• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

What hurt you the most?

valaki

New member
Joined
Jan 1, 2014
Messages
940
MBTI Type
SeNi
Enneagram
8+7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Jealousy/low self-esteem/insecurity. I'm sure folks will disagree, but what is the alternative explanation?

Alternative explanation? Fuck knows.
 

Frosty

Poking the poodle
Joined
Apr 6, 2015
Messages
12,667
Instinctual Variant
sp
The fact that I sometimes feel I cant trust other people with who I am fully because I was made fun of so much by the people who were supposed to do that... and the people who werent. I dont share my hobbies, interests, ect with just anyone because it tears me up a bit inside when someone judges me for them. I keep most of me... to me. It makes me wonder if Ill ever find someone I can trust to really be there with me in life, if Ill ever be able to let myself do that.

I have a lot of other issues and flaws- but maybe this one is the most pronounced in me right now because this is where I am just at as a person. There used to be a ton of much more severe urgent things- but Ive pealed back a lot of thick layers and now... This is what I see right now.
 

Galena

Silver and Lead
Joined
Mar 12, 2013
Messages
3,786
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Internalizing the stigma of mental illness has probably had the most life-altering power per the big things, and what I have is not even uncommon or known as very serious. While this was something I actively have taken part in toward myself, a lot of those choices were seeded when I was too young to understand what was going on (but if this admission reads to you as not taking responsibility, you don't know me very well).
 

Chad of the OttomanEmpire

Give me a fourth dot.
Joined
Jun 9, 2013
Messages
1,053
MBTI Type
NeTi
Enneagram
478
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
She ... ultimately left me to die in a 3rd world country because my stepfather was so bent on hurting me (as an adult) for having been a bratty child that he coerced her into ignoring me, and all she'd do was roll over and pee on herself. Useless dregs of humanity.

Um, OK...lol wow. Sorry. But I am struggling not to go outright batshit because of that woman's inactions alone. Sometimes not acting is a greater moral failure than the abuse itself.

I wrote this over 4 years ago.

Yes, my mother has caused me the worst pain I have ever experienced. She betrayed me, not only in Cambodia when I was ill and alone, but twice after that. Once when I was suicidal and begging for help and she simply shut me out...and this past October when I lost my entire inheritance and may have even wound up out on the streets; I begged to come home, and she refused. I may still wind up on the streets. I have no money and many months to go. I can't even afford to leave the country. Who cares, right? Not my mother.

We were close before. I shared everything. She was the only human being I truly loved, and she stomped my love into the ground. Everything I thought I knew was built upon a lie. I can't even describe how this feels.

There are no words.

I've since written about the psychological issues I've suffered since then. I only pray there is an afterlife, that others may be forced to face and endure what they have done to me.
 

LucieCat

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2017
Messages
665
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I suppose the concept that has hurt me the most is "rejection." Rejection by peers, people I thought were friends, teachers, authority figures, and relatives. It's a reoccurring theme.

Lucikly, it's popped up less and less lately.

And I suppose, although I was hurt quite a bit, I could've been hurt worse than I was.
 

Nomendei

Elegance of chaos
Joined
Jan 8, 2018
Messages
652
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
Seeing someone slowly die. It’s atrocious.
Just thinking about what happens in their minds. It’s terribly painful to look at them, observing how their existence starts to fade away. All the memories, all the feelings all the pain flowing through their brains. Knowing they are coming to the end. That any second can be the last. I can’t hold myself from imagining myself in their situations. And it hurts.
 

neko 4

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2017
Messages
437
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
Being psychologically bullied in elementary and junior high school. There wasn't much I could do about it; the other kids just decided I was a loser and deserved to be treated like shit. Why? I don't know. I wasn't unattractive, overweight, poor, gay (I'm bi but never acted on it in school, in fact, I was obsessed with a boy) or any other stereotypes of the bullied.
 

Maou

Mythos
Joined
Jun 20, 2018
Messages
6,117
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Nothing hurts me but my own weakness and incompetence. I strive every day to self improve, but it is very difficult to do.

I wish I would have started sooner.
 

Morpeko

Noble Wolf
Joined
Sep 20, 2017
Messages
5,414
MBTI Type
LEFV
Enneagram
461
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I would say rejection and bullying in the past, which caused me to internalize the negative words and actions directed toward me.

I'd still have anxiety and other problems, but at least my self-hatred would probably be significantly less if that never happened...

Whenever I think about it, I usually tell myself that I let it happen, or could have handled it better, although honestly I'm not sure how I could have "not let it happen" after being put in those situations.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
I tend to think, if you're not talking about physical injuries, that emotional injuries are likely to relate to anything that damages trust in others and therefore existing, past and future connections/relatedness.

The reason I say that is that it's likely to harm internally, your self-concept etc., and externally, your relationships with others, then there's a terrible chicken and egg reciprocity takes hold and one harms the other and then vice versa into a spiral.

How rapidly that takes hold after the "first strike" harm, is liable to have a lot to do with predisposition, some people are more vulnerable to injury than others, personally I dont think its a trait, or in essence, maybe it is character but it depends how that is defined, its got more to do with context, repeated context and the recent and repeated rather than anything else.

Attachment style and such does not have to be destiny.
 

Saturnal Snowqueen

Solastalgia 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊
Joined
Jan 9, 2019
Messages
6,124
MBTI Type
FELV
Enneagram
974
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
These days, it feels like the depths of my own mind hurt me more than anything else. But people grooming me in my late teen years, that made feel really gross and tainted. I also don't do well when people abandon me. It's one thing when we naturally drift, but if one day you decide to drop me cold I'm not going to forget it. It makes me feel like I did something really wrong, and I'm stopped in my tracks, stunned with fear. Also, doing bad in school and having nightmares about and feeling like I screwed myself over ever since. I feel like if I asked for help more, or had the assertiveness to stop these things from happening, I wouldn't have such a poor self esteem as I do now. But low self-esteem and assertiveness don't really go hand and hand, I never had one to begin with.
 
Top