• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Social Rejection Feels like Physical Pain

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Ahhh, my bad. Im better at picking up on Intj sarcasm :sorry:
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

Up the Wolves
Joined
Jul 24, 2008
Messages
19,449
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Never thought of myself as a possible INTJ before. Interesting. I think if I was any type other than INTP, I'd go with INFJ or ISFJ. I'm definitely Fe-TI. But I think my need for logical coherence... for things to make sense, is too great for introverted thinking to be my dominant function. I'm certainly not an ISTP. And honestly, when I read the INTP description, I was kind of shocked with how well it fit me. I always felt like an oddball, so to find out that I have a type. Amazing. I honestly have too much trouble understanding introverted intuition to be either an INTP or an INFJ.

I identify with this Zappa quote, another Ti dom:

"I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird."
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
...thats my point :D

Intp sarcasm is hard to read in text form for me while intj sarcasm usually aint.
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

Up the Wolves
Joined
Jul 24, 2008
Messages
19,449
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
...thats my point :D

Intp sarcasm is hard to read in text form for me while intj sarcasm usually aint.

That might be true. I guess I might not pick up on their brand of sarcasm as well. That would explain a lot of my confusion.
 
R

RDF

Guest
This is an interesting article:

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/c...ection-feels-like-physical-pain/#.UmQH-EL3C9Z

What do you think experientially? Do you know of any other research of this nature? Discuss. :)

I can see the point of the article. As for me, I register both social and physical pain; but I see them as good things. They’re good indicators or markers for making cost/benefit analyses.

For example, given my age (57 years old) I could take the easy route and exercise in a low-stress, pain-free manner by just doing walks around the block and taking the occasional swim or cardio class. But instead I prefer to push a little harder than that. So IRL I do a 6-mile run on even days and do weights & calisthenics on odd days. That higher level of physical activity is quite a bit more physically stressful or even painful and sometimes results in minor injuries, but the benefit is worth it: I like the resulting higher level of physical capability and fitness.

Same with socializing. I could stick to safe social venues (the AARP crowd, the local senior center) where I’ll fit in easily and won’t be challenged or meet with any social rebuffs and where I don’t need to worry about committing social faux pas. But I also like to stretch a little bit and try out social venues where the possibility of rebuffs, humiliations, and rejection are a bit higher: Gun clubs, veteran's organizations, dancing, Mensa, travel, etc. Sometimes I come away with my self-esteem punctured and deflated due to some silly mistake of my own or because of a rebuff or rejection on the part of someone else. But after the initial embarrassment or humiliation passes I re-examine the situation, usually find a new angle on it, and try again next week.

No pain, no gain. It’s about venturing outside one’s comfort zone. I agree that getting outside one’s comfort zone can be genuinely painful and/or humiliating. But I like a challenge. I like to play with the cost/benefit ratio: Increase the discomfort level a little bit, and you might discover a substantial benefit in return.

Also, as you learn to function outside your comfort zone, you tend to get desensitized to the resulting discomfort; you learn not to sweat the small aches and pains or the petty rebuffs and rejections, and instead focus on bouncing back or working through them.
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
3,417
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
This is a little silly, some people trying to say that one or the other, physical or emotional, does not hurt. They're both painful.
 

PimpinMcBoltage

New member
Joined
Nov 24, 2012
Messages
155
Enneagram
8
This is a little silly, some people trying to say that one or the other, physical or emotional, does not hurt. They're both painful.

They are often linked together, because you will likely have an emotional reaction to something painful and visa versa.
 

danseen

New member
Joined
Oct 30, 2013
Messages
781
MBTI Type
INTP
Pain is part of life. But then it's purpose is to guide us to things that we find nice.

EVERYBODY in some sense gets rejected. Not everybody will get on in life.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Perhaps it feels like a dull physical pain for some. If it were sharp and constant, we'd have more people committing suicide.
 

two cents

New member
Joined
Oct 31, 2013
Messages
125
MBTI Type
INFJ
I also experience emotional pain (partially) as a physical sensation, mostly in my ribcage/abdomen. It feels sort of like a roller-coaster drop that never ends. Depending on the level of emotional pain, it can rise more to how you feel after being punched in the solar plexus: gasping for breath but unable to draw it.

Now, not all social rejection is equally painful. It really depends on who is doing the rejecting (how important they are to me and how much I value them and their opinion), for what reason, and how "complete" the rejection is (mild criticism or do they never want to speak to me again?). Also, social rejection is not the only source of emotional pain.

I'm pretty good at tuning out both emotional and physical pain in the mild-to-moderate range. I'm not sure if one is worse than the other as long as either is tolerable. But I would absolutely trade the most severe emotional pain I've experienced for the most severe physical pain I've experienced (and that rated about a 9.5 on my pain imagination scale).
 
Top