dropping hints vs being direct

[brainheart]

... Finally she was like "did you notice, I stopped saying good morning?" and I was like "no" and she told me how it's considered polite to say good morning even if you don't feel like it. or someone will drop a hint about something I shouldn't do, I'll completely miss the hint, and piss them off, and 9 out of 10 times, they'll assume I'm just being defiant. sometimes I get the hints, not all the time. It's just I feel worse, because even though I can be a social fuck up, I really don't want to be.

Ha ha, this totally reminds me of conversational confusion that will happen with me and my so/sx husband (or that he'll tell me about with his friends). This is totally a social first vs social last thing.

 

[prplchknz]

That said, I do pick up hints in other, more casual/playful situations. This is just lighthearted banter for the most part and has no unspoken negative undertones. I do tend to use the phrase "there's a little truth in every 'just kidding'" if I feel that there is though. It tends to gently do the trick.

If I know the person well I can pick up on stuff like that most of the time. But if I barely hang out or we're friends but not super close I often miss stuff like that.

 

[johnnyyukon]

I was thinking on this, and I think one of the reasons I have issues with indirectness is, more than once some one has tried dropping hints. And I don't notice, so I keep doing what's making them mad. And when they are finally direct with me, I feel ten times worse, than if they were just upfront.

The issue here, is that you're an INFP. You're not expected to pick up on subtle cues. An ENTP, like myself, is FINELY attuned to them, and it has only increased as I've matured (well ENTPs actually get more childish as they grow but you know what I mean).

You could work on it, but you can probably do only so much. ENTPs are naturally focused externally, it's easy. But I find that the fault lies not with you, but people who just don't take the time to understand kinda who you are and how you operate. There's probably really nothing you need to change, just, if someone thinks you're some kind of dick for not noticing there hints, that's THEIR problem for not understanding you. IMO, anyway.

 

[prplchknz]

The issue here, is that you're an INFP. You're not expected to pick up on subtle cues. An ENTP, like myself, is FINELY attuned to them, and it has only increased as I've matured (well ENTPs actually get more childish as they grow but you know what I mean).

You could work on it, but you can probably do only so much. ENTPs are naturally focused externally, it's easy. But I find that the fault lies not with you, but people who just don't take the time to understand kinda who you are and how you operate. There's probably really nothing you need to change, just, if someone thinks you're some kind of dick for not noticing there hints, that's THEIR problem for not understanding you. IMO, anyway.

I keep fe people on retainer for this reason

 

[Qre:us]

Being direct has its place, however, so does dropping hints.

Dropping hints, in its broadest sense, can be so much fun. The subtlety of it. It can almost become poetic within an interaction. Like a dance.

It can be flirty. It can be quixotic. It can reveal those who pick up on the subtleties laid out, just so, to fill in the blanks. And then you revel in it; in the fact that the other was astute enough, to pick up on it, and volley it back, in the same vein. It's like communicating in a language, in the middle of a crowded street, that only the two of you know.

 

[Redbone]

Being direct has its place, however, so does dropping hints.

Dropping hints, in its broadest sense, can be so much fun. The subtlety of it. It can almost become poetic within an interaction. Like a dance.

It can be flirty. It can be quixotic. It can reveal those who pick up on the subtleties laid out, just so, to fill in the blanks. And then you revel in it; in the fact that the other was astute enough, to pick up on it, and volley it back, in the same vein. It's like communicating in a language, in the middle of a crowded street, that only the two of you know.

^this. I'm only indirect when I'm flirting or teasing someone. Otherwise, I'm pretty direct. Few things make me more nuts than being indirect because I associate it with being passive-aggressive and I find that so damn frustrating.

 

[EJCC]

I keep fe people on retainer for this reason

Lol yup, same. My INFJ posse is the best.

 

[prplchknz]

Lol yup, same. My INFJ posse is the best.

Yup

 

[Mole]

Japan has an exquisitely indirect culture.

 

[johnnyyukon]

I keep fe people on retainer for this reason

Weren't you an INFP a few hours ago?

 

[prplchknz]

Weren't you an INFP a few hours ago?

so I can't have epiphany's once I type a type in the box, that's what I have to be?

 

[johnnyyukon]

so I can't have epiphany's once I type a type in the box, that's what I have to be?

NO, YOU CAN'T.

Now you turn around, and go change it back, Mr.

 

[prplchknz]

NO, YOU CAN'T.

Now you turn around, and go change it back, Mr.

don't tell me what to do. And quote with my name instead of taking my name out. It's annoying.

 

[johnnyyukon]

[MENTION=360]prplchknz[/MENTION]

I'm just going to pray that you are aware of and intentionally responded with a hypocritical post.

 

[prplchknz]

[MENTION=360]prplchknz[/MENTION]

I'm just going to pray that you are aware of and intentionally responded with a hypocritical post.

i don't delete your name when I quote you, so how is that hypocritical?

 

[johnnyyukon]

double, sowy

 

[johnnyyukon]

don't tell me what to do. And quote with my name instead of taking my name out. It's annoying.

And why is it annoying? sometimes I don't want to quote someone's entire post.

 

[prplchknz]

And why is it annoying? sometimes I don't want to quote someone's entire post.

i don't care if you quote the entire post. I care if you take the name of you can delete the stuff you don't want but still leave the name.

 

[johnnyyukon]

i don't delete your name when I quote you, so how is that hypocritical?

haha, you said "don't tell me what to do" then proceeded to tell me what to do.

 

[prplchknz]

haha, you said "don't tell me what to do" then proceeded to tell me what to do.

I meant over all, not about a stupid post

not hypocritical.