Where are you in the rat race?

[Oaky]

When people compare themselves to others to configure value of themselves they often either heighten or lower value of themselves, where the rat race seems to hold a sociological version of it where each individual try to achieve that which their society holds in value.

What is your opinion/stance?

Where are you in the rat race?

How much are you connected to it willingly or unwillingly?

Depression, anxiety and envy form a lot by some level of psychological comparison in this too, and sometimes it's so embedded we think it's more of a need than simply a strong desire by comparison.

 

[Lark]

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

 

[chickpea]

*trap queen*

 

[á´…eparted]

It depends. Sometimes I feel like I am far ahead of many people, and other times I feel like I am really far behind. It depends if I am looking at it from a career, social, or relationship prospective. I feel quite far ahead in career (even though I'm still in grad school) as what I am aiming for requires a lot of skill. Though if I am having a rough time I tend to feel like I'm faking it all and feel less behind.

While I don't use it to measure other people, I feel like my income dictates how far along I am. Largely because it's an objective standard, and in my career path the difficulty and challenge of what you do is decently linked with income. Again, because I am still in grad school that's not a factor yet, but it will be.

Socially it also depends. I'm both very skilled socially, and a social idiot at the same time. It really depends on my mood and the recent situations I have gone through.

Relationship wise I am definitely behind. I've never had a boyfriend, and it's certainly not from lack of trying. I have a lot of issues related to this, and I've mostly resigned to the fact that I'll never be in one.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

When people compare themselves to others to configure value of themselves, , where the rat race seems to hold a sociological version of it where each individual try to achieve that which their society holds in value.

What is your opinion/stance?

"In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self... Self-esteem is attractive as a social psychological construct because researchers have conceptualized it as an influential predictor of certain outcomes, such as academic achievement, happiness, satisfaction in marriage and relationships, and criminal behavior." ~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem

"Terror management theory (TMT; J. Greenberg, T. Pyszczynski, & S. Solomon, 1986) posits that people are motivated to pursue positive self-evaluations because self-esteem provides a buffer against the omnipresent potential for anxiety engendered by the uniquely human awareness of mortality." ~ http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&id=2004-13724-007


TMT in a nutshell is this idea that the source of human neurosis is not sexual repression as Freud told us, but the suppression of death anxiety. Death anxiety is the source of all of our malaise, all of our neurosis both conscious and subconscious. It's the source of our greatest creativity but also our most destructive tendencies and our existential despair. Because we are aware that we are mortal it causes all sorts of cognitive stress, the 'human condition'.


The following are excerpts from; Why Do People Need Self-Esteem? A Theoretical and Empirical Review

"Everything cultural is fabricated and given meaning by the mind, a meaning that was not given by physical nature. Culture is in this sense “supernatural,” and all systematizations of culture have in their end the same goal: to raise men above nature to assure them that in some ways their lives count more than merely physical things count. (Becker, 1975, p. 4)"

"They earn this feeling by carving out a place in nature, by building an edifice that reflects human value: a temple, a cathedral, a totem pole, a skyscraper, a family that spans three generations. The hope and belief is that the things that man creates in society are of lasting worth and meaning, that they outlive or outshine death and decay, that man and his products count. (Becker, 1973, p. 5)"

"...the notion that people are motivated to sustain high levels of self-esteem is so pervasive and widely accepted that most theorists use it as a postulate or paradigmatic assumption without providing justification or explanation. Such diverse forms of behavior as altruism and aggression, love and hatred, and conformity and deviance, have all been explained as ultimately rooted in the human need to see ourselves as valuable."

http://people.uncw.edu/ogler/Experimental/why do we need selfesgteeem.pdf

Where are you in the rat race?

How much are you connected to it willingly or unwillingly?

I dropped out of the rat race when I was in my early 20's and haven't looked back. I still have my immortality projects of course, since the human need and craving for value is limitless. Indeed the fact that I chose to spend 'energy' creating this post is an effort to create value by offering utility in for the form of offering information.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Relationship wise I am definitely behind. I've never had a boyfriend, and it's certainly not from lack of trying. I have a lot of issues related to this, and I've mostly resigned to the fact that I'll never be in one.

You need to check your male privlege, bro.

 

[á´…eparted]

You need to check your male privlege, bro.

You lost me here .

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

You lost me here .

Just because you are a man, everything is super easy. Everyone with a penis gets 500 gold doubloons, monthly, once they reach puberty that they can all spend on whiskey, whores, and Sylester Stallone-esque arm-wrestling tournaments. Didn't you get the memo?

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Relationship wise I am definitely behind. I've never had a boyfriend, and it's certainly not from lack of trying. I have a lot of issues related to this, and I've mostly resigned to the fact that I'll never be in one.

Relationships are not required for a 'happy' and meaningful life, contrary to what society tells us.

Here, you might find this interesting;

"The Anxiety-Buffering Function of Close Relationships: Evidence That Relationship Commitment Acts as a Terror Management Mechanism"

http://www3.psych.purdue.edu/~willia55/392F/Florian.pdf

 

[SpankyMcFly]

You need to check your male privlege, bro.

Hmmm, I wonder if I can trade in some of my male privilege for some Typology Central 'credits'...

 

[á´…eparted]

Relationships are not required for a 'happy' and meaningful life, contrary to what society tells us.

Here, you might find this interesting;

"The Anxiety-Buffering Function of Close Relationships: Evidence That Relationship Commitment Acts as a Terror Management Mechanism"

http://www3.psych.purdue.edu/~willia55/392F/Florian.pdf

That is quite the long paper.

Honestly, the crux of the issue is mostly finding the right person. Physically, I am picky. I tried for several years to ignore that to varying degrees, be more "realistic" about it. It just doesn't work, and tried multiple times. I've accepted that unless that requirement is fully met, it won't work. There's also a rather narrow band of personalities that I could mesh with in relationships. My psychologist and I talked about this several years ago, and we both came to the conclusion that because of my personality, intelligence, interest, and the fact that I'm gay makes the pool of people I could potentially work with very very low. That's not factoring the physical either. Then of course there is the factor of mutual interest that would make it a lot smaller.

If I found the right person I'm sure it would develop rather quickly with few problems. However, sexual matters make me uncomfortable in many ways, a portion of it is because of low experience, but it's just a matter I am very unsure of, so even if they were right for me, and I was right for them, I'm not sure if it would last inside the bedroom.

Ultimately, I just have large confluence of factors that makes the number of possible people for me exceedingly small. I know that relationships aren't required, and I can live a good life without one. That doesn't mean I still don't want to experience it at least once.

 

[SpankyMcFly]

There's also a rather narrow band of personalities that I could mesh with in relationships... Ultimately, I just have large confluence of factors that makes the number of possible people for me exceedingly small.

I totally relate to this

Wanting at least one experience is understandable.

 

[Lark]

*trap queen*

That was my actual experience.

I took a promotion once, I was favoured by someone who has steadily risen with the organisation I think, although what I learned quickly was that for a lot of other key individuals, people I was to have the most contact with and work alongside my face didnt fit.

I decided to give up on seeking promotion from then on because the purpose of promotion for me was to reshape things and bring about major change for the better within my organisation. I couldnt be bothered with the piddling office politics and petty ego tripping of people standing in the way of that.

And so I dedicate my time to things other than work now, goals other than work goals, I do my job to the best of my ability, try to avoid all the people who're taken with their slight bit of power as they set about putting others down or playing humiliation games (there's no other term for it so far as I can tell).

 

[cascadeco]

When people compare themselves to others to configure value of themselves they often either heighten or lower value of themselves, where the rat race seems to hold a sociological version of it where each individual try to achieve that which their society holds in value.

What is your opinion/stance?

Where are you in the rat race?

How much are you connected to it willingly or unwillingly?

Depression, anxiety and envy form a lot by some level of psychological comparison in this too, and sometimes it's so embedded we think it's more of a need than simply a strong desire by comparison.

I was somewhat unwillingly tied to the rat race, via resentfully accepting corporate office work I disliked, for 10+ years out of college -- I had never had a grand vision of 'what I really wanted to be when I grew up', so had never had a set career path/ epic job I desired, and through how I was raised I think was under the notion that I 'should' be doing something linked to my white-collar middle class upbringing, using my intelligence, and anything other than 'getting a job in a company' was beneath me. Something to that effect I think. However I really was pretty unhappy, forcing myself into that type of job. I never bought into the rat race in the sense of continuously working my way up though and working super long hours; I always refused to do that, would just put in my 40 hours and that was that.

I finally left the corporate world a few years ago, and have no regrets. I am now working slightly above minimum wage, at a coffee shop, and it's enormously better than what I had been doing; I have no resentment or bitterness or forced rationalizations any longer. I still need to figure out how to actually have more income coming in, via side projects (art), but I feel so much better having let go of something I thought I had to do but in actuality I don't, none of us do. I probably won't be at a coffee shop forever, but other paths haven't yet become clear to me.

I'm quite certain to those who measure peoples' 'success' via their job and income, I'm viewed as a total failure (otoh, some people think it's 'brave' my having left it); also, at my age, I differ so much in where I'm at in life, both in my job and in my lack of spouse/kids, that a higher % of peers aren't really going to be able to relate to me. It is what it is. There's also a % that I think can and will. At this point in my life I don't care as much about how I am perceived... I guess that is a benefit of age. I'll figure it out; just glad not to be sitting in a cubicle at a computer anymore.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I totally relate to this

Wanting at least one experience is understandable.

Me too. There are a large number of women out there who just aren't compatible with me. Some of them might like the idea of dating me on paper, but the reality would be quite different. Many of them see me as a wounded creature that they need to "fix" so I can be more "normal." But the only areas I really want more improvement in my life are ones of structure, direction and organization. I'm not interested in having lots of friends ( I prefer quality over quantity); and I'm already comfortable with my emotions, regardless of whether or not I express them.

I find the idea that someone thinks they know what I need better than I do to be insulting. I'm comfortable with being eccentric and an oddball; and let's face it, I'm always going to be that way. I have no interest in being normal, except for where that helps me achieve other goals.

 

[SiegfriedSchtauffen]

I don't give a fat rat's ass about the rat race. I'm afraid this is one of the biggest factors that make it very difficult for me to relate with others. Unfortunately I found it out a little bit late that instead of trying to find my place in the rat race I should find an exit door.

TMT in a nutshell is this idea that the source of human neurosis is not sexual repression as Freud told us, but the suppression of death anxiety.

I think the source of human neurosis can be any kind of suppressed fear. The subject of fear can be related to sexuality, death, anything... For example: I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of huge failures that may happen while I'm alive.

 

[miss fortune]

I'm not very good at fitting in the rat race... I suck at following orders (ok, I don't really suck at it... I don't do it unless they ask me nicely and make it make sense to me) and my leadership style is very laid back. I don't really want to boss other people around because it means that I have to spend my time watching what they're doing and having to tell them things. I also don't want for them to boss me around either

on top of that, I have the bad habit of taking great glee in offending bosses by pointing out things that they hadn't thought through or might have been overly cheery about. I take more joy in saying things that prevent me from getting promoted than I would get from playing along.

mostly, I would rather do something that I enjoy than anything else... I'm over playing along, wasn't that good at it anyway and NOT playing is SO much more fun

 

[pluviophile]

I typically admire people who are doing what they want and don't care what other people think about it. So, I can admire a successful businessman/woman, lawyer, doctor, teacher, whatever, if they are really enjoying what they do and enjoying their life. I can also admire someone who works at the gas station and is happy with where they are.
Unfortunately, I haven't found a way to be happy with either. I don't enjoy the rat race and don't really want to be a part of it. However, I come from a family of high achievers and have a difficult time accepting that I personally am not a failure without monetary/career/accumulation of unimportant stuff success. For my own personal wants, I despise the things that I am told I need.
I think that it's stupid that autodidacts are treated as if they haven't achieved as much as someone who went to college. I have a bachelor's degree and I know a lot of people who never went to college and are much more knowledgeable than I am. I think it's stupid that people are more impressed by job titles and income brackets than who someone is. The thing I find the most ridiculous is how our society is obsessed with the accumulation of stuff.
When I think about the rat race, it leaves me wanting to become some sort of hermit or move to a trailer park or a commune or somewhere far away from people. I suppose a healthier alternative would be to learn not to base any of my self worth on other people's value systems. At the end of the day, I really couldn't care less if someone loves their stuff or is proud of their academic/career achievements. I suppose that if they worked hard for them, they should be. It just really bums me out that so many people act like everyone else should have this same value system, or when they use it to judge others' worth.