Am I an Aspie?

[prplchknz]

I don't know, never interacted you in real life. and so what if you are? I know a few aspies, and they're awesome IMO, but I couldn't diagnose aspenger's from a hole in the wall honestly. I just wanted to reply to your thread, because I like you

 

[Ivy]

Unfortunately, even doctors have a really hard time diagnosing Autism. Ask yourself, what would a diagnosis of Autism do for you? Like many have expressed here, we all have our areas of strength and weakness. You are obviously aware and working on improving or compensating for your areas of weakness, which is more than some people can say. I say keep finding resources to help you where you need it. If those resources are coming from publications about Autism, and you find them helpful, then keep using them. If you think a diagnosis would help give you peace of mind or would enable you to be admitted to different social or community groups you think would be helpful, then I say talk to your doctor about your concerns.

Life with limited pragmatic skills can be tough, but I'm sure you'd math circles around me. Best of luck!

This is very good advice. As I mentioned before, my husband is probably autistic but at this point a diagnosis wouldn't do much for him- he's spent his first 40 years on the planet realizing he's different from other people and coming up with ways to "pass" as normal.

 

[Comeback Girl]

Well, I'm in my fourth year of Psychology now and I know this might come across as bragging, but last year I found out I'm pretty good at diagnosing people (or at least, better than 90% of my classmates, but they're idiots who call Asperger's Syndrome 'Asparagus Disease'). However, out of the things that I read here, I'm unable to diagnose Asperger's. If I had to guess what you'd be suffering from, based on what I know and what I'm reading here, I'd rather say you have Avoidant Personality Disorder, maybe comorbid with Social Anxiety Disorder. That means you mostly think you're socially inadequate and you underestimate your social skills, which makes you avoid social situations. I just need more information about you to consider an Asperger's diagnose. However, people with Asperger's often have a typical way of talking and typical body language, so if you really want me to consider it, you could upload a video where you just talk about regular stuff. I could get a long way with that and be more certain about my theory that you don't have Asperger's. You don't need to do it if you don't want to, I understand, but until then I stick with Avoidant Personality Disorder.

 

[ygolo]

Unfortunately, even doctors have a really hard time diagnosing Autism. Ask yourself, what would a diagnosis of Autism do for you? Like many have expressed here, we all have our areas of strength and weakness. You are obviously aware and working on improving or compensating for your areas of weakness, which is more than some people can say. I say keep finding resources to help you where you need it. If those resources are coming from publications about Autism, and you find them helpful, then keep using them. If you think a diagnosis would help give you peace of mind or would enable you to be admitted to different social or community groups you think would be helpful, then I say talk to your doctor about your concerns.

Life with limited pragmatic skills can be tough, but I'm sure you'd math circles around me. Best of luck!

This is very good advice. As I mentioned before, my husband is probably autistic but at this point a diagnosis wouldn't do much for him- he's spent his first 40 years on the planet realizing he's different from other people and coming up with ways to "pass" as normal.

Yeah, that's the approach I had been taking. But the domain of sexuality in particular, which I know is tough for awkward people in general, has been a persistent problem for me.

Well, I'm in my fourth year of Psychology now and I know this might come across as bragging, but last year I found out I'm pretty good at diagnosing people (or at least, better than 90% of my classmates, but they're idiots who call Asperger's Syndrome 'Asparagus Disease'). However, out of the things that I read here, I'm unable to diagnose Asperger's. If I had to guess what you'd be suffering from, based on what I know and what I'm reading here, I'd rather say you have Avoidant Personality Disorder, maybe comorbid with Social Anxiety Disorder. That means you mostly think you're socially inadequate and you underestimate your social skills, which makes you avoid social situations. I just need more information about you to consider an Asperger's diagnose. However, people with Asperger's often have a typical way of talking and typical body language, so if you really want me to consider it, you could upload a video where you just talk about regular stuff. I could get a long way with that and be more certain about my theory that you don't have Asperger's. You don't need to do it if you don't want to, I understand, but until then I stick with Avoidant Personality Disorder.

"Avoidant" is not a term I would use for myself. I am more cautious about putting myself out there online than many younger people, though.

At work, I have been known to be quite out spoken. I've yelled at my boss despite him telling me to calm down, I've sent angry e-mails to the CEO of my own company of 90K people. On pannels and discussions, I am sometimes overly vocal when I think people are wrong. I can be quite insistant about my own view of things despite much effort to see others point of view. Before my recent heartbreak, I was going dancing 4 of the 7 nights of the week. Although, I admit that social situations can cause me anxiety, it mainly because I am not sure what to do, not because I am afraid of people. Also, extremely loud places in social situations stress me out a lot more than less loud places. I usually bring ear plugs when I know in advance.

So far, the people who voted seem to believe I am not an Aspie, but I have found many of the reasons given are fairly dubious:
1) Many of the high functioning folks do not in fact get recognized till late in life, often when their children are suspected to have Autistic tendencies. Not just [MENTION=2]Ivy[/MENTION]'s husband, but there are many videos on the AutismSpeaks and ASA websites that talk about these stories.
2) It seems like there are many many of those on the spectrum who do seek to improve and find ways to compensate, and do care about fitting in (see video on sub-types below).
3) I don't believe it is inherently bad to be on the spectrum. There are problems, and there are gifts. I would not like the stigma. But if there are resources that help, then I can use them. I am weighing the pro's and con's of the labels. If they are rather inaccurate labels, I think it would be unlikely to helpful. I suppose if there are support groups without requiring labels, that would be better.

I made this when I still had an interest in typology. If you want to do TinyChat, I would be willing. But right now, this is the most "face" I am willing to post (semi)permanently online:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWGNBuAqK-8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8j80S3KOA4

Here is an Aspie for comparison, she is talking about "sub types":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-Z4iqrezAU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9q1WgOhR24

Also, apparently as a toddler, I would spend a lot of time lining up objects and I used to throw temper tantrums when people messed up my patterns (my aunt had a recording). Actually, even as a teenager, I would get upset if a project I was working (that others may not have recognized as project) was messed up. I think part of the reason I do not get as upset now, is that I've gotten much better at convincing people of what I believe. My dad also tended to complain that I did not interact with the other kids enough on the playground.

For a long time, people used to tell me that I "didn't react," and they found this annoying. I now have a routine, of head nodding, and asking follow up questions. To be honest, I approach much of the social situations as if I were running an object oriented program with polymorphism built in. 1) Acknowledge and/or reflect emotion ("That sucks" or "That's awesome" depending on positive or negative. If not sure, ask. "Did that hurt?", "That must have been gratifying, huh?"--also, I know I can leave off the "huh"). 2) Relate experience that seems similar to what has been talked about. 3) Interject jokes when I see or hear a "trigger". (Though I do this less often now, because that has gotten me in trouble. Also, I have a trigger suppression list that "decorates" my natural automatic responses.)

Former roommates have complained that I did the "staring" thing. Others have told me that I don't make enough eye contact. Frankly, I am still experimenting with frequency and timing of eye-contact. I also was taught this little trick..."if you look at someone in the eye brows or forehead, they will think that you are making eye contact." So now, it really is just a matter of experimenting till I find a pattern that works.

 

[five sounds]

I would recommend some kind of community organization or group where you can connect with other people who have experienced these problems and share ideas on how to manage. That'll probably help you feel supported and encouraged in your efforts too, which is always important. Social situations can be awkward for ALL of us. It sounds like you're doing a great job, though! I'm a speech-language therapist, so I've worked with students with Autism at various ages (through high school) and at very different places on the spectrum. I had one high-functioning student with Autsim who was seriously one of the coolest, smartest young people I've ever had. He always got jokes that were over most kids' heads and was very inquisitive and delightful. You're using a very refined and sophisticated version of what we teach as far as social skills, and you're executing it in a systematic way that works for you. Just know that there are plenty of women in this world who will love you for exactly who you are, and you're doing all the right things to meet her and connect with her.

 

[ygolo]

Thank you for the encouragement.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Unless a psychologist/psychiatrist has actually told you this, I would be skeptical. Some people interpret any intellectual and socially awkward male as an aspie/autistic person, but I doubt this. Aspergers means more than being socially awkward, and doesn't even necessarily mean someone is intellectual.


There are other disorders that can cause social awkwardness, so it may be possible that you have one of those. Introversion + ADHD is one example. Truthfully, I lack the sensitivity sensory stimuli for Aspergers to make sense at all. Not being sensitive to sensory stimuli can cause some of the same problems as being too sensitive to it.

 

[ygolo]

Unless a psychologist/psychiatrist has actually told you this, I would be skeptical. Some people interpret any intellectual and socially awkward male as an aspie/autistic person, but I doubt this. Aspergers means more than being socially awkward, and doesn't even necessarily mean someone is intellectual.

There are other disorders that can cause social awkwardness, so you may have one of those. Introversion + ADHD is one example. Truthfully, I lack the sensitivity sensory stimuli for Aspergers to make sense at all. Not being sensitive to sensory stimuli can cause some of the same problems as being too sensitive to it.

It was a psychologist who told me to check it out. I purposely mis reported back to him.

 

[Comeback Girl]

Avoidant Personality Disorder is NOT about avoiding people because you're scared of them, but about feeling inadequate, inferior or undesirable in some sort of way. These feelings cause you to get anxious in social situations or even avoid them. I can't judge if you actually have any trouble in social situations, so as I didn't have much else to judge from than the things you wrote here, I got the idea that the socially awkwardness you mentioned could just be inside your head. Maybe people just told you you that you're socially awkward and you started believing them, which made you feel socially inadequate and insecure and actually CAUSED future social awkward behavior. It happens all the time! I'm not sure if I should count the examples you gave of your 'Asperger-ish' behavior as signs that you have Asperger's. Toddlers are quirky! If a toddler likes lining up objects, it doesn't necessarily mean they have Asperger's. It could be a sign they're just conscientious. Teenagers get upset a lot! If a teenager gets upset that one of their projects get messed up, it doesn't necessarily mean they have Asperger's. If they're more upset than others, it could be a sign they're more neurotic. And not interacting with other kids can have lots of reasons, not just Asperger's, but also introversion, social anxiety, feeling insecure, I can go on like this. I know another person who did something comparable to the time you sent that angry e-mail about your boss to 90K people - he had ADHD!

I personally know a disturbing amount of people who were misdiagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. As far as I've spoken to these people who were misdiagnosed, they just THOUGHT they were socially inadequate (which made them start acting more socially awkward) because of dysfunctional upbringing, bullying, abuse or other traumas. The thing is they WEREN'T, but they were so convinced of the fact that they were and they were so insecure about their social skills, that this made people around them believe they in fact had something autism-like - like Asperger's. Anyway, I couldn't really do a lot with your video because I couldn't see your facial expression. However, when I listen to your voice and I assume you were indeed very much into typology back then, I don't hear much Asperger's in your voice. Most people I've met with Asperger's talk really fast and excited when they're talking about a subject they're passionate about and they just go on and on and on about all these little, sometimes insignificant details and... you don't. Maybe it's the wrong subject, I don't know, but I couldn't do much with it.

 

[ygolo]

I suppose a lot of this is chicken and egg. I believe that it was due to repeated bad results in social situations that I feel inadequate in many of them. You believe that it is my feeling inadequate that makes me get bad results.

But I should say, once I "figure out" a particular class of social situations, it doesn't cause me any anxiety. You could drop me in front of a class of students and I don't feel anxious. I sometimes get a little frustrated, and sometimes don't want to forget to tell them something that can lead to them hurting themselves.

I have a hard time believing "avoidant personality" is a good fit at all. I know you believe that you are good at diagnosing people, and perhaps that makes you stick to your first guess. I am little shy at times, but it is because of prior experience of bad results.

The number of women that I've pursed romantic intentions with number well into the thousands. I believe this is more than average for someone my age.

I am not trying to get an Asperger's Diagnosis, but Avoidant surprised me. Perhaps I should look more into this. But, even as a child, I don't think I was avoidant. One time, I was unexpectantly asked to read a story I wrote in front of the whole school (I was 5 or something). Except I didn't know (or forgot). Confused, I walked up on the stage and just made up another one. There was no anxiety, though plenty of confusion. I got more anxious as I got older.

I got bad social results which then lead to insecurity. Not the other way around.

Edit: Also, my e-mail to my CEO was not about my boss. It was also not a one time thing. I complained about a whole litany of things.

Edit 2: I was also losing interest in typology already. It was two years in, and I had felt I had learned almost all I could of value, and beginning to believe a lot of it was BS. I thought Temperament and Interaction Styles at least had more of an empirical basis.

 

[Comeback Girl]

I suppose a lot of this is chicken and egg. I believe that it was due to repeated bad results in social situations that I feel inadequate in many of them. You believe that it is my feeling inadequate that makes me get bad results.

But I should say, once I "figure out" a particular class of social situations, it doesn't cause me any anxiety. You could drop me in front of a class of students and I don't feel anxious. I sometimes get a little frustrated, and sometimes don't want to forget to tell them something that can lead to them hurting themselves.

I have a hard time believing "avoidant personality" is a good fit at all. I know you believe that you are good at diagnosing people, and perhaps that makes you stick to your first guess. I am little shy at times, but it is because of prior experience of bad results.

The number of women that I've pursed romantic intentions with number well into the thousands. I believe this is more than average for someone my age.

I am not trying to get an Asperger's Diagnosis, but Avoidant surprised me. Perhaps I should look more into this. But, even as a child, I don't think I was avoidant. One time, I was unexpectantly asked to read a story I wrote in front of the whole school (I was 5 or something). Except I didn't know (or forgot). Confused, I walked up on the stage and just made up another one. There was no anxiety, though plenty of confusion. I got more anxious as I got older.

I got bad social results which then lead to insecurity. Not the other way around.

Edit: Also, my e-mail to my CEO was not about my boss. It was also not a one time thing. I complained about a whole litany of things.

That's not absurd behavior for five year old, you know? Kids are weird! Only some kids don't let it get to them and others do. Okay, let's say I saw a kid like that and someone put a gun to my head and told me he'd shoot me if I didn't give that kid a diagnosis right now. Would it be Asperger's? No. Rather something like ADHD or ADD. I have it and before I got proper medication, I did stuff like that all the time!

Plus, people with Asperger's don't have romantic intentions for over a thousand women! I know someone who confessed to me he slept with over 200 women and he also slept with most common female acquaintances. Guess what he's suffering from? Social anxiety. The thing is that at this point I don't think I have enough to give that Asperger's diagnose - except for that you and your psychologist are convinced of that you'd have it.

Oh, and it doesn't matter if it's your CEO and not your boss. And it also doesn't matter you did it multiple times. It's still something that ADHD guy would have done too. He's really impulsive and he doesn't learn from punishment. And I stick with something like Avoidant Personality Disorder or social anxiety related.

 

[ygolo]

That's not absurd behavior for five year old, you know? Kids are weird! Only some kids don't let it get to them and others do. Okay, let's say I saw a kid like that and someone put a gun to my head and told me he'd shoot me if I didn't give that kid a diagnosis right now. Would it be Asperger's? No. Rather something like ADHD or ADD. I have it and before I got proper medication, I did stuff like that all the time!

Plus, people with Asperger's don't have romantic intentions for over a thousand women! I know someone who confessed to me he slept with over 200 women and he also slept with most common female acquaintances. Guess what he's suffering from? Social anxiety. The thing is that at this point I don't think I have enough to give that Asperger's diagnose - except for that you and your psychologist are convinced of that you'd have it.

Oh, and it doesn't matter if it's your CEO and not your boss. And it also doesn't matter you did it multiple times. It's still something that ADHD guy would have done too. He's really impulsive and he doesn't learn from punishment. And I stick with something like Avoidant Personality Disorder or social anxiety related.

So are you suspecting a counter-phobic form of social anxiety? I looked at the list of symptoms, and the only one that matches is
"Views themself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others"

Or are you saying I am both Avoidant AND ADHD, which resembles Asperger's? I am trying to figure out what you are saying exactly.

But when I look at this list:

People with AS don’t have quite the degree of rigid inflection and intonation as autistic individuals, but they still tend to speak in a monotone. Pitch typically lacks variation and is simply peculiar. They might talk too loudly or too formally. They tend to misunderstand the nuances of language, such as taking a sarcastic remark seriously or not grasping a joke or a metaphor.
They may go off on tangents during a conversation and their speech can seem incoherent. Even though in some cases this symptom might mean a possible thought disorder, it’s more likely that the incoherent speech is a result of their one-sided, egocentric conversational style, inability to provide background information, clearly distinguish changes in topic and tendency to express their inner thoughts.
Some experts view the long-winded and one-sided conversations as one of the most prominent differential features of the disorder. The child or adult may talk incessantly, usually about their favorite subject, often completely disregarding whether the listener is interested, engaged or trying to interject a comment, or change the subject. Despite such long-winded monologues, the individual may never come to a point or conclusion. Usually the other person can’t get a word in and is unable to change the conversation.

Pretty much all of it fits.

I do not believe I am as rigid as many of the Autism/Asperger's descriptions, but even people said "no" to the poll question have told me I have a certain rigidity in my interaction.

Edit:Also: http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/2008/01/aspies-and-sexuality.html (heed the warning, some adult content, though I didn't read anything explicit):

The sexual profile of individuals with Asperger's syndrome indicates that they have sexual needs and drives comparable to those of the general population. Their attitude towards sexuality is positive. They have fantasies but lack experience, generally because interpersonal difficulties prevent easy progression into sexual relationships. One study participant summarized the problem by saying, "situations with lover are very awkward. It seems as though my loneliness and lack of experience show on my face... Several people look at me and laugh. One can't help but feel inferior and unhappy.

In other words, their preferences vary as much as NTs but their difficulty with relationships complicates matters.

 

[Ivy]

That exact story doesn't really scream ASD to me, but the ones about lining up toys and being rigid about people disturbing projects that weren't easily identifiable as projects did. I know more about autism in children than adults, so if you know about your childhood (or can find out about it) here are some things that tend to come up a lot in children on the spectrum:

• Did you by any chance do a lot of tiptoe-walking as a child?
• Any weird sensory issues, like being unusually afraid of a certain sound to a higher degree than other children? (My son was afraid of automatic flush toilets and still is afraid of automatic hand dryers, and it's a fear specific to public bathrooms, we think because of the different acoustics in them He also has perfect pitch so his hearing/ears are probably very sensitive.)
• Were you more interested in the parts of toys (wheels, lights, etc) than the whole toy?
• Did pretending not come naturally to you?
• Was your language at all delayed, or were you verbally precocious from a young age?
• Was any of your language use as a young child idiosyncratic?

These are some hallmarks of early autism- sensory issues, unusual styles of play, and unusual verbal patterns. And about language: not all kids with ASD are language-delayed. In fact, when the terms "autism" and "Aspergers" were the terms used, the main difference between them was that Asperger's kids were verbally precocious and autism kids tended to be delayed. My son was delayed. The other feature of early language on the spectrum is idiosyncratic language-- unusual metaphors or other quirky speech. At age 2 before he was diagnosed, my son said about a shirt that the neck of was too small to fit over his head that the shirt "need batteries," which the psychiatrists who diagnosed him said was very emblematic of the kind of idiosyncratic language kids on the spectrum tend to come up with.

 

[Ivy]

Also, I don't know why a person with autism wouldn't have romantic intentions for a large number of women. I can certainly see someone who approaches romance methodically casting the net very widely to increase potential responses, and narrowing from there.

 

[Comeback Girl]

So are you suspecting a counter-phobic form of social anxiety? I looked at the list of symptoms, and the only one that matches is
"Views themself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others"

Or are you saying I am both Avoidant AND ADHD, which resembles Asperger's? I am trying to figure out what you are saying exactly.

No, I'm not saying you have both ADHD and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I'm saying that certain types of behaviors can have different causes and I was just giving examples of what else it could be. But if I had to diagnose you based on what you're saying here, I think the cause is anxiety related.

I think the part where you said that once you 'figure out' a situation, you don't feel anxious anymore is very important. So situations initially cause you anxiety because you're not sure how to behave in them, until you get the confirmation you're doing well and then things go relatively natural. You have it in you, but it's very much possible it's the anxiety that holds you down. You believe that you can't perform well in certain social situations, so you're trying harder and then you start overthinking. Now you should know one thing: overthinking is not good, especially not in social situations. You may have known the right answer all along, but you overlooked it because you had way too many other answers to choose from and that got you confused. As bad as anxiety and insecurity can be for you, these things can easily be cured with the right treatment. Sadly enough, this doesn't count for autism; once you have autism, you'll probably have it for the rest of your life. I still don't know everything about you, but if I were your psychologist and I had the information I had now, I'd first take a look at the anxiety. In the things you wrote I see clearly that you're insecure about your social skills and anxious in social situations and even if you had Asperger's, the anxiety and the insecurity could be treated. People with autism get that treatment all the time too, by the way. And if I were your psychologist, I'd want to see what's still left of your hypothetical Asperger's once you're done with that treatment. The thing is, I don't know you in real life, I don't know a lot about you, but I'm trying to compare you to Asperger's patients I know from real life and I can't find anything that makes those people typical in the way I know you.

 

[ygolo]

That exact story doesn't really scream ASD to me, but the ones about lining up toys and being rigid about people disturbing projects that weren't easily identifiable as projects did. I know more about autism in children than adults, so if you know about your childhood (or can find out about it) here are some things that tend to come up a lot in children on the spectrum:

• Did you by any chance do a lot of tiptoe-walking as a child?
• Any weird sensory issues, like being unusually afraid of a certain sound to a higher degree than other children? (My son was afraid of automatic flush toilets and still is afraid of automatic hand dryers, and it's a fear specific to public bathrooms, we think because of the different acoustics in them He also has perfect pitch so his hearing/ears are probably very sensitive.)
• Were you more interested in the parts of toys (wheels, lights, etc) than the whole toy?
• Did pretending not come naturally to you?
• Was your language at all delayed, or were you verbally precocious from a young age?
• Was any of your language use as a young child idiosyncratic?

These are some hallmarks of early autism- sensory issues, unusual styles of play, and unusual verbal patterns. And about language: not all kids with ASD are language-delayed. In fact, when the terms "autism" and "Aspergers" were the terms used, the main difference between them was that Asperger's kids were verbally precocious and autism kids tended to be delayed. My son was delayed. The other feature of early language on the spectrum is idiosyncratic language-- unusual metaphors or other quirky speech. At age 2 before he was diagnosed, my son said about a shirt that the neck of was too small to fit over his head that the shirt "need batteries," which the psychiatrists who diagnosed him said was very emblematic of the kind of idiosyncratic language kids on the spectrum tend to come up with.

• I did tiptoe a lot. I still do sometimes when I am stressed. My little brother did the same thing...as did my nephew. I thought that was normal, actually.
• I don't think I had any sensory fears...but I believed I could see from a perspective in the corner of the room in addition to from my own eyes. An uncle of mine told me to keep that belief to myself.
• I mixed and matched toys all the time. So did my brother. So did my nephew. I personally was fascinated by wheels and things that spin in general. I kinda still am. Something about rotation, and rotary motion is fascinating. I almost want to start another thread about it being reminded of it.
• Pretending came really easily to me. In fact, some teachers complained that I was too old and too smart to not know that something was make believe. Other kids complained that I took the games we were playing "too literally."
• I was delayed in learning to speak. But it is fairly common in my family. My nephew was quite significantly delayed. I don't think I was quite that far.
• I don't think my language was overly idosyncratic. Probably just some small quirks. Until very recently, I used to pronounce triple, "thriple", and drawer "draw-yer". What is funny is I passed these to my younger siblings, and younger cousin...I think I even corrected them to make them do it growing up. They made fun of me recently, and that is how I became aware of this idiosyncratic thing.
  
  As a child, I did remark often that I didn't like parts of speech that broke patterns...they're still humorous anecdotes among family members. In English, I said that it should be "oneteen, twoteen, threeteen, fourteen, fiveteen, sixteen, seventeen..." Why all the weird exceptions? There were a couple of other things in my native language. Also, there is a state in India called Kerala and a town called Cannoore and I asked if there is a Carolina and an Indiana, why is there no Cannoorana?"
  
  I remember being called into an office where the lady wanted me to talk about somethings. I remember realizing that she was testing to see if I said the "v" sound correctly (without saying that this is what she was doing), so I focused hard on saying them correctly. There were some other things also, that I remember figuring out, but I don't remember what they were. But I felt like I won some game at the end of that.
  
  Some people say I sound like a robot from time to time...but I have been coached to add intonation, so it happens less often now. Some people also still say that I am overly formal.

I should also add that I didn't have many motor skill issues growing up. In fact, I felt I had much better motor skills than most kids growing up. Even though, now, I feel I have more trouble than most adults in the fine motor skills, but am still rather good in many of the gross motor skills.

 

[Comeback Girl]

Also, I don't know why a person with autism wouldn't have romantic intentions for a large number of women. I can certainly see someone who approaches romance methodically casting the net very widely to increase potential responses, and narrowing from there.

Didn't have that experience with autists. They were very much focused on one person, with one exception. I feel terrible for telling this, but it was a guy who when he saw another guy kiss a girl, he thought it was okay for him to try to kiss that girl too. But I don't count that as romantic intentions, rather as sexual intentions or copycat behavior. Oh god, I could tell so many awkward stories about this subject, but I already feel terrible for telling this story.

 

[Ivy]

Didn't have that experience with autists. They were very much focused on one person, with one exception. I feel terrible for telling this, but it was a guy who when he saw another guy kiss a girl, he thought it was okay for him to try to kiss that girl too. But I don't count that as romantic intentions, rather as sexual intentions or copycat behavior. Oh god, I could tell so many awkward stories about this subject, but I already feel terrible for telling this story.

Well, you know what they say: if you've met one person with autism, you've met... one person with autism.

 

[Comeback Girl]

Well, you know what they say: if you've met one person with autism, you've met... one person with autism.

I've met plenty of people with autism, this one was very extraordinary. He always copied everything, like when he saw people dancing he observed them carefully and he tried to imitate their movements or when he saw someone doing something crazy, he did exactly the same thing. That's what he was: a copycat. Really uncomfortable to be around. A few months after I saw him for the last time someone told me he was obsessed with me for over a half year. But it was just me. Anyway, I'm glad no one ever tried to kiss me when he was around!

 

[ygolo]

No, I'm not saying you have both ADHD and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I'm saying that certain types of behaviors can have different causes and I was just giving examples of what else it could be. But if I had to diagnose you based on what you're saying here, I think the cause is anxiety related.

I think the part where you said that once you 'figure out' a situation, you don't feel anxious anymore is very important. So situations initially cause you anxiety because you're not sure how to behave in them, until you get the confirmation you're doing well and then things go relatively natural. You have it in you, but it's very much possible it's the anxiety that holds you down. You believe that you can't perform well in certain social situations, so you're trying harder and then you start overthinking. Now you should know one thing: overthinking is not good, especially not in social situations. You may have known the right answer all along, but you overlooked it because you had way too many other answers to choose from and that got you confused. As bad as anxiety and insecurity can be for you, these things can easily be cured with the right treatment. Sadly enough, this doesn't count for autism; once you have autism, you'll probably have it for the rest of your life. I still don't know everything about you, but if I were your psychologist and I had the information I had now, I'd first take a look at the anxiety. In the things you wrote I see clearly that you're insecure about your social skills and anxious in social situations and even if you had Asperger's, the anxiety and the insecurity could be treated. People with autism get that treatment all the time too, by the way. And if I were your psychologist, I'd want to see what's still left of your hypothetical Asperger's once you're done with that treatment. The thing is, I don't know you in real life, I don't know a lot about you, but I'm trying to compare you to Asperger's patients I know from real life and I can't find anything that makes those people typical in the way I know you.

If I am not thinking in social situations, I am not interacting at all. It takes a lot of processing for me to produce English from the pseudo-diagramatic representation I prefer, and to add intonation and timing. Usually, I do a lot better when thinking. I am not sure where the line between thinking and over-thinking is. But my awkward moments generally happen when I don't have a pre-made script or routine to go into, and I stop thinking. Sometimes the script makes me say illogical things, but that hasn't been a major hindrance.

Didn't have that experience with autists. They were very much focused on one person, with one exception. I feel terrible for telling this, but it was a guy who when he saw another guy kiss a girl, he thought it was okay for him to try to kiss that girl too. But I don't count that as romantic intentions, rather as sexual intentions or copycat behavior. Oh god, I could tell so many awkward stories about this subject, but I already feel terrible for telling this story.

I wonder if you are drawing from only your own clinical experience, instead of taking into account the full possible range of behaviors, like many psychologists do.

If I am on the Autism Spectrum, I assure you I am high functioning. If I were an Aspie, I would fit more into the "Outcast" or "Actor" sub-type than the "Loner" sub-type. But I have similar stories from when I was younger that are too painful to go into (some of them involve being robbed or mugged in situations where a more aware person would have noticed ill intent a mile away). There are still some arenas where my friends "can't believe" my gullibility.