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Bullying

Lark

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Since it's obvious and clear to you, can you define it for me?

Because I'm more interested in what you've got to say, you opened with a post equating being a victim of bullying with learned helplessness, which I said sounded a lot like victim blaming, and each post since has impressed it upon me that you're interested in playing games or trolling anyone who responds to your posts.

Prove me wrong. :newwink:
 

Lark

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She made one or two posts toward me here, but has luckily backed off and isn't as annoying as she was on Perc, but she's still viewing all of my threads as I type this and I just find it creepy how she was banned from the other place only to come here and still sort of indirectly start crap with me and to still view all of the posts that I make here as well...I've told one or two posters who I'm talking about that certain people aren't as they appear or they aren't as "nice" as they try to act here and have showed people their alternate personalities on Perc. I put it in private feedback about my situation but wasn't sure if the mods saw it or not.

It's like I can't make any posts now talking about my relationship stuff because I know she'll be viewing it like she views all of my threads. Doesn't even contribute anything to the threads I make, just views them and starts drama with her posts. It would be one thing if she was viewing my threads to have some helpful input but so far that's not the case here with her. She's just viewing all of my threads to be nosy.

You cant really sanction others viewing your posts on a public discussion forum, its just one of those things, its maybe different if you can make a case that its some sort of stalking or something like that but I'm not sure that's what you're talking about.

There's topics I choose not to post about, I've reduced the amount of posting I engage in too because of this kind of phenomenon, its unfortunately the sort of world we live in that odd characters with obsessive streaks or who're living their life out online choose to act this way but its one of those things.
 

rav3n

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Because I'm more interested in what you've got to say, you opened with a post equating being a victim of bullying with learned helplessness, which I said sounded a lot like victim blaming, and each post since has impressed it upon me that you're interested in playing games or trolling anyone who responds to your posts.

Prove me wrong. :newwink:
I asked a question where you haven't explained dick to me, only passed a bunch of judgments and insults without any substance or explanation. I honestly want to know your definition of bullying vs debating and the line between learned helplessness and bullying since IMO, there's no hard line.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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What's the distinction between disagreement/debate and bullying?
I would say that disagreement is about ideas and bullying is about attacking an individual. "This idea is incorrect because...." vs. "You are an idiot, a horrible person, and your mother is ugly".

The bullying language is almost always irrelevant to a discussion. There is a certain grey area in debate where people get lost in debating each others' motives instead of providing evidence to support or contradict an idea. I can see why motives play a role, but I don't like to get into that spiral because it doesn't seem to clarify issues, but confuses and distracts. A debate may demonstrate a person is wrong, but bullying tries to make a person feel badly about who they are.
 

rav3n

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I would say that disagreement is about ideas and bullying is about attacking an individual. "This idea is incorrect because...." vs. "You are an idiot, a horrible person, and your mother is ugly".

The bullying language is almost always irrelevant to a discussion. There is a certain grey area in debate where people get lost in debating each others' motives instead of providing evidence to support or contradict an idea. I can see why motives play a role, but I don't like to get into that spiral because it doesn't seem to clarify issues, but confuses and distracts. A debate may demonstrate a person is wrong, but bullying tries to make a person feel badly about who they are.
Ah, okay. So the line you're drawing is with ad homs. Thanks for the explanation.
 

Lark

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I asked a question where you haven't explained dick to me, only passed a bunch of judgments and insults without any substance or explanation. I honestly want to know your definition of bullying vs debating and the line between learned helplessness and bullying since IMO, there's no hard line.

:D

Cant see a conversation with yourself going any place if you're going to make those sorts of attributions without much in the way of evidence, hope you have more success conversing with others in the future. :)
 

kotoshinohaisha

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I bullied someone in 1st grade and i got bullied during 2nd grade. Karma bitch
 

anticlimatic

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There are some differences between bullying in school when you're a kid and grown up bullying. I can't speak to the former, but most platitudes that people drop on kids actually do work for the later.
 

Straylight

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As a kid I was brutalized by my peers for being an overt nerd with an eccentric style. I was never a strong introvert, but I mostly kept to myself because nobody shared my weird interests except maybe one or two other kids. The bullying was usually so vicious that on more than one occasion, at more than one school, I was hospitalized and the kids responsible were expelled. Psychopathic children are nightmarish sometimes.

The usual treatment I received from the faculty was that I invited bullying onto myself by making myself a target. I wouldn't ever back down from the taunts and mistreatment of other kids. I was fiercely independent and always defensive because I hated being put down and I hated unfair treatment. So, I would always fight back, or tell the bullies to fuck off, and wouldn't ya' know it they didn't like being told to fuck off. Guess what would almost always happen after that.

Because of this sort of thing I was in-and-out of so many schools, in the end my grandmother (I was raised by my grandmother) decided to enroll me in home-school so I wouldn't get beaten up constantly. She was also head of the home-school program in the district we lived in (Santa Rosa, California) at the time so she was partial to it, and mostly hated the primary public school system anyway for being ass-backwards and still stuck in the dark ages (as it is in America). Besides, public school in America tends to be little more than a glorified day-care center where they make you do rinky-dink schoolwork assignments just to keep you busy and barely educated enough to get a basic job when you're a teenager, it has nothing whatsoever to do with promoting real education. For that, you'd need to go to a fancy private school, or be home-schooled by parents who are strongly invested in your future.

It never really went away as I got older. We tried public high-school and it was the same shit, only the stakes were a lot higher because kids that were in gangs might literally murder you at that age. I spent two years stuck in that hell, until I turned 16 and I could legally take my GED and bypass high-school so I could skip straight to community college. And then, everything changed. College was fantastic. No bullies, anywhere, and so many nerds everywhere I could hang out with and play magic: the gathering with in peace and tranquility, organize my dungeons & dragons campaigns and run them in the cafeteria or the student lounge without fear or anxiety. It was great. Actually, it was too great, because I started slacking off and became a big stoner for years which ended up wasting a lot of my time and money.

But, I digress. There's my brief story anyway.
 

puzzle

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I've seen some pretty nasty posts by some posters on here and they still get to post. That turned me off from signing up at first. Hopefully, not all posters are like the ones who claim they don't like bullying people or people bullying people but they go on to bully people themselves and they get away with it. I do see some posters here that seem fun to get to know minus the bad posters.
 

LightSun

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I think this is a great thread. I'm tired of new age people saying we are on the dawn of a moral consciousness awakening. This is a correlation however if we truly enlightened or becoming awake our children would not continue to suffer from bullying in the percentages it does. We are not awakened. It is a line that has been recast for millennia for real.
 

Yay

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I got bullied in middle school badly. I don't really know why. I think being happy wasn't cool in middle school or something. I thought dying my hair blonde and getting contacts in 7th grade would make people nicer towards me, but I think it just pissed them off ha.

It happens to everyone, but for me it got so bad I wanted to get home schooled. It carries with you, but it doesn't define you. There are always going to me mean people who try to tear you down, because they feel torn down on the inside. But getting torn down is a new chance to build yourself up. I had a very sunny personality. I still do, but when I got bullied, something was taken away. My trust, maybe? Something I don't know if i'll ever fully get back. I only want approval from people I find worthy now.

It's sad because a lot of people always compliment me, strangers, ect. My self-esteem isn't as high because I still remember what people said to me in middle school.
 

Kanra Jest

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I dressed weird. Dark. More gothic. Granted I still do but it was a bit different. Anyway. Got picked on for it. Imagine that. Ignored it because I didn't want to bother risking any danger or just pointless drama. Eventually though one day I found him in the same bus as me. I mean, before we never really were nearby anyway so it didn't matter. I mean not THAT nearby. Not in the Bus together or in class together, just outside of it with his cardboard cutouts he called "friends". But this time we were. I glared at him the Death Glare and he shut up and didn't even look at me the WHOLE bus ride. I felt his fear.(*insert maniacal laughter*) He was twice my size at the time. I've been told I've got an intimidating glare when I'm in a bad mood ... Worked like a charm though.

OH... one time he stuck his middle finger out and yelled at me within his car when I was walking home. I proceeded to see his car turn into a driveway nearby on the other side of the corner, and I observantly peaked over. Convenient he showed me exactly where he lived. Also convenient I'm not psychotic.

tumblr_mzv8f0PPYJ1rcz6v9o1_500.gif
*stalker mode activated*
 

Mole

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Bullying among school children is part of conformity. As children we want to conform to a group, we want to belong, and part of that is seeing who doesn't belong. And we presume their is something wrong and even threatening to our conformity in those who don't belong, and so they are targets for self defensive and and self righteous bullying.

And most of us come here because we want to conform, we want to belong. This is evidenced by the fact that we complain about not belonging, when what we most long for is to conform and to belong. So we ourselves are socially complicit in bullying, particularly group bullying.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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[MENTION=3325]Mole[/MENTION]
Do you mean people learn to bully themselves? I have some of that but it isn't always directed towards conformity - sometimes directed away from it.

I am always sorry to hear about bullying like the recent posts in this thread. Ganging up socially to pressure conformity is the worst. Smiling but staying distant has always helped me because bullies are the worst when their acceptance is desired.

When younger I alleviated my social needs by befriending nature and sometimes specific trees. 🌲 I still love trees and they never bully but watch patiently reaching out with their branches.
 

Mole

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[MENTION=3325]Mole[/MENTION]
When younger I alleviated my social needs by befriending nature and sometimes specific trees. 🌲 I still love trees and they never bully but watch patiently reaching out with their branches.

I live in an urban forest in Canberra, click on canberra's urban forest - Google Search

And I am surrounded by the secret life of trees, click on The Secret Life of Trees: The Astonishing Science of What Trees Feel and How They Communicate – Brain Pickings
 

great_bay

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I always thought people bullied because either they think it's funny or they hate you. One of the most common rebuttals bully will give on why they harass a person is because they will say their victims are inferior. Even if the person is inferior, if people really thought it's okay to pick on a person because of inferiority, they would think it's okay to cyberbully random obese people. Bullies don't spend their time on cyberspace bullying obese people even though obese people have aren't held high in our society. When bullies are ask to adhere to their own reasoning, they usually won't do so. So I'd let to believe that bullies do so because they either think it's funny or they hate you.
 

Mole

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I always thought people bullied because either they think it's funny or they hate you. One of the most common rebuttals people think it's okay to bully a person is because they think the person is inferior. Even if the person is inferior, if people really thought it's okay to pick on a person because of inferiority, they would think it's okay to cyberbully random obese people. Bullies don't spend their time on cyberspace bullying obese people even though obese people have aren't held high in our society. When bullies are ask to adhere to their own reasoning, they usually won't do so. So I'd let to believe that bullies do so because they either think it's funny or they hate you.

Bullying carries out a social function. Bullying carries out the social function of the group. The group depends on conformity, and bullies police conformity.

If we live in a society of extreme individualism, we will be blind to the social dimension of bullying, and only see bullying in terms of the individual.
 
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Bullies are sad individuals. Quite often their secretly cowards. I had it happen in grade school. What they failed to realize is everyone has a breaking point and they pushed me until I was frothing mad. The teacher left the room and Mr. Bully proceeded with his bs. Well I snapped and punched a desk that flew a few feet when I did and he balked. I could see the fear in his eyes and he had the nerve to say just calm down! Never bothered me again. Don't fuck with the quiet ones.
 
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