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fear of being center of attention

prplchknz

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I'm sure someone else is terrified over being the center of attention, or getting in front of people. My brother is getting married next summer and I'm praying that I don't get asked to be in the wedding. I know I won't be the center of attention, but I really hate being in front of people. My legs shake, my heart races, and my thoughts race. I can not, no matter how much I tell myself to relax and that it's not a big deal, to relax. I actually get really nervous talking to people I haven't talked to before, like I might say the wrong thing. I also can not be first in line for anything 2nd-last is fine, but I will not go first even if I'm asked to.
 

scantilyclad

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i got used to being the center of attention after being cast in so many lead parts in school plays, so this no longer bothers me. i do get a bit nervous, but i'm more afraid of doing something like this if i have to stand up in a room full of people and tell them my name or something.
 

nottaprettygal

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Since public speaking is the most common fear, there are millions of people who hate being the center of attention. However, I've had the same fear of being asked to be in a wedding. Luckily, a) I don't have a lot of friends and b) None of them will EVER get married (as long as I can help it).
 

prplchknz

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hmm I tend to puke when I'm nervous maybe I can do that and say have the flu or something.
 

Jack Flak

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When it comes to attention it's like the Joker's analogy "I'm like a dog chasing cars...I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."
 

ThatsWhatHeSaid

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I'm sure someone else is terrified over being the center of attention, or getting in front of people. My brother is getting married next summer and I'm praying that I don't get asked to be in the wedding. I know I won't be the center of attention, but I really hate being in front of people. My legs shake, my heart races, and my thoughts race. I can not, no matter how much I tell myself to relax and that it's not a big deal, to relax. I actually get really nervous talking to people I haven't talked to before, like I might say the wrong thing. I also can not be first in line for anything 2nd-last is fine, but I will not go first even if I'm asked to.

I guess you can take two routes with this. First, you can avoid it. It's easier to avoid difficult things in the beginning, but it carries certain costs, like losing out on meeting people, and having to worry about these issues (social anxiety) wherever you are. Second, you can decide to work on it. You're not the first person to experience social anxiety and you won't be the first to overcome it. There are people here (like Ivy, and I hope I can say that without incurring her wrath, because she's mentioned it before) who have overcome it, and there are people here (like me) who are working on it.

Telling myself to relax doesn't really work for me. It comes from a critical place that says it's not okay to be nervous. That voice itself is ALSO nervousness, that if I don't relax and don't whip into shape, I'll lose out on something or embarrass myself. So, it's not a good solution.

A better solution, I think, is to accept the difficulty and to try and find a way to be okay without immediately relaxing or changing the anxiety. You can think of it as "making room" for the feelings + mind flurries, or listening to it, or comforting it, or embracing it. It's all the same thing. The point is, you act as a friend to yourself instead of a critical watchman and allow the feeling to exist with you. You'll know what to do after that. Giving a speech at a wedding is a pretty high-anxiety provoking event. Maybe you can start off smaller by putting yourself in low-anxiety situations and being with it.
 

The_Liquid_Laser

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I used to get really nervous whenever doing something in front of a group. Now I love it. It really feeds my energy.
 

Spartacuss

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bleh... as long as I'm not ad libbing with the attention it should be fine. I hate being called on out of the blue to give a speech...esp. at any ceremony where I'm supposed to be toasting someone *represses bad memories*
I remember a disastrous team presentation where I had to work with Mr. Impromptu (oh great, group work :mad:) and he failed to carry his prepared half and fucked up my carefully planned presentation. Cue the panic as I realized things were not going as planned, and the acute sense of everybody paying attention to the fuck-up was immense. I hated him.
 

entropie

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I am still searching for a group :)
 

prplchknz

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I am still searching for a group :)

trust me when I say I have ONE friend in the same city as me and she's not even here this month. But I still have this fear which is probably why I can't make friends. I just tell myself I don't want friends, I'm fine being by myself. Part of me knows this isn't true, but the more stubborn part of me doesn't agree. I'm talking more on past experiences (like highschool)or family reunions, I'm fine as long as I'm not expected to talk, or stand in front of people. Yes I can't just stand on stage and do nothing.
 

entropie

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trust me when I say I have ONE friend in the same city as me and she's not even here this month. But I still have this fear which is probably why I can't make friends. I just tell myself I don't want friends, I'm fine being by myself. Part of me knows this isn't true, but the more stubborn part of me doesn't agree. I'm talking more on past experiences (like highschool)or family reunions, I'm fine as long as I'm not expected to talk, or stand in front of people. Yes I can't just stand on stage and do nothing.

The good thing is, noone of this crowd did hear that ?! ;)
 

Thursday

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hmm
on stage, i am at home
i feel amazingly free

at open mic nights, i get tense
my intestines come outta my ears
i can barely play the song, let alone sing it

so the more people, the better
because the concentration is spread out
its harder to pin down the reactions of individuals

and it doesn't help that i analyze things and people while onstage
 

Wyst

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Even though I hated doing piano recitals when I was a kid, and I hated even more my swim meets in during my high school years.. (maybe that's because I was wearing a Speedo? hmm).. I find that now I really enjoy the chance to be in front of people.

The past couple of times I've done public speaking have included speaking to about 200-300 people, translating for the company president in front of the board and high-level managers.

Getting started is always the hardest part. Once I get going, I let the adrenaline carry me the rest of the way. I'm usually complimented on my speaking. But I especially enjoy it when there isn't an EXACT thing (script.. whatever) that I have to stick to. The flexibility allows me to help cover up any mistakes that I might have made.

I still cannot do solo music performances. If I'm playing with another 2-3 people then I'm fine.
 

millerm277

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I definitely don't enjoy being the center of attention at all. I avoid it if it's feasible to, and if not, I can tough it out. If I am the center of attention (or know I will be soon), I tend to get very nervous internally, although externally, no one has a clue. I've gotten complements for my confidence and skill in doing presentations well, when I've been extremely nervous mentally.
 

AscendingFlame

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For me it always depends... If I feel secure about something, I enjoy being the center of attention. Like when I have to give a presentation about something that I know a lot about and am passionate about, then it's not a problem at all. Or if I have had success with something before. For me, it's all about feeling secure about my own abilities. If I am, I enjoy it. If I am not, I'd rather hide and disappear.

And yes, I do get nervous in both cases. But it's such a good feeling when that nervousness disappears once you're there, being the center of attention.
 

nomadic

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i love public speaking. i wish i could do it every day.

but sometimes public attenion gives me a headache.

like that game "mafia" . i hate that game. i get a buzz in my head when i play it.
 

Little Linguist

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Nah, I am not afraid of being the center of attention. Of course, I have a healthy bit of nerves before I speak, which drives me to perfectionism. However, I do not have a stifling, horrible feeling that makes me feel like

OH GOD NO PLEASE SPARE ME THE TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For example, in class, I always participated. On one level, because it is the smart thing to do - you get better grades. Sometimes, however, I participated because I loved the topic and had some really passionate feelings and ideas regarding the matter. Never was afraid...unless I happened to forget my homework. I never liked admitting that I forgot and/or did not get a chance to do my homework, which frequently happened because I am a spacy idiot at times.

Another example: in seventh and eighth grade I participated in a poetry contest at my school and went onto regionals, winning first prize. That was great!!! They said my voice was so powerful that they had to stop doing it the room next door. OOOPS!

I also loved acting in seventh and eighth grade. Won a supporting actress award.

After grammar school, though, acting got put on hold because school became more of a priority. So I became a nerd.

However, I have always loved participating in debates. When I am in debate mode, I turn into this awful combo of INTJ and ENTJ where the opposition just gets steamrolled with a panzer tank division. Made me rather unpopular at university.

Nowadays, after leaving this school environment, I have developed my Fi and Te too much to really LOVE it anymore. I have become much more cynical over time....DOH!

Now my extroversion goes into my teaching, where my extroversion really comes out. One of the "beginner" mistakes that I always used to do was talking too much. DOH. Now I let others do the talking, and I can talk to my husband, friends, or rant on MBTI!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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