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Video: being an "emotional sponge" explained, examined...PTSD and types?

four

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Ok. Been digging these new vids from this person. This is about being an "emotional sponge", what it's like, and how it can be different from what we tend to think of as empathy. As a four and INFJ with some trauma history I got a lot out of this. There are probably other types that might, too. A nine showed it to me and said they got a lot out of it. I think it's probably really important for anyone who has PTSD in their life (oneself or a loved one.)

https://youtu.be/NrqQNK_b1_g
 

Doctor Cringelord

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Carolyn has a calming effect on me.

I think this video at least partly explains why I can only take crowds or large groups in very, very small doses. It can be very exhausting, emotionally.

I've also noticed (and others have pointed this out to me as well) that my physical well-being suffers when I have been under emotional stress or around people for long durations--my bodily state can sometimes be a good guage for emotional states that I otherwise would have a hard time recognizing or putting into words. Even if I have plenty of sleep, after a few hours in a crowd I feel completely drained. Marijuana and the occasional hard liquor drink have become coping tools in my life to dull the influx.
 

miss fortune

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dear god... 20 minutes of video? :shock: I don't have time for that!

as a point though... ANY type can suffer from PTSD, not just the stereotypically more "sensitive" types... sometimes it's tougher if you AREN'T one to show weakness or talk about your feelings because then you just stay trapped with those thoughts and reactions running through your head...
 

Doctor Cringelord

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as a point though... ANY type can suffer from PTSD, not just the stereotypically more "sensitive" types... sometimes it's tougher if you AREN'T one to show weakness or talk about your feelings because then you just stay trapped with those thoughts and reactions running through your head...

:yes:
 

ceecee

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dear god... 20 minutes of video? :shock: I don't have time for that!

as a point though... ANY type can suffer from PTSD, not just the stereotypically more "sensitive" types... sometimes it's tougher if you AREN'T one to show weakness or talk about your feelings because then you just stay trapped with those thoughts and reactions running through your head...

This. I have an acquaintance who was recently diagnosed with PTSD but I'm really wondering how this dx was made this quickly. She is a sensitive type, maybe INFP if I had to guess.

I have to limit the time I talk to her, not about just her condition but in general. There is always something wrong and I have to remove myself before I say something like - maybe your therapist should teach you some resiliency because the next time you have a tomato plant die, you're going to go over the edge.

The point is, maybe it's better that she does tell anyone who will listen, maybe that will help her. It wouldn't help someone like me because it would be impossible for me to talk about it with just anyone.
 

miss fortune

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This. I have an acquaintance who was recently diagnosed with PTSD but I'm really wondering how this dx was made this quickly. She is a sensitive type, maybe INFP if I had to guess.

I have to limit the time I talk to her, not about just her condition but in general. There is always something wrong and I have to remove myself before I say something like - maybe your therapist should teach you some resiliency because the next time you have a tomato plant die, you're going to go over the edge.

The point is, maybe it's better that she does tell anyone who will listen, maybe that will help her. It wouldn't help someone like me because it would be impossible for me to talk about it with just anyone.

I was forced to go and see a therapist after going without sleep for several weeks and giving up on talking any more than absolutely necessary and almost never leaving the house... and oh yeah! trying to off myself!

the first month or so involved the therapist talking and me staring at him... whenever he'd try to get me to say something I'd do the whole "It's really no big deal" and go back to staring

finally told him a little bit, though the fact that he was male probably didn't really make me feel any more comfortable when I think about it... talked just enough to make him satisfied that I wouldn't try something like that again and then never went back

Probably should have opened up and taken things a bit more seriously, but I just couldn't talk about it... I've still never fully described the things that went on during that time to anyone because that sort of exposure of weakness and vulnerability just feels like I'm ripping my heart out... instead self medicated with alcohol and ended up with more problems because of that... because when you can't talk and you can't escape it you'll take numbing your brain as a valid option and I know that sounds like an excuse and it is an excuse because I'm not enough of a person to put aside my pathological hatred of discussing feelings to benefit and chose a much, much worse option

I really envy those who can be so emotionally open sometimes :blush:
 

four

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Most definitely. Any and all types can experience any and all human problems. And sometimes the "worst" is when you do not feel like you can express it for any number of reasons. For instance, I always feel bad for eights who get depressed or traumatized because they are supposed to be so "unemotional" and independent. They are also often in acutely traumatic situations like going to war or being a firefighter or first responder. Just one example. But that's not really what the vid is talking about...

I have had other types tell me that they do not experience this particular phenomenon of being an emotional sponge that is explained in the vid. So I wonder if that particular part of it is a "highly sensitive person" thing. But I don't know. I do know that there seem to be people who legitimately do not experience the literal "in real time" physical taking on of another person's emotions. And I think like in the vid this is not a cool or good thing and it is painful and not the same thing as empathy.
 

ceecee

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I have had other types tell me that they do not experience this particular phenomenon of being an emotional sponge that is explained in the vid. So I wonder if that particular part of it is a "highly sensitive person" thing. But I don't know. I do know that there seem to be people who legitimately do not experience the literal "in real time" physical taking on of another person's emotions. And I think like in the vid this is not a cool or good thing and it is painful and not the same thing as empathy.

As a general rule, I do not. Here's why - if there is already someone having such a huge emotional reaction, what purpose would it serve to have me doing the same thing? If it was in a dangerous situation, it really wouldn't help to have more people loosing their shit all over the place. Emotion isn't my strength (although it would be nice to have an easier time expressing them) but I want people to stop telling me I "have" to care about the emotions of everyone else.
 

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I have PTSD and I can never actually talk to anyone about it. I can only talk around it. I'm not sure if the whole pouring out all your shit onto other people is type related. For me though, the PTSD itself manifests in a way that makes it impossible for me to talk about things. =/
 

ceecee

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I have PTSD and I can never actually talk to anyone about it. I can only talk around it. I'm not sure if the whole pouring out all your shit onto other people is type related. For me though, the PTSD itself manifests in a way that makes it impossible for me to talk about things. =/

How long did it take your health care professional to make that diagnosis if you don't mind me asking?
 

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How long did it take your health care professional to make that diagnosis if you don't mind me asking?

You're not going to like this, but I've never had a diagnosis. I was diagnosed with nearly everything else at some point in my teens. I'm now 22. I finally realised that the misdiagnoses came from therapists who were confused or unwilling to recognize PTSD, especially since my PTSD stems from an incident that occured in a psychiatric hospital, where I suffered various types of abuse and mistreatment, physical and psychological. It's difficult for health care professionals to acknowledge this though, so I don't try to make them. I'm a self-diagnoser. People tend not to like that. But it's empowering to me and helps me understand myself, which is important.
 

four

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Did she mention her type?

No...she mentions in other vids she is a four. What MBTI type do you think she is? INFJ?
(edit: I thought you were talking about the woman in the vid, now I'm not sure if you meant the person in the anecdote above... sorry)
 

four

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As a general rule, I do not. Here's why - if there is already someone having such a huge emotional reaction, what purpose would it serve to have me doing the same thing? If it was in a dangerous situation, it really wouldn't help to have more people loosing their shit all over the place. Emotion isn't my strength (although it would be nice to have an easier time expressing them) but I want people to stop telling me I "have" to care about the emotions of everyone else.

I really appreciate this perspective. I want to place less importance on emotions myself. It's hard and kinda a life project but I think there's a lot of wisdom in what you're saying. I think emotions are an incredibly important source of information and connection but I do wish I could get into contact with my "logical" information more easily. I think it's good to "care" about other's emotions of course but I think emotional and logical intelligence really need to compliment each other and balance each other out.
 

four

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Carolyn has a calming effect on me.

I think this video at least partly explains why I can only take crowds or large groups in very, very small doses. It can be very exhausting, emotionally.

I've also noticed (and others have pointed this out to me as well) that my physical well-being suffers when I have been under emotional stress or around people for long durations--my bodily state can sometimes be a good guage for emotional states that I otherwise would have a hard time recognizing or putting into words. Even if I have plenty of sleep, after a few hours in a crowd I feel completely drained. Marijuana and the occasional hard liquor drink have become coping tools in my life to dull the influx.

I do think there is a specific thing that happens with...well, sensory and physical sensitivity to a situation. The writing around "HSP" (highly sensitive persons") is a little hokey but I have to admit that it offers some pretty good points. All humans are obviously sensitive and emotional (unless they're sociopaths, as pointed out in the vid) but not all humans seem to experience this very specific thing about sucking in other people's emotions and energy, and I think it's a good thing to explore. Nor is it a "super power" so to speak, it is painful. It probably comes out of trauma, though it is not the only way trauma can express itself, of course.

I admit for me, too, sometimes I have used (abused) substances to get out of this state.

Re: Carolyn , LOL. I'm trying to figure out her MBTI type? Obviously she seems like an enneagram 4?...but I'm not as educated about MBTI
Edit: She is apparently a writer/novelist? Aqueous Books: Author Page: Carolyn Zaikowski: A Child Is Being Killed
Interesting...
 

four

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dear god... 20 minutes of video? :shock: I don't have time for that!

as a point though... ANY type can suffer from PTSD, not just the stereotypically more "sensitive" types... sometimes it's tougher if you AREN'T one to show weakness or talk about your feelings because then you just stay trapped with those thoughts and reactions running through your head...

:D it's a good vid though, like watching a short television program or lecture. Of course, you are completely correct that all types (humans!) can experience PTSD. (I don't think the video person would claim otherwise judging on this vid and others she has made, I think the point is more that fours and certain types might *talk* about it consciously more than others, you know?)
 

chubber

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This. I have an acquaintance who was recently diagnosed with PTSD but I'm really wondering how this dx was made this quickly. She is a sensitive type, maybe INFP if I had to guess.

I have to limit the time I talk to her, not about just her condition but in general. There is always something wrong and I have to remove myself before I say something like - maybe your therapist should teach you some resiliency because the next time you have a tomato plant die, you're going to go over the edge.

The point is, maybe it's better that she does tell anyone who will listen, maybe that will help her. It wouldn't help someone like me because it would be impossible for me to talk about it with just anyone.

She's like an emotional mine field? you say one thing that sets off so many things in her head that makes her explode.
If you plant a seed in an INFP's mind that makes them think that people know something about them that they don't know themselves, they go mental.

INFP – Your deepest thoughts and feelings are exposed to a large audience and everyone thinks that you’re pathetic and unoriginal.

source: The Definition Of Hell For Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type
^ They (INFP) literally implode when they read that.

Anything, that could be perceived as a fact to us, could be seen as criticism to them.

Example:
  • they are aware that they have red paint on their face, you approach them saying that they have it. Result, they explode.
  • they are unaware that they have red paint on their face, you approach them saying that they have it. Result, they hurry off fixing it and thanks you.

INFPs can't see that they are being assholes in the first example. But to them, you are the asshole. Fi-doms are highly sensitive to TJs. In the 2nd one, you are the hero and they thank you. Yet there is no difference between the two examples of what you did. If the INFP cannot use their Ne properly, they will always be super sensitive to any information a TJ has to give them.

One real problem area for the INFP is their intensive dislike of conflict and criticism. The INFP is quick to find a personal angle in any critical comment, whether or not anything personal was intended. They will tend to take any sort of criticism as a personal attack on their character, and will usually become irrational and emotional in such situations. This can be a real problem for INFPs who are involved with persons who have Thinking and Judging preferences. "TJ"s relate to others with a objective, decisive attitude that frequently shows an opinion on the topic of conversation. If the opinion is negative, the TJ's attitude may be threatening to the INFP, who will tend to respond emotionally to the negativity and be vaguely but emphatically convinced that the negativity is somehow the INFP's fault.

source: INFP Relationships
How the INFP can get around things (they will have to work on themselves, they should not expect the TJ, to switch off their Te)
Potential Problem Areas
  • May be extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism
  • May perceive criticism where none was intended
  • May have skewed or unrealistic ideas about reality
  • May be unable to acknowledge or hear anything that goes against their personal ideas and opinions
  • May blame their problems on other people, seeing themselves as victims who are treated unfairly
  • May have great anger, and show this anger with rash outpourings of bad temper
  • May be unaware of appropriate social behavior
  • May be oblivious to their personal appearance, or to appropriate dress
  • May come across as eccentric, or perhaps even generally strange to others, without being aware of it
  • May be unable to see or understand anyone else's point of view
  • May value their own opinions and feelings far above others
  • May be unaware of how their behavior affects others
  • May be oblivious to other people's need
  • May feel overwhelmed with tension and stress when someone expresses disagreement with the INFP, or disapproval of the INFP
  • May develop strong judgments that are difficult to unseed against people who they perceive have been oppressive or suppressive to them
  • Under great stress, may obsess about details that are unimportant to the big picture of things
  • Under stress, may obsessively brood over a problem repeatedly
  • May have unreasonable expectations of others
  • May have difficulty maintaining close relationships, due to unreasonable expectations
Explanation of Problems

Nearly all of the problematic characteristics described above can be attributed in various degrees to the common INFP problem of only taking in data that justifies their personal opinions. INFPs are usually very intense and sensitive people, and feel seriously threatened by criticism. They are likely to treat any point of view other than their own as criticism of their own perspective. If the INFP does not learn how to deal with this perceived criticism, the INFP will begin to shut out the incoming information that causes them pain. This is a natural survivalistic technique for the INFP personality. The main driver to the INFP personality is Introverted Feeling, whose purpose is to maintain and honor an intensely personal system of values and morals. If an INFP's personal value system is threatened by external influences, the INFP shuts out the threatening data in order to preserve and honor their value system. This is totally natural, and works well to protect the individual psyche from getting hurt. However, the INFP who exercises this type of self-protection regularly will become more and more unaware of other people's perspectives, and thus more and more isolated from a real understanding of the world that they live in. They will always find justification for their own inappropriate behaviors, and will always find fault with the external world for problems that they have in their lives. It will be difficult for them to maintain close personal relationships because they will have unreasonable expectations, and will be unable to accept blame.

Its not an uncommon tendency for the INFP to look to the external world primarily for information that will support their ideas and values. However, if this tendency is given free reign, the resulting INFP personality is too self-centered to be happy or successful. Since the INFP's dominant function to their personality is Introverted Feeling, they must balance this with an auxiliary Extraverted iNtuitive function. The INFP takes in information via Extraverted iNtuition. This is also the INFP's primary way of dealing with the external world. If the INFP uses Extraverted iNtuition only to serve the purposes of Introverted Feeling, then the INFP is not using Extraversion effectively at all. As a result, the INFP does not take in enough information about the external world to have a good sense of what's going on. They see nothing but their own perspective, and deal with the world only so far as they need to in order to support their perspective. These individuals usually come across as selfish and unrealistic. Depending on how serious the problem is, they may appear to be anything from "a bit eccentric" to "way out there". Many times other people are unable to understand or relate to these people.

Solutions

To grow as an individual, the INFP needs to focus on opening their perspective to include a more accurate picture of what is really going on in the world. In order to be in a position in which the INFP is able to perceive and consider data that is foreign to their internal value system, the INFP needs to know that its value system is not threatened by the new information. The INFP must consciously tell himself/herself that an opinion that does not concede with their own is not an indictment of their entire character.

The INFP who is concerned with personal growth will pay close attention to their motivation for taking in information. Do they take in information to better understand a situation or concept? Or, do they take in information to support a personal idea or cause? At the moment when something is perceived, is the INFP concerned with twisting that perception to fit in with their personal values? Or is she/he concerned with absorbing the information objectively? To achieve a better understanding of the external world, the INFP should try to perceive information objectively, before fitting it into their value system. They should consciously be aware of their tendency to discard anything that doesn't agree with their values, and work towards lessening this tendency. They should try to see situations from other people's perspectives, without making personal judgments about the situations or the other people's perspectives. In general, they should work on exercising their iNtuition in a truly Extraverted sense. In other words, they should use iNtuition to take in information about the world around them for the sake of understanding the world, rather than take in information to support their own conclusions. The INFP who successfully perceives things objectively may be quite a powerful force for positive change.

source: INFP Personal Growth
 

Doctor Cringelord

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The writing around "HSP" (highly sensitive persons") is a little hokey

It is difficult to find people who take HSP seriously for these reasons. I shared a link about HSP in the facebook ISTP forum and many of them either ridiculed me or made sarcastic comments about being indigo children

Re: Carolyn , LOL. I'm trying to figure out her MBTI type? Obviously she seems like an enneagram 4?...but I'm not as educated about MBTI
Edit: She is apparently a writer/novelist? Aqueous Books: Author Page: Carolyn Zaikowski: A Child Is Being Killed
Interesting...

I immediately assumed INFJ for her type, but I could see INFP. She seems to have that Ni-disconnect that INJs possess (even when they're "in the moment," they're never fully present, if that makes sense), but that could probably be attributed to being a 4? I don't know.
 

ceecee

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She's like an emotional mine field? you say one thing that sets off so many things in her head that makes her explode.
If you plant a seed in an INFP's mind that makes them think that people know something about them that they don't know themselves, they go mental.

A couple weeks ago she was asking me about tissue and I told her I liked a particular type - one that is cold when you pull it out of the box. If you're blowing your nose a lot and it gets sore, these cold tissues make it more comfortable. She said - will it sting my eyes? Because when I'm crying, I just reach for whatever and I don't have my glasses on. I was like uhhhhhh.....I don't know. She said - what do you use when you cry? I said - I don't know. My sleeve? A napkin? A tissue? I don't cry so much that I shop for tissue for it.

She just rolled her eyes and walked away. So it looks like it was me being difficult and insensitive. I know I'm not so the next time I cry, I'm using her sleeve.
 

four

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I shared a link about HSP in the facebook ISTP forum and many of them either ridiculed me or made sarcastic comments about being indigo children

I immediately assumed INFJ for her type, but I could see INFP. She seems to have that Ni-disconnect that INJs possess (even when they're "in the moment," they're never fully present, if that makes sense), but that could probably be attributed to being a 4? I don't know.

Yeah, I think the HSP thing is actually pretty useful but unfortunately it is marketed as sort of superficial "self-help" stuff so people who are into it get all fluffy and annoying about it. One the one hand I don't blame people for not taking it seriously, but on the other hand, if you actually read into it and the research behind it, it's not crazy. (People like to have opinions about things they haven't actually read.) At least on the sensory level, it does seem to be that some people easily get deeply overstimulated and others do not. Scientifically speaking, it's no secret that some people have problems with "sensory integration", especially people on the autism spectrum, but not always those folks. I'm not on the autism spectrum but I have a very hard time with some sensory stuff (loud noises, crowds, too much "going on" at once) and I do believe it is directly connected to PTSD. There has been research done on that, too. And, as in the video, there are people who experience the sensory effects of other people's emotions, and this seems to be a real thing. It's not a superpower, it comes out of PTSD (I believe) and again, this is fairly evidence-based. (In any case, people who are really into the MBTI should have a little more self-awareness...the MBTI is not exactly taken seriously by the scientific community, to say the least...it has not been studied seriously and with reliable research models the way, say the Big Five has been...it simply hasn't...most serious academics find the MBTI and Enneagram no just hokey but actually new agey psuedo-science! I mean, you can find some academics talking about it here and there, but you can find that with most fringe/new age psych theories including indigo children!)

I assumed INFJ for her type too but I need to learn a little more about MBTI...
 
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