How Strong is Your Will?

[Gawain]

I see the disconnect. One can have a strong will and hate conflict. One can also have a strong will and not want to be the one making decisions. There's this stereotype that "strong personalities" are people who are pushy, ambitious, and decisive. As an INFP, I often don't want to be addociated with that. Most people who know me would say I'm strong-willed, that I know what I want (and am not shy about sharing that info) and that I can be rather ego-centric at times. But I always try to take a backseat to others at first, and only make decisions when it is obvious that no one else will. I let my preferences be known, but I also make it clear that I will happily go along with something else. My mom, by contrast, is positively stubborn about "not making the decision". When asked where she wants to eat, for instance, she'll starve rather than answer. She'll veto anything (and everything) she doesn't want to do, so it becomes this wierd guessing game where the group has to figure out what she wants even though she's being indecisive.

My point is, people can have strong wills in many different ways. If your primary concern is avoiding conflict and pushy people, you can still have a strong will in avoiding that sort of toxicity, or point out how uncomfortable it is whenever it happens so your friends are aware of your needs. In relationships, it really sucks. There are a lot of pushy people out there that make terrible partners for those that value peace and harmony. There's no need to feel weak-willed for valuing what you do. And I can see how someone that dislikes conflict may dislike making decisions all the time, since our culture basically treats consumers like a target to barrage with conflicting information. It can be quite exhausting to have to deal with all the variables all the time, and I think that's why so many people romanticize "a simpler time".

 

[ygolo]

There are a lot of ways to interpret strong wills. It is very possible to be pleasant, amiable, and in general still get ones way.

I am myself not a very forceful person. I don't like telling people what to do (and I really dislike being told what to do). I also help people out, most of the time, when they ask for it. I generally go with the flow. I hate being an imposition on people.

Nevertheless, I made a list of long-term goals at the tender age of 13. I have managed to meet almost all the goals I thought I'd meet by my current age. I also score very high on most inventories for grit (like this one http://www.sas.upenn.edu/~duckwort/images/8-item Grit 081011.pdf).

I have ways of getting my way that have little to do with being forceful. That usually involves understanding the situation, and other points of view, while being able to articulate my point of view well. I've found that, I am, even to my own surprise, rather persuasive.

I will say, however...
1) that as I get older, I have become increasingly intolerant of what I see as bullshit, and I've become more outspoken about it.
2) I am learning that there are some goals that are better left unmet. I have yet to learn the art of quitting, but I am seeing the value of learning it.

 

[Evo]

How strong is your will?

- very strong

How drawn are you towards conclusion and certitude about those conclusions?

- very strongly drawn

How do you see the amount of force to exert onto the external world with your ideas, desires, etc?

- anywhere from easy to moderately controllable

Do you have tenacity over the long-term for ideas, plans, behaviors, expectations, goals, etc?

- absolutely yes

interesting to see the value people place on having a strong will.

- It doesn't feel like i value strong will specifically... For me it's a side effect of me valuing power. I'm indifferent about how other people's strong/weak will manifests.