Dear Sensitive People

[miss fortune]

can you please help me figure out how you think?

I don't really get it... most of the time I'm not sure what I've done to offend you because I really wasn't out to do so... getting yelled at for something when I'm not sure what I did kind of really, really confuses me Usually when I ask exactly what I did to make you mad you act like I should know and I don't know... that's why I asked!

There's also people (my sister...) who tend to think that I actually plan out what I say ahead of time to the point where I can actually manage to have some sort of sinister motives in what I'm saying... I don't plan things ahead of time (you should be able to tell this by reading this post!) and half of the time I'm not even sure that I'm thinking WHILE I'm speaking

I'm not accusing you of anything (other than really confusing me on a somewhat regular basis)... I just genuinely feel lost in these types of interactions and would like to understand them and figure out how to escape them with my brain intact in the future, so can you please tell me how this works?

*** note, this is based on something in real life, though I see it here sometimes as well. If you think I'm talking about you, I'm not... also, there is no motive behind this thread... please don't be mad at me

 

[prplchknz]

can you please help me figure out how you think?

I don't really get it... most of the time I'm not sure what I've done to offend you because I really wasn't out to do so... getting yelled at for something when I'm not sure what I did kind of really, really confuses me Usually when I ask exactly what I did to make you mad you act like I should know and I don't know... that's why I asked!

There's also people (my sister...) who tend to think that I actually plan out what I say ahead of time to the point where I can actually manage to have some sort of sinister motives in what I'm saying... I don't plan things ahead of time (you should be able to tell this by reading this post!) and half of the time I'm not even sure that I'm thinking WHILE I'm speaking

I'm not accusing you of anything (other than really confusing me on a somewhat regular basis)... I just genuinely feel lost in these types of interactions and would like to understand them and figure out how to escape them with my brain intact in the future, so can you please tell me how this works?

*** note, this is based on something in real life, though I see it here sometimes as well. If you think I'm talking about you, I'm not... also, there is no motive behind this thread... please don't be mad at me

for me i take most things at face value except when i don't which is also often but that's because people are slippery what i'm saying is you aren't bad so i tend to believe what you say except when i don't but i believe what you say more than i don't so the point is you are mostly trustworthy.

 

[á´…eparted]

I'm actually pretty sensitive. I just hide it and keep it in check. It serves me no purpose to put it on display and deride people when they poke it wrong. IMO, most sensitive people need to better learn to discern when they are just responding to a low threshold, or if something is validly worth addressing.

Point is, don't freak out that you're pricking people too often. It's a two way street. When they fail to explain it to you it's their damn fault.

 

[ceecee]

I worked with a true HSP a few years ago. What I started doing was basically not speaking after there were too many times my tone was "off" and too many times I was "harsh". I started keeping a big legal pad next to me and I would write anything I had to say to that person on the pad and handed it to them. No I wasn't attempting to be passive-aggressive with them or anything like that. But after I was told "I'm a highly sensitive person, don't you understand that?" it seemed that any tone of voice, facial expression or movement that they didn't jibe with their sensitivity was a problem. I just happened to be in the line of fire since I sat close by.

I didn't take that personally, I'm not sure why they took the note pad personally either. Is it a condition? Is it an excuse? Is it a mental illness? I don't know and honestly, I don't care to know.

I couldn't have been happier when my request to work remotely was approved.

 

[á´…eparted]

I worked with a true HSP a few years ago. What I started doing was basically not speaking after there were too many times my tone was "off" and too many times I was "harsh". I started keeping a big legal pad next to me and I would write anything I had to say to that person on the pad and handed it to them. No I wasn't attempting to be passive-aggressive with them or anything like that. But after I was told "I'm a highly sensitive person, don't you understand that?" it seemed that any tone of voice, facial expression or movement that they didn't jibe with their sensitivity was a problem. I just happened to be in the line of fire since I sat close by.

I didn't take that personally, I'm not sure why they took the note pad personally either. Is it a condition? Is it an excuse? Is it a mental illness? I don't know and honestly, I don't care to know.

I couldn't have been happier when my request to work remotely was approved.

I'm sorry, but that person needs to get the stick out of their ass and fucking deal. That is immensely pathetic. It's good that you dealt with it professionally, but you shouldn't have had to. They should have been reported to their supervisor for being insufferable and dealt with accordingly. To them, your fault was merely existing. See the problem there?

People need to grow a spine, or gtfo

fun fact: any time I test for "HSP" I fit it solidly, so I am not inclined to take it as an excuse EVER

 

[ceecee]

I'm sorry, but that person needs to get the stick out of their ass and fucking deal. That is immensely pathetic. It's good that you dealt with it professionally, but you shouldn't have had to. They should have been reported to their supervisor for being insufferable and dealt with accordingly. To them, your fault was merely existing. See the problem there?

People need to grow a spine, or gtfo

fun fact: any time I test for "HSP" I fit it solidly, so I am not inclined to take it as an excuse EVER

My supervisor knew, everyone knew. A few people transferred departments or quit outright. I felt bad for them but...fuck that. Maybe it's because it's a healthcare field, she was also good at her job but nah, I had enough. I was happy to go home. That person is still there too.

 

[á´…eparted]

My supervisor knew, everyone knew. A few people transferred departments or quit outright. I felt bad for them but...fuck that. Maybe it's because it's a healthcare field, she was also good at her job but nah, I had enough. I was happy to go home. That person is still there too.

That indeed makes it difficult. IMO though, if you're good at your job, but make everyone elses job difficult, that's worse than being bad at your job but friendly to everyone. Multiple problem instead of a single problem.

I would've made short work of her if nothing was done. Causing people to just leave or transfer is not the answer to the problem.

 

[Hawthorne]

[MENTION=20829]Hard[/MENTION], you're an interesting guy.
[MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION] Maybe you just suck at modulating your tone and expression so confusion or contempt leaks through? Maybe this easily offended individual just needs to grow up, go outside, get some meds, get a thicker skin, or all of the above? Maybe everyone just needs to calm down, share a gallon of B & J, and take a nice power nap?

You will never know the answer to why you accidentally piss off, disgust, or rub any individual the the wrong way unless you ask said individual. The only thing you can do is apologize (genuinely), ask for clarification (to truly understand), and if nothing is forthcoming, move on with your life.

As an aside, I always find it interesting how easily people dissociate themselves in these sorts of threads. As if one has never felt offense or it is so long by that they can't possibly remember how it felt and why they reacted so irrationally. So curious. So interesting.

People. Are. So. Interesting.

 

[ceecee]

[MENTION=20829]Hard[/MENTION], you're an interesting guy.

[MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION] Maybe you just suck at modulating your tone and expression so confusion or contempt leaks through? Maybe this easily offended individual just needs to grow up, go outside, get some meds, get a thicker skin, or all of the above? Maybe everyone just needs to calm down, share a gallon of B & J, and take a nice power nap?

You will never know the answer to why you accidentally piss off, disgust, or rub any individual the the wrong way unless you ask said individual. The only thing you can do is apologize (genuinely), ask for clarification (to truly understand), and if nothing is forthcoming, move on with your life.

As an aside, I always find it interesting how easily people dissociate themselves in these sorts of threads. As if one has never felt offense or it is so long by that they can't possibly remember how it felt and why they reacted so irrationally. So curious. So interesting.

People. Are. So. Interesting.

I think this is the best advice for everyone. Once I started working from home, I started taking a nap almost every day.

 

[evilrubberduckie]

can you please help me figure out how you think?

I don't really get it... most of the time I'm not sure what I've done to offend you because I really wasn't out to do so... getting yelled at for something when I'm not sure what I did kind of really, really confuses me Usually when I ask exactly what I did to make you mad you act like I should know and I don't know... that's why I asked!

There's also people (my sister...) who tend to think that I actually plan out what I say ahead of time to the point where I can actually manage to have some sort of sinister motives in what I'm saying... I don't plan things ahead of time (you should be able to tell this by reading this post!) and half of the time I'm not even sure that I'm thinking WHILE I'm speaking

I'm not accusing you of anything (other than really confusing me on a somewhat regular basis)... I just genuinely feel lost in these types of interactions and would like to understand them and figure out how to escape them with my brain intact in the future, so can you please tell me how this works?

*** note, this is based on something in real life, though I see it here sometimes as well. If you think I'm talking about you, I'm not... also, there is no motive behind this thread... please don't be mad at me

Yes to all of this.

Also the reason why Im still single.

 

[miss fortune]

I think the sense of humor has some to do with why people get all offended... though I'm not malicious and I wouldn't be offended if they tossed the same sort of thing back at me.

the tendency to be rather high energy and often cheerful possibly doesn't help either, which also kind of confuses me, but people are weird I guess

sometimes I really consider that I might be happier as a hermit because it'd be a hell of a lot easier!

"you know what you did!" should be a smiting offense though... if they're asking there's a chance they might actually NOT know what they did!

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

[MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION]
I've had people yell at me, and when they do that, I assume they can't be all that sensitive. A *sensitive* person is afraid of offending others. They walk on eggshells and bend over backwards to avoid conflict and please everyone, and then they go home and vomit and take a long nap in the dark.

People who expect to be treated delicately, but yell at others are simply assholes, nothing special to see. I feel very strongly that it is healthy for everyone to be willing to take what they dish out. If someone is "sensitive" and as a result yells at people, then they need to learn to be yelled at because other people are sensitive also. If a person refuses to take whatever it is they dish out, they are an asshole.

There are some excellent posts in the emotional repression thread that can explain the hypersensitive, aggressive, exaggerated behaviors you describe here.

edit fwiw, I recently had a grandmother yell at me and tell me 'she was on my shitlist' because I couldn't reschedule her appointment. There is no way to avoid it, and I share your feelings about being a hermit [MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION]. There are some people I can calibrate to if I know how they communicate - even really harsh, conflict disorder, insulting people, but if I know they had a brain injury, then I can expect it and keep it at arm's length. We all have different styles, words mean different things from different people, and everyone has different tolerance and expectations. All we can do is treat others as we would like to be treated with some additional accommodation for differences, but there is a limit. There will always be someone angry and offended because no one can account for every difference - AND some feelings of offense are not even genuine. They are a means to get power.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

"you know what you did!" should be a smiting offense though... if they're asking there's a chance they might actually NOT know what they did!

Yup.

 

[evilrubberduckie]

I hate passive anything.

Especially passive aggressive responses. "you should..."

I didnt know how much of a pet peeve I found it to be until right now honestly.

I knew I didnt like it, I just never knew there was a word to it.

My mom and dad did that to me a lot as a kid and it absolutely drove me up the wall bonkers because I literally didnt know what I did wrong. They refused to tell me, gave me the silent *I'm going to glare at you/or ignore your existance response* and it just led me to become insanely angry at them for not allowing me to understand what I need to fix. I remeber going to bed shaking with anger and tears becasue I was being ignored and I couldnt for the love of God ever find out what I did wrong.

 

[prplchknz]

when i get super cranky and cry easily because the eggs weren't yellow enough i take nap. because sometimes you need a nap or a hug.

 

[miss fortune]

[MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION]... that's one thing that's always confused me... how can someone be so sensitive about themselves and so insensitive towards everyone else? strangers can't be expected to know your life story... I mean, there's basic politeness and such that should be used if speaking to someone who you don't want to hurt the feelings of, but above and beyond that from a stranger is a bit demanding!

 

[Forever]

[MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION]
Here's some things I find quickly (me being HSP oh the burdens of it, I can't say the positives have surpassed the negatives yet and I'm waiting and I'm not saying you do these things either):

-If someone gives you something, don't snatch away and speak fast and short.

*Sounds to me like I have irritated you beyond mentioning and that really gets me thinking either your day was crap and you just hate people or I've done something hurtful and you're just doing your job.Now I've told myself not to be hurt from that and I'm getting better and just telling myself that it is his personality.​

-Don't speak in a high squeal tone when you say "thank you" and use two fingers to rip the paper away from my hands.

I don't know how anyone cannot interpret this as offensive.​

-Smile just a little bit or give a nod of understanding when I explain something, instead of looking away like I don't exist and pay attention to your current task more UNLESS you were busy before.

It pretty much means "IDGAF" in non-verbal language.​

[MENTION=1180]
I've had people yell at me, and when they do that, I assume they can't be all that sensitive. A *sensitive* person is afraid of offending others. They walk on eggshells and bend over backwards to avoid conflict and please everyone, and then they go home and vomit and take a long nap in the dark.

People who expect to be treated delicately, but yell at others are simply assholes, nothing special to see. I feel very strongly that it is healthy for everyone to be willing to take what they dish out. If someone is "sensitive" and as a result yells at people, then they need to learn to be yelled at because other people are sensitive also. If a person refuses to take whatever it is they dish out, they are an asshole.
I'm high in my self-awareness (in fact that's like 75% of my life is to make sure I do not do the same things to others). I'm also good at telling others how I'm feeling about them right now too. I hate passive-aggressiveness. I know there are some people who reply to me in ways where it makes it look like they're the ones who are on the higher ground than I am.

Fia is definitely on point and I loved how you worded it! I'm high in my self-awareness (in fact that's like 75% of my life is to make sure I do not do the same things to others). I'm also good at telling others how I'm feeling about them right now too. I hate passive-aggressiveness. I know there are some people who reply to me in ways where it makes it look like they're the ones who are on the higher ground than I am.

 

[Duffy]

can you please help me figure out how you think?

I don't really get it... most of the time I'm not sure what I've done to offend you because I really wasn't out to do so... getting yelled at for something when I'm not sure what I did kind of really, really confuses me Usually when I ask exactly what I did to make you mad you act like I should know and I don't know... that's why I asked!

There's also people (my sister...) who tend to think that I actually plan out what I say ahead of time to the point where I can actually manage to have some sort of sinister motives in what I'm saying... I don't plan things ahead of time (you should be able to tell this by reading this post!) and half of the time I'm not even sure that I'm thinking WHILE I'm speaking

I'm guessing your sister is INFx? Is she aware of MBTI? Maybe if she's aware of it she'll realize not everyone thinks the same way. For example, I know introverted perceiving types tend to be more methodical in their approach to life. Some may assume others put as much thought into their actions as they do.

I think you typed as ESTP. Personally, I'd say I veer more towards the sensitive spectrum, but I don't think I've ever really took things seriously with ExTPs. They've always come across as rather oblivious. Intent is what people are sensitive to I think.

 

[Duffy]

I worked with a true HSP a few years ago. What I started doing was basically not speaking after there were too many times my tone was "off" and too many times I was "harsh". I started keeping a big legal pad next to me and I would write anything I had to say to that person on the pad and handed it to them. No I wasn't attempting to be passive-aggressive with them or anything like that. But after I was told "I'm a highly sensitive person, don't you understand that?" it seemed that any tone of voice, facial expression or movement that they didn't jibe with their sensitivity was a problem. I just happened to be in the line of fire since I sat close by.

I didn't take that personally, I'm not sure why they took the note pad personally either. Is it a condition? Is it an excuse? Is it a mental illness? I don't know and honestly, I don't care to know.

I couldn't have been happier when my request to work remotely was approved.

lol, that's totally passive aggressive. I'm surprised you went through with it. I'd cringed to death doing something like that.

 

[miss fortune]

[MENTION=19719]Forever[/MENTION]... I'm actually pretty easy to get along with for people who are sensitive to stimulation, because I'm pretty soft spoken and hate invading the personal space of others... and I have MANNERS

those things that you mentioned are quite irksome... it's like "you are beneath me, servant"
[MENTION=25411]Hijynx[/MENTION]... she's an ENFP of the spiky variety (as opposed to fluffy)

and I think that the typical TP sense of humor is a bit off to many people...