RedAmazoneFriendZone
New member
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2014
- Messages
- 1,447
- MBTI Type
- *NF*
- Enneagram
- 852
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/sp
Hey everybody,
I am surprised about the way of communication of a friend of mine I didn't see from years. We don't know each other very well before he left for Paris as I was arriving
in Provence where I live now.
He seemed to be happy in his job, always smiling and thus making jokes as usual. He is a very sensitive guy but always wearing a big mask. I think he was deeply humiliated as a child.
He never said it but I can feel it due to how he behaves. He has a very good sense of auto derision too.
However, my knowledge thanks to some books (about morphology,Lise Bourbeau) + my own experiments make me observe a big humiliation scare.
When we used to talk he was hiding pain, playing the fool, seeming happy.
Things have changed as I called him a while ago. At this time I asked him if he was happy with his own life. He said he doesn't know if he is happy and tried to escape the conversation.
He suddenly said he was busy, then he asked me a lot of questions that clearly reveal some insecurity, pain, and fear.
Some weeks later he wrote me a text message about his job and as I was dating someone he careful said "I knew you had other things to do than just work".
When I phoned him it was the very first time him to say his job was not going so well. I was feeling him in a real sincere communication for a while.
Normally he escapes very fast into his own mind.
And here he suddenly went in a strange communication, as if he needed to express forbidden things. He was talking about a transexual that was attracting pervert in his neighbourhood,
then he talked about what is under the scotish kilt (because he knows I like to go to Scotland) and if I have checked they are naked under it.
I was thinking he was joking but he wasn't laughing as usual, I could feel he was anxious but hiding it in his usual smart way.
He said something about penis size generally speaking. Here he was ! Then he said laughing "I'm an awkward guy".
I tried to make the atmosphere more fun and comforting as usual : "I like awkward men, they are more natural than others !
Also, Look at me, I have a tiny car, without roof, and a small flat, with a roof.
The size doesn't matter, the important is to feel good !" He immediately answered :
"No no, IT IS important. IT is very important ! If a girl has such a vagina....well you know.....for it to happen, there must be the right size....there si a difference between
Rocco Siffredi and .....a man who gets operated...."
At this precise moment, as I was carefully listening to him, I wondered if he was complaining about his own size.
Why does he tell me such intimate stuffs while he is working. We are just friends. He probably like me and trust me a lot.
I know he is frightened about intimacy (even if I didn't know why). Each time he finds a girl he messes everything up for her to give up.
That guy is probably Fe (one more in my surrounding!) and refuses a serious talk about his intimacy.
I think I understood why ... "Le complexe des vestiaires"
Maybe he is trying to tell me he is gay. 
He gave me a lot of informations about transexual and I tried to make him laugh with a joke : "You missed your true calling, being a gynaecologist !" to which he had a good laugh,
then he explained me some details and I had to stop him because it was too much info and a lot of stress for himself. He even said a freudian slip that shows he is upset.
How would you deal with a man, a friend you don't know very well and speak to you once every 4 months.... when you are a woman, and hear such denial...
well not really denial, he knows...he feels shame. He trusts me to talk about it, then he unconsciously rejects me.
I suppose he needs help. But first of all I'm not a doctor, I'm not sure it is my job to listen to his complex.
Can you tell me frankly what you think of his behaviour.
Thanks.
I am surprised about the way of communication of a friend of mine I didn't see from years. We don't know each other very well before he left for Paris as I was arriving
in Provence where I live now.
He seemed to be happy in his job, always smiling and thus making jokes as usual. He is a very sensitive guy but always wearing a big mask. I think he was deeply humiliated as a child.
He never said it but I can feel it due to how he behaves. He has a very good sense of auto derision too.
However, my knowledge thanks to some books (about morphology,Lise Bourbeau) + my own experiments make me observe a big humiliation scare.
When we used to talk he was hiding pain, playing the fool, seeming happy.
Things have changed as I called him a while ago. At this time I asked him if he was happy with his own life. He said he doesn't know if he is happy and tried to escape the conversation.
He suddenly said he was busy, then he asked me a lot of questions that clearly reveal some insecurity, pain, and fear.
Some weeks later he wrote me a text message about his job and as I was dating someone he careful said "I knew you had other things to do than just work".
When I phoned him it was the very first time him to say his job was not going so well. I was feeling him in a real sincere communication for a while.
Normally he escapes very fast into his own mind.
And here he suddenly went in a strange communication, as if he needed to express forbidden things. He was talking about a transexual that was attracting pervert in his neighbourhood,
then he talked about what is under the scotish kilt (because he knows I like to go to Scotland) and if I have checked they are naked under it.
I was thinking he was joking but he wasn't laughing as usual, I could feel he was anxious but hiding it in his usual smart way.
He said something about penis size generally speaking. Here he was ! Then he said laughing "I'm an awkward guy".
I tried to make the atmosphere more fun and comforting as usual : "I like awkward men, they are more natural than others !
Also, Look at me, I have a tiny car, without roof, and a small flat, with a roof.
The size doesn't matter, the important is to feel good !" He immediately answered :
"No no, IT IS important. IT is very important ! If a girl has such a vagina....well you know.....for it to happen, there must be the right size....there si a difference between
Rocco Siffredi and .....a man who gets operated...."
At this precise moment, as I was carefully listening to him, I wondered if he was complaining about his own size.
Why does he tell me such intimate stuffs while he is working. We are just friends. He probably like me and trust me a lot.
I know he is frightened about intimacy (even if I didn't know why). Each time he finds a girl he messes everything up for her to give up.
That guy is probably Fe (one more in my surrounding!) and refuses a serious talk about his intimacy.
I think I understood why ... "Le complexe des vestiaires"
Maybe he is trying to tell me he is gay. He gave me a lot of informations about transexual and I tried to make him laugh with a joke : "You missed your true calling, being a gynaecologist !" to which he had a good laugh,
then he explained me some details and I had to stop him because it was too much info and a lot of stress for himself. He even said a freudian slip that shows he is upset.
How would you deal with a man, a friend you don't know very well and speak to you once every 4 months.... when you are a woman, and hear such denial...
well not really denial, he knows...he feels shame. He trusts me to talk about it, then he unconsciously rejects me.
I suppose he needs help. But first of all I'm not a doctor, I'm not sure it is my job to listen to his complex.
Can you tell me frankly what you think of his behaviour.
Thanks.
I'll keep my euros for myself. All I know is that this is totally strange. Maybe I'm dramatising the situation. 
