Anima issues

[GarrotTheThief]

I seem to be attracted to the others that like to test if you love them - they seem to be enneagram 6 types with 8 wing if that's possible. It seems the type of other that is best for me is always boring and the one that is no good for me is fun and exciting for me to try and pursue.

I do respect the smart, intelligent, kind and compassionate other more but when it comes to wish for fulfillment I am always chasing the ones who are not reaching their potential so I can help them.

Is this because I am kind of like the ones that I am chasing? I am kind of you know, crude...

Oh well I Guess love will find me if it's meant to be...

 

[gromit]

Yeah seems like some people definitely have some sort of savior complex.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

Yeah seems like some people definitely have some sort of savior complex.

good point...the funny thing is an astrologer told me that too. i don't necessarily believe in astrology though

 

[gromit]

so now what?

 

[GarrotTheThief]

so now what?

I guess we could say something funny to lighten the mood...or just sit here and watch the locals with their exotic garb and strange rituals.

 

[ceecee]

I do respect the smart, intelligent, kind and compassionate other more but when it comes to wish for fulfillment I am always chasing the ones who are not reaching their potential so I can help them.

So what will you do once you fix them? I can't say I can even begin to understand this mindset but I would think it would become very boring once they are "cured".

 

[senza tema]

So what will you do once you fix them? I can't say I can even begin to understand this mindset but I would think it would become very boring once they are "cured".

The conceit of thinking you can fix someone is completely illusory anyway ... and I think the OP knows this, on some level. The good thing about this is that you never run out of things to fix so it never gets boring.

Sorry for talking about you like you're not in the room, OP.

 

[Chthonic]

The conceit of thinking you can fix someone is completely illusory anyway.

And leads to enormous resentment from the one you are 'fixing'. I can't imagine a worse dynamic in a relationship than one partner communicating to the other that they are in need of repairs. What kind of relationship is that?

 

[senza tema]

And leads to enormous resentment from the one you are 'fixing'. I can't imagine a worse dynamic in a relationship than one partner communicating to the other that they are in need of repairs. What kind of relationship is that?

I see it happening a lot. There are some people who genuinely believe they are flawed and that true love will fix them. They welcome partners who are willing to try because it feels like they care ... until they predictably realize that they HATE the actual experience of someone else trying to fix them.

Still doesn't keep it from happening though.

 

[ceecee]

And leads to enormous resentment from the one you are 'fixing'. I can't imagine a worse dynamic in a relationship than one partner communicating to the other that they are in need of repairs. What kind of relationship is that?

It sounds nauseating to me as well but I don't think they all resent it. They could see the 'fixer" as knowing more or being smarter than them and welcome it. Plus it can absolve them of any responsibility for fixing themselves. I don't know that they always end up hating it either.

 

[GarrotTheThief]

It never happened intentionally. For example, I would be in a relationship and I would simply talk of the value of education and then the person I was with would go to college and graduate sensing that I was going to leave soon. They probably were adopting my values in an effort to bind us.

I guess at the root of it is fear of commitment. It always boils down to having total control and freedom. That's why I probably go after women who aren't good for me. That means if I fail or succeed I have an excuse to exit.

Basically, I just want total freedom in every day and the idea of a commitment is unbearable.

I never think before hand that I could fix anyone. There is no conscious intent. That's why I wrote this as an anima issue.