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They just don't understand.

Ilah

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Jul 13, 2008
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274
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INTJ
How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

Ilah
 

heart

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May 19, 2007
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Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

Ilah

I have tried with in-laws and a sibling with no results, the only thing I have been able to do is to try and come to some acceptance within myself that for whatever reason their personality keeps them from being able imagine a view to life from any other angle but their own viewpoint.

she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic

Yeah, this is always the broken record response.
 

Maverick

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How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

Ilah

I understand your frustration, for I am much like you in wanting to explain knowledge to others and hoping that they will understand.

Ultimately, you cannot change the way others think/are. Everybody doesn't have to be reasonable or intelligent about things. It's a presupposition that NT's have. It's difficult, but you should learn to let go and simply distance yourself politely from this coworker. I find that telling you you "should" be more like x or y is a sign of controlling behavior. Don't fall in the trap of telling her she "should" think x or y.

Nobody "should" do anything. Everybody is free to choose. Simple to say, yet so difficult to internalize for an NTJ...
 
Joined
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ENTP
How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

Ilah


Oh god, I've been in this situation so many times. I once tried to tell a boss about the difference between shyness and introversion, because he was complaining that I wouldn't socialize with my coworkers, even though he acknowledged that I was a much harder worker. (Gee, maybe those things are related?) Then I told him that I had some positive attributes that were relevant to my work that he couldn't appreciate since he was so blinded by our personal differences. Needless to say, he just stared at me blankly. Granted, our conversation was supposed to be an assessment of my performance. So he probably wasn't ready for me to turn the critique around on him.
 

Grayscale

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the behavior you mention is too part of that person's personality, which you dont seem to understand

example is one of the best teachers ;)
 

Mole

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Messages
20,284
How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

Ilah

I don't know how to deal with people who do not understand personality difference.

Ever since I was invited to join MBTIc, I've been trying to explain that no qualified psychometrician regards MBTI as anything but Unreliable and Invalid.

And yet the members compulsively insist on applying logic to the false premise of MBTI.

And we all know the result of applying logic to a false premise - it is rubbish in and rubbish out.

Neither Mrs Briggs nor her daughter understood personality difference, and they created the MBTI.

So I don't know how to deal with people who claim to understand personality difference though MBTI.
 

prplchknz

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yupp
I don't know how to deal with people who do not understand personality difference.

Ever since I was invited to join MBTIc, I've been trying to explain that no qualified psychometrician regards MBTI as anything but Unreliable and Invalid.

And yet the members compulsively insist on applying logic to the false premise of MBTI.

And we all know the result of applying logic to a false premise - it is rubbish in and rubbish out.

Neither Mrs Briggs nor her daughter understood personality difference, and they created the MBTI.

So I don't know how to deal with people who claim to understand personality difference though MBTI.
ok yes, but their are personality differences even if MBTI is unreliable. So even if the part in question doesn't believe MBTI they should have at least an inkling that people are different. Some are quiet some are loud some work better alone with no background noise. Not everyone is going to get the same satisfaction from something. So my point is you don't need MBTI to understand that people have different modes of living, but people do need understand that not everyone is like them. So asking someone to be energetic and enthuisiastic, just because that's how they are is like asking a cat not catch bugss. Not that it's impossible for a cat to not catch bugs, but very unlikely.
 

LucrativeSid

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If it bothers me too much, I just pretend like I'm the way I am because I'm a genius. When people bug me, I don't worry about being kind very much. "I'm sorry, I'm far too intelligent to do something like that." (What does that imply?) Yeah, they'll either laugh or believe me. Either way I win.
 

Mole

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The Pot and the Kettle.

ok yes, but their are personality differences even if MBTI is unreliable. So even if the part in question doesn't believe MBTI they should have at least an inkling that people are different. Some are quiet some are loud some work better alone with no background noise. Not everyone is going to get the same satisfaction from something. So my point is you don't need MBTI to understand that people have different modes of living, but people do need understand that not everyone is like them. So asking someone to be energetic and enthuisiastic, just because that's how they are is like asking a cat not catch bugss. Not that it's impossible for a cat to not catch bugs, but very unlikely.

The point is this -

Nobody is saying that personality differences don't exist. Only that MBTI doesn't measure personality differences.

And yet we have this very odd situation where a member is criticizing her co-workers for not understanding personality differences. When it is as plain as the nose on your face, that no one here understands personality difference either.

It is a case of the pot calling the kettle, black.

It's not so much a question of them not understanding, but of we not understanding and thinking we do.
 
Joined
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If it bothers me too much, I just pretend like I'm the way I am because I'm a genius. When people bug me, I don't worry about being kind very much. "I'm sorry, I'm far too intelligent to do something like that." (What does that imply?)
heh. To me that would imply that you think you're clever enough to convince gullible people you are, but not clever enough to make it self-evident through your actions. Hasn't anyone called you on your bs? ;)
 

entropie

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How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

Ilah

I have to say, I would never try to change anyone. I dont think you can solve such problems, by making a person to think about the world more like you do.

Wisdom comes in different forms and flavours on this world. The most devastating boss can sometimes be the most loveable friend, cause his approach at things, so completly differ from yours, that the spelling opposites attract kicks in.

I have had my fair share of mean people in my life. But I have grown a custom, to the fact that reason is the most efficient weapon against people that bug you. If you do not get angry, when they try to make you so and if you stay on top of every conversation in the sense that you are reasonable, they can not beat you. Most of the times, they stop trying so at a certain point, thinking you are dumb and do not understand. That is when you have won.

The meaner comrades, who do not apply to reason, I picked out for a personal conversation. In that I laied out the facts and how I think about it. That happend one time in my life so far and the woman I spoke too, was like 15 years older than I was, so I really kept the ball on the ground. But she did understand and after that we disliked each other even more, but the professional relation worked out fine.

I do not think that you should tolerate other people mocking you. But you should think about a reasonable cause that makes the thing called mocking. If you act out of a feeling, you wont win the case.

Reason is unbeatable, in every situation, in the most bad situation, you can consult your boss and explain your situation. But you have to invite the person too, so that there is no bad blood.
 

Mole

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I have to say, I would never try to change anyone. I dont think you can solve such problems, by making a person to think about the world more like you do.

Wisdom comes in different forms and flavours on this world. The most devastating boss can sometimes be the most loveable friend, cause his approach at things, so completly differ from yours, that the spelling opposites attract kicks in.

I have had my fair share of mean people in my life. But I have grown a custom, to the fact that reason is the most efficient weapon against people that bug you. If you do not get angry, when they try to make you so and if you stay on top of every conversation in the sense that you are reasonable, they can not beat you. Most of the times, they stop trying so at a certain point, thinking you are dumb and do not understand. That is when you have won.

The meaner comrades, who do not apply to reason, I picked out for a personal conversation. In that I laied out the facts and how I think about it. That happend one time in my life so far and the woman I spoke too, was like 15 years older than I was, so I really kept the ball on the ground. But she did understand and after that we disliked each other even more, but the professional relation worked out fine.

I do not think that you should tolerate other people mocking you. But you should think about a reasonable cause that makes the thing called mocking. If you act out of a feeling, you wont win the case.

Reason is unbeatable, in every situation, in the most bad situation, you can consult your boss and explain your situation. But you have to invite the person too, so that there is no bad blood.

Yeah, restraint is the sign of emotional intelligence.
 

Orangey

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we have this very odd situation where a member is criticizing her co-workers for not understanding personality differences. When it is as plain as the nose on your face, that no one here understands personality difference either.

It is a case of the pot calling the kettle, black.

I don't think so. It seems that the OP is criticizing her co-worker's criticism of her personality, which she claims stems from her co-worker's ignorance of personality differences. She is not criticizing her co-worker's personality per se (which is what her co-worker did to her). Now, if the OP had said "my co-worker should be less enthusiastic and bubbly (or whatever)", that would be an equivalent criticism, since it's aimed squarely at her co-worker's personality. However, that is not what the OP said, and unless we want to argue that "lack of knowledge about personality differences", or "propensity to criticize others" are the result of personality differences themselves, then I don't see how it's hypocritical to be critical of such criticism (or the people who dish it out).

It's like claiming that intolerance is a part of someone's personality, therefore we shouldn't tell them that they should be more tolerant of other people's personalities (even if they're stepping on our toes) because then we'd be being intolerant of their personalities ourselves. That is senseless.
 

Mondo

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Your co-worker sounds like an idiot.
She shouldn't get so stuffy about your lack of enthusiasm, get her head out of her asshole and let you both do your jobs.
 

Tigerlily

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How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference?

Ilah
By telling them to shut up. :laugh:

All kidding aside, avoid dealing with these types of people as much as possible. My husband is an INTJ and he doesn't care about most people so these types of situation never happen to him. He just doesn't get involved.
 

Ilah

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Jul 13, 2008
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Thanks everyone. I will resist the urge to try to explain things to her.

Maverick: I identify with what you are saying. I have noticed this desire to explain things to other people is a strong tendancy for me.

Ilah
 

INA

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How do you deal with people who just don't understand personality difference? I run into this frequently, but the most recent person is a co-worker. We have training the whole agency attends every year or every other year on personality type and difference, but it doesn't seem to take with some people. She criticizes people for a wide variety of things, but it generally comes down to not being like her. For example, she keeps telling me I should be more energetic and enthusiastic about getting new assignments. I'm INTJ, so that isn't going to happen.

Every time she does it I feel like explaining to her about personality difference, but I refrain. Probably it would be better to just ignore it. After all if she didn't get anything from a one day workshop, she wouldn't get it from my explaination.

Also, she tends to assume that everyone has the same values and motivation as her.

Has anyone been able to change someone's attitude by explaining personality difference to them?

Ilah

It really is annoying. Some just can't seem to conceptualize that you have different priorities. At first I suggest (gently) the other possibilities to them ("well, maybe..."), but if they are bullheaded about it I avoid them. Efforts at communication will be met with a glare until the explosion.
 

01011010

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I don't bother understanding them per se. I just figure out which way I could communicate to them efficiently if we have to get work done.
 
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