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Easily bored with people/having high standards

badger055

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 29, 2012
Messages
570
The SX/SP usually wants some kind of ideal qualities in other people and the realities of these other people's flaws is sometimes difficult for the variant to handle.

748, 784
The Messenger, the reactive 7
The darkest Sevens, often mistyped. Arrogant, individualistic, very concerned with their independence – want to be free in order to fulfill their visions and dreams. They like to be thought of as original, and can be proud of being misunderstood (but since they're core Sevens, they care much less for their image than Fours do). Might be very inconsiderate and quickly bored with people. I think they don't like descriptions which present 7s as very positive, friendly, happy-go-lucky and gregarious.

So I have a combination of this stuff going on. I have high standards for the people I'm around and at the same time I get easily bored with people. I see people like these objects that amuse me for awhile but then their negative qualities start to annoy me so I drop them. What would be the solution to this if there is one?
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
lower your standards for others, and even then don't expect them to meet them. because unless they can read your mind they're not going to know. and you can't tell them because that's going to drive them away. And perhaps you expect them to fail so subconsciously you're focusing on the negative qualities. so pretty much my suggestion to you is to lower your standards and consciously focus on the positive.


also why are you bored with people? like is it the content, the amount they're talking, what?
 

badger055

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 29, 2012
Messages
570
lower your standards for others, and even then don't expect them to meet them. because unless they can read your mind they're not going to know. and you can't tell them because that's going to drive them away. And perhaps you expect them to fail so subconsciously you're focusing on the negative qualities. so pretty much my suggestion to you is to lower your standards and consciously focus on the positive.


also why are you bored with people? like is it the content, the amount they're talking, what?

I don't know how to lower standards and I wouldn't even if I could. I only move forward.

Well I get annoyed with them when they start trying to make me do things I don't want to do. Like they are imposing their shitty personality on me. Or if I find out later all the retarded beliefs they have and all I can see is how it's all wrong and they are an idiot. I can't be around someone I don't respect and as soon as it's not fun anymore I'm out of there.
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
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sx/so
So I have a combination of this stuff going on. I have high standards for the people I'm around and at the same time I get easily bored with people. I see people like these objects that amuse me for awhile but then their negative qualities start to annoy me so I drop them. What would be the solution to this if there is one?

(1) Recognize your own humanity lack of perfection. We are all human. We all bleed the same color. Everybody's shit smells bad. We will all rot in the ground when we die.

(2) Pray that other people don't have high standards for you and then get easily bored with you, Wear the other shoe. Sucks, doesn't it? So don't do it.

(3) People will live up to your lowest expectation of them. Give other people a chance if you wish to be given a chance by others. Yes, it's true that a first impression is formed within 2 minutes of meeting a person, and if for some reason that first impression didn't go well (maybe the person was simply having a bad day) that it takes approximately one-year of consistent performance at or above reasonable expectations for that first impression to be unseated. So, think about that. Every time you cast someone as boring you essentially are missing out on the opportunity to realize their best potential for about a year, because you've written them off. The same goes for you. If you are perceived as a flippant, judgemental person - others will dismiss you.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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Nov 5, 2008
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14,717
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ENFP
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4dw
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sx/so
(1) Recognize your own humanity lack of perfection. We are all human. We all bleed the same color. Everybody's shit smells bad. We will all rot in the ground when we die.

(2) Pray that other people don't have high standards for you and then get easily bored with you, Wear the other shoe. Sucks, doesn't it? So don't do it.

(3) People will live up to your lowest expectation of them. Give other people a chance if you wish to be given a chance by others. Yes, it's true that a first impression is formed within 2 minutes of meeting a person, and if for some reason that first impression didn't go well (maybe the person was simply having a bad day) that it takes approximately one-year of consistent performance at or above reasonable expectations for that first impression to be unseated. So, think about that. Every time you cast someone as boring you essentially are missing out on the opportunity to realize their best potential for about a year, because you've written them off. The same goes for you. If you are perceived as a flippant, judgemental person - others will dismiss you.

QFT :nice:
 

badger055

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 29, 2012
Messages
570
(1) Recognize your own humanity lack of perfection. We are all human. We all bleed the same color. Everybody's shit smells bad. We will all rot in the ground when we die.

(2) Pray that other people don't have high standards for you and then get easily bored with you, Wear the other shoe. Sucks, doesn't it? So don't do it.

(3) People will live up to your lowest expectation of them. Give other people a chance if you wish to be given a chance by others. Yes, it's true that a first impression is formed within 2 minutes of meeting a person, and if for some reason that first impression didn't go well (maybe the person was simply having a bad day) that it takes approximately one-year of consistent performance at or above reasonable expectations for that first impression to be unseated. So, think about that. Every time you cast someone as boring you essentially are missing out on the opportunity to realize their best potential for about a year, because you've written them off. The same goes for you. If you are perceived as a flippant, judgemental person - others will dismiss you.

If holding hands and singing kumbaya is the answer then fuck it I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Stories are only good if they have a bad guy and somebody needs to be the bad guy.
 
W

WhoCares

Guest
Its interesting you should say this because I am sx/sp variant and have a similar tritype (548). My relationships have been characterised by me doing as you describe, discarding people once they disappoint me and become liabilities. I have done this to every boyfriend and every platonic friend as well.

The problem for me is core belief that I will find that perfect Person who meets all my standards and doesn't disappoint me. When you believe you will find it eventually it makes discarding anyone who doesn't quite measure up very easy and justifable. Being an sx/sp variant I have no patience for maintaining a series of 'light' relationships, they serve no purpose in my psyche. You are either my bff or you are no-one to me.

Personally I believe the 4 drives this, the sense that because I am a special little snowflake, regular people just aren't good enough. You have to be a special little snowflake too, one of the chosen few. So life becomes a scanning exercise where I test the intensity of others in order to see if they have that required stuff.

One thing that is helping me though is to shift my perspective from the micro (focusing on finding the one or two intense individuals just made for me) to the macro (seeing people from the species perspective). By looking at people in much the same way as I view cats for example (a largely homogenous group with shared physical charactistics and behaviours but each one having their own personality) I begin to see humanity as just another animal. Albeit one with more neurosis than most. This has the effect of depersonalising the bad shit that people carry on with and I can more easily overlook it as being something playing out rather than being a fatal flaw in that person.

The need for specialness (4) coupled with the desire for intensity in relationships (sx) gives me a tendency to pick people apart so I can discard them and continue on my holy grail quest for the 'one'. It gives me a certain intolerance for anyone who falls outside the ideal and also a greater weight in judgement on things which most people would overlook.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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So I have a combination of this stuff going on. I have high standards for the people I'm around and at the same time I get easily bored with people. I see people like these objects that amuse me for awhile but then their negative qualities start to annoy me so I drop them. What would be the solution to this if there is one?
I might agree with you, except that I don't spend all that much time around general assortments of people. The way I look at it, the world is full of all kinds of people. I don't have to be friends with or even like the vast majority - just need to be courteous/professional so we can interact productively then go our separate ways. Those people who do hold my interest (and presumably, I hold theirs) are those who do become my friends.

In terms of passing interactions, I tend to focus on the encounter at hand, without expectations for the future. That really lowers my threshold for satisfaction. Often there is something of interest, or at least something I can learn, from most people in the brief time we cross each other's path. When I focus on getting to that, it doesn't matter that we are not destined for some longer-term relationship, or have fundamentally divergent interests.

(2) Pray that other people don't have high standards for you and then get easily bored with you, Wear the other shoe. Sucks, doesn't it? So don't do it.
Actually I am sure that many people find me boring, or otherwise not meeting their standards. That doesn't bother me at all, for the reason stated above. All I expect as a default is common courtesy, and of course I do my best to provide the same.

(3) People will live up to your lowest expectation of them. Give other people a chance if you wish to be given a chance by others. Yes, it's true that a first impression is formed within 2 minutes of meeting a person, and if for some reason that first impression didn't go well (maybe the person was simply having a bad day) that it takes approximately one-year of consistent performance at or above reasonable expectations for that first impression to be unseated. So, think about that. Every time you cast someone as boring you essentially are missing out on the opportunity to realize their best potential for about a year, because you've written them off. The same goes for you. If you are perceived as a flippant, judgemental person - others will dismiss you.
I have seen many similar comments about first impressions. Since I know my own first impressions of people are often wrong, I have learned not to place much stock in them, and to look carefully at the second, third, and subsequent encounters with the person to correct it. I have made some of my best friends this way.
 

badger055

Permabanned
Joined
Aug 29, 2012
Messages
570
discarding people once they disappoint me and become liabilities. I have done this to every boyfriend and every platonic friend as well.

Hello person who is me in an alternate reality.

The problem for me is core belief that I will find that perfect Person who meets all my standards and doesn't disappoint me. When you believe you will find it eventually it makes discarding anyone who doesn't quite measure up very easy and justifable. Being an sx/sp variant I have no patience for maintaining a series of 'light' relationships, they serve no purpose in my psyche. You are either my bff or you are no-one to me.

Personally I believe the 4 drives this, the sense that because I am a special little snowflake, regular people just aren't good enough. You have to be a special little snowflake too, one of the chosen few. So life becomes a scanning exercise where I test the intensity of others in order to see if they have that required stuff.

It's true I despise regular people and people who portray themselves as regular. Just saying that you are different or special from other people helps earn my respect. I guess it's like I'm looking for people who are one of my own. It's like a secret club and people know when they are in it. So I spend my time searching for them and I test them to see if they are part of it.

or have fundamentally divergent interests.

That reminds me of another problem. My interests move around faster than that guy from jumper. So if I make friends with someone on one of my current interests then when I decide to do something completely different they can't follow me.
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
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In terms of passing interactions, I tend to focus on the encounter at hand, without expectations for the future.

Yeah, I do believe that's the key.
 

á´…eparted

passages
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Jan 25, 2014
Messages
8,265
So, in a lot of ways I am just like you. I have very high standards for myself, and as a consequence, for others too. It's a product of being 1w2. I put a lot of effort into myself, and I expect others to do the same. I also tend to see people as objects a lot of the time, and if they do not meet up to my standards, I don't really give a shit about them. That's not to say I dislike them (for that I have to be given a reason for that to be), but I feel nothing towards them. It's been alienating in the past, and for about a year after I moved to the town I live in now, I missed quite a lot of potential friendships from being too strict with what I expected in others. I refused to lower my expectations because, then I'd be with mediocre friends whom really wouldn't benefit me in some way. It sucked, a lot, and I was really, really lonely.

I will also drop people with little ceremony if I deem it needed. This is generally not good to do, but I acknlowedge I do it. I more or less reserve it to people I hold a negative opinion of, not neutral.

Eventually, I toned it back a little. It's not so much that I lowered my standards, but I gave people a longer time. Perfection does not exist, and if you keep expecting it to happen, then you'll forever be dissatisfied with everything, and people won't ever have the chance to meet your standards.

We all have to find a balance between what we expect, and what is. Going to either extreme is not good. It's all about balance, and making the best of what we can. It's good to strive for ideals and perfection, but we can't expect to actually get there. If we do, then nothing will ever be enjoyed.
 

21%

You have a choice!
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May 15, 2009
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I do this in a different way: people come closer and closer into my inner circles (and I have layers of those to protect myself). For people I don't like, I never form a bond in the first place, so there's no 'discarding'.
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
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If holding hands and singing kumbaya is the answer...

Sininging kumbaya and holding hands has nothing to do with anything I mentioned in my reply to you.

Your snide little vile, off topic remark proves you don't know the differencee between a self-aware mature human being, and a mindless hippy tripping on LSD. The fact that you tried to confound my statement with completely unrelated materials evidences that you've figured out how to bitch and moan when you don't hear what you want to, but are completely unable to argue your viewpoint.

Congratulations, your remark made you look like an ass, saving me all work whatsoever replying to your vitriolic filth. :coffee:

If you can't handle feedback to questions YOU have asked, then STFU and continue to bathe in ignorance.

BTW, No one who answers your questions has to tell you what you want to hear, or blow sunshine up you ass. You're not that special. No one is. Deal with it. :violin:

bader055 said:
…then fuck it I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

Yeah, so how's that working out for you?
Obviously not well if you're seeking advice as to how to change it.
Once you get a clue there might be hope for you - maybe.

bager055 said:
Stories are only good if they have a bad guy and somebody needs to be the bad guy.

That's juvenile bullshit if ever I heard it. Not every story is a conflict between good and evil. Not every story is a zero sum game. So, you think "playing the part of the bad guy" as a default modus operandi while interacting with other human beings is cool, and a good idea? That's cute. :thumbdown:

(1) You willfully and pre-meditatively asuming the "role of the bad guy" means you're a poser, and in some cases maybe even a bully - which is pathetic. :fpalm:

(2) Don't EVER forget that no matter who you are, there is ALWAYS someone out there who is bigger, badder, meaner, smarter, and more ruthless and cunning than you could ever hope to be in your sick little fantasy world. And guess what? You might cross paths with them one day, and if your behavior toward them pisses them off - you will wind up getting your ass handed to you. BTW - It's not a matter of IF this will happen to you if you keep acting as you do towards others - it's WHEN. There are ALOT of people in this world, and you have no idea who is capable of what. You're fucking with probability, and gamblers never win.

Be cool to people, be respectful, be polite - treat others as you wish to be treated.

:solidarity:

-Halla74
 

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
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Aug 28, 2008
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8
So I have a combination of this stuff going on. I have high standards for the people I'm around and at the same time I get easily bored with people. I see people like these objects that amuse me for awhile but then their negative qualities start to annoy me so I drop them. What would be the solution to this if there is one?

I'd really re-evaluate these statements... "I see people like ... objects" ... Seriously, this is sort of creepy serial-killer style talk.

It's interesting how you don't feel even the slightest bit narcissistic about complaining on the negativity of others when your statement is so negative in and of itself. Did it occur to you at all when writing this how negative your approach to this whole situation really is?

Halla sort of hit it on the head with your reply to him too.. I mean, you were extremely defeatist and negative in the most childish and base of ways. Sort of like the douchebag that says, "What!? So women like attractive guys?! OH, so I guess I have to quit ALL my hobbies and spend hundreds of hours in the gym and money on plastic surgery and creams and potions so that I can get a woman?!!?! Forget it!! They should like me for who I am!!" Like it's somehow an all-or-nothing thing.

No, no one is singing a campfire song while joining hands. But, I think if you were trying to actively reach out to people, you should be open minded to doing that, versus throwing a tantrum about how people should somehow magically conform to you (despite the fact you have no desire to conform to them, you somehow get it in your head that others would be overly willing to do this for you) and your vague, undefined standards.

This is a classic situation where either the whole world is crazy--or you are. And... I think you might already know the answer to that semi-rhetorical question.

If you truly want a solution that isn't someone agreeing with you and stroking your ego further.. I'd start by identifying how creepy and just off-color your statement really is. Then I'd start figuring out why you're placing such purposeful distance between yourself and all others... is it fear of rejection? fear of socializing? narcissism? immaturity? a denial of growing up/aging? There are a slew of sources.. and 99% of the time, those sources are all going to be within you and something you need to identify and actively work on to correct. You're pushing people far away from you for a reason. You need to find that reason, and close the distance between you and people in the meanwhile.

I'd highly suggest you join hands and sing lame songs versus rolling your eyes, calling everyone stupid for singing and hand-holding, and saying that there's nothing you can do. There is something you can do. You can try--despite not understanding why quite yet. You don't understand a language and then speak it.. you speak it, then you truly understand it as you go along.
 

badger055

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Aug 29, 2012
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570
Sininging kumbaya and holding hands has nothing to do with anything I mentioned in my reply to you.

Yea to be honest I'm not even reading this stuff. I know what you do you talk down to people like they are one of your kids. I'm not one of your kids and you don't know any better than me. You are wasting your breath.
 

Jaguar

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Messages
20,647
"Their negative qualities." And you have none, right? Get serious.
 
N

ndovjtjcaqidthi

Guest
Yea to be honest I'm not even reading this stuff. I know what you do you talk down to people like they are one of your kids. I'm not one of your kids and you don't know any better than me. You are wasting your breath.

Oh, man. Are you serious?

Halla's telling you exactly what you need to hear, and going out of his way to help you, and you're going to do this?

If you're not a kid, stop acting like one, bro.

Halla, I wouldn't blame you for giving up on this guy now, but please don't give up on people. (I don't think you could ever, but I'm just saying) I appreciate what you do and what you have to say.
 

prplchknz

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34,397
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yupp
you ask for advice, and i'm pretty sure these people know what they're talking about. you know what be a miserable dick, no one cares.clearly you actually don't want advice. You probably think the OP makes you look bad ass and better than everyone. It doesn't it makes you look like a miserable asshole who doesn't deserve to kiss the ground other people walk on.
 

cafe

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Is your current way of going about things producing unsatisfactory results?
 
S

Stansmith

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Your 'badass' facade is silly, you're not impressing anyone.
 
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