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Thread: Bullying

  1. #511
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    One man's trash is another man's treasure. Being ostracised from something you want no part of has little meaning, other than to make those doing the ostracising feel better. And you didn't answer my question.
    The literate individual can walk away, and there are no literate individuals in traditional tribes, and increasingly there are fewer and fewer literate individuals in our new electronic tribes.

    We take walking away for granted because we are literate individuals. It's as if we are wearing a burqa, or a horse with blinkers, or Ned Kelly in home made armour.

    The literate individual drives forward looking in the rear vision mirror while the electronic tribe is rushing through the windshield.

  2. #512
    Inactive For A Bit RadicalDoubt's Avatar
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    I was bullied for the vast majority of my schooling experience, whether I deserved it or not is genuinely debatable. Unlike some of the other stories I was reading here, I wasn't really bullied for being shy or excessively passive or even because it was necessarily easy to bully me (although after awhile it became because of that). As a kid I was actually quite hardheaded and loud. I was bullied a lot for things I couldn't really control (ie. I had an undiagnosed sensory processing disability and had issues with my hips, which made me incredibly unathletic and uncoordinated), my general queerness, being self-absorbed to the point of inattentiveness and unrelatability, and for developing poor coping mechanisms to deal with my home life (ie. excessive reactivity, positivity/enthusiasm, and a hero complex). I suppose my general awkwardness and inattentiveness to gender roles/general culture also wasn't helpful.

    When I say part of my bullying was my own fault, there was a point in time where I purposely went out of my way to involve myself in bullying matters that didn't concern me necessarily (to protect others in my mind at least) and, especially after the bullying began, my shield of arrogance and the semi-elitist intellectual complex. I genuinely was annoying because of these, and if I wasn't bullied they probably would've just intensified. It continued because I always responded strongly to bullies to the point where bullying me wasn't necessarily fun, but incredibly entertaining to others. Initially it didn't weigh on me at all since I a) wasn't really aware of how other people thought of me and b) didn't really care about others perception of me because of my brief period of having a strong identity. When my house life sort of self-destructed, I went down pretty quickly and sort of wallowed in my isolation that I didn't exactly understand.

    Frankly, I dealt with it wrong. I got loud and reactive, I isolated, and I forcefully disappeared until I was certain no one would remember who I was or notice my presence (which actually worked, although that took at least 4 years to do). I've noted for some people, having a support system of sorts helps. Additionally, just being able to tell your kid that not everyone is bullied for a reason so at least they know it's really not them all the time causing the problem. Lines of communication generally can also help. Most of all though, people really need to communicate with their children where the line between bullying and comedy/practical jokes lies. Frankly, the best way to find solutions to why your being bullied is to know the why, assuming one exists at all.
    - sp/so - INTP -
    “My deplorable mania for analysis exhausts me. I doubt everything, even my doubt.” Gustave Flaubert



  3. #513
    Vulnera Sanentur Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mole View Post
    The literate individual can walk away, and there are no literate individuals in traditional tribes, and increasingly there are fewer and fewer literate individuals in our new electronic tribes.

    We take walking away for granted because we are literate individuals. It's as if we are wearing a burqa, or a horse with blinkers, or Ned Kelly in home made armour.

    The literate individual drives forward looking in the rear vision mirror while the electronic tribe is rushing through the windshield.
    I disagree. The person who walks away leaves the tribe behind in the rear view mirror, and literacy is not required. This sort of striking off on one's own has been part of the "Hero's Journey", probably since there have been humans.


    Quote Originally Posted by RadicalDoubt View Post
    I was bullied for the vast majority of my schooling experience, whether I deserved it or not is genuinely debatable. Unlike some of the other stories I was reading here, I wasn't really bullied for being shy or excessively passive or even because it was necessarily easy to bully me (although after awhile it became because of that). As a kid I was actually quite hardheaded and loud. I was bullied a lot for things I couldn't really control (ie. I had an undiagnosed sensory processing disability and had issues with my hips, which made me incredibly unathletic and uncoordinated), my general queerness, being self-absorbed to the point of inattentiveness and unrelatability, and for developing poor coping mechanisms to deal with my home life (ie. excessive reactivity, positivity/enthusiasm, and a hero complex). I suppose my general awkwardness and inattentiveness to gender roles/general culture also wasn't helpful.
    I was bullied, too, also for no good reason, but then there is never a good reason for bullying. I learned very fast not to let anyone push my buttons, which made it unsatisfying for the bullies, leaving ostracism as their only recourse. I sometimes wished I would be included, until the rare occasion when I finally was, and I saw how empty, pointless, and unenjoyable was the thing I was being included in. After a couple times, I just went my own way.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #514
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I disagree. The person who walks away leaves the tribe behind in the rear view mirror, and literacy is not required. This sort of striking off on one's own has been part of the "Hero's Journey", probably since there have been humans. I was bullied, too, also for no good reason, but then there is never a good reason for bullying. I learned very fast not to let anyone push my buttons, which made it unsatisfying for the bullies, leaving ostracism as their only recourse. I sometimes wished I would be included, until the rare occasion when I finally was, and I saw how empty, pointless, and unenjoyable was the thing I was being included in. After a couple times, I just went my own way.
    We can acknowledge a post by agreeing or disagreeing, either way gives the post currency.

    And with our freshly minted currency, we buy attention.

  5. #515
    Super Moderator Yuu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I disagree. The person who walks away leaves the tribe behind in the rear view mirror, and literacy is not required. This sort of striking off on one's own has been part of the "Hero's Journey", probably since there have been humans.



    I was bullied, too, also for no good reason, but then there is never a good reason for bullying. I learned very fast not to let anyone push my buttons, which made it unsatisfying for the bullies, leaving ostracism as their only recourse. I sometimes wished I would be included, until the rare occasion when I finally was, and I saw how empty, pointless, and unenjoyable was the thing I was being included in. After a couple times, I just went my own way.
    That doesn't always work, the bullies did not "push my buttons" so much as their bullying me pushed the teacher's buttons who in turn took their frustration out on me. In several classes they put me in the back of the classroom facing the corner, like I had done something wrong. They kept saying my condition was a lie and I was making it up, they'd fail me for it, put in the "remedial classes" where I didn't belong. That didn't so much as push my button as it did seriously ruin any chance of success.

    Still, I feel that I did succeed in other ways. If you were to ask me the names of a single kid or teacher who was responsible, I couldn't tell you. I've moved on. And I think I did learn something for it and that's why I am so so unabashedly "me". I odn't need to be part of a group who is going to dislike without getting to know me. I'll go find others who will like me for who I am. I have few friends but they are worth more than a vapid fanboys, spewing the same memes over and over.
    ( If you are wondering "What do memes have to do with anything?" It is that the entire purpose of a meme is to parrot others in the group to say "I get that reference, I am one of you." while offering no intelligent conversation.) I feel like maybe if i had not been ostracized so much I may fall into the same mindless trap.
    " Do something, even if it's wrong."

    " I don't wanna have to but I will, if that's what I'm supposed to do
    We don't wanna set up for the kill, but that's what I'm 'bout to do."

  6. #516
    Vulnera Sanentur Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yuu View Post
    That doesn't always work, the bullies did not "push my buttons" so much as their bullying me pushed the teacher's buttons who in turn took their frustration out on me. In several classes they put me in the back of the classroom facing the corner, like I had done something wrong. They kept saying my condition was a lie and I was making it up, they'd fail me for it, put in the "remedial classes" where I didn't belong. That didn't so much as push my button as it did seriously ruin any chance of success.

    Still, I feel that I did succeed in other ways. If you were to ask me the names of a single kid or teacher who was responsible, I couldn't tell you. I've moved on. And I think I did learn something for it and that's why I am so so unabashedly "me". I odn't need to be part of a group who is going to dislike without getting to know me. I'll go find others who will like me for who I am. I have few friends but they are worth more than a vapid fanboys, spewing the same memes over and over.
    ( If you are wondering "What do memes have to do with anything?" It is that the entire purpose of a meme is to parrot others in the group to say "I get that reference, I am one of you." while offering no intelligent conversation.) I feel like maybe if i had not been ostracized so much I may fall into the same mindless trap.
    I used to wonder whether I became how I am because of the bullying and ostracism. Then I considered that perhaps I was bullied and ostracised because of how I am. I'm not sure it matters one way or another. And I still don't really know what a meme is supposed to be.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
    Likes Yuu, cascadeco liked this post

  7. #517
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    I was bullied for a ton of different and ridiculous things. For being tall, poor, and a tom boy. I guess the saying the nail that sticks out gets hammered isn't an understatement.

    I think the greatest irony is that it never really bothered me, because my home life was more of a pain to deal with. Bullies in comparison seemed just normal to me, and something to overcome just like everything else. I did however, get miffed that none ever really picked a physical fight with me. I really wanted to knock some heads, and my parents once told me as long as I don't through the first punch I won't get into trouble.
    “That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.”


    ― Charles Bukowski


  8. #518
    Super Moderator Yuu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I used to wonder whether I became how I am because of the bullying and ostracism. Then I considered that perhaps I was bullied and ostracised because of how I am. I'm not sure it matters one way or another. And I still don't really know what a meme is supposed to be.
    I think that popularity is kind of the same. Are people popular for setting trends? Or are trends set because the people who start them are popular? I really think that is the person people will love anything someone who is "cool" does but what makes these people "cool" is that they do cool things.
    Likewise an unpopular person can be made fun of for doing something uncool only for the same thing to made cool because a cool person does it. People are a mess.

    You're better off, trust me. I've ended friendships over memes.
    " Do something, even if it's wrong."

    " I don't wanna have to but I will, if that's what I'm supposed to do
    We don't wanna set up for the kill, but that's what I'm 'bout to do."

  9. #519
    Inactive For A Bit RadicalDoubt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I was bullied, too, also for no good reason, but then there is never a good reason for bullying. I learned very fast not to let anyone push my buttons, which made it unsatisfying for the bullies, leaving ostracism as their only recourse. I sometimes wished I would be included, until the rare occasion when I finally was, and I saw how empty, pointless, and unenjoyable was the thing I was being included in. After a couple times, I just went my own way.
    As obvious as it is, sometimes I forget that sometimes bullying happens for no good reason. It was probably smart gong in that sort of direction, although I've noticed that being unreactive and aloof towards bullies sometimes works just as well as blowing up on them to the point of entertainment. Now that I'm out of high school I've sort of found a "niche" of sorts, but I share the sentiment. Just being included isn't really all that satisfying, especially if it it's just on a superficial level (although I definitely shouldn't be complaining, it's nice to have people who sort of enjoy your existence, even if it's purely just for wasting time and stuff).

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuu View Post
    That doesn't always work, the bullies did not "push my buttons" so much as their bullying me pushed the teacher's buttons who in turn took their frustration out on me. In several classes they put me in the back of the classroom facing the corner, like I had done something wrong. They kept saying my condition was a lie and I was making it up, they'd fail me for it, put in the "remedial classes" where I didn't belong. That didn't so much as push my button as it did seriously ruin any chance of success.

    Still, I feel that I did succeed in other ways. If you were to ask me the names of a single kid or teacher who was responsible, I couldn't tell you. I've moved on. And I think I did learn something for it and that's why I am so so unabashedly "me". I don't need to be part of a group who is going to dislike without getting to know me. I'll go find others who will like me for who I am. I have few friends but they are worth more than a vapid fanboys, spewing the same memes over and over.
    That's awful, I hate hearing anecdotes where even the teachers become the bullies/problem. You'd hope that at least a person working in a school environment for years would have at least learned the difference between the bully and the bullied, but far too often that isn't the case.

    Nonetheless, it's good that you've been able to move on a take positives from your experience and become stronger from it.
    - sp/so - INTP -
    “My deplorable mania for analysis exhausts me. I doubt everything, even my doubt.” Gustave Flaubert



  10. #520
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    Quote Originally Posted by RadicalDoubt View Post
    As obvious as it is, sometimes I forget that sometimes bullying happens for no good reason. It was probably smart gong in that sort of direction, although I've noticed that being unreactive and aloof towards bullies sometimes works just as well as blowing up on them to the point of entertainment. Now that I'm out of high school I've sort of found a "niche" of sorts, but I share the sentiment. Just being included isn't really all that satisfying, especially if it it's just on a superficial level (although I definitely shouldn't be complaining, it's nice to have people who sort of enjoy your existence, even if it's purely just for wasting time and stuff).
    There are plenty of legitimate reasons not to be someone's friend, not to want to spend time with them. All that justifies is steering clear of them and leaving them alone. It never justifies bullying. In terms of inclusion, for me, it has always been quality over quantity. I didn't enjoy the activities my peers indulged in, what they talked about and were interested in, how they spent their time. On the rare occasion when I was included, I didn't enjoy myself in the least. Inclusion for the sake of it thus seemed pointless. At least I didn't have @Yuu's trouble of getting bullied by the grown-ups. They might not always have taken bullying seriously enough to step in, but at least they did not contribute to it.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
    Likes RadicalDoubt liked this post

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