Your experiences with mental illness

[noyo]

I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 6, then they added oppositional defiant disorder when I was 8, and when I was 13 I was diagnosed with asperger's and ADHD-PI.
I haven't gone to see a shrink ever since I was 14, so I don't know if I still meet the criteria for all that stuff.

I am pretty sure thye ADHD-PI diagnosis is correct, I definitely fit the "over-focused rigid subtype".
I don't know about the Asperger's diagnosis, but I was very depressed at the time I was diagnosed and was living the worst few years of my life up to now. I guess it might be correct though, since there are several other cases of autism in my family. I just never mention it, it's just easier to tell people I have ADD and stop at that, Asperger's is a way harder diagnosis to explain and anyway I don't think it's that noticeable in me.

A disorder I've never been diagnosed with but that I think I might have is OCD. The last time I went to a psychiatrist they told me I had many traits of it, but she never officially diagnosed me with it.

I don't plan on seeking an opinion from an "expert" anytime soon, in the past I was forced to go by the school, but now that I can do what I want I want to be as far away from therapists and crazy shrinks as I can, in my experience they only make things worse and if I've actually improved my life and my condition it's just thanks to myself, not them.
I'll probably be subjected to a mental health check up when I enroll for the Financial Guard, but I don't think it'll be anything too detailed or that it will take too long.

 

[GIjade]

I'm perfectly insane.

 

[highlander]

I suffered from depression once. It lasted somewhere between six months to a year.

 

[Ingrid in grids]

I was first diagnosed with depression about 6 years ago. Since then, I've typically had about one major episode a year, with the worst being in 2010 and lasting over a year. I've seen two psychiatrists and a psychologist since then.

The first mismanaged my medication, which brought its own set of issues. I think he was going through a period of career burnout, and also had some conflicting interests in treating me. I saw a second psychiatrist this year after recently shifting medications, who diagnosed me with "severe atypical depression." I'm still researching what this means, but getting a diagnosis is nonetheless validating. I spend a lot of time feeling pretty weak, useless and guilty, and doubting that there's anything wrong with me at all except some defect in my personality. He told me it was a rare diagnosis to see in someone my age, and usually manifests as a kind of precursor to bipolar in people in my age group (Google tells me otherwise, but eh).

My depression has always had marked biological symptoms. They're helpful markers to look out for when I'm sliding into an episode. The problem is that I tend to ignore these, be stubborn, get worse, and isolate myself. I'm trying to get better at reaching out for support when I need it.

I've also had some eating disorder diagnoses, but I grew out of them. To me that was just part of the experience of growing up and being a girl.

 

[Lia_kat]

- Anxiety with compulsive itching (neurodermatitis).
- Bouts of depression - I have not been diagnosed but have all the symptoms. It runs in my family, both of my grandmothers having it, one committed suicide.
- Dissociation, especially under a lot of stress.
The last therapist I went to also said I had abandonment problems and some form of PTSD as a result of childhood issues... abuse from my grandmother (still alive - now extremely better) because she tried to take my life at a young age and other problems with my biological father.
I may have other stuff I'm not aware of, not sure. I get really uncomfortable around therapists and psychologists in general. I was offered medication but refused, I hate pills. I may go back and see if they help though.

 

[Chrysanthe]

Diagnosed with Asperger's... though I am not sure on the validity of this, nor where I would be placed on the spectrum if it did happen to be true. Yes, I do have an astounding social ineptness, but that could just be a result of isolation from others by some other disorder which causes social impairment, which I believe to be Social Anxiety (This seems like a very likely culprit). Also have considered over the most few months... or years... not sure, but I have considered having Depersonalization Disorder as well.

Social Anxiety~

Whenever I am in an uncomfortable social situation, where I feel vulnerable or unprepared, then my own ability to process the conversation and form my own dialogue become impaired and I can't think or speak using advanced vocabulary or anything remotely complex in language... I just become confused and lost as to what to say. Maybe it's because I don't relate to the interests of others at all, but it's extremely difficult to find something to say based off what little people give me to talk about. I need some sort of initial conversation starter which allows me to make connections, instead of forcing me to dig deep into my brain for something that isn't readily available. But when I take vicodin, alcohol, kratom, or other social enhancing drugs, the only thing that goes away is my physical discomfort and inner mental turmoil; it doesn't help my conversational skills at all. I think I must be naturally shitty at conversation or something, because no matter how drunk you get me, I will still remain quiet and unable to say anything for as long as nothing said relates strongly to me. I am naturally a very open person, and will talk about anything personal to strangers, yet I don't because it never gets that far. Also, I'm much better at faking my own persona and manipulating others through subtle trolling than actually making progressive discussion, since it doesn't require me to relate to anything that is being said or actually listen and process their words, which I find hard when I am always thinking to myself throughout the discussion.

Also notable... the year I spent on SSRIs was the only year I had any substantial amount of friends and the only year where so many people either had crushes on me or felt emotionally attached to me. (excluding online relationships, there were at least six. Which is quite alot compared to... no one. lol)

Depersonalization~

Simply put: I find little to no meaning in things outside myself, and frequently find myself feeling as if I'm losing my sanity. Because of this, I can't bother to build up any motivation to move myself forward in life, since there's close to nothing I see worth working for... the exception being relationships, which I also find too much effort to bother dealing with. I used to love learning and expanding my own knowledge of life, but that also now seems like more of a chore, unless it happens to be one of my 1-2 interests at the time. And it's been very difficult for me to read and translate words into meaning, making me have to reread sentences alot before I can fully understand the message. My sense of being and control over my body seems to have been diminished, and I can't tell if I even have a self to hold onto anymore (though I must have a sense of self since I still have problems with social anxiety).

Now as for the causes of this... no idea. I would reluctantly guess it started Freshman year of highschool, but I don't remember really. It could have been from cough syrup, could have been from meditation, could have been actually triggered by my social anxiety... a desire to separate from my self in order to preserve my inner peace. I personally believe I caused this through thinking too much and isolating my mind from reality too much, but I am not sure.

 

[euforia]

I have bipolar disorder type 1, with psychotic symptoms and all that shit, you know, delusions, hallucinations... I just, felt disconnected from this world. In manic and mixed episodes I have had problems with alcohol and drugs, I even OD once (and I almost died, I was in ICU for a few days). In major depressive episodes sometimes I suffer from derealization and I've tried to kill myself. I've been in a psychiatric ward only once, though.

I'm being treated with medications and therapy again, I'm a chaos without it (I abandoned it for years).

Teenage years:

• Anorexia
• Agoraphobia
• Social anxiety disorder

I don't have any of the above anymore.

One of my therapists said I have dissocial personality disorder, but I don't think so.

I wish english was my first language (or being better at it) so I could talk more about this, I rarely do.

 

[Galaxy Gazer]

I have panic disorder. It's not nearly as bad as it once was. For me, it stems from too much time thinking about the past/future rather than the present. That's always been an issue for me.

 

[Yama]

Since I first posted in this thread a year ago, I've been diagnosed with GAD (as of about a month ago). It's nice to know that the amount of anxiety I've experienced throughout my life isn't normal and that it doesn't have to be that way forever. I found it relieving. I'm on a serotonin-based medication now. While it doesn't fix my problems, I've noticed that I'm become much less prone to having panic attacks (even though I still get upset about things often). According to my mother I'd shown signs of high anxiety since childhood, but I don't remember that much about being a kid. Really makes me wonder why it took so damn long to get help, but there's no point in regretting - at least I have it now.

 

[Frosty]

Ha my first answer to this. When I was hiding. I cant even look at it but Im pretty sire I made some smug little post in this thread earlier. Sigh.

Currently diagnosed with-but getting it all adjusted and fine tuned still.

Dysthymic disorder
Recurrent major depressive episodes
Panic disorder
Social anxiety disorder
Adhd
Avoidant personality disorder
---
Pretty much just there is nothing right enough to just roll me into it feels.

Getting 'rediagnosed-everything 'reevaluated', soon. See how that goes. Bipolar was brought up last session. I just want whatever it is that I have to not be hopeless. I know that at the end of the day I am the same me, but hearing that there is just a real possibility that I am just screwed will be devestating. I live in fear of my mental health. I hate myself for being sick, i view myself as an evil monster just capable of hurting everyone with my conditions-worse than worthless sometimes-but I still want to live.

My depression lends me to thinking about death and suicide often, though I have never really attempted it because I try to view these thoughts as separate from the desires of my 'real self'-and there is fear and hope still there. So it has remained passove thank goodness. Ive self harmed since I was young on and off... But it has generally been infrequent and I always sort of denied it to myself and swept it under the rug as just not a big deal, not gunna do it again, that was stupid but I have control of it, sort of thing. It escalated recently but I am currently in recovery-even though I still do have the urges as I am still messed up... What caused it is still there for the most part... But I am coping with it differently while I deal with it. Ive purged before but never regularly, just when I woulf feel particularly bad-and if I happened to be lverly full coincidentally while feeling horrible-purging could happen. But yeah, it was and is rare. Panic attacks, but tjat is within panic disorder. Im too sleepy to add more right now but I will provably be back. I sound like a fraud or a freak. Both are bad.

 

[fetus]

No, [MENTION=24643]Frosty[/MENTION], you don't seem like a fraud or a freak at all. Do not hate yourself for being sick. Having mental health struggles is just as valid as any other illnesses. It's just that. Think of mental illnesses not as character flaws or choices, but as real illnesses that can be treated.

I'm glad you want to live. That's a huge step in recovery--to want it. You will rise out of this, I promise. There is never a hopeless person, only a struggling person. A way out of the tunnel is always there. Sometimes you just have to walk until you can see it.

 

[Puffypolma]

I am suffering from mild social anxiety and agoraphobiabut I can manage to go out without freaking out

 

[Hitoshi-San]

I was diagnosed with anxiety and possible OCD when I was younger. I was only like 8 or 9, and it's not like it was severe at all, especially not the OCD, but it was enough for my parents to notice and take me into a therapist. Talked with her for a while, it actually really helped, and when I was in late middle school and early high school I'd say my mental/emotional health was at its peak, but now I feel like I'm sort of really starting to not do well with the anxiety portion

come to think of it, depression, anxiety, and OCD are not uncommon in my family, especially my mom's side. My brother has OCD to the point of him constantly washing his hands and panicking when he couldn't and my mom is on antidepressants, so there's that. my brother currently sees a therapist too. I don't think my mom even thought of putting either of us on meds. There's probably a ton of reasoning behind it, but she's never said anything about it.

I would go into detail about the social anxiety, but I guess there's not much to talk about. I've known people who can't even talk in social situations, and other people who it makes so uncomfortable they feel like crying. For me I'd say I feel like shit after the social situation, but that's about the only difference I can think of from the symptoms you'd usually hear about.

 

[Pionart]

- psychosis
- mood disorder
- anxiety issues especially socially related

 

[Santosha]

I was diagnosed with GAD about a decade ago. After a brief interaction with a general physician, I was handed a scrip for Lexapro and Xanix (to 'help' with my adjustment to Lexapro) which I didn't fill, because I was too anxious about possible side-effects.

At least I find the humor in it.

I've identified with various neurosis and complexes at many points in my life. Had I been more trusting and concerned about my MH, I am certain I would also have a long list of labels and disorders.

The best thing that I can contribute to this thread, and the lesson I learned (and am still learning - but can now see the horizon of) is that ones greatest 'weaknesses' or vulnerability, psychic fracture (what I like to call it) IS in fact, ones greatest opportunity for not only growth, but mastery. The universe will pummel you with these patterns, continually create circumstances where you have no choice but to transcend, on a long enough time-scale. It does this because it is patient, it is loving. It always knows who we are, beyond the veil, even when we forget. As we consciously crawl our way out of various mental bondages, we not only re connect with our higher selves, but we master the skills needed to do so, and then often feel a great passion to assist the 'others' in similar struggles.

We can rarely see our 'deficits' as gifts, while we are 'in It'. But that is exactly what they are.

 

[Dyslexxie]

SAD, PMDD, and major depression for me. Took cipralex for a bit, cymbalta after that, now nothing. I haven't taken anything consistently to speak to its effect. Mostly due to the fact that I want to be fine, and lie to myself that I am, only to collapse again after a while. I haven't had a decent doctor for a while so I'm at that awkward phase where if I need help I need to go to a clinic, and it's not really the best way to get mental issues in check.

It's been a roller coaster over the years, and I've shouldered some pretty difficult life events that carried on for far too long which certainly didn't help, but at least now my issues are out in the open and my family is aware of it which helps. Having the understanding and support really helps and although I don't exactly have an end in sight, it's one day at a time, and hopefully most of those days are okay.

 

[prplchknz]

schizoaffective, i manage it pretty well with saphris and lamictal. yes I need them, trust me because when i go off them things don't end well for me. I usually don't tell people irl because it's less understood than depression. Some people react fine to me telling them, others either don't believe me or are scared.or way too much of that bs pity that's like your so brave and strong things that people think will make you feel better but do the opposite. Because when I'm off meds I am really unsure if there's anything actually wrong so I won't tell anyone and become very isolated. when I'm stable on meds I look and act like everyone else, so unless you knew I took meds you'd have no clue and even if you knew i took meds you might think oh she doesn't need them. Yes I have been told to stop meds and change my diet or just to pray.and that i just need more sleep, um even off meds i usually get a good 8 hours of sleep a night.

also people if they're accepting ask about the voices which yes i do hear but they're not really the main symptom for me, which is paranoia delusion and thoughts that aren't mine being inserted into my head. as well as thoughts being taken out of my head and rebroadcasted across the room. like i'd have a thought it stop abruptly and then finish on the otherside of the room

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Severe depression and ADHD. The depression, when it's particularly bad, can manifest itself in paranoia. I've had at least two experiences where the depression just kind of led to a complete breakdown. The first happened during my first semester of college, and the second started in July when I got dumped and got worse in the fall.

I wasn't being medicated for the depression at all for several years, which definitely didn't help. I'd managed to convince myself I didn't need it, and perhaps thought there was some kind of dignity to it.

 

[chickpea]

I've only been diagnosed with ADD, but I'm sure I have some kind of low-grade depression and anxiety as well. Haven't seen a psychologist since I was 13. They also considered a non-verbal learning disorder for me because I got IQ tested and my verbal was significantly higher than spatial intelligence. But I've read about it and only relate to some of the criteria.

 

[kyuuei]

Omg can I just say all of thse acronyms are driving me up a wall because who has all of these memorized? @_@