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  1. #141
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010


    I'm probably too late on responding and this has probably been said before. But, I think just be kind and polite to people. People are highly unlikely to be mean to you if you're nice to them.

    Also, the most important thing is to just be yourself. If people don't like you as yourself, then that's their own probelem.

  2. #142
    Senior Member Moonstone3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    9, 5


    I may be a little late as well, but this thread is a great topic to expand on. I have been the same way most of my life. I presume it started at childhood. My mother was manic depressive and I would try and predict her next move to not 'rock the boat.' I went to counseling a year ago-for a year-and was diagnosed with hypervigilance. Which basically means I live in flight or fight mode. All of the time. It peaked last year and mentally exhausted me to the point of depression. I had taken personality tests-and at the time registered as INFP, and Enneagram 9. This problem I had with pleasing other people began to affect my marriage. I would even go shopping and buy clothes I thought he would like, without regard to what I liked. Then it came to a head. I was assaulted at work. I was scheduled to work alone 9 hours with a man that had made very explicit comments to me for a solid year. I had complained on him numerous times to the company owner-but would never flat out tell him to fucking quit, and the man had even made comments in front of several other employees who laughed it off, including the owner. I went into work that day-just trying to get through the day and do my job. Then I got attacked in the back kitchen, and had to make a choice. I waited one hour to call the police and make all the customers leave b/c I was scared to make this man angry. But I was angry! Let it be noted that he did have a gun, though.
    When I called the police and they came to talk to me, I made the choice to press charges-knowing my personal life would become public, as well as the fact that I would be disappointing a great many people in my small town, as this man was a retired sheriff. But I asked myself this-if I don't protect me, who will? If I don't say what's right for me, who will, and who will even know?
    Many people in my life have told me I have insecurity problems, when I tell them things about pleasing other people-not true. I simply do not like to affect other people, especially in any way negative, and I still think the world would be a better place if people moved more in that direction. But I had taken it to an extreme. I also feel that people will be more honest if I am less judgemental. But the avoidance of feeling and opinions cannot be done. If you try and please people, you will build a small hatred inside for these things you never say and do. But that hatred is really toward yourself-although it will feel as though it's toward other people. It will explode in anger or tears, and no one will know where it came from b/c you have put up a facade. How do you expect people to know what you want and like, and who you are? You are the only person that can tell them. And not everyone wants to be 'pleased.' My husband says it scares him when he doesn't know how I feel. He says if I'm angry, at least he knows what's going on, and that I'm not planning to blow him up.
    Hope this helps anyone with a similar problem.
    What is normal to one, is incomprehensible to another.

    ALL anger in this world stems from a lack of control.

    All of reality bows to the illusion of life and death.

  3. #143
    Join Date
    Nov 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by musicnerd93 View Post
    Also, the most important thing is to just be yourself. If people don't like you as yourself, then that's their own probelem.
    This is a little simplistic, no?
    What if "just being myself" means I like to never brush my teeth and talk to people 1inch from the face at all times?
    This will not endear me to many people at all, even if I am just being myself.

    Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Or do unto others as they would like to be done unto?

    Fi vs Fe at it's finest .

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