How can I finally stop obsessing over my nemesis?

[Avocado]

As you guys know, I am a former JW. I have tried to distance myself from the group, but I still have very frequent fantasies about bring the organization to its knees, bringing its tyranny crumbling to a pile of smoldering ash, and seeing the organization void of membership. While I admit is very good to try to bring this group to an end, I feel it occupies too much of my thinking space for such a vile idea. I suppose I am looking for a way to stop thinking about this group and move on mentally, a task I have already partially done by embracing science, skepticism, and humanistic naturalism. How can I remove this stain from my soul once and for all?

I still want to bring this group down, don't get me wrong...

 

[BadOctopus]

Until you stop wanting to bring the organization down, you're probably never going to be able to let go of your animosity.

I have a JW relative. I admit they're odd, but it's not like they're telling their members to kill people who oppose their beliefs, or forcing them into polygamous marriages. In general, they're peaceful, law-abiding citizens. As far as religions go, there are worse ones.

 

[Avocado]

Until you stop wanting to bring the organization down, you're probably never going to be able to let go of your animosity.

I have a JW relative. I admit they're odd, but it's not like they're telling their members to kill people who oppose their beliefs, or forcing them into polygamous marriages. In general, they're peaceful, law-abiding citizens. As far as religions go, there are worse ones.

My hypothesis on why I have more animosity toward JW than other groups that make up the religious right is that my experience with the JW was more personal. I guess I have to admit that while they let their children die of blood loss, shun questioners, and reject science, they are not as bad as say, ISIS.

 

[DsTeP]

Go the Christopher Hitchens route- Debate one of the top ministers around your area publically and destroy them it'll help you fill in the hole and give you an entertaining hobby

 

[kyuuei]

I get the sensation you're still angry, and that anger keeps you tied down.

As someone who's constantly managing their anger the way a diabetic manages blood sugar... anger can really tie you down and keep you from progressing.

You have to forgive those around you that put you there in the first place. They were doing what they thought was best--and while that might not be much consolation... there will be times in your life where you did what you thought was best, only to realize it was a bad decision. And you have to allow those around you to make bad mistakes--even big ones. Being JW is not right for you... but for those who are JW, it is right for them. And you have to respect that despite the fact they might not respect it back.

I'd watch some videos of mothers and families who have forgiven murderers from killing fellow family members and children. It is possible to forgive if the heart is in the right place for it. Lacking forgiveness is lacking the ability to ever let go. And I think you'll want that eventually.

You have to forgive yourself for participating. You have to know that the factors that brought you to where you are are meant to free you from something that was unhealthy for you. And you cannot be free from it if you're resentful of the fact you participated at all. You have to allow yourself the sense that you're human.. and that what you're going through is a fairly normal process that many people have to go through.

I would definitely join a support group. Support groups have shown great success in forgiveness, understanding, and moving forward vs stagnation.

You need to fill that anger and void with something bigger and better eventually. You might already be doing this, I don't know. If your greater accomplishment is "I'm no longer JW" you really won't be able to seek out WHY that turned out to be good for you. Maybe health care isn't the right department for you to work in (because youll eventually deal with religious impasses like this), or maybe it is (because you can give blood products to children and people who need it, and you can educate people on the importance of things), but either way (depending on your personality), giving back to those around you, making yourself useful in your community.. it will give you a defining factor and sense of who you are.

To give an example, my close friend wasn't recovering from anything really. She spent her time becoming a teacher, and became one. She went on a bad, bad eharmony date with some douchebag. And he made this.. really, really awkward joke that was quasi-serious when she mentioned that he should go further in life if he felt like he was stagnating. And he said something to the effect of, 'Well, what have you really done with your life?' She fired back without hesitation, paraphrasing, 'I fulfilled my childhood dream of becoming a teacher, I work hard at what I do, and I teach and actually inspire children to be educated, enjoy a subject most students hate, and realize that school is the way of the future.' I don't know if she could have said anything about her life prior to starting college.. but since she did, and chose a path to walk down, she's been really confident. She's continued to turn her life around and improve on herself, and she's a great person. And I think how much she inspires and helps others is the biggest factor in all of that. Her job is bigger than herself, and she feels that weight every day.

Instead of trying to take down JW, which you must recognize is an impossible goal.. ideas can't be destroyed like that.. instead, show those JW's what a non-JW can do and accomplish when they aren't held back by religion. How much they can love, and move, and breathe, and do. You have to smother that negativity with positive things. If you try to crush negativity with negativity, you'll find nothing down that road but despair and darkness. Misery loves company. Don't be miserable from this. Don't let this stagnate your life, and keep your heart from flourishing. Many times people stay angry because they're confused on how to move away from that anger. And the answer is consciously letting go. You have to stop caring about it--you cannot love or hate what you don't care about. You still care--you've just swung to the opposite side of the spectrum now. Find balance. And find neutrality.

 

[senza tema]

A couple different thoughts:
1. It's natural to dislike an organization - especially when it's cult like - when it's governed every aspect of your existence and kept you feeling trapped.
2. It's also easy to blame that single organization for all the shit you've been through because it helps you avoid examining the situation more closely and apportioning responsibility to other sources as well.
3. Anger and hatred make for good focal points when there's nothing else in life compelling enough to sustain your interests and ambitions and aspirations.
4. Some people are prone to grandiose fantasies ... they just have to learn how to tell the difference between dreaming big ambitions and fantasies that help them escape their feelings of being trapped and helpless and unable to respond to their situation.

Time and experience and other passions and consciously practiced self-control, little by little, I guess. Now, you don't strike me as the kind of person who does "little by little" ... so maybe figuring out how that works for you is part of your journey.

This is a good song:

I time every journey to bump into you, accidentally
I charm you and tell you of the boys I hate, all the girls I hate
All the words I hate, all the clothes I hate
How I'll never be anything I hate
You smile, mention something that you like
Or how you'd have a happy life if you did the things you like

 

[Chthonic]

Well, for all-time novel practices you could do some spellworking to release the anger and resolve the situation. No, I'm not talking summoning demons to destroy the church. But your avatar seems to suggest some kind of affinity with the concept of magic, so it could be both be a personal expression and personal resolution to resolve your particular issues with it? What better way to destroy a nemesis than to use a power they have absolutely forbidden you? It's all symbolic you see.

The fact you see an organisation as your nemesis is a little problematic because you become the religious fanatic that you despise, blowing your personal issues up until they appear to be universal ones. I can understand your anger with a society which has made you feel oppressed and bound to them, but its still just a personal issue and can be resolved on that level. As kyuuei has stated, your anger wont allow you to be free of them. Think of it less like forgiveness (which can feel like a bitter pill when we are angry) and more like finally setting yourself free of this entanglement.

When I symbolically packaged up all the negativity my mother had ever fed me during my life and gave it back to her as a gift, I became free of her. People can give us stuff, but we dont have to accept it and keep it close to us. Maybe your anger is really about keeping hold of something that really you didnt want in the first place?