Pain fantasies?

[Sil]

Yeah...it does sound kinda messed up. It is messed up. But for me, it's a stress reliever. It keeps my emotions in check so I don't resort to martyr-like behavior IRL. You know?

No, I don't know. I can't relate at all.

 

[fetus]

No, I don't know. I can't relate at all.

That's fine. To each their own.

 

[Yama]

If we're talking strictly about waking fantasies, then I don't really have the victim ones. In my daydreams I just like to pretend that I'm a really cool person and everybody likes me and I hang out with my imaginary friends who are placeholders for the real life friends I never get to see and nothing I do is ever seen as bad. And sometimes I like to be a bad ass who fights to defend the people they care about but still has a soft and gentle heart. So on the victim/rescue side of things, I'd be the one to reacue. But hey, I don't blame you for the victim fantasies. Like you said, to each their own.

 

[evilrubberduckie]

I like pain. It distracts me from pleasure.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

[MENTION=24479]themightyfetus[/MENTION] and anyone else posting in the thread.

I'd be curious if people who had pain/victim fantasies ever experienced those things irl. Are the fantasies a way to resolve experiences of pain in a more satisfying way, or is actual pain and victimization an alien experience and so it has novelty?

I can endure a lot of actual pain when needed, but I'm way too sick of it to ever fantasize about it. I'd rather be a hedonist at this point. It's an interesting thread that I don't entirely have my head around.

 

[/DG/]

[MENTION=24479]themightyfetus[/MENTION] and anyone else posting in the thread.

I'd be curious if people who had pain/victim fantasies ever experienced those things irl. Are the fantasies a way to resolve experiences of pain in a more satisfying way, or is actual pain and victimization an alien experience and so it has novelty?

No, I have never experienced anywhere near that degree of pain or victimization in my entire life. I've never so much as even gotten stitches for anything. As for victimization, the worst thing that has ever happened to me was when I was shut by a group of people for a few years, but this doesn't at all relate to my fantasies.

 

[Dyslexxie]

[MENTION=24479]themightyfetus[/MENTION]
I read this post prior to falling asleep and last night I kept thinking of how I would never want to be a victim, because I can be my own hero.

Well as it turns out, this lead to the most fucked up dream possible.

Long story short, there was a rampage shooter at this library I was at, and myself and a few people made our way around into the hallway, but somehow he found us. He kicked me down and pointed the rifle at me, ready to shoot, but a tall dark and handsome stranger knocked him down and took his weapon away, saving my life. I'm pretty sure it ended with a dramatic fainting episode on my part, kind of like this:

I still don't know if I like to play the damsel in distress on a normal basis, but god is it every charming when men want to take care of you and save you. It's such an attractive thing for a man to be protective.

In most of my fantasies however I'm always the heroine and am usually independent, winning my own battles. There's never really any pain, just conquests.

 

[EcK]

I don't think I have the mind makeup to imagine myself as a victim.
I mean if something goes 'wrong' my ways of dealing with it are: solving it, letting it go, seeking something more pleasurable, being pissed off.

Maybe it's a female thing? I mean statistically at least

As to fantasies, I don't really fantasize. As to my actual dreams they're usually 'fun adventures' or 'normal days'. I don't really experience 'nightmares' either. Though that's a different thing.

that's about all I could say on that topic

 

[magpie]

[MENTION=24479]themightyfetus[/MENTION] and anyone else posting in the thread.

I'd be curious if people who had pain/victim fantasies ever experienced those things irl. Are the fantasies a way to resolve experiences of pain in a more satisfying way, or is actual pain and victimization an alien experience and so it has novelty?

I can endure a lot of actual pain when needed, but I'm way too sick of it to ever fantasize about it. I'd rather be a hedonist at this point. It's an interesting thread that I don't entirely have my head around.

You might be onto something. I've attempted to cope with irl experiences by sort of doing the opposite of what is specified in this thread and creating fantasies where I myself am powerful or violent instead, or am exacting revenge. So in a sense, it's a fantasy were I'm rewriting a lived experience in my favour. Like I said though, I try not to do this because I don't want to confuse myself about what actually did or didn't happen even more than I already am. Also, when I allow myself to fantasize in this way it makes me feel guilty.

Sorry if this is tmi or isn't what you wanted to hear about.

 

[Lark]

I dont do that but I've heard it is associated with some attachment styles or attachment seeking behaviours, I know someone who was a family therapist who told me a story about kids drawing pictures which had been considered concerning by their parents which featured ambulances, fire engines, police and people in trouble but they were able to explain that the connection to attachment styles and seeking rescue.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

You might be onto something. I've attempted to cope with irl experiences by sort of doing the opposite of what is specified in this thread and creating fantasies where I myself am powerful or violent instead, or am exacting revenge. So in a sense, it's a fantasy were I'm rewriting a lived experience in my favour. Like I said though, I try not to do this because I don't want to confuse myself about what actually did or didn't happen even more than I already am. Also, when I allow myself to fantasize in this way it makes me feel guilty.

Sorry if this is tmi or isn't what you wanted to hear about.

I'm just interested to hear whatever is on people's minds.
I relate a bit more to what you describe than the OP. It's rare that I fantasize about revenge, but it has happened, and I also end up feeling guilty. It only happens when instincts are triggered - when something vulnerable is being harmed and needs a protector or when there is sexual competition for my partner (that I end up feeling guilty about) Someone suggest I use a more benign approach like just imagine the image of the person or harm to dissipate into nothing, and that is helpful for me.

I use to fantasize about being Wonder Woman when I was a little girl. Now I mostly fantasize about being completely alone. When stressed enough I imagine I live in an underground bunker complete with all needed supplies for years, plus nice pets, cozy bed, and perhaps a hot tub. I also fantasize about living in a little cabin with my romantic partner, and I'm actually working tangibly to make it happen.

The victim/pain fantasy is alien to me, which makes me curious because it happens for some reason in other people. What is the reason?

 

[fetus]

I'd be curious if people who had pain/victim fantasies ever experienced those things irl. Are the fantasies a way to resolve experiences of pain in a more satisfying way, or is actual pain and victimization an alien experience and so it has novelty?

Yes, I do dream of things that have happened to me--not the exact events, though, but the same in theory. I was bullied terribly for three years, so one of my pain fantasies is like, being bullied to tears, and then a loved one sticking up for me, slapping the bullies, and then giving me hugs. Or I imagine myself years in the future experiencing stuff I've gone through in the past, and then being rescued. I suppose it's more about the rescue than the pain itself.
Other fantasies are just completely out-of-the-blue. I've never been hit by a car or been in much physical danger. But the concept is there, and I could draw parallels to emotional events I've endured.

I don't mean this to be TMI or anything. I just needed those examples to explain.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Yes, I do dream of things that have happened to me--not the exact events, though, but the same in theory. I was bullied terribly for three years, so one of my pain fantasies is like, being bullied to tears, and then a loved one sticking up for me, slapping the bullies, and then giving me hugs. Or I imagine myself years in the future experiencing stuff I've gone through in the past, and then being rescued. I suppose it's more about the rescue than the pain itself.
Other fantasies are just completely out-of-the-blue. I've never been hit by a car or been in much physical danger. But the concept is there, and I could draw parallels to emotional events I've endured.

I don't mean this to be TMI or anything. I just needed those examples to explain.

That sounds like a very healthy way to resolve the pain you've had to face. That is what should have happened irl. I hope you have less pain in the future.