What hurt you the most?

[chubber]

As the title states. What do you carry with you that hurts inside and what do you think was the cause of it. Could you have handled it better or any alternative solutions?

 

[WhoCares]

Whats this about chubber, is your wing hurting again?

 

[Avalon]

I hate my human condition, being limited by the 5 senses...

 

[zago]

People's priorities hurt me the most, because they alienate me. The popularity of things like religion and sports has left me cynical and lonely. Meanwhile what I am interested in, things like science and philosophy, is generally abhorred by most. People who like what I like are generally poked fun at, called names, and considered weird. 40,000,000 people watch the Superbowl. What event that I care about could possibly compare? Worst of all, what I care about actually matters and has historical importance and helps people and humanity, which makes people's rejection of it that much more unfair and maddening. I'm like Bernard in Brave New World, watching as people play orgasm-golf (or whatever it was), crying inside. I'm a fucking outcast. That hurts.

 

[Avalon]

People's priorities hurt me the most, because they alienate me. The popularity of things like religion and sports has left me cynical and lonely. Meanwhile what I am interested in, things like science and philosophy, is generally abhorred by most. People who like what I like are generally poked fun at, called names, and considered weird. 40,000,000 people watch the Superbowl. What event that I care about could possibly compare? Worst of all, what I care about actually matters and has historical importance and helps people and humanity, which makes people's rejection of it that much more unfair and maddening. I'm like Bernard in Brave New World, watching as people play orgasm-golf (or whatever it was), crying inside. I'm a fucking outcast. That hurts.

I feel your pain my friend people like you and I are treated like abominations, we are psychological misfits, in a world where lesser IQ is the norm and widely preferred, its quite depressing....

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I don't like the fact that talking about things I'm passionate about alienates others (even "compassionate caring" people) and that the only way I seem to be able to get people to tolerate me is by making them laugh or by being a Pygmallion project for them to "fix".

Makes me seriously consider a vow of celibacy so I can focus on more fruitful pursuits.


It's kind of annoying that I have to listen to someone else go on about starving children in Africa that they can't do anything about anyway, but heaven forbid I talk about something I am interested in. I can't help those damn kids in Africa so what the hell is the point of me thinking about them all the time anyway.

 

[WhoCares]

I don't like the fact that talking about things I'm passionate about alienates others (even "compassionate caring" people) and that the only way I seem to be able to get people to tolerate me is by making them laugh or by being a Pygmallion project for them to "fix".

5w6 for the win. Yes comedy is my fallback position too. I discovered that who I am is somewhat disturbing to others as they cant relate. So I just play the funny card and at the very least people can relate to that. But it isn't who I am and its exhausting playing a role just so other people feel at ease. No-one gives a fuck how I feel. The hyprocrisy makes me want to gouge my own eyes out. Its very unpleasant to walk the planet as some kind of shadow being who has what I consider very reasonable interests that are treated like some kind of sexual disease. Come on....gardening is not the equivalent of genital herpes!

 

[NK258]

(2w1) It pains me I can't approach men. Because I have a bad trend of people falling in love, but it's never real. Because I wasn't totally open myself. And now I'm nervous every time I want to flirt or banter for fun because it makes people like me and it's then confusing. When is it giving to get? I feel like I can't offer anything unless I'm asked. I can't approach people I want to know. I can't call people I miss. I can never give stupid quirky gifts. Which is fine. People hate them anyways. I'm like this stupid kid who grew up and it's fucking depressing. I don't want to move. So then anything I get, I didn't influence. That the person wanted to. This is probably making no sense but, it doesn't matter. If you were privy to everything, it would just be a buzz kill anyways.

 

[valaki]

I don't like the fact that talking about things I'm passionate about alienates others (even "compassionate caring" people) and that the only way I seem to be able to get people to tolerate me is by making them laugh or by being a Pygmallion project for them to "fix".

Makes me seriously consider a vow of celibacy so I can focus on more fruitful pursuits.


It's kind of annoying that I have to listen to someone else go on about starving children in Africa that they can't do anything about anyway, but heaven forbid I talk about something I am interested in. I can't help those damn kids in Africa so what the hell is the point of me thinking about them all the time anyway.

Find some people who share your interests.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Being chastised by others for trying to be myself and abandoning facades.

 

[Firebird 8118]

The insecurity and low self-esteem issues that I carry with me are what hurt me the most, because of the effects they have on the people who I care about most (and who care about me in turn). If I really stop to think about it, those are the only problems barring me from being close to my own.

It's interesting for me to see this thread today, since I have just vowed to eliminate my low self-esteem issues. Let's just hope I do have the strength that I think I have to overcome them.

 

[zago]

Maybe I have something that hurt me more than what I already posted.

What hurt me most was being abandoned by someone. After years of happy, mutual friendship, suddenly I was treated as dirt. Sometimes I go back and try to figure out how I caused myself to be treated like this, how I wronged that friend. I didn't. I acted within reason and I made clear efforts to make this friend happy and respect them. I wasn't perfect but I deserved to be treated like a person who exists, or all that time of friendship meant nothing.

And apparently it did mean nothing. I didn't deserve the abuse that I got. I can never trust again. It's all illusory now. I'm truly alone and I'll never delude myself again.

 

[valaki]

Being chastised by others for trying to be myself and abandoning facades.

How do you react to that?

Maybe I have something that hurt me more than what I already posted.

What hurt me most was being abandoned by someone. After years of happy, mutual friendship, suddenly I was treated as dirt. Sometimes I go back and try to figure out how I caused myself to be treated like this, how I wronged that friend. I didn't. I acted within reason and I made clear efforts to make this friend happy and respect them. I wasn't perfect but I deserved to be treated like a person who exists, or all that time of friendship meant nothing.

And apparently it did mean nothing. I didn't deserve the abuse that I got. I can never trust again. It's all illusory now. I'm truly alone and I'll never delude myself again.

Yeah that's just great. Did he/she attempt to blame you for this in any way?

 

[zago]

Yeah that's just great. Did he/she attempt to blame you for this in any way?

Yes, it was insane. It was stuff that wasn't even true, it totally went against the facts and there was nothing I could even say to convince them otherwise, not even the obvious truth. It's like they just got this image of me, turned me into a villain in their mind, and wouldn't let it go no matter what, nothing I could do about it.

 

[á´…eparted]

Failure. Effort that ends up being for naught. It's the biggest for me anyway. If I try and try at something and I want to succeed at it, I am really crushed when it doesn't go through. I want to do well at pretty much anything I do. It's been bad enough in the past that I have flat out avoided situations because the pain of possibly failing outweighted the benefit, and sometimes I had to do it in order to progress forward.

If I fail at something. Whether it is work, a relationship, friendship, project, anything, the pain of that will last for a lot longer than anything else. It can mess me up for months at a time. Repeated failures can drive me into deep depression which can lead to more frequent failure. It's a vicious cycle I have to constantly stay on top of. The biggest issue is I am often the one that defines what a failure is. Even if there is something that explcitly says "this is a fail", I will often feel that is inadequet and hold myself to a different (often higher) standard. It's a lot of "I should" statements, which are pretty much universally bad. I am learning (and have made progress, yay!) to make less frequent, and should statement.

I'm 1w2. Cantcha tell? haha.

 

[valaki]

Yes, it was insane. It was stuff that wasn't even true, it totally went against the facts and there was nothing I could even say to convince them otherwise, not even the obvious truth. It's like they just got this image of me, turned me into a villain in their mind, and wouldn't let it go no matter what, nothing I could do about it.

Did they claim they lost trust in you?

 

[zago]

Did they claim they lost trust in you?

No, I never lied to them, nor did they make that claim.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

How do you react to that?

When reasoning with them fails, I shut them out, go be alone and listen to headphones to drown out the world while I read a book or surf through wikipedia.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

What hurt me most?

Actually the things my fellow peer students did to me were far worse--and shaped my future interactions and self-image--far more than anything that happened between me and my parents.

What hurt me most from my family was the simple fact that a) my mother didn't care about it, b) my step-father was a repressed fucktard who couldn't handle an angry child and treated me abusively so my real father wouldn't hound his ass if I developed an attachment to him, and c) that my mother didn't care about it.

She let these things happen to me without lifting a finger to stop it--a 6-year-old child pitted against life and she was too selfish to come out of her bubble and stop it. She laughed it off when I came home from school in tears, pretended my stepfather wasn't being a total douche, neglected my sister all her life, and ultimately left me to die in a 3rd world country because my stepfather was so bent on hurting me (as an adult) for having been a bratty child that he coerced her into ignoring me, and all she'd do was roll over and pee on herself. Useless dregs of humanity.

Um, OK...lol wow. Sorry. But I am struggling not to go outright batshit because of that woman's inactions alone. Sometimes not acting is a greater moral failure than the abuse itself.

And I still say my peers shaped my self-esteem and social self-confidence far more than anything that happened at home.

 

[Qlip]

I have a hunch that being ejected from the womb was the most painful thing that I've ever experienced and everything ever since has only been an echo of it. The only way I know how I could verify that is through hypnotic regression, and I couldn't trust the process. My subconscious is a charlatan.

I think losing my dreams are the the most hurtful things, especially when those dreams are attached to people that I love. And when I have to leave those people by my own choice, with nobody else to blame. And when I realize that I live in a world where that choice needs to be made. It's nearly unrecoverable.