Which specific compliments rub you the wrong way?

[Lookin4theBestNU]

Is there anything that people say to you that is a nice thing and a true thing, but that bugs you for whatever reason (while other compliments don't bother you as much)? What is it about these things that rubs us the wrong way like that?

For me, it all depends on WHO is giving the compliment & WHY. It seems to me that about 50% of the compliments I get IRL from other chicks (some temperaments in particular) are kinda back-handed. For instance, I've been working out lately and I've dropped about 10 pounds. I wasn't fat to begin with really but a little bit plump I guess. I've always been kinda curvy & I liked that & showed it off pretty often. This coworker (who hates me & I hate her) starts gushing in front of everyone in a meeting yesterday.."OMG, you look amazing! You've dropped soooooooooooooooooooo much weight! You just look stunning my dear!". She emphasized "so" way too much for me. Essentially, she was implying that I was suuuupppper fat before in front of everyone. Gag me with a spoon, bitch!!!!

I look at guy's motives too but they usually tend to be pretty straightforward.

Other ones I don't care for that I get alot: "you're so unique" & "you are so intelligent and smart BUT....(**insert** whatever the hell they think I should be doing here).

 

[prplchknz]

"OMG, you look amazing! You've dropped soooooooooooooooooooo much weight! You just look stunning my dear!". She emphasized "so" way too much for me. Essentially, she was implying that I was suuuupppper fat before in front of everyone. Gag me with a spoon, bitch!!!!

what a bitch, i hate two face bitches. I like to think I'm straight forward, maybe I'm not. My point is being it's better to say you're a fucking bitch and i hate you than to say something back handed. I don't always realize compliments are back handed, It took me years to learn "bless you" in the south is essentially fuck you. So I hate when people aren't straight forward, it's like urgh. it confuses me. I need a guide

 

[JAVO]

I hate hearing that I'm "animated"

That's right. You're no 'toon!

For some reason I hate it when people say I'm "nice and friendly" -- which might be true, but which I feel doesn't come anywhere close to my essence at all.

"Weird", on the other hand, is a compliment.

Hmm. Awww... you're so weird.

"Cute". The word is harmless for infants and animals, but I can't think of a single instance of healthy behavior in an adult that could fit under the definition of "cute". If it's not a backhanded sneer, they're excusing awkward behavior that shouldn't be excused. People pull this out unfailingly when in my own eyes, I am at my least competent.

But that's expecting everybody else to have my perspective. If there's anybody who sees/uses this in a friendly manner, it would ease my soul if you said so.

Cute is probably one of the best and sincerest compliments I could give, seriously. It means I like some aspect about someone so much that I'm willing to sound all gushy and feely to express it.

For me, it all depends on WHO is giving the compliment & WHY. It seems to me that about 50% of the compliments I get IRL from other chicks (some temperaments in particular) are kinda back-handed.

I look at guy's motives too but they usually tend to be pretty straightforward.

Speaking of backhanded compliments!

 

[Z Buck McFate]

the ones where they compliment you to criticize you. I hear "I think you're great, but you're actually a shit head" just call me a shit head.

Ugh, yeah. It really doesn't sit well with me when people try to preface criticism with something syrupy. It comes across (at least to me) like treating people as if they are stupid. I get so distracted by the (seeming) underhandedness of it that I half want to dismiss the criticism out of spite.

[It doesn't always come across as condescending to me- it generally depends on context and/or the person who is doing it, how often the person does it and specifically what they say.]

 

[prplchknz]

Ugh, yeah. It really doesn't sit well with me when people try to preface criticism with something syrupy. It comes across (at least to me) like treating people as if they are stupid. I get so distracted by the (seeming) underhandedness of it that I half want to dismiss the criticism out of spite.

[It doesn't always come across as condescending to me- it generally depends on context and/or the person who is doing it, how often the person does it and specifically what they say.]

I know that's how they teach you to criticize but really it's just mean.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

what a bitch, i hate two face bitches. I like to think I'm straight forward, maybe I'm not. My point is being it's better to say you're a fucking bitch and i hate you than to say something back handed. I don't always realize compliments are back handed, It took me years to learn "bless you" in the south is essentially fuck you. So I hate when people aren't straight forward, it's like urgh. it confuses me. I need a guide

Yah, worse yet she touches me sometimes only when my boss is watching. She "hugs" me, sometimes with a full frontal which I cannot stand. I try to hide but I've discovered her "hugs" from behind are much worse and I can't escape them as easily

Speaking of backhanded compliments!

:hi:..................

 

[prplchknz]

Yah, worse yet she touches me sometimes only when my boss is watching. She "hugs" me, sometimes with a full frontal which I cannot stand. I try to hide but I've discovered her "hugs" from behind are much worse and I can't escape them as easily

 

[Glycerine]

Yah, worse yet she touches me sometimes only when my boss is watching. She "hugs" me, sometimes with a full frontal which I cannot stand. I try to hide but I've discovered her "hugs" from behind are much worse and I can't escape them as easily

Why the hell do people feel the need to get all hands-y especially the ones you dislike the most? Personal space, anyone? Gross.

 

[Fluffywolf]

I'm always at least a little hesitant about accepting compliments. But I can't say they really ever rub me the wrong way. I don't hate them. I also don't neccesarily feel undeserving of them. I just feel that me just being me doesn't warrant complimentary.

 

[gromit]

Oh god, I do that exact same thing, for the exact same reason.

What type is your dad btw?

Hahaha. I can kind of imagine that actually. Cracks me up.

Hm. I have no idea. His conception of himself is that he is soooo rational, but I kind of think, in terms of his philosophies about life and the world, he has a hard time communicating it in a clear manner. He's really really intelligent, his life has not really followed a linear trajectory. I have thought at times maybe ENFP but I honestly have no idea and am the world's worst typist.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I generally like being complimented. I suppose I like to have my ego brushed. But I don't always know how to accept compliments. I am usually touched by genuinely, thought out compliments. When it's said like they truly meant it. Some people just hand out compliments like candy, and I never really think too much about those. But I've had some compliments haunt me. In a good way.

The only time I had a compliment rub me the wrong way, was when I was interested in this guy and all he had to say to me was that he thought I was attractive. It hurt me because he had no compliment about my personality or intellect. Like I was nothing more than just this face.

 

[Fluffywolf]

Hahaha. I can kind of imagine that actually. Cracks me up.

Hm. I have no idea. His conception of himself is that he is soooo rational, but I kind of think, in terms of his philosophies about life and the world, he has a hard time communicating it in a clear manner. He's really really intelligent, his life has not really followed a linear trajectory. I have thought at times maybe ENFP but I honestly have no idea and am the world's worst typist.

Not much to go on but could be INTP, all the way down to having trouble wording his philosophies in a clear manner. The stuff in our heads is always so intense, it's pretty hard to suddenly streamline it out through speech on the spot unless we've prepared for it before hand.

 

[gromit]

I generally like being complimented. I suppose I like to have my ego brushed. But I don't always know how to accept compliments. I am usually touched by genuine thought out compliments. Some people just hand out compliments like candy, and I never really think too much about those. But I've had some compliments haunt me. In a good way.

Yeah I think I know what you mean about liking compliments but not being so good at accepting them always.

The only time I had a compliment rub me the wrong way, was when I was interested in this guy and all he had to say to me was that he thought I was attractive. It hurt me because he had no compliment about my personality or intellect. Like I was nothing more than just this face.

oh don't you worry your pretty little head over that...

 

[gromit]

Not much to go on but could be INTP, all the way down to having trouble wording his philosophies in a clear manner. The stuff in our heads is always so intense, it's pretty hard to suddenly streamline it out through speech on the spot unless we've prepared for it before hand.

Yeah I could see maybe that too.

I kind of have it narrowed down to NP because I honestly can't see him being anything besides those two letters at least. He likes math and numbers because they are objective, doesn't think of himself as good with words or a "people person", and yet he can be terribly charming with people and they seem to be drawn to his quirkiness and open demeanor. He worked in computer science and also started a successful home remodeling business.

The main thing that ever frustrates me about interacting with him is that I kind of feel like he fixates on particular ideas though, and sort of sees everything through these conceptions, even if the "data" in my perspective doesn't fit those conceptions... he makes it fit how he views the world. Probably we all do it to some extent of course, confirmation bias or whatever it's called. But it seems like he is really into having these narrative concepts about the world where everything fits into his interpretation of how things are.

I appreciate your perspective. I kind of feel like everyone in my family is kind of ambiguous in terms of typing (although it could also be just me too haha)

 

[Fluffywolf]

I appreciate your perspective. I kind of feel like everyone in my family is kind of ambiguous in terms of typing (although it could also be just me too haha)

I find that the older people get, the harder they become to type. I am oblivious to my mothers type for example. Apart from the fact she is J. My father is more of an open book though, but I think he still has a ways to mature. LOL!

 

[Sunny Ghost]

Yeah I think I know what you mean about liking compliments but not being so good at accepting them always.


oh don't you worry your pretty little head over that...

lol. Thanks, gromit.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I find that the older people get, the harder they become to type. I am oblivious to my mothers type for example. Apart from the fact she is J. My father is more of an open book though, but I think he still has a ways to mature. LOL!

Yes, definitely. I think this is a positive thing, because it means the person has developed the weaker aspects.

 

[Fluffywolf]

Yes, definitely. I think this is a positive thing, because it means the person has developed the weaker aspects.

I think I am destined to never lose my INTPness though, and I think that is also a positive thing.

 

[Avocado]

Not much to go on but could be INTP, all the way down to having trouble wording his philosophies in a clear manner. The stuff in our heads is always so intense, it's pretty hard to suddenly streamline it out through speech on the spot unless we've prepared for it before hand.

You know, I've experienced the the same thing.
I'll have a clear feeling of what I want to say, maybe even some words...but if I am being serious about something at all, it comes out in jumbles. I have a very active, intense, mental life...and my babbling and stuttering don't do it justice...

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I think I am destined to never lose my INTPness though, and I think that is also a positive thing.

I just mean it would be healthy to develop those tertiary and inferior functions to add to a persons strengths. Like... maybe you could benefit in your personal world by developing more Si/Fe.

I know I would benefit from more Ni/Te to supplement my Fi/Se.