Do narcisists know they are narcisistic?

[chaoticbrain]

The only trait I have that makes me wonder, is that I sometimes have these fantasies of becoming some grand amazing person. I have heard narcissists can have that, though I don't know if it's as extreme for me.

 

[RaptorWizard]

I'm a narcisisist and I know that. It's pretty easy to tell when you have faith in yourself.

People who act arrogant as a show of toughness aren't real narcisists; they're just throwing up shields.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

Of course, they don't know they are narcissists...They know they're perfect!

 

[five sounds]

I tend to focus on myself more than I'd like to sometimes. Being narcissistic is kind of a fear of mine. It freaks me out when I feel like I might be that way.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

edit: as far as craving validation goes, that's just a part of life. we all want/need attention, we all want/need appreciation (and affection, allowing, acceptance, etc), often to highly varying degrees depending on our expectations from childhood, the ways we manage our emotional mood swings and overall temperament pattern, our emotional intelligence and maturity level, etc.

Yes, this is true. Getting attention/validation is a universal human need, not something only narcissists need. It (as I understand it) reaches the point of ‘narcissism’ when the expectation/need for support becomes a sort of crutch (to ward off unconscious feelings of inferiority); other people become sources of validation instead beings who rightly need/deserve their own authentic experience of the world in turn- and that’s when we’ve reduced them to objects which exist to serve our ego. It’s coming from a place of scarcity- needing support to feel our own experience of the world is valid whilst not being able to see others’ experiences as valid in return (or rather, only seeing their experience as ‘valid’ when their experiences reflect well on us).

But yeah, good point, it's important to remember that everyone needs/deserves the validation and support of others.

 

[Qre:us]

Delusions of grandeur. A megalomaniac thinks they, and their reasoning, are quite rational - given their "special snowflake" status.

Exhibit A:

 

[Sinmara]

Most people with a cluster B disorder (psychopath, narcissist, borderline, histrionic) do not think they have a problem. The think other people are the problem and they are just fine.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

If I take narcissist to specifically mean the Personality Disorder, then they kind of have to be in the dark about it.

It reminds me of a statement someone once said to me, in earnest: "they don't hate us because we're arrogant, they hate us because they're jealous".

 

[Fluffywolf]

If I take narcissist to specifically mean the Personality Disorder, then they kind of have to be in the dark about it.

It reminds me of a statem

ent someone once said to me, in earnest: "they don't hate us because we're arrogant, they hate us because they're jealous".

So a narcissist isnt a narcissist unless that person also has delusions of grandeur and roots his reasons for being irrationally?

Im asking because if I am not a narcissist, then I think I may have a serious problem.

 

[anticlimatic]

I loosely associate Fi with narcissism, but I've always found it strange that INTJs seem vastly more narcissistic than ISTJs, despite having it on the same 'function that fascinates us the most' tert spot in the function order. Could be my working association theory is just bollocks, could be what I'm chasing isn't narcissism at all but rather something else.

IXFPs can go either way, though usually their tremendous ability to sympathize tends to gloss over the negative aspects of it.

 

[greenfairy]

Narcissists need to be admired... interesting. Could this mean that they might be threatened by someone they think might be better than them at something important to them? Not that it is or isn't the case, but if they feel a threat?

I have in the past and still do sometimes. Well not threatened so much as really jealous. But I try to change my feelings because I know it's immature.

I need to be admired. I think I'm naturally kind of narcissistic, but I've tried to be less so. I'm empathic/empathetic, but I've been kind of selfish with it in the past, being much more interested in what I can get out of it. I still think if I don't have some kind of relationship with someone (which would mean I get something out of it) it's basically someone else's job to act on empathy for other people. Like, unless there's some important ethical situation. It's important to act ethically regardless.

I become ever less self absorbed as I get older. There are always a bunch of little self improvement and spiritual evolution projects I have at any given moment, and this has been one of them for awhile.

 

[Cellmold]

-An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
Very true, in the cases this was not true, it required a lot of effort and energy on my part.

-Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
Very true, but something I am trying to work on.

-A lack of psychological awareness (see insight in psychology and psychiatry, egosyntonic)
Not true

-Difficulty with empathy
Sometimes

-Problems distinguishing the self from others (see narcissism and boundaries)
Not true

-Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults (see criticism and narcissists, narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury)
Sometimes, but you know, apathy.

-Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
No vulnerability to neither, does that mean super narcissist?

-Haughty body language
Not true

-Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply)
Partly true

-Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse)
Sometimes

-Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
Rarily but has happened, I even used people while considered the cost of doing so and still did it.

-Pretending to be more important than they really are
All the time, but I try to do so blatantly and obviously. Self-deprecating humor.

-Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements
All the time, again though, not particularly subtly, or at least in a way that I feel like my bragging is exposed. Self-deprecating humor.

-Claiming to be an "expert" at many things
All the time

-Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
Very true

-Denial of remorse and gratitude
True, but as I've said I'm trying to work on this.


Out of the 16 traits, there are only three I don't identify with at all, a couple I identity with only slightly and most I identify with completely. And I feel both crap as well as awesome about it.

I relate to a number of these myself though. If I am a narcissist, I am a largely ineffectual one.

 

[AzulEyes]

I feel like some have a low self esteem so are narcisistic in an attempt to rise above that. (Thinking of someone I know when I say this!) And other times they truly think highly of themselves / above others. Ever have a narcisist call you a narcisist? Funny isn't it?

 

[Glycerine]

So a narcissist isnt a narcissist unless that person also has delusions of grandeur and roots his reasons for being irrationally?

Im asking because if I am not a narcissist, then I think I may have a serious problem.

It depends on the definition we are using. Are we talking about the personality disorder or the general definition? There is a difference between meeting the criteria for NPD and being arrogant or highly confident/interested in one's self. I would say that most folks who claim loud and proud that they are a narcissist don't have NPD (like you ). Sometimes they just mean, they aren't slaves to social expectations and living for others.

 

[Glycerine]

I feel like some have a low self esteem so are narcisistic in an attempt to rise above that. (Thinking of someone I know when I say this!) And other times they truly think highly of themselves / above others. Ever have a narcisist call you a narcisist? Funny isn't it?

Actually, at the core of NPD is constant low self-esteem. That's why they are stuck in a perpetual ego state.

 

[AzulEyes]

Actually, at the core of NPD is constant low self-esteem. That's why they are stuck in a perpetual ego state.

Makes sense. It's sad really.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Narcissism vs. Authentic Self-Esteem

There doesn't really seem to be a definitive answer to this that is agreeable across the board. Burgo (linked blog post^) says it isn't 'authentic' self-esteem.

Yet in Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff argues narcissists do have high self-esteem and that it's a mistake to think underlying low self-esteem is the problem- because when people have low self-esteem, it's helpful to praise them or share some positive opinion about them....but for narcissists, that's just affirming their delusion of grandeur and making the problem worse.

So it depends on how one defines/understands 'self-esteem', I guess. [To-MAY-to / To-MAH-to]

 

[Glycerine]

Narcissism vs. Authentic Self-Esteem

There doesn't really seem to be a definitive answer to this that is agreeable across the board. Burgo (linked blog post^) says it isn't 'authentic' self-esteem.

Yet in Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff argues narcissists do have high self-esteem and that it's a mistake to think underlying low self-esteem is the problem- because when people have low self-esteem, it's helpful to praise them or share some positive opinion about them....but for narcissists, that's just affirming their delusion of grandeur and making the problem worse.

So it depends on how one defines/understands 'self-esteem', I guess. [To-MAY-to / To-MAH-to]

ahhh thanks. I just remembered what I learned in my psych class.

 

[Rail Tracer]

Or are they in denial? Maybe they know but don't care? What do you think?

I think a narcissist is really only one if he/she doesn't know that he/she is acting like one.

Otherwise, it is just a person being really obnoxious or vain.

I can be vain because I care about how I appear to others, but that doesn't mean I'm a narcissist.

 

[prplchknz]

I think a narcissist is really only one if he/she doesn't know that he/she is acting like one.

Otherwise, it is just a person being really obnoxious or vain.

I can be vain because I care about how I appear to others, but that doesn't mean I'm a narcissist.

i agree with this