the most anger that i've witnessed in other people seems to come from expectations of other people. the expectation that one might answer you in a certain way, or ask something in a certain way etc etc
my best advice is to let it go
realize everyone is just operating in the best way they know how and are not out to get you, they are not trying to piss you off and it's likely not just them being inconsiderate.
also realize...being wrong doesn't make someone an asshole.
so when you find yourself feeling angry...be your own therapist.
ask why.
take it as a challenge to learn compassion and patience.
and silently thank them for the lesson.
Yes, this. It's important to be aware of one's expectations. An overwhelming "other people are shitty" feeling can come from not having our own needs met- it’s a perfectly valid feeling and there’s always a reason for it, but so long as we’re not willing to look for that reason in ourselves it’s going to look like something in the external world is making us feel bad. <- It’s not, it’s our reaction to the outside world that’s making us feel bad. And the outside world isn’t going to change for us on its own. It's important to stop and figure out what our needs are (and why they aren't being met) so that we can zero in on fixing
that deficit.
Today, after every call, I've been writing down everything that annoy me, no matter how petty. Interestingly, this makes me less annoyed afterwards.
This is exactly what I would have suggested.
Thich Nhat Hahn compares anger to a crying baby: it’s a tendency to want to ignore it until it goes away- but neglect doesn’t fix the problem. The more you ignore a crying baby, the louder it’s going to cry. And when you try to ignore angry feelings- it may feel initially like they pass after a short time BUT they really do get louder and louder each time they resurface (and they resurface more easily, about more things) when ‘ignore’ is the default. I think one of the reasons people get to the point where EVERYTHING makes them angry is because so much effort is put into trying to ignore anger in the first place.
There’s always a reason for anger. As much as it might seem like that reason is ‘outside’ of you, the anger and the reason for it are actually inside. I think it’s a totally common trap to blame others for some way in which we aren’t taking care of ourselves. Instead of thinking, “this is too petty and it shouldn’t make me angryâ€- realize that it
does make you angry and think about why,
and don’t expect a ‘why’ that feels correct to surface immediately. It’s a step in the right direction to simply and honestly acknowledge everything that makes you angry, acknowledge it’s a valid feeling and there’s some reason for it (even if you don’t know what that reason is right away).
The ability to let it go (like lady x mentioned in the above quote)- and to realize that everyone is operating from they best place they know how- is something that comes from building acceptance for that anger in the first place. It’s not really a choice someone can make (to ‘choose’ to let it go), it’s an ability that needs to be cultivated. It’s not going to happen overnight from a realization. It’s like a muscle that needs to be built from having that realization over and over and over again- until it becomes part of your cognitive autopilot.
/is hoping she doesn't sound too preachy, but also doesn't really feel like taking the time to figure out how to not sound preachy.....*J*
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