• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Is it ever acceptable to lash out at others due to stress?

Is it ever ok to be extremely rude to someone?


  • Total voters
    36

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I generally tolerate a lot less and have little patience with strangers.. so if someone just walks up and starts acting rude to me, I'm going to try shutting them down very quickly. ... Or in the case of the random drug-addict trying to claim he was a city parking person on my vacation, yell at him until he runs away.

your reaction to the situation has no bareance on whether or not it's justified, the thing is being ok with it it's like sometimes I want to knock the person in front of me out, because he/she is being annoying, but I wouldn't be justified in doing so.
 

á´…eparted

passages
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
As per the thread title? No. Never. It is not acceptable to place pressure/stress/aggression on another person who has no reason to receive it. If you're upset, stressed, or worn out, you keep it to yourself or you vent it through channels that don't place it on another person. It's profoundly rude and unfair to do so, and I can see under no circumstances where that would be warranted. It's wrong through and through, and that's that.

As per the poll title? Yes there are some situations where it's valid to be rude to someone, in particular if it's the only way to deal with the person. In situations like that, the issues are external to the self so "lashing out" has validity to it and very likely is due to the person who is receiving it. What I take issue with is when the issue is internal/personal and has nothing to do with the other person. Honestly though, in most cases being harsh/rude is not validated in my opinion. It usually makes things worse anyway.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
As per the thread title? No. Never. It is not acceptable to place pressure/stress/aggression on another person who has no reason to receive it. If you're upset, stressed, or worn out, you keep it to yourself or you vent it through channels that don't place it on another person. It's profoundly rude and unfair to do so, and I can see under no circumstances where that would be warranted. It's wrong through and through, and that's that.

As per the poll title? Yes there are some situations where it's valid to be rude to someone, in particular if it's the only way to deal with the person. In situations like that, the issues are external to the self so "lashing out" has validity to it and very likely is due to the person who is receiving it. What I take issue with is when the issue is internal/personal and has nothing to do with the other person. Honestly though, in most cases being harsh/rude is not validated in my opinion. It usually makes things worse anyway.

you worded my thoughts, better than I could've thank you
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

Guest
No, but it'll happen regardless.

This environment is fine for introspection in a vacuum, but I think that interaction may take away some of this rationality. I think realizations on matters like these are better when you can see another persons reaction.
 

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
13,964
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
8
your reaction to the situation has no bareance on whether or not it's justified, the thing is being ok with it it's like sometimes I want to knock the person in front of me out, because he/she is being annoying, but I wouldn't be justified in doing so.

I mean, maybe we're just looking at things really different here.. if they're strangers pretty much, then I have no idea if they're justified in their behavior or not. Maybe they're on a new medication and don't realize they're acting that way. Maybe their loved one just died. Maybe x and y.. I don't really know how 'justified' they are. So it's hard for me to say. I just judge the situation as best I can, if I feel they're just being dickholes, I push at them, if not, I just let it roll off my back.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I mean, maybe we're just looking at things really different here.. if they're strangers pretty much, then I have no idea if they're justified in their behavior or not. Maybe they're on a new medication and don't realize they're acting that way. Maybe their loved one just died. Maybe x and y.. I don't really know how 'justified' they are. So it's hard for me to say. I just judge the situation as best I can, if I feel they're just being dickholes, I push at them, if not, I just let it roll off my back.

I wasn't really thinking of it outside of a self perspective. I was thinking if I was rude to someone because of x would I be justified? and having a loved one die no, I wouldn't
 

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
13,964
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
8
I wasn't really thinking of it outside of a self perspective. I was thinking if I was rude to someone because of x would I be justified? and having a loved one die no, I wouldn't

:laugh: I see what you mean now.. This whole time I'm thinking if I find it justified if others do this to me.. but you're asking if I'm justified if I do it? .. but still I think this is going to make me sound more selfish and entitled than I think I actually come across.. but yeah, if my loved one just died, and you say the wrong thing, I'm snapping. I don't think I'll just approach some random stranger and start shaking them and yelling at them.. but I could see myself easily going off on someone that just said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don't really look for justification of those situations--they just are. So I suppose my justification is in the 'that's kind of human nature' zone. I advocate anger management a lot in my own life.. but that doesn't mean I'm outside the realm of doing things that are not my normal character.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
:laugh: I see what you mean now.. This whole time I'm thinking if I find it justified if others do this to me.. but you're asking if I'm justified if I do it? .. but still I think this is going to make me sound more selfish and entitled than I think I actually come across.. but yeah, if my loved one just died, and you say the wrong thing, I'm snapping. I don't think I'll just approach some random stranger and start shaking them and yelling at them.. but I could see myself easily going off on someone that just said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don't really look for justification of those situations--they just are. So I suppose my justification is in the 'that's kind of human nature' zone. I advocate anger management a lot in my own life.. but that doesn't mean I'm outside the realm of doing things that are not my normal character.

Yeah if someone triggers you, that's different.
 

Rimarie

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2014
Messages
64
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
That always depends on the depth of reason, circumstance/s, to what extent you involve other people you know, you don't know, and are close to. But despite all that, I've always preferred to keep my problems to myself knowing that everyone has problems that they, too, only know~
 

Elfboy

Certified Sausage Smoker
Joined
Nov 26, 2008
Messages
9,625
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
acceptable: no
forgivable: depends
 
A

A window to the soul

Guest
Nooo.

Hurting people hurt people. Aggression is immature and destructive.

People, please be brave, be assertive, and be constructive; bravely talk through it or bravely walk out of it. Love your enemies! Thank you! :heart:
 

Raffaella

bon vivant
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
945
Ah, customer service, such wonderful memories of being harassed by older women, dealing with incompetent staff and electronic systems and yet still smiling at every new person despite it all.

Is it excusable to be extremely rude? No, people aren't your punching bags.
 

Destiny

A wannabe dog
Joined
Aug 5, 2013
Messages
452
Nope, it's not an acceptable reason to lash out at someone just because one is feeling stressed.

I used to have a friend who would do this to me and I dropped her friendship like a plague. People who took their stress out on others really ought to learn some self-control and not be led by their emotions all the time. Everybody already has their own set of problems in their lives that makes them feel stressed, and it's just not fair to them to add to their problems by being rude toward them.

If a person has to lash out at someone when they are feeling stressed, it actually speaks volumes about their character, that they are impulsive and they lacked self-control.
What if one day, they get into an argument with someone, and they suddenly have this urge to kill the other person, would they just go along with this urge of theirs?



Ah, customer service, such wonderful memories of being harassed by older women, dealing with incompetent staff and electronic systems and yet still smiling at every new person despite it all.

Is it excusable to be extremely rude? No, people aren't your punching bags.


I used to work in customer service jobs, and those jobs seriously sucks. I have anxiety myself and I have to deal with customers yelling at me. And of course my anxiety gave in and I started giving what the customer wants instead of what my boss wants, and my boss decides to fire me because of this reason.
Never once was I rude to those customers, but I still got fired anyway. But I agree with you that it's not excusable to be rude to people and that people aren't our punching bags.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I think there are explanations as to why someone might be hurtful and rude to someone, but that doesn't mean it is acceptable. I tend to be especially lenient with people when it isn't their fault.

It's a bit like wondering if it's okay to run over someone in your car if you really couldn't help it. Explanations don't have to be excuses.
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I think there are explanations as to why someone might be hurtful and rude to someone, but that doesn't mean it is acceptable. I tend to be especially lenient with people when it isn't their fault.

It's a bit like wondering if it's okay to run over someone in your car if you really couldn't help it. Explanations don't have to be excuses.

if you're going over40 miles an hour and you are 5 ft away and they hop in front of your car last minute and even if you slam on the brakes, not guaranteed you won't hit them and you can't swerve or don't even have time to react, that's their fault. but because you're the driver you get charged with a crime. that's apples to oranges.
 

Raffaella

bon vivant
Joined
Jan 25, 2014
Messages
945
I used to work in customer service jobs, and those jobs seriously sucks. I have anxiety myself and I have to deal with customers yelling at me. And of course my anxiety gave in and I started giving what the customer wants instead of what my boss wants, and my boss decides to fire me because of this reason.
Never once was I rude to those customers, but I still got fired anyway. But I agree with you that it's not excusable to be rude to people and that people aren't our punching bags.

I'm sorry to hear that, I know how frustrating it is at first, it does get better. It happened to my friend as well, she was competent but couldn't handle busier climates. I found out she was fired a few days ago but the guy who lies about his work schedule wasn't. It really depends on the person and company, some are excellent to work for, some have poor management. Thankfully my customer service was focused on health so I didn't deal with much rudeness (since all they wanted was someone to listen to them). Also, pleasing the customer, pleased the employer so I wasn't in a push-pull situation but I developed a coping mechanism of detaching. I think that's a strong F problem, we take it too personally but once you detach, you're able to view the situation rationally.
 

ai116

New member
Joined
Aug 17, 2014
Messages
17
No it's never acceptable to lash out at somebody bc you have personal issues with yourself or another party - no excuse .
 

senza tema

nunc rosa cras fex
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
2,432
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
471
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Understandable yes, acceptable no.
 

danseen

New member
Joined
Oct 30, 2013
Messages
781
MBTI Type
INTP
because of some external situation that is not caused by the person you're being rude to?

I was thinking about my current situation and how some people in a similar situation use it as an excuse to be a bitch to others. Just cuz you're going through a shit time, doesn't give you the right to be an uber bitch, and I will not forgive you for doing so. No matter what you're going through, unless the person who's receiving your bitchiness deserves it. In fact my opinion of you will lower a ton.

PMS falls into this same catagory, I get moody as fuck but I still don't have the right to be rude or mean to anyone. Sometimes I am, but I know I should apologize, and not use PMS as an excuse

I'm not saying be perfect all the time, I'm just saying don't use what you're going through as a get out of jail free card. I was told even if you didn't know it was illegal you're still responsible for your actions

edited the title as [MENTION=5159]Lexicon[/MENTION] suggested

No.
 

danseen

New member
Joined
Oct 30, 2013
Messages
781
MBTI Type
INTP
Would also add this can make one more enemies than it needs......Everybody is different but I know myself and friends have singled out/called out strangers who were abusive to us, if we saw that person again...

I think for any issue, it's best to just figure out the cause and deal with it. Harassing innocents is never a good solution.
 
Top