[MENTION=19719]Forever[/MENTION], I wouldn't take online narcissism test results too seriously. It's just a quick online test *and* narcissists on the extreme end aren't likely to begin to admit they have a problem, or even entertain the possibility for very long. Paragraph from the book I mentioned to describe what I'm talking about:
When feeling special becomes an addiction, there's no room to acknowledge any flaws, no matter how obvious they are to everyone else. People like Gary are notoriously bad partners and friends. The lack of empathy hobbles them relationally, leading them to frequent lies and infidelity. But people who live around 9 don't see it. In fact, ask them if they're comfortable with deeper intimacy, capable of sharing sadness and loneliness with those they care about, and they'll often say they're good at that, too. They have such little self-awareness they can't even recognize the limits of their own ability to love.
[When he says "9", he's talking about on a scale of one to ten. So,
really narcissistic.]
I'll only add to the above that sometimes they actually do acknowledge flaws, but not the flaws they actually have- they'll concede to having other flaws that have little or nothing to do with their worst flaws. I'm not sure I can remember the explanation for that enough right now to do it justice- something about it being 'safer' to get rejected for flaws that aren't real than to get rejected for flaws they truly have, and conceding to having
some flaws is all part of perfecting the 'false self' because it adds a veneer of humility.
It's one thing to be needy, it's another to be narcissistic. Both
are needy, but narcissists won't admit it. Especially to themselves. They suck the life of out of people because they're needy, but it's like they see giving someone an opportunity to interact with them as some kind of gift instead of the energy-suck that it is. When their needs don't feel met, they get angry at others for not seeing what a gift their presence bestows on the world. I haven't interacted a whole lot with you, but from a few recent posts- in which you pretty much admit you feel very needy- I'd say this is just a case of feeling needy instead (and there's nothing wrong with that: it sucks to experience, I've certainly been there, I'll certainly be there again, and ultimately it's actually an experience to be grateful for because it can strengthen compassion). I don't think someone who is truly on the far side of narcissism would admit to feeling needy (unless they admit to feeling needy in a confabulated way, for the reason I described in previous paragraph).
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I also just want to point out that narcissists (in whatever degree)
can empathize- as pointed out in the description of the communal narcissist, they can actually have an identity based on being empathetic, and have quite a few people seeing them as being genuinely empathetic because they can genuinely empathize- it's just that they empathize when it's easy. It's easy to empathize with people who make us feel good. Narcissists can be very good at getting others to idealize them (in large part because they idealize themselves, and
overconfident people are likely to be overrated), and it's VERY easy to empathize with people who idealize us. But it becomes a challenge when there's something threatening about a person. <- This is true about
everyone, more or less- but narcissists have an exceptionally low threshold for external threats (fragile ego) and this tendency for empathy to shut off when threatened is amplified for them. [Not to mention, they're so preoccupied with getting their needs met that they have very few internal resources to give- but they see the empathy they
do dole out as being more 'special'/important than it actually is/than that of others.]
Even extreme narcissists empathize- but it's the cold empathy, where they use it to figure out how to elicit the reaction they want, it's not actually about caring in any unconditional capacity.
