for being unfair. It is selfish to expect the universe treat you any different. We are all governed by the same laws of physics, so whatever happens, it is all fair.

 

[Galena]

Yes. I hate that it's true, but it's been proven to be so.

 

[Blackout]

Who said that? I don't think that's true at all. I heard someone say something like this once.

"These feelings may not even disappear after decades but it is possible to let the them hang in the background, like a beloved painting you’ve had most your life but doesn’t necessarily draw your eye every time you walk into the room. It just becomes a quiet part of your life, comforting rather than conflicting. "

Well yes, I was just trying to get at that maybe it's not always so black and white, or that things don't always need to be so defined. I think it's just that some people really focus on all that too much at times. (sometimes) but whatever works for whomever.

 

[Blackout]

Um, um, this was not a "advice thread" at all, thank you very much.


If anything, I was just trying to use myself as an example and in a sense, look at the conceptual pinning and ideas behind things such as "grief" and others personal experiences, or how they effect others 'individuality'

But of course, focusing on individuality is obviously wrong, and completely incomprehensible or acceptable as in so says the governing majority and status quo it would appear.

Thanks for completely stereotyping and misinterpreting what I am saying and as well the very role or purpose of my dominant function: Fi, yet again.

Wicked cool guys.

Yay, freedom, hurrah, yay freedom (I'm a cheerleader, cheering for freedom. Yay freedom)

 

[Blackout]

AGAIN SORRY

I AM NOT TRYING TO "OFFEND" (IF THAT'S WHATEVER EVERYONE IS TAKING IT AS, MAYBE YOU'RE OFFENDING ME AND WE'RE 'EQUAL' OKAY?)

Anyway, I guess I was just giving my 2- cents a bit or something, I guess I don't agree wholly, but I am at least not completely trying to insult, or call anyone down for their beliefs and reach some level of understanding or something. Trying not to keep replying to everyone. But again, I guess dissenting thoughts or just perpendicular are too much? it's not okay to have your opinion because it's "rude" and people find it personally "insulting" and it's my fault then that I'm disliked for such a thing?

But is it?

Would it really be better if everyone walked in agreeance with everyone all the time.

But again it just doesn't matter, right? just.."because"

and "because" (because reasons, "because)

"because"

 

[Habba]

Um, um, this was not a "advice thread" at all, thank you very much.

Then what is this?

[Much anger, frustration, martyrism and confusion]

What is it actually that you are trying to achieve here? What do you want? Why are you so emotional about this? Why do you feel the need to be unique and abstruse?

 

[tkae.]

Yes, it's easy to label everything under blanket terms.

"just the facts, Ma'am"

GuessImjustdamagedgoods. Anyway, sometimes I wonder if the amount of pain you feel over losing someone is equal to the amount you loved them.

It's not a blanket term, it's a meaningful and specific disorder

That's like saying that having the flu is a blanket term. There is literally a family of viruses called the influenza viruses. That's just what they're called.

To answer your larger question, grief and pain eventually heals, but like any wound causes scar tissue. That's all metaphor, but it's the easiest way to describe the process. You can heal to be functional, and the pain won't be as intense (unless you have PTSD), but the wound can still reopen and need to heal again.

 

[Blackout]

Yes, yes I wouldn't expect people who can't think freely on their own or who possess no creativity to really understand.

 

[Lark]

I think there's some sorts of people, terrorists is one example, who want to make lasting impacts on others or the world and they would hope that they could create that kind of effect, I'm not entirely sure that they can, not in every case, definitely not as they would intend most of the time.

Those sorts of people are either consciously or unconsciously driven to build or create a legacy, any kind of legacy and usually its easier to do so in a criminal way than the other, though all the reading I've done and acquaintance I've made with those sorts of people have convinced me that the inadequacy, narcissism and other issues, not far beneath the surface, or their susceptibility to influence, trauma history, means that no matter what horror they are responsible they're not going to be convinced its sufficient or be satisfied with it. It why I think there's repeat offending or an inability to really move beyond incidents in their scenarios.

So far as others who do manage to move on from loss of one kind or another, I think that there's new research being done about social connectedness, its juxtaposition to addiction for instance, or new discussions about resilience, as something other than a trait, which explains how one sort of thing can have a traumatic impact with one individual but another will not, so that variables and externalities other than the self or at least in interdependence or interaction with the self are important factors.

 

[devinmarshal]

i agree ceecee. you are absolute true .