What would you rather be ?

[Cellmold]

Applying it as a simple minded context to my drives in life: I externalise hard to stop but I internalise hard to catch.

 

[ceecee]

Hard to stop.

 

[EJCC]

Hard to stop. There's some appeal to being hard to catch, but I'd be perpetually worried about being caught anyway. If I were hard to stop, it wouldn't matter if I got caught, so I wouldn't have to worry. Everything would be out in the open.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Hard to stop. There's some appeal to being hard to catch, but I'd be perpetually worried about being caught anyway. If I were hard to stop, it wouldn't matter if I got caught, so I wouldn't have to worry. Everything would be out in the open.

It says "hard to stop", instead of "impossible to stop". Just saying.

 

[EJCC]

It says "hard to stop", instead of "impossible to stop". Just saying.

I don't care tbh. Still more confident in my ability to not be stopped, than my ability to get away with things.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I don't care tbh. Still more confident in my ability to not be stopped, than my ability to get away with things.

Just checking.

 

[Virtual ghost]

The question behind this thread was hunting me for a while. In my opinion it does not really matter which options do you really vote because they are quite likely to be basically the same thing.

1. If you are hard to catch then that means that you are probably also hard to stop
2. If you are hard to stop that means that you have well developed countermeasures against those that are hard to catch.


What in the end means that this question can show how we perceive situation and how we see our role in this situation. Hard to catch leans more towards avoiding conflict and acting fast while hard to catch person is much more likely to be a "steamroller" and enjoy conflict. Even if the final results may be exactly identical for both groups.

 

[Kheledon]

Presumably, being an NJ, and specifically an ENFJ, I have a "challenger/trophy" erotic attitude. I consider myself a "trophy" to be won, i.e. I want to be "hard to catch." Furthermore, I have a "victim" romantic style as described below:

Challengers/Trophies: EIE (ENFj), IEI (INFp)

These are the types who unconsciously throw a "gauntlet" down for their opponents. They know on an almost subliminal level exactly who they are looking for, and anyone who does not fit the bill will be subjected to a rather flakey, hot-cold game of courting tag. As a result, they may appear (both to others and to themselves) rather amorphous and can take on qualities of the other romantic attitudes, depending on the situation and who they are "challenging." (Added by [MENTION=26269]Kheledon[/MENTION]--EIE is designed to change its behaviors and adjust itself to meet the needs of those it encounters, but there can be no doubt that I continue to "play" the hot-cold game with my romantic partners, often in an unproductive manner.)

They may, for example, give the victim half his aggressor, the psuedo-aggressor a little victim, the caregiver a bit of his child, etc. They react best, however, to those who do not "break" as a result of their games, but grant them a level of autonomy. Healthy examples of this type will have a sense of self-esteem, and may think of themselves as the "prize" that will be given only to the rightful owner.

...

Victims: EIE (ENFj), IEI (INFp), LIE (ENTj), ILI (INTp)

The Victim types, identified as such by Viktor Gulenko, are the four types with Ni in their ego. Despite the differences between these types in terms of temperament, base function, and quadra values, it seems that in the area of physical attraction, desire, and flirting, the Ego element Ni, coupled with their expectations of Se style behavior in intimate partners, is the most visible factor in a Victim's behavior.

Typical characteristics of the Victim romance style

- prone to initial doubts about intensity of own interest in another person
- not always confident about revealing that interest
- inclined to focus on whether or not the other person might reciprocate the interest
- inclined to question whether or not the other person's interest will remain constant with time (Added by [MENTION=26269]Kheledon[/MENTION]--This explains my paranoia, and my mate has given me good reason to be paranoid.)
- preference for partners that provoke in the individual a certain sense of awe in terms of power, physical presence, and the like
- appreciation for the sense of power-play present when interacting with such partners, with acceptance of a slight sense of superiority on the part of the partner, without ever actually "submitting" to them (Added by [MENTION=26269]Kheledon[/MENTION]--This explains why, after so many years with my mate, I am inclined to be in awe of her power as a woman and why I would see this issue as so very crucial in human, interrealtional affairs.)
- this takes the form of the individual somewhat expecting the partner to be "mean" on occasion
- in the case of Victim males with female partners, this latter trait assumes a characteristic analogous to a "knight devoted to his princess"
- inclination to openly admit to a relationship having been ended by the partner rather than by the individual himself

This romance style is defined by focus on Ni which is dynamic, irrational, and introverted, with perceptions of inner imagery away from the present physical reality. This means that a Victim sees attraction between two individuals as a dynamic state, which he feels is completely natural. This accounts for a Victim's inclination to focus on the mutual attraction, or particularly the attraction felt by the other person, as to its longer-term perspectives and implications, as well as a certain expectation that the partner will continuously take action to confirm the attraction. Failure on the partner to do so results on the individual assuming that it's already changing. The individual counts on the partner to forcefully bring the individual "down to earth from his thoughts " and focus on the immediate physical reality, continuously. (Added by [MENTION=26269]Kheledon[/MENTION]--Because I see my attraction to my mate as dynamic, I can love her and hate her with equal intensity from time to time or at the same time, and this should cause her distress because, for her, attraction is static.)

Socionics - the16types.info - Socionics Romancing Styles

For what that's worth ...

I should add that, from this perspective, what I want to be is moot. The description above nails me whether I like it or not.

 

[Kas]

I chose being hard to stop, because usually I'm rather avoidant, so I know how to run away. The ability of being hard to stop would change more in my case.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

Interesting that both are defined as resistance to outside control.

How about reframing it as:

Hard to catch as elusive, sneaky, and fast.

Hard to stop as forceful and strong.

The problem with being forceful is that it often provokes resistance. Strength in itself can cause fear, anger, and resentment.

Elusive requires superior tactics, avoiding conflict and pitfalls.

I prefer a combination of both and being wedded to neither.

 

[Kheledon]

[MENTION=25377]SearchingforPeace[/MENTION]

Very sophisticated (lots of grey areas) Fe and Fi. Ultimately, I admire and am jealous of your ability to conceptualize your courting and mating behaviors as you described above.