Dangers of loneliness: Social isolation is deadlier than obesity

[93JC]

Loneliness Is Deadly
Social isolation kills more people than obesity does—and it’s just as stigmatized.

Over the winter I moved from New York City to Portland, Ore. The reasons for my move were purely logical. New York was expensive and stressful. Portland, I reasoned, would offer me the space and time to do my work.
Upon arriving, I rented a house and happily went out in search of "my people." I went to parks, bookstores, bars, on dates. I even tried golfing. It wasn't that I didn't meet people. I did. I just felt no connection to any of them.
Once social and upbeat, I became morose and mildly paranoid. I knew I needed to connect to people to feel better, but I felt as though I physically could not handle any more empty interactions. I woke up in the night panicked. In the afternoon, loneliness came in waves like a fever. I had no idea how to fix it.
Feeling uncertain, I began to research loneliness and came across several alarming recent studies. Loneliness is not just making us sick, it is killing us. Loneliness is a serious health risk. Studies of elderly people and social isolation concluded that those without adequate social interaction were twice as likely to die prematurely.
The increased mortality risk is comparable to that from smoking. And loneliness is about twice as dangerous as obesity.Social isolation impairs immune function and boosts inflammation, which can lead to arthritis, type II diabetes, and heart disease. Loneliness is breaking our hearts, but as a culture we rarely talk about it.

Quite literally breaking our hearts. Read the rest here.

 

[LEGERdeMAIN]

Ya, I'm literally dying of loneliness.

 

[Capsaicin]

People... can't live with them, can't live without them either apparently. I've never known "my people" in my life, but I still plan on outliving all my enemies to spite them.

 

[kiddykat]

Loneliness is a killer.

Being alone isn't.

A person can be in a room with hundreds of people, and personally chat with others without feeling connected, and still be lonely.

Being alone feels content with being with oneself with or without company.

Feeling loneliness is about isolation, perhaps not being 'present' or in the moment enough to be mindful of others.

A way to feel less lonely is to accept oneself as he/she is, and be open to learning/connecting with others genuinely as though vicariously understanding that person on a deeper level of sincere gratitude and positive regard, like respect.

 

[RaptorWizard]

God has shown me people I love before in my dreams when I have prayed to him about how they are. With God on our side, we don't need to be lonely.

 

[Lark]

And yet that said for many spiritual leaders of the past and present spending time alone has been totally and utterly requisite to any development and enlightenment. Monks have built temples in remote places which could be definitive examples of social isolation.

You can bel alone like that and not be lonely, its a subjective things and experienced differently one person to the next, whether you've developed all your attachment needs out of existence through early life, childhood, adolescence and later life or they are still unconsciously driving you along is one factor I can think of.

I'd also say that bad social relationships are a lot worse than loneliness, a lot of people obviously dont agree and that is why bad social relationships exist in the first place, why they endure and "live" to reproduce themselves one generation after the next, but we really should have articles talking about that instead. Hues and cries about loneliness in the broad and vaguest possible terms are as good as hues and cries about terrorism, they lack any practical understanding and are suggestive of no reform or possibility of change.

Relatedness and relating are probably fundamental human needs, although they manifest in different ways, extraverts and introverts are pretty different and people who're boardered between the two or have phases of each could testify to the issue of loneliness being more or less taxing at different times in their lives.

 

[Totenkindly]

I have a love/hate relationship with being alone.

I went back to being totally alone after my separation, not even having my kids with me. i can't say it's been easy, and at times I've been miserable enough to just give up. It might have been worse, being with people in those relationships for awhile, then going back to a more solitary life like I experienced in earlier years... because now I know what I miss. At this point, I've reached a modicum of contentment simply because I have accepted it for what it is, but I'd change it if I could, meaningfully.

I think it varies from person to person, a point I figure is generally accepted on a typology site. Some people seem very happy not having daily interaction, others (even if shy) really need some form of connection even if just low-key or they feel lost and drifting. I work in a large group of people daily, yet feel pretty isolated in my cubicle; and while I connect with a lot of people online when home, it's not the same as having someone there. One reason I have a cat is because he makes the solitude more bearable... even if at the same time when I'm invited to gatherings of people, I feel strong reluctance to go.

reminds me a bit of Stephen Fry's excerpt in the article. He obviously has connections and places of invitation, but even with that level of connection, it feels isolated and lonely to him. And it's not about the quantity, I suppose it's about the quality or on what level the connection occurs.

I'd also say that bad social relationships are a lot worse than loneliness, a lot of people obviously dont agree and that is why bad social relationships exist in the first place, why they endure and "live" to reproduce themselves one generation after the next.

Yeah, I agree with that. You can say that bad social relationships are worse (with their actual intensity of friction and acute misery) versrus the dull ache of loneliness, but apparently that dull ache is more frightening since people have trouble being alone.

Why else would we all be walking around into thinks while texting and posting our daily menus on FaceBook? People want to feel heard and like they are not alone in the world. At least a bad relationship suggests you're not invisible.

God has shown me people I love before in my dreams when I have prayed to him about how they are. With God on our side, we don't need to be lonely.

Poe's Law?

 

[Coriolis]

Once social and upbeat, I became morose and mildly paranoid. I knew I needed to connect to people to feel better, but I felt as though I physically could not handle any more empty interactions.

Empty interactions are far worse than being alone. They sap one's energy without providing anything in return. At least alone I can use my energy for something more rewarding. Sometimes I wish I could go somewhere where I didn't need to see another soul until/unless I actually wanted to.

 

[93JC]

Empty interactions are far worse than being alone. They sap one's energy without providing anything in return.

Good point. I think I'm pretty bad at making "small-talk"; maybe it's because small-talk saps what energy I have reserved for social interactions so I subconsciously avoid it.

 

[Stansmith]

I don't really know what I want from social interactions anymore. For better or for worse, I feel like my Fi is making me much more specific about who I want to interact with and who I don't.

I used to suppress the feeling of "hey, these aren't really the kind of people I see myself being friends with", but now it's at full force.

 

[baccheion]

I can see some people (especially extroverts and feelers) suffering a great deal if they ever become lonely or isolated. But for some reason this doesn't bother me. I'd rather have good friends and the joy it all brings, yes, but I don't and I'm living just fine. Maybe it's that I'm alone (like spending time alone), but not lonely. I suppose if I ever started getting feelings of loneliness (why, I don't know), then it would start eating away at me.

 

[Stanton Moore]

I’ve spent most of the last 5 years alone.
Its has been very difficult. I have wanted contact, but it always feels…off.
But it’s getting better. It has caused me to reevaluate my beliefs about many things. I have determined that what we call ‘personality’ is in fact a collection of small, habitual reactions, and that these things can be changed, with care, and that life is not rational but aesthetic in nature. And most importantly, that following one’s intuition is the most valuable skill to possess, and that everyone can develop this faculty.

EDIT: The most important thing I have determined is that emotions are very, very important, and one's ability to feel them is critical for mental and physical health. The ability to use intuition is the ability to feel emotion combined with reason. seperated, each is dramatically less powerful.

 

[93JC]

Maybe it's that I'm alone (like spending time alone), but not lonely.

I used to say "I am alone but not lonely," but ultimately I think I was lying to myself. A sort of coping mechanism. I don't mean to speak for you, I'm certainly in no place to make any pronouncement about you. Your comment just stuck out in my mind.

 

[ndovjtjcaqidthi]

Good. I can kill myself and be alone at the same time.

 

[tinker683]

I moved into a new place by myself back in January of this year. I did this because I felt I wanted to start over, get a fresh start, really get to working on myself.

It was *incredibly* isolating and at times the lonliness was really horrific. My old life was mostly gone, none of my "friends" seemed interested in talking to me, and I was still raw from my break up.

It took a lot of time but I found peace in solitude and now today I'm actually glad to be living alone. I like my home being my private little sanctuary. I'm planning on moving into a place with my older brother (for practical purposes, not financial. I make more than enough to remain where I am) and the thought actually bothers me a little bit. I feel like my borders and my boundaries are getting smaller.

That all being said, I'm doing much better now because I've managed to reconnect to my old D&D group via Skype and hang out with a new circle of friends ever weekend. I know that before both of these things cam together I was struggling. The isolation and the sense of meaninglessness than can come when you don't connect to any kind of group for a prolonged period of time can be brutal.

So yeah, it's a juggling act and I completely believe that prolonged periods of loneliness can be quite harmful to your health. I feel very lucky to be in the situation that I am now that I'm not so lonely anymore...